From Stressed to Blessed

America Is Falling Apart at the Seams by David Brooks – Jan 14, 2022

In June a statistic floated across my desk that startled me. In 2020, the number of miles Americans drove fell 13 percent because of the pandemic, but the number of traffic deaths rose 7 percent.

I couldn’t figure it out. Why would Americans be driving so much more recklessly during the pandemic? But then in the first half of 2021, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, motor vehicle deaths were up 18.4 percent even over 2020. Contributing factors, according to the agency, included driving under the influence, speeding and failure to wear a seatbelt.

Why are so many Americans driving irresponsibly?

While gloomy numbers like these were rattling around in my brain, a Substack article from Matthew Yglesias hit my inbox this week. It was titled, “All Kinds of Bad Behavior Is on the Rise.” Not only is reckless driving on the rise, Yglesias pointed out, but the number of altercations on airplanes has exploded, the murder rate is surging in cities, drug overdoses are increasing, Americans are drinking more, nurses say patients are getting more abusive, and so on and so on.

Yglesias is right.

Teachers are facing a rising tide of disruptive behavior. The Wall Street Journal reported in December: “Schools have seen an increase in both minor incidents, like students talking in class, and more serious issues, such as fights and gun possession. In Dallas, disruptive classroom incidents have tripled this year compared with prepandemic levels, school officials said.”

This month, the Institute for Family Studies published an essay called “The Drug Epidemic Just Keeps Getting Worse.” The essay noted that drug deaths had risen almost continuously for more than 20 years, but “overdoses shot up especially during the pandemic.” For much of this time the overdose crisis has been heavily concentrated among whites, but in 2020, the essay observed, “the Black rate exceeded the white rate for the first time.”

In October, CNN ran a story titled, “Hate Crime Reports in U.S. Surge to the Highest Level in 12 Years, F.B.I. Says.” The F.B.I. found that between 2019 and 2020 the number of attacks targeting Black people, for example, rose to 2,871 from

Ending

Stress has been called America’s number one disease.

If you hope I will give you information on how to live a stress free life, well, I can’t. We all deal with stress.

Life is going to wear you out and it’s going to stress you out from time to time. In fact, you don’t want a stress-free life. Because the only people who are stress free, are those in the cemetery and none of us really want that.

I will you some ways to think about stress and make a plan to deal with it.

FIRST STEP:

1. Evaluate the specific source of my stress.

What is it exactly that is causing me to stress? Evaluate the specific source of my stress. I have people tell me all the time—Jim, I’m just stressed out. And I will say—well, what are you stressed out about? And they say—well, everything, you know.

And a lot of times we feel that way. Sometimes we feel like we are stressed out about everything, but when we dig a little deeper, it’s not usually everything. It’s usually this one particularly difficult person at work. Or it’s one relationship that is not going the way you wanted. Or it’s just one thing where you don’t have purpose and you can’t find fulfillment. So what we have to do is we have to get behind the cloud of everything and find the specific.

So ask yourself, “What is it specifically that is causing you the stress?

You’ll find that somehow or another, when you name it, it lowers your stress level and now you can deal with it.

There are many areas of life that cause you stress:

Work related problems or deadlines.

Family change, new baby, adoption, sickness, parents.

Moving.

Debt.

Lack of purpose.

Disappointment.

When you identify the source of stress, you begin to move out of the cloud into the possibility of a path forward. The longer you LINGER in the cloud, the more the weight of the stress will take over. When you articulate your stress you will be able to pursue a path, seek resources, ask for help in overcoming the problem.

Now once you identify the stress point, you want to evaluate if its GOOD STRESS or BAD STRESS. There’s something called EU-STRESS which is good stress.

Understand that there is good stress and there is bad stress. Did you know that? There is good stress. In your notes, it’s called Eustress. EU from the Latin meaning good, so good stress, Eustress. Good stress is stuff that God allows in your life to grow you. Or good stress, or good decisions that you make that are going to grow you. We need this in our life. Perhaps you’ve heard the saying, “No Pain, No Gain.”

Have you ever seen a cocoon? Its where Caterpillars make a husk around themselves and this miracle of creation happens. This little strange creature that slowly inches along your tree limbs and eats the leaves off of your trees, now becomes transformed into need to go through some stress to become butterfly. And that butterfly will then go from flower to flower and pollenate flowers and crops. You know when you see a butterfly struggling to get out of the cocoon, it is tempting to try to help it and ease its stress. But they found if you do, the butterfly will die. Why? Because its through the process of that struggle that the blood gets pushed through that little body into the wings and starts flowing and giving it the ability to straighten the wings to begin to fly.

So you need to go through some stress to grow and fulfill your life. We all face the problem of inertia.

People have all sorts of excuses for not doing. But, I know that if you are not going, you are not growing.

If you don’t have enough good stress in your life, you are always going to fall into distress. Which what bad stress is. Bad stress is distress. Bad stress is when something happens in your life as a result of doing something that is not aligned with your purpose.

So whenever we choose to do something that is not God’s will, there are consequences. And these consequences are often distress. It’s when we start drinking too much. It leads to a break up. It’s when we start holding onto bitterness and we don’t forgive and that leads to relationship failure. And it’s when we engage in premarital sex and that leads to a pregnancy scare. That’s distress with those moments in your life. Now, understand, at those moments, you can through distress, just like He will grow you through eustress. But it may be a longer or more painful process. And, I’d prefer to avoid as much distress as I can and learn from other’s mistakes.

As I mentioned DISTRESS comes when you make bad decisions or become compromised. It begins a cycle that often leads to even more difficulty. It often occurs when our actions, decisions and lives do not align with our purpose. I want to give you an acronym MAPS for you to use to examine your decisions.

MAPS for life

Morality

Affinity groups: family, friends, colleagues

Personality

Strengths

Morality:

Everyone one of you whether you acknowledge it or not have a morality. How do I know? Well, I don’t want anyone to answer this, but do you have any political views at all? Well then you think people as a whole OUGHT to do something. Anytime you have an ought, there’s a moral reasoning behind it. Otherwise, nothing really matters. But, we all live in a world where we want people to behave and act a certain way. So all of you have some moral code.

And if you bend that, you are attempting to twist reality. Every time, I have someone come to me with this problem, they may believe it’s someone else or something else. But as we dig deeper, we backtrack that somewhere, they made a decision to compromise or settle in their values or purpose and blame, those chickens came back with a flock of friends.

So recognize and grow your moral value system.

Affinity Groups:

We typically have 2 major areas we evaluate our lives, family and work. Whenever you belong to any group, you don’t choose your family, there are expectations of group behavior and ways of valuing that group. Celebrating birthdays, promotions, weddings etc… matter. Prioritizing people and activities that bring us closer matter. Beware of making mountains out of molehills.

Personality:

What aligns with your passion? Each of us have certain things that we are drawn to. Other things we don’t like and will never enjoy. So ask, what revs you up? What pulls you down? Some of you love to be behind the scenes others love the limelight. Ask yourself if you have put yourself in a spot that’s not aligned with your Passion/Personality. See ways either have someone help you or switch roles.

Strengths:

Even when you have a passion, not everyone has the same strengths. I can tell you that ALL my kids have a deep passion for being on stage. They love theater and show choir. Three of my children really love singing. My son loves dancing in show choir. But my youngest daughter does not like being on stage or the center of attention. But she is the most organized of all my kids and family.

In fact, my mom took us all to DisneyWorld when Lauren was a toddler. Well, we had 4 kids from baby to Pre-K. So we had our hands full. We drove the launch and my wife looked in her purse and immediately began to stress out. She said, I’m so sorry, I left the tickets on the kitchen counter.

Lauren had these incredibly blue eyes, Gerber baby cheeks, and this high voice. She said, it’s OK mommy. I saw them and put them in my purse, here they are! She had this little pink backpack purse and she pulled out the tickets. She has always been organized and she loves it. So she expresses her love of theater through Stage Management.

So with that in mind, here’s number 2

2. When UNDER STRESS, YOU NEED TO STICK WITH WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT.

Once you know your MAPS, follow it to the best of your ability. Don’t settle, don’t compromise.

. You see, stress has a way of clouding our decision making ability. And if you have been an adult for more than two years, you probably have this situation. You get under stress and because of that stress, you make a bad decision and then later you regret it. We have all been there. So what I am saying is—be very careful making big decisions in your life, when you are under stress. Don’t make big relationship decisions when you are under stress. Don’t make big career decisions when you are under stress. Because if you do, you might find yourself in this situation.

One psychiatrist had to say this about this situation—it is known that people under stress have a greater tendency to engage in unhealthy behaviors, such as excessive use or abuse of alcohol and drugs, cigarette smoking, and making poor nutritional choices, than their less stressed counterparts. These unhealthy behaviors further increase the severity of symptoms related to stress, all leading to a vicious cycle of symptoms and unhealthy behaviors. This makes sense, right? So you have to be careful when there is stress in your life and you stick with you know what is right. Here’s what I’ve seen as a pastor. I’ve seen a married couple, newly married couple under stress. And by the way, did you know that one of the top ten stressors in life is getting married? I mean, trying to bring two people together into this new marriage, it can stress you out.

3. BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND.

When entering a decision that could lead to stress or making a plan to get out of stressful situation: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND.

Most people will tell you at the end of life, Family mattered most. So the foundational relationship is often your spouse. I will give you

Have you ever heard someone say, “I hope this works.” HOPE is not a strategy.

Luke 14:28–29 NLT

28 “But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? 29 Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you.

Maintaining healthy relationships prevents breakdowns and stress. Listen you don’t keep a care long if you don’t practice regular maintenance. Same in relationships.

So practice healthy relationship maintenance with your partner.

I give you

“The Five Magic Hours” by John Gottman

Partings……………………………….2 min. x 5=10 min.

Saying goodbye, I’ll miss you. See you tonight

Reunions……………………………..20 min. x 5=1hr. 40min.

Greeting each other, how s your day BEFORE getting into the problems or routines of life.

Admiration/Appreciation.…….5 min. x 7=35 min.

Words, gifts, acknowledgement.

Affection………………………………5 min. x 7=35 min.

Weekly Date…………………………2 hrs. x 1= 2 hrs.

GRAND TOTAL = 5 HOURS

Discover the Love Languages of your spouse and kids

“Five Love Languages” by Garry Chapman

1.Words of Affirmation

2.Quality Time

3.Acts of Service

4.Gift Giving

5.Physical Touch

When you fail or cause stress use the

“Languages of Apology” by Garry Chapman

1. Regret

2. Accept Responsibility

3. Restitution (what do I need to do?)

4. Repentance (desire not to do it again and ask “help me change”)

5. Request forgiveness

Now those are relationships that should be valued and worked on. But, we only have so much energy time and emotional reserves. So some of you need to have a serious review of your commitments.

Committing emotional energy that you don’t have to give will cause stress. You know to begin something healthy, you may have to quit somethings. Some of you have toxic relationships that you may need to let go. Some of you have toxic relationships that you need to grow into healthy habits. That may be kids, may be a parent, maybe a spouse.

Some of you may need to apply for a new position because you’ve achieved your purpose where you currently are. Some may need to step back because you want a more low pressure job given a new life situation. If you don’t start with the end in mind, you don’t know where you will land. Then you worry about the future and that causes more stress.

I want to give you a few thoughts about work related stress.

1. The number one stressor concerning work is this—I don’t know what to do with my life. The first stressor is not being sure what to pursue in life. There could be a lot of reasons why you are in this situation. That’s okay. Or maybe you have been working in a spot that you thought that was what you were supposed to do, but once you got it, it wasn’t what you thought it would be. So now you are beginning to ask questions. You know, there are a lot of people that are searching right now for what to do. You are lost and you are stressed out because you are not sure what you should do next.

Let me suggest this, maybe you’ve not talked to God in a long time, maybe you’re not sure if He exists, but might I suggest, you ask God what He wants me to do. Now that sounds pretty simple, right? Just ask God. The truth is, most people have never actually stopped and asked God the question, what do You want me to do now? God, what do You want me to do? We will ask that question of our friends. We will ask our parents. We will ask strangers or counselors, what should we do next? But have you ever stopped and prayed and asked God—God, what do You want me to do now? You know, if you don’t ask that question, maybe you aren’t sure that God will answer, maybe we are afraid we won’t like God’s answers. If you pray, and you ask God what He wants you to do, do it more than once, but if you are praying continually, God is going to give you the answer that is best for you.

James 1:5. It says, Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to

all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him.”

– James 1:5

Maybe you know God, you’ve never asked Him that question. Maybe you haven’t been close to God in some time. Maybe you’re not sure He’s there. I want to give you something to consider and I ask you indulgence in thinking this through it’s a simple argument for God and ultimately your PURPOSE or MAPS as I mentioned before.

I believe the simplest and most solution to many of our problems comes from no knowing out purpose. I also believe that when we look at life and have a sense that their must be something more to life but we don’t have grounding in the ETERNAL purpose of God, we will be tossed around by every wind and wave.

Matthew 7:24–28 NLT

24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.” 28 When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching,

I believe the Bible is

BASIC INSTRUCTIONS BLESSED LIVING EVERYDAY

Why do I think you have a meaningful purpose?

It’s a pretty Simple:

I we recognize that everything that had a BEGINNING has a Cause, each of you had a beginning. We celebrate birthdays to commemorate your beginning. But you had a cause, a Dad and mom.

If the UNIVERSE had a beginning, then the universe had a cause. Since matter cannot be the cause of matter and abstract things have no causative power (You don’t look both ways crossing the street in fear of the number 7 running you over. Time cannot cause time and time had a beginning. God gave the ancients a very terse explanation of reality that aligns with this logical and rational statement.

So the cause of the universe would need to be an immaterial and timeless or eternal. It would also have to be intelligent and not accidental. So whether you like to use the term God or Jesus, I think the most reasonable explanation or cause of the universe is an ETERNAL-Timeless, IMMATERIAL-Spiritual, ALL POWERFUL, INTELLIGENT being. People want to call that cause by many names, but like Shakespeare said, a rose by another name would smell as sweet.

I believe the most rational and reasonable understanding of life is that God made the universe and by extension, you, specifically for a purpose. I believe that each of you are uniquely shaped by Him and you can discover your purpose. The

That’s the first job stressor and the best solution to overcome it.

The second job stressor is this:

2. I feel like a failure when I don’t succeed at my job. This is where we can’t separate who we are from what we do. Success in work equals success in life. We see our jobs as the ultimate way to fulfill ourselves. Here’s the problem. The ultimate purpose of your career and of your job isn’t to fulfill you. It’s not to bring meaning to your life, because you are more than just your job. So it’s important that you take this step, write this down. This is action step to defeat the stressor: separate my identity from my job.

my identity was tied closely to my job as a pastor. I will be honest with you, sometimes working in ministry is hard for me to separate who I am from what I do. It’s hard for me to separate myself from the problems that I deal with, or the people I talk to, and that can cause a lot of stress. And what would happen is every time someone would criticize the church, I would feel like they were criticizing me. Every time someone would leave the church, I would feel like they were leaving me. Every time a marriage failed, I felt like I failed. Every time someone chose to go back to a life of sin, I felt like it was my fault. Every time we had a failure in a ministry in the church, I felt like a personal failure. One of the biggest signs that your identity is tied to your job is that you can’t take criticism.

Someone at work tries to offer you advice or if they have constructive criticism, or your boss gets angry at you, you can’t handle it. In fact, you take it personally because when someone criticizes your work, it’s like they are criticizing your character. It’s like there is no separation between who you are and what you do. You see, this source of stress is caused because we look to our work as our ultimate source of satisfaction and self worth in our lives. Let me tell you this, your job cannot be your ultimate source of self worth and satisfaction, only Jesus can be. Look at our next verse. Ecclesiastes 2:20 says, “So I began to give myself over to despair concerning all my work that I had labored at under the sun. ”

– Ecclesiastes 2:20

Now listen, your job matters. Your job is important. But your job isn’t your life. It’s not your identity. Your job is a temporary context through which you can live out who God called you to be. Your job is just a temporary way in which you live our your true, God-given identity. You tell me—I’m a stay at home mom. Well, great. That’s wonderful. That’s important. But that is not who you are. That’s a temporary context that right now you are living out your God-given identity. You say—you know what? I work on Wall Street. That’s great. That’s important, but that’s not who you are. It’s a temporary job, it has a temporary context to which you are living out your God-given identity, who God created you to be. You have a greater purpose than just your job. And that’s to love God with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your soul and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself. That’s your greatest purpose in life. Look at what Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are His workmanship, created TO WORK AT LILY OR GM OR HENDRICKS HEALTH in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”

– Ephesians 2:10 (NKJV) “For we are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to,” work on Wall Street. That’s not what it says. It says, “For we are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to,” perform on Broadway. No, it doesn’t say that either, does it? It says, “For we are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do” what? “Good works which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Listen, if you didn’t have your career tomorrow, if you didn’t have your job tomorrow, understand, that is not what you were created to do. You were created in Christ Jesus to do good works. To love God with all of your heart, to love your neighbor as yourself, and to make a difference. And if you lost your job, or you’re struggling at your job right now, there are other jobs in which in which you can live out your God-given identity. So find a way to separate your identity from your job. That’s job stressor number 2.

So, ask God what He wants you to do, separate my identity from my job, and then job stressor number 3, it’s one of the most stressful:

Ending

I want to assure you that you have access to the greatest power that the universe has ever seen. See, we all need God’s power in our life and the same power that raised Christ from the dead 2,000 years ago, is the power that God offers us today. You just have to come to Him His way. Recognize we all have stress in our lives. While some of that stress comes from others a good deal of our stress comes from doing it our way.

I want to encourage you do discover your purpose in life, not just your job. I want to encourage to use your MAPS to guide you in troubling time. I want you to invest in meaningful relationships. Work at the important things. I want you to be able to separate yourself from your job as identity. You are a human being, not a human doing. You are more than a flesh robot working. I believe and have good rational reasons to believe what the Bible says that you are a SPIRITUAL being created for eternity.

So, I want to encourage you to find a spiritual family to journey with and grow in. Jesus called that the church. No matter what I hope you will MOVE FROM STRESSED TO BLESSED in your life.

Ultimately I believe that blessing comes as you personally know Jesus and He guides you in your daily life, relationships and decisions.