The Hard Sayings: Hating Mom and Dad

As we come to the 14th chapter of Luke’s gospel, Jesus is only months away from arrest and death. He is now going to begin to instruct and admonish those who followed him, but did not fully understand what would be coming.

Many who followed Jesus had their own agenda. They believed he was the Messiah, but expected him to set up an earthly kingdom, reigning from Jerusalem. The believed it would be Israel’s second golden age. They wanted to be a part of the Messiah’s reign having important positions in his kingdom. After all, every king needs counselors and administrators and court officials — a bureaucracy for ruling a kingdom — that affords the possibility of wealth and prestige, and career advancement. Even the Twelve regularly argued about which of them would be “most important” in Jesus’ kingdom.

Jesus is about to do some serious “bubble bursting” with his comments on the cost of discipleship.

“Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, 26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. 27 Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:25–27, ESV)

These words are meant to shock, and no doubt were shocking to those following him along the dusty roads of Judea. In a culture where family was pre-eminent these words come across as harsh, and even antithetical to Jesus other commands to love pre-eminently. The attitude that Jesus seems to recommend goes against our nature, and it seems to go against the law of love which Jesus emphasized and radicalized (i.e. see the Parable of the Good Samaritan). If “neighbor” is extended to include our enemies, then surely it must include our own family.

Jesus tells his followers that those who wish to follow him must abandon all, and must be prepared to carry a cross. That’s an extraordinary statement. Everyone in Jesus’ day knew one thing ... if you saw a person carrying a cross, you knew that was the last thing that person was ever going to do. What does Jesus mean in these verses?

I. SALVATION IS A CALL TO TOTAL DISCIPLESHIP

“Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:27)

ILLUS. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German pastor who opposed the Nazi regime in 1930s Germany, wrote a small book in 1937 called The Cost of Discipleship. It has never been out of print and is considered a “Christian classic.” In it he regularly refers to what he calls cheap grace. Among other things, he says that cheap grace is grace without discipleship. He writes, “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.”

1. this is exactly what Jesus does when he calls a disciple to bear his own cross

a. it’s a reminder that grace is costly

2. for much of the past one hundred years a cultural Christianity has existed right next to biblical Christianity

a. Cultural Christianity is religion that superficially identifies itself as “Christianity” but does not truly adhere to the faith

b. a “cultural Christian” is a person who wears the label “Christian,” but the label has more to do with that person’s family background and upbringing than any personal conviction that Jesus is Lord and Savior

3. Cultural Christianity quickly secularizes in an attempt to remain relevant to the broader culture

a. but as it secularizes the realization that grace is costly gradually fades

4. ultimately cheap grace is characterized by belief without obedience, hearing without doing, and intellectual assent without life commitment

a. the Apostle James said it like this ...

“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. 24 For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like.” (James 1:22–24, ESV)

5. When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die ... die to self ... die to culture ... and if necessary, die to family

ILLUS. The audience of that day knew what carrying one’s cross meant. The convicted criminal, in an act of total humiliation, carried his cross publicly to the place of execution.. It was a very public admission of guilt and acknowledgment of the rightness of the Roman government.

a. to carry our cross daily, means to identify with Christ in shame and suffering and surrender

1) it means death to self every day ... death to our plans, our ambitions and a demonstration of an open willingness to serve Him in any way He directs, even to the point of death

b. carrying our cross shows that we love Him more than we love ourselves

c. carrying our cross is not something forced upon us, but something we freely choose to do because of what he did for us

ILLUS. Robert E. Lee is perhaps best known as the daring commander of the Army of Northern Virginia during our American Civil War. What most do not know is that he was a Christian man who despised slavery. During a visit to New Orleans shortly before the war, Lee happened to pass a slave market. On the block was a young man, naked and fearful. Lee's heart went out to the him. He entered the bidding and bought him. To the young black man's astonishment, Lee then set him free. As Lee went out to stride his horse he noticed that the young man to whom he had just granted freedom was following him. Lee began riding down the street, still the former slave followed. Finally, Lee stopped, turned to the man and said, "Don't you understand, I bought you to give you your freedom." "I understand." replied the man. "Then why do you keep following me as if I were your owner?" Lee asked. The man replied, "When you set me free, was when I became your servant."

6. we ought to be willing to pay all we have for Him because He paid His all for us

A. JESUS IS NOT CALLING FOR A MAKE-OVER BUT DEMANDING A TAKEOVER

1. in much of 21st century America Biblical discipleship has been replaced by a consumer-friendly counterfeit

a. cultural Christianity has given way to consumer Christianity

ILLUS. In his book Hard to Believe pastor and author John MacArthur writes, “Today this ... consumer mind-set has invaded Christianity. The church service is too long, you say? We’ll shorten it. Too formal? Wear your sweatsuit. Too boring? Wait’ll you hear our [worship] band! And if the message is too confrontational, or too judgmental, or too exclusive, scary, unbelievable, hard to understand, or too much anything else for your taste, churches everywhere are eager to adjust that message to make you more comfortable. This kind of Christianity ... does away with old-fashioned authority, guilt trips, accountability and moral absolutes.”

2. the true gospel is a call to self-denial, not a call to self-fulfillment

a. that puts much of Western Christianity in opposition to the Scriptures

3. consumer Christianity perceives God, as what German theologian Ludwig Feuerback, called a Wunschwesen —literally a "wish-being"

a. in much of the church today Jesus is presented as a utilitarian genie — you rub the lamp, and Jesus jumps out to give you You’ve Best Live Now

4. Biblical Christianity produces genuine disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ

B. IN ORDER TO HAVE THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN WE MUST FLEE THE KINGDOM OF EARTH

1. just as property can come between us and the kingdom of God, so can family ties

a. just previous to this passage Jesus tells the Parable of the Great Banquet

ILLUS. In the story a man gives a great banquet and invited many. He sent a personal servant to all on his guest list inviting them to the party. But they all began to make excuses. If you read the story, you see that they are all pretty flimsy excuses. When the servant reported back with no RSVPs the man became angry and told his servant to go and bring in the poor and crippled and blind and lame.’ He did so and still there was room and so he went out to, as we say, beat the bushes bringing in even more. Those who were originally invited will never, ever have a part in this man’s banquet.

b. those originally invited snubbed the invitation because they had “better things to do”

2. the point Jesus is making is that the interests of God’s kingdom must be the most important thing among the followers of Jesus

a. everything else must take second place to him — certainly material things, but also family ties

b. most Christians tend to agree that there is something sordid about putting wealth and material possessions above our loyalty to Christ

1) when Jesus tells us in his Sermon of the Mount that his disciples cannot serve both God and mammon (Matthew 6:24) we all nod approvingly (even though many who would nod approvingly do not tithe)

2) it is harder to nod such ascent when Jesus begins calling out names of our loved ones — mother ... father ... child ... spouse

c. why would Jesus be so harsh? ... we know that Jesus was highly critical of a practice in his own day that some used as an excuse to not take care of elderly parents

1) it was the vow of Corban

ILLUS. In the Ten Commandments, God had said, "Honor your father and your mother." Part of that honoring obviously meant to take care of them in their old age. But the selfish religious leaders who did not want to take on the financial burden of caring for their aged parents had found a way out of it. They simply declared their resources to be Corban — which means, given to God. That meant that those resources were dedicated to God. To declare something Corban meant that it was set apart for God's use and so could be used for no other earthly purpose. In order to get out of assisting their parents financially or with other material resources, a person would simply declare them Corban. It was a loophole by which someone with means could neglect financially helping their parents. And here is the beauty of the system; declaring your possession Corban did not require you to donate them immediately to the temple or synagogue. The pledged items remained under your control, and if you needed to ‘dig into' the ‘kitty' you could un-Corban an item, by simply saying “Corban” over it again. This allowed them to maintain a veneer of dedication to God, while simultaneously turning their backs on their parents and breaking the Commandment of God. This was the height of hypocrisy.

2) Jesus condemned their hypocrisy

3. and yet, in this passage, we find Jesus saying, ““If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26, ESV)

a. this saying is hard because it is hard to accept and it is hard to reconcile it with the general teaching of Jesus

1) in a patriarchal society family was everything

a) you never disgraced your family

b) you never moved away from your family

c) you never married someone your family didn’t want

2) Jesus is looking at the essential element of his culture — i.e. family — and said, “Your loyalty to me must supercede your loyalty to them or you can’t be my discipleship”

b. if hating one’s own family seems shocking, it is meant to be shocking

1) it is meant to shock listeners and impress upon them in the utmost graphic way that our God is a jealous God who will not put with rivals in our affection toward Him

2) the Scriptures have a name for doing so ... it’s called idolatry

4. what Jesus asks for in this passage is amazingly extreme

a. he is asking sinners to acknowledge him as sovereign Lord

ILLUS. If Jesus God had waited 2,000 years in sending Jesus into our world, and instead of Israel, had sent him into the current culture of America, his message might be, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own life and give up his radical self-autonomy, he cannot be my disciple.” We live in a culture where many people don’t think twice about giving up their family, or the prospects of having family for the opportunity of success and wealth. What so many Americans are loath to give up is their right to themself; their right to be in charge of their life and their decisions and their agendas. Radical autonomy is the trend in our society of holding the “self” in the highest level of reverence. This radical autonomy is most clearly witnessed by the pro-abortion mantra, My body. My choice. A society built on the absolute virtue of autonomy can not last. Evangelizing such a society will become increasingly difficult.

... Salvation Is a Call to Total Discipleship

II. THE DEMANDS OF TOTAL DISCIPLESHIP ARE RADICALLY CHANGED PRIORITIES

A. DISCIPLESHIP IS NOT OPTIONAL

1. almost every confessing Christian in America believes that there are two levels of being a Christian

a. there’s the “regular Christian” level

1) these are believers who believe, who come to church (if something better isn’t going on), and who pray when there’s trouble, and who give financially though it’s often sporadically

2) these folks are just “Christians” sometimes call nominal Christians, “nominal” meaning borderline or marginal

b. there’s the “devoted Christian” level

1) these are perceived by the “regular Christians” as “all-out” believers, those “present-every-time-the-doors-of-the-Church-are-open” kind of Christians

2) these folks are the ones often characterized by what the Bible calls discipleship

2. Jesus never countenanced such a dichotomy in the Christian life

a. in this passage Jesus is saying there are no two standards — there’s only one standard for a Christians

1) we are either obedient disciples or we are disobedient disciples; we are either sliding forward in our faith or we are backsliding in our faith

b. how do we know?

1) Jesus tells the crowds following him Anyone who wants to deal with me has to take up his cross

2) Jesus tells the crowds, Anyone who wants to deal with me will have to put me absolutely first — ahead of parents, and family and career and everything else

3. full, complete, sacrificial discipleship is the only way a believer can relate obediently to Jesus

a. full discipleship is an absolute requirement of everyone — it is not optional

4. we do the world a disfavor when, so zealous for converts and baptisms, we neglect to tell others the true cost of discipleship that Jesus laid out

ILLUS. A number of years ago we was needing new tires on Linda’s car. I did my due diligence and shopped around here in town. One dealer said, “Yeah, we can put these tires on your call for $60 a tire.” I went and had the tires changed. When I got the bill it was over $70 a tire. Well what gives? “Oh,” they said, “The tires were $60 each, but there’s balancing and mounting and a surcharge for disposal of the old tires.” We’ve never used those folks since.

b. what’s the point? ... Jesus doesn’t tell the crowd, “Believe on me and I’ll give you a good life and heaven when I die, but then turn to the Apostle and say, after they follow me for a couple years then we’ll tell them about this ‘self-denial’ and ‘cross’ thing.”

B. DISCIPLES MUST LOVE JESUS SUPREMELY

1. Jesus here uses what is called a hyperbole, an obvious exaggeration to make a point

2. Jesus was also using a Semitic idiom — a manner os speaking that is natural to native speakers of a language

ILLUS. Years ago when we were in Ukraine, Phil Rector, Kevin Sullivan and myself spent one whole afternoon teaching Ukrainian pastors American idioms: As American as baseball and apple pie, hit the nail on the head, beat around the bush, break a leg, it’s not rocket science.

a. some language develop unique ways of saying things and Luke 14:26 is one of those idioms

b. to love one person more than another in the Old Testament is saying to love one and to hate the other

ILLUS. We have an example of this in Genesis 29 where we’re told the “Jacob loved Rachel, but hated Leah. What’s that mean? Jacob didn’t actively hate Leah. He wasn’t unkind to her, he was perfectly affectionate toward her, but compared to Rachel, whom he loved in a very special and singular way, it was as if he hated Leah.

3. we must love Jesus Christ supremely, more than anything or anyone else

a. this comes through more clearly in Matthew’s gospel

“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” (Matthew 10:37, ESV)

b. on of the funny thing about our love for Christ is that the more we love him, the more we’ll love our father and mother, brother, sister, wife and children, and even ourselves and even our enemies

c. but we will love them with the love of Christ, and in the love of Christ which means loving them actively, but loving Christ supremely

We must love Jesus supremely, more than family, more than possession, more than wealth or power, more than ourselves. This involves sacrifice. It always has. We must be willing to give it all up for Him. Cross-bearing is not extraordinary Christianity ... it is Christianity!

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