How to Resolve Conflict

TEXT: Romans 12:18

TOPIC: How to Resolve Conflict, 3 of 4 of the Series, “Re-Energize Your Life”

Pastor Bobby Earls, Northgate Baptist Church, Florence, SC

January 16, 2022, (Actually preached on 1/23/2022 because of snow Sunday on 16th)

(Developed from the Series “Re-Energize Your Life” by Pastor Rick Warren)

The Bible tells us in Romans 12:18, (CSB) “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Why does God want us to live at peace with everyone? Because unresolved conflict has three devastating effects in your life.

I. Three Devastating Effects of Conflict:

1) Conflict Blocksyour Fellowship with God.

When you’re not right in your relationships with others, you can’t be right in your relationship with God. When you’re distracted by a failed relationship with someone else, or when you’re in conflict with other people, you can’t have a clear connection with God.

1 John 4:20 says, “If someone says, ‘I love God,’ but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar”(NLT).

2) Unresolved Conflict Hindersyour Prayers.

Over and over again the Bible says that where there is conflict and sin and disharmony in your life, your prayers are interrupted. Psalm 66:18 says, “If I regard iniquity (or sin) in my heart, The Lord will not hear me.”

3) Unsolved Conflict Hurtsyour Happiness.

You cannot be happy and in conflict at the same time. When conflict comes in the front door, happiness goes out the back.

So, how do we resolve any conflict that might be in our lives?

II. How to Resolve Conflict”

1) Take the initiative.

Don’t wait for the other person to come to you; go to that person. You be the peacemaker. Don’t ignore the conflict.

2) Don’t denythe conflict.

Don’t push the conflict under the carpet. Have you heard the expression, “Time heals everything?” That’s not really true. If time heals everything, you wouldn’t ever need to see the doctor.

Actually, time makes things worse. When you’ve got an open wound and you don’t deal with it, it festers. Anger turns to resentment, and resentment turns to bitterness. The conflict is not going to resolve itself. You’ve got to intentionally deal with it.

3) It takes courageto resolve conflict.

Maybe the most courageous thing you can do is face an issue that you’ve been ignoring for a long time. It might be a conflict in your family, with an old friend, or a neighbor or even a fellow church member.

Where do you find the courage to face someone with whom you’re in conflict? You get it from God. The Bible says in 2 Timothy 1:7, “God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline” (NLT).

That means if you let God’s Spirit fill your life, you’re going to be filled with power, love, and self-discipline. And God’s love overcomes fear. When your love is greater than your fear, you’ll do things you’re afraid to do. That’s called courage.

When you’re filled with God’s love, you’ll also be filled with love for that person who is irritating you or that person you’re in conflict with.

4) Fix the Problem, Not the Blame.

You only have a certain amount of emotional energy. In a conversation where you’re trying to resolve conflict, you can either use that energy to fix the blame or you can use that energy to fix the problem. You don’t have enough energy to do both.

So you’ve got to ask yourself what’s more important, to blame the other person or to resolve the conflict. Fix the problem, not the blame. The reason we need to focus on fixing the problem and not the blame is because blaming is a form of judging, and only God has the right to judge.

You’re not the judge. You can’t figure out anybody else’s motivation. Only God knows. Let him be the judge.

Proverbs 20:22 (NLT) “Don’t say, “I will get even for this wrong.” Wait for the Lordto handle the matter.”

Also, there are some personal weapons you should never use in a conflict. The Bible is very specific about what’s out of bounds. Colossians 3:8 says, “You must also rid yourself of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips” (NIV).

5) Focus on Reconciliation, not Resolution.

What If You Can’t Resolve the Conflict? The Bible says that sometimes it is impossible to resolve a conflict, but that doesn’t mean you have to cut off your relationship with the other person. The key here is to focus on reconciliation, not resolution.

There’s a big difference in those two words. Reconciliation means re-establishing the relationship. Resolution means resolving every issue. Resolution may not be possible because there may be some issues both of you can never agree on.

Nobody on this planet agrees with you about everything, so you’re never going to have resolution on all your issues.

Larry Burkett used to say of couples in a marriage, “If you agree on everything, one of you is unnecessary!”

Can you have a loving relationship without agreeing on everything? Of course you can. If you learn to disagree without being disagreeable, and if you learn to walk hand-in-hand without having to see eye-to-eye.

One of the greatest things you can do with your life is to be a bridge builder, not a wall builder.

You are most like Jesus Christ when you are reconciling people. You are most like Jesus when you’re building bridges, not walls. That’s exactly what Jesus came to do! He’s the great reconciler. God sent Jesus to Earth to reconcile us because we are in conflict with God.

Remember where we began, the Bible says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18 NIV).