Amanda Mehaffy 1/29/22

Like you, I would rather not be here today. But we are and we gather in profound sadness to mourn the loss and also with a spirit of rich gratitude to celebrate the life of Amanda Mehaffy (a.k.a. “Nanny”, a.k.a. “Beans”)

The Bible tells us, “To live is Christ, and to die is gain.”

Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying. Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die.”

He also said: “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. 2 There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? 3 When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. 4 And you know the way to where I am going.”

5 “No, we don’t know, Lord,” Thomas said. “We have no idea where you are going, so how can we know the way?”

6 Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.

Let’s seek the Lord in prayer.

Our Father, we come to you today saddened by the loss of such a bright light in our midst. We confess to you that we don’t understand why some things happen the way they do. However, we trust You even when we don’t understand. Help us Father to change our focus from the death of Amanda Mehaffy to her life and the way she lived it. Restore to us happy memories. Build within us the hope and confidence that comes to all who have put their faith in Christ. Amen.

If nothing else, Amanda was a fighter.

[Fight Song]

When I visited with Amanda last Sunday, I asked her what she would like to say in her own funeral. She did not hesitate. She said, “Tell everyone how grateful I am for all their support, prayers, cards, visits, and notes. They have meant the world to me.” When I asked her what to tell people who wanted to come see her, she said, “Tell them to come.” And they did.

This statement somewhat epitomizes who Amanda was. She was a person who was always aware of other people. Even in her sickness she was concerned for the well-being of the people around her. This is the way she was all her life.

Let’s go all the way back to the beginning. Amanda was an easy birth and was always a loving child. She enjoyed times of cuddling with her parents. She and her brother Bryan would come home from school and eat boxes and boxes of cereal. They especially liked those sugary kids cereals that had prizes inside. Bryan figured out that if you spun the box several times upside down the prize would rise to the top and you wouldn’t have to eat to the bottom to find it. That meant Amanda seldom got the prize. She accused Bryan of putting his grubby hand in the cereal to fish out the prize. He let her believe that. He shared his secret just recently.

Amanda liked to eat Coco Puffs and Count Chocula . . . not just as a kid, she still liked them! She loved anything chocolate and since she was always slim, she could get away with eating it. She thought she had a foretaste of Heaven when they came out with crunchy M & M’s. When she was on a protein diet, she felt she was getting good protein when she ate M & M peanuts.

When Amanda was 8 years old, she went to visit Aunt Ann in Dixon. Ann and Amanda were washing dishes together. Ann had on rubber gloves while she washed. The phone rang and when Ann returned, Amanda had the gloves on and was in the process of filling them with water!

Once she was riding in a go-cart at home and the track was a little muddy. She hit a ditch and ended up covered in mud. She was not a happy camper.

Larry had polished up the 4-wheeler and told the kids they should let it sit for a couple of weeks because the frost was still thick on the ground. But, after dad left she and Bryan went for a ride and buried the 4-wheeler in a ditch. Bryan’s question to Amanda was, “Where do you want to be buried?” Let’s just say people remember differently what the repercussions were.

The family did lots of camping. When Amanda was in 4th grade the family went to Colorado to go skiing. She and Bryan were skiing down the big hills before the time was over. Maybe this is why her earliest dream was to be a beautician and live in Colorado.

Amanda liked to sleep with Molly, her stuffed Bear. She only passed Molly on to Kiley a week ago. Coen had received Mr. Sloth from his grandpa and grandma Mehaffy for his 1st birthday. When Amanda got sick Coen gave his mom Mr. Sloth to help her tummy feel better. Mr. Sloth was her companion until she went home to be with the Lord.

She made some lifelong friends when she was in High School. These friends rallied to her side in her time of need. In her yearbook the Senior question was, “If one word could describe you, what would it be?” Her answer, “’Sensitive’ because I don’t like people talking about others.”

Her friends remembered that “Manny” had terrible allergies and always needed Kleenix. She would use the Kleenix and then ball it up and you would find these balls everywhere (under pillows, cushions, and she would sometimes leave a trail of where she had been.)

Amanda loved making cakes with her mom for birthdays and weddings.

Amanda was among the youngest in her class. When she was finally able to drive, she loved to cruise La Harpe. She got pulled over the first time (yes, there were others) coming out of the Cemetery after dark. That time her friends didn’t hang around. They just drove past every so often to give her a hard time.

Amanda could sometimes be a little naïve. Once when she was out with Amber Anell she got a flat tire. She called home to ask her dad to come out and fix it. She said, “But it is only flat on one side!”

When in High School, Amanda did her Co-op with the Share and Care Preschool. She was sure she wanted to go into early childhood education. She attended Carl Sandburg college for two years and then transferred to WIU where she earned her BA in Fashion Merchandising. She loved going to the Olive Garden with her friends. They loved the desserts and the salads. They sometimes didn’t have room for dessert and always got it to go. They were afraid they might not have a fork to eat it with when they were hungry, so the forks on the table also were “to go.”

Jenn was her college roommate, and they had a great time together. Jen gave Amanda the nickname “Beans” because Amanda was a big fan of Coco Chanel, the designer. From Coco Jenn thought of Coco beans” and the nickname stuck.

Before a floor meeting in their Higgins Hall dorm Amanda and Jenn would take duct tape and put a reserved sign on the (quoting now) “couch that should have been in the garbage 20 year ago.” When it was time for the meeting, they would make a grand entrance wearing mismatched clothes, wild hair, and maybe a zany hat.

Their dorm room was split between Jenn’s ocean, and Amanda’s jungle.

We all remember where we were when 9/11 happened. Amanda watched the plane hit the second tower and they supported each other in that frightening time.

Jenn remembers Amanda as a great listener who was willing to stay up all night just talking. Jenn was at her friends side in these last days.

Amanda worked in Chicago and lived in Wheaton, Naperville, and Downtown. She worked for Old Navy and Victoria’s Secret. She loved the city and was a big fan of Lou Malnati’s Pizza. She always ordered “the Lou.” It was a deep-dish pizza that had a Spinach mix, mushrooms and sliced roma tomatoes covered with a blend of mozzarella, romano and cheddar cheese on garlic Buttercrust. (When you are craving pizza for dinner remember this moment)

Amanda loved all the things there were to do in the city. She appreciated the need to drive fast and ignore the speed limit signs in Chicago. It sounds like she had been training for this for years.

Once Bryan was visiting her in Chicago when she lived downtown. He learned that they didn’t even think about going out until 10:00 or 11:00 at night. That was kind of late for Brian and while out, he fell asleep. So her solution was to write her address on a sticky note, put it on Bryan, and stuck in the back seat of a taxi. The doorman got him into her apartment and when he woke up in the morning, the Sticky note was still on his head! Alcohol may have been involved.

On another occasion, Bryan went up to Chicago with Jimmy. In the middle of the night Jimmy apparently only partially woke up. (Again, alcohol may have been involved).He went into the bathroom where he took the pressure off his bladder. In the morning, he discovered he was not actually in the bathroom. He stopped at a footstool that had an Apple MacBook on it, lifted the lid and relieved himself. He ended up “gifting” Amanda’s friend with new MacBook.

When Bryan went through his divorce Amanda knew he needed help, so she moved home to help her brother and his children. She worked for a while in the mall at the Buckle and then she sold shoes at the Shoe Sensation. Finally, she got her realtors license and went to work as a realtor. She worked for Ruhl and Ruhl Realtors and then for Century 21, both in Burlington. She was a member of the National Association of Realtors, the Southeast Iowa Board of Realtors, and the Illinois Association of Realtors.

Ann found a sign once that described Amanda. It said, “She thought she could, so she did it!” Of course, Amanda was the kind of person who always felt she should do it immediately!

Her brother Bryan, used to go to work and come home to find that Amanda had cleaned his house and rearranged things in the kitchen . . . so they were the “right way.” She sometimes changed her mind on what the right way was, so Bryan was always trying to find things in his own kitchen!

Once Bryan had just cleaned up and detailed his Mustang. They were up town and Amanda pulled up with her car and asked if she could drive his car just to Casey’s and back. Reluctantly, Bryan surrendered his keys to his sister. However, she also took the keys to her car. Bryan’s car was loud and he was helpless as he heard her driving all around town in his Mustang.

Amanda’s driving didn’t get any better as she got older. Aaron said twice when he was in the military Amanda came and got him to drive him home. Both times he fell asleep and was awakened by a knock on the car window from a State Trooper. Each time Amanda gave a sob story about her cousin just wanting to get home. She got out of both tickets! One of the times the officer said he had been trying to catch her for 30 minutes!

Once she reported to her husband that the windshield had taken a rock. Brian knew she had been tailgating (something she learned in Chicago). One time she took their Prius for a girl’s night out (with Logan). Brian was very proud of the 50 miles per gallon he was able to get with the car. Amanda did not want to use too much gas and mess with the stats for Brian so she drove cautiously. The others in the car urged her to see what the car could do. She got it up to 80 going up Crane Hill. She explained “she didn’t often speed in the Prius because you never look cool speeding in a Prius.”

Amanda’s life changed at a Bag’s Tournament at the LaHarpe Tavern. Kelly Reed made sure Brian Mehaffy and Amanda were teamed up together. They had such a good time they decided to go out on a date. They were made for each other.

Brian remembers one of their early dates was watching movies, drinking shakes, and eating popcorn with Logan and Kiley. They watched the 2016 World Series together and even Brian, a Cardinal fan, found himself rooting for the Cubs. They were married on September 2, 2017. Larry was asked by the Pastor if he thought Brian was the right man for his daughter. He said, “No, I’m SURE he is the right man for my daughter.” When asked, what would be Amanda’s most difficult adjustment in marriage, Larry suggested that her independence might make it hard for her. But once she was married, she trusted her husband and let him lead.

Everyone recognized that Amanda’s happiest years were her years with Brian and later with Coen. Amanda loved being a mom, and she was good at it! She felt she had found the man she had waited for all her life. When Brian worked nights, Amanda would always make sure the family had a big meal together before he went to work. When he came home, she was ready to make him Breakfast (unless they went to Tink’s where she always ordered one pancake). She wanted to savor every moment with her husband. She leaned on him, and he held her up.

While Brian was at work sometimes, Amanda would call Mackenzie and ask if she wanted to come over and visit. Brody’s death was a big blow to Amanda. She was there to help MacKenzie through this time. And Mackenzie returned the favor.

Amada kept a clean house. When people would stop by to visit you never had to be embarrassed about how their house looked. Amanda loved to have friends and family at the house. She liked to play games. She liked to play spoons and Cornhole and just about anything else that involved being with the people she loved.

When Amanda was diagnosed with Cervical cancer she stayed calm. At this time, she brought her faith much more to the forefront of her life. When she got Covid she wavered between life and death. Her testimony after that time was powerful. We all know it was a roller coaster ride after that. It seemed like endless treatments and appointments. One time she would get a great report and the next the report would not be so good.

But through it all, Amanda tried to make the best of it. Every time they had to go to Iowa City she would look forward to stopping at Carlos O’Kellys or the Olive Garden (you can never have too many forks). When she was in the mood for pizza, she would order a Ham and Sauerkraut pizza. She took the opportunity to make these visits into “dates” and adventures.

Mackenzie shared a memory about the day Amanda had her last chemo treatment & was feeling better than she had for a long time. Amanda texted MacKenzie and asked if she would go with her to a smash room because she wanted to go and “release some cancer anger”. The whole time she was breaking things she had a big smile & was laughing. Mackenzie said you could see some weight lift off her shoulders that day. They ended their night at with Taco Bell. They didn’t know they closed early so they got kicked out & sat on the curb in the parking lot and Amanda used her bag as a table & just picked up where they left off like months hadn’t passed since they last had a girls night. Mackenzie says, “She took me under her wing from the first day Brody introduced us & instantly became my big sister figure in life.”

Amanda spent her time and energy trying to pick up other people. She remained faithful until the end. She knew she was dying, but she also knew that those who put their trust in Christ for forgiveness and new life, live even though they die. She did not want to leave her family. She would have liked to have watched her son grow and taken him to lots of great places. She wanted to love her husband for many more years. She was not eager to die, but she was not afraid of dying. She remained calm through the ups and downs of her disease.

Amanda talked freely about her faith, and it became the anchor for her life.

When her friends came to visit this last week or so, she welcomed them all. She loved hearing laughter and having her friends and family around her. The loyalty she received from others is a testament to the loyalty she invested in others. Her family remained at her side, and she felt safe and secure.

Amanda Mehaffy was a wonderfully bright and joy-filled light in this world that is often far too dark. I wonder if she knew how much she impacted those around her. I wonder if she knew how many people drew inspiration from her attitude and spirit. I wonder if she knew how many people truly loved her.

This much I know, she knows now. The pain is gone. Joy has exploded around her. We are left with emptiness; she is filled with the fullness of life. We thank God for her.

***[Scars]

We are faced with a mixture of emotions today. There is sadness but I hope there is also a gratefulness for Amanda’s life and the impact she had on us. I suspect there is also disappointment, regret, and maybe even some anger. We have a lot of “Why?” questions. The circumstances seem neither “right” nor “fair”? And the anger – well that is largely directed to the Lord. We all prayed constantly for God to heal Amanda from her pain and her cancer. On the surface it appears God did not answer our prayer, and that may leave us a little disillusioned and want to walk away.

However, Amanda’s faith remained until she walked into the arms of Jesus. And when she did, she found that she was home in a way that was deeper than she ever imagined.

Her story reminds me of the story of Shaddrach, Meshach and Abednego. They were high up officials in the Babylonian government, but they were also Jews. One day the King erected a large statue of himself and told the people every time they heard the band play a certain song they had to bow down before the statue. If they refused to do so, they would be thrown into a fiery furnace. Fearing the King, and the furnace, everyone did as they were instructed – except for Shaddrach, Meshach and Abednego. They refused to bow down before a statute because their allegiance was only to the Lord.

Some of the men who didn’t like these Jewish boys being in high government places told the King about the men. He called them in, and this is what we read,

13 Then Nebuchadnezzar flew into a rage and ordered that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego be brought before him. When they were brought in, 14 Nebuchadnezzar said to them, “Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you refuse to serve my gods or to worship the gold statue I have set up? 15 I will give you one more chance to bow down and worship the statue I have made when you hear the sound of the musical instruments. But if you refuse, you will be thrown immediately into the blazing furnace. And then what god will be able to rescue you from my power?”

16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. 18 But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.” [1]

We could change these words and put them in Amanda’s mouth: “the God whom I serve is able to save me from cancer. He will rescue me from its power. But even if He doesn’t, let’s be clear, I will never leave the Lord and never give in to the disease.”

You may remember the story. Nebuchadnezzar was furious and heated the furnace 7 times hotter. They threw the men in the furnace and the soldiers who threw them in there died from the heat. Nebuchadnezzar looked in the window of the furnace and saw four men walking around. He cried out (I suspect from some distance away from the door) and told them to come out. They were unharmed in any way.

I wish this story had the same kind of happy ending. However, there is still a happy ending. God walked with Amanda who was surrounded by an army of devoted family and friends. She did not bow down. She did not walk away from her faith. Instead, she held tenaciously to the hand of the Lord Himself. And He took her THROUGH the flames to the other side.

The Apostle Paul once wrote,

8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 10 Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. [2]

16 That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. 17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.[3]

Just like those three Jewish men, we must make the decision that no matter what threat we face, we will trust Him. Does it sound impossible? Not if you understand what the message of Christ is.

We think we are pretty good people but that is because we compare ourselves with the people around us. If we compared ourselves to God, and His standards, we all fall far far short. God says those who do not do what He says, deserve to go to Hell; to spend forever apart from Him and all the good gifts that he gives.

Sometimes people will say they are OK with going to Hell because all their friends will be there. What they don’t seem to understand is friendship, laughter, joy, celebration, love, contentment, and fun, are all gifts from God. None of those things will be in Hell. No one will be having a good time.

The story would be hopeless if it stopped here. But God, out of His love for us, sent His son to become a man in the person of Jesus and He faced the fire of judgment for us. He was offered ways to escape His suffering, but all those options meant turning away from the Lord . . .and abandoning us. He knew the Father could save Him but even if He didn’t, He was determined to trust even in death.

The Lord says, if we will admit our need to be saved, and turn and put our trust in Christ, we will be forgiven, and God’s Spirit will reside in us and lead us in a new direction. He calls us to put our faith in Him. Since He endured the fire of judgment for us, He asks us to trust Him even when life becomes hard.

The truth is, we aren’t positive we are really trusting Him until the fire gets hotter. It is easy to say we believe in Jesus. But if we will trust Him in the flames, He promises He will bring us out of those flames or take us THROUGH them to the place He has prepared for us; a place where pain is gone, tears are unnecessary, life makes sense, and joy, peace, and reunion are experienced on a measure unlike anything this world has to offer. In other words, if we trust Him in the hard times it is win/win.

It all starts by admitting our lostness and reaching out to Him. It means being willing to rest in what He has done for us and eagerly follow Him as He leads us through this minefield called life.

Amanda Mehaffy refused to walk away from her faith. She kept holding on to the sure and loving hand of the God whom she trusted. I wouldn’t say she welcomed the fire . . . but she was not afraid of it either. And now I know she has been healed. She has been introduced to the life she always longed for, met the Savior she trusted, and I believe she now wants you to know this life also. You see, in one sense, she lost her life; but in another, she found it.

You can be bitter today. You can walk away from faith and say you want nothing to do with a God who would let this to happen to Amanda. But if that is your choice, you have not learned what she has been trying to teach us. God is trustworthy, even when we don’t understand; and even when we don’t like the outcome.

It’s ok to be sad, it’s OK to confess to God that you hoped He was going to do something different. But don’t let go of Him! Don’t walk away. He went through the fire for you and me and He promised to take us through the fires of our lives. Trust Him. Trust Christ for salvation, for new life, for an eternal house in Heaven not made by human hands. Follow the example of Amanda Mehaffy.

***I CAN ONLY IMAGINE

Will you pray with me?

Father, it is hard for us to see beyond the pain of loss. Help us in our desire to have perspective. Help us to trust You and to refuse to give in to despair, anger, bitterness or hopelessness. Instead, help us to place our hand in yours and to follow in the footsteps Amanda and so many others have left for us.

Today, we give you thanks. We thank you for Amanda’s life and for the impact of that life. And we also thank you for providing a way for us to be forgiven and to know you. Lord, I pray you draw these people to you. Help us all to know that faith that makes us unafraid of whatever this world brings our way. I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Before our final song, I want to leave you with just some lessons from Amanda’s life.

· If you have severe allergies, always know where the wastebaskets are and use them.

· If you want to have good friends, be a good friend.

· The brakes on your car will last longer if you leave a car length or two between you and the driver in front of you.

· Never offer to share a pizza with someone who likes sauerkraut on their pizza.

· Dream Big and then reach for your dreams.

· If a policeman has to try to catch you for 30 minutes, you should not expect to beat the ticket, for it is likely the officer will not be in a good mood.

· Putting your brother into a cab with an address on his forehead is not actually taking care of your brother.

· M & M peanuts are not really on a high protein diet, but they can fix lots of other problems.

· It is always fun to get the prize in a cereal box.

· What people will remember most about you in life is not the titles you earned or the money you made, they will remember your character and how you treated them.

· Just because God doesn’t answer our prayers the way we want, doesn’t mean He isn’t doing what is best.

· What will impact others most about your life is not so much what you have achieved but how you handle disappointments and trials in your life.

· When you finally meet the person of your dreams, hold them close, cherish every moment, don’t waste any opportunity to celebrate. We do not know how much time we have so we must savor NOW.

· Taking time to listen to a friend is always a good investment of your time.

· Finally, whether our years here are long or short, what ultimately matters is where we are going when we die. Even though we often think the decision about our belief in Christ is minor, it is the most important decision we will ever make. And that decision, when made wisely, will give us the strength and the sure hope to get through anything.

***Happier

[1] Da 3:13–18. [2] 2 Co 4:8–10. [3] 2 Co 4:16–18.