Learning Love As We Live Together

We experience love, we need love, we give love, we receive love, we live love, we want love, we want to feel love, and we want to feel love for another.

But if our only idea of what love is comes from the song lyrics of popular music, or what is written in most greeting cards, we are going to get it wrong.

Too many have experienced love as abusive, love as greedy, love spoken but absent.

Why is Love So Misunderstood?

Love is based in relationship, and the kind of relationship defines what kind of love we are talking about.

What, you mean there are different kinds of loves? ABSOLUTELY!

And if you didn’t know already what that is about, you should have a good grasp on this important topic by the time we are done.

You will have a chance to give yourself a checkup on how your practice of love fits in with the kinds of love you are living, and specially how your love stacks up to God’s standards of faithful love.

Some of you may remember that several years ago I used the idea of God’s Faithful Covenant Love to talk about this over a series of several months. I am not going to do anything about trying to recap that series, in fact, I am not even looking back to it for this message.

Instead, I’ll use the famous “Love Chapter” of 1 Corinthians 13 as the skeleton to this message. A couple concepts from other passages will show up, as will some conversation about some concepts from some modern writing on the subject of love.

Last evening, we had the great privilege of sharing the celebration of Richard and Mary Lopez’s 55th wedding anniversary. They were wed on January 28, 1967. Their story is a story of faithful covenant love lived out, according to their vows of marriage, through all the ups and downs that long-term marriages endure. They were able to celebrate the milestone because their marriage has included not only a faithful love, but also the enjoyment of one another, loyalty given to the relationship and preference for one another.

Faithful, enjoyable, loyal, preferential are words that can be used to describe in part the words of the original New Testament Greek that are behind our English word “love”.

A Short History of Love

In the beginning, there was love.

When you were born, God engineered some particular things to happen. By the way, these are the statements of how God intended things to be; not all conceptions are voluntary, not all fathers are present, not all mothers are up to the task. But here is what should be:

In the act of conception, love is part of the transaction. The love that draws us together in desire is one kind of love.

Before you were born, God loved you. He formed you in your mother’s womb and from the very beginning of cells coming together, he has loved you.

When you were born, the very first time your mother held you, she loved you.

The first time your father saw you, he loved you. Even if he didn’t have a clue what to do with a baby.

And the first time you got a taste of it, you loved momma’s milk.

All of those loves are somewhat different. Let me explain, starting from the act of conception.

Eros: The craving love

This is the cupid love; it’s the love-potion love; it’s the hormone-driven love. It is love that is selfish and self-serving. It is a very base kind of love, it gets the male and female together to procreate, but it doesn’t really build a society. We get “erotic” from this Greek word.

The New Testament dialect of Greek chooses a different word that breaks away from the relatively profane meanings of eros, and uses a word that shows us the deep trouble we get into if this is the only way we know to love. The word is epithymia, which is passionate desire, yearning for, wanting. More simply, it is usually translated as LUST, speaking of lust for the world, lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh.

Although eros love or epithymia love might get us together, it won’t keep us together, for it will always see the greener grass in the neighbor’s yard. It’s a cause of unfaithfulness. And this kind of mis-balanced understanding of love will make the dumb-struck teen think they cannot live without their girlfriend if they are separated. It’s results are stalking, suicide, and even murder to keep the other from loving someone else. Lust and Erotic desire only cares about itself.

And this kind of selfish love is also at the heart of most of our vanity. It cares about itself more than it cares about any other person.

Agape: The giving love

This is the love that God shows to us. It is totally opposite of erotic or lust-driven love. It is love that, by example and definition, cares more for the one that is loved than it cares for itself. Giving love is a fully mature love that can be totally mutual and satisfying. It is not reserved for God alone, but God is the best exemplar of it. He created mankind for relationship with himself, knowing ahead of time what it would cost him.

A slightly technical definition is “affection or spiritual affection that follows the direction of the will.” This is a love that is love on purpose, love that is an act of the will, love that can be promised and love that can be commanded as a duty. There is no price to great to pay for the one that is loved. Sacrificial love is agape love. Spiritual love is agape love. Love that cares for another, wants and does the best for them, is agape love.

God is the model, for God agape-d that world so much that he gave his one an only Son so that by believing in him we might have eternal life. A giving love. And Jesus loved us to the end, and his journey to the cross was a journey of agape love. As he sacrifices himself for our good, he says, “Father, forgive them.” Love that gives without limit.

Agapeo: The cherishing love

Now, as a brand-new mommy, there is something that happens instantly as the anticipation of pregnancy results in the birth of a little itty-bitty human that is flesh of her flesh and bone of her bone. It is very closely related to the agape love that comes from God.

Agapao comes from the same root, and is love that is full of goodwill, prizing the one who is loves, with measured affection of esteem, and unbounded delight. This love is willing to give time and energy and resources and favor to the one loved. Most mothers will live out this version of Godly love, and the best mothers embody the root of agape love in their loving.

It is agapao love that Jesus tells us to have when he says, “love your neighbor as yourself.” Hold them in high esteem, with goodwill and care for them.

Storge: the familial love

In the Greek lexicons, this is a category of loving that is natural among families. It is love that is appropriately loyal, naturally affectionate, and will protect whom it loves. In the New Testament, it only shows up in a compound word that means “without natural affection”.

This is the love that binds a father to his child; it love that binds brothers and sisters. It is love that is realized when families are reunited without any history of being together. It is a mature love that protects, serves, and desires good for the other, sometimes with no better reason than “that’s what families do.”

That new dad suddenly knows he has a child he must provide for, that he should not abandon, that he is responsible for, that he will protect.

Phileo: the spontaneous love

Phileo is often called “brotherly love” but actually that is the meaning of “philadelphia” which is phileo plus a word for a bent for, leaning toward, or tending to.

Phileo is actually a spontaneous and emotional love, sometimes unreasoning. The baby starts with “I want my momma’s milk” to the point of distraction. He loves that milk!

Maybe you love ice cream, or love cruising, or love peanut butter or love your best jeans or you favorite car.

Phileo has an object that is loved, and it can be a person, or celebrity, or fishing, or food. It is emotional and irrational sometimes. But it is sincere in its preference. Be careful not to try to ride the fence between the LA Rams and the SF 49ers today. You will be asked to choose where your affections lie.

Love in 1 Corinthians 13:

This great ‘love chapter’ of the Bible is important for us because it shows us that we need to develop the kind of love that God shows us. Love in 1 Corinthians 13 is agape love. Phileo, storge, nor epithymia are mentioned. This is about what agape love is and what does not fit the definition.

The illustration that Paul gives of love directly follows what we shared last week about the Body of Christ, where every part is needed and valued. Paul just said each one should desire the greater gifts that God has for them. I said that those gifts that are greatest are the gifts that God has designed just for you, not a gift you don’t have but you want. So the first few verses explain why just wanting a spiritual gift won’t cut the mustard.

When God’s Gifts Seem Greater Than Love

1 Corinthians 13:1–3 CSB

1 If I speak human or angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so that I can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give away all my possessions, and if I give over my body in order to boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Paul starts with languages: It doesn’t matter what you sound like or what language you are using or if you are trying to have a conversation with angels or foreigners, here’s the rule:

If that gift if operated without agape love, it is self-serving and doesn’t serve the body of Christ. Remember, every gift of grace is given for the common good. Paul says it don’t matter how you talk. You are just noise without love.

Then Paul mentions prophecy and understanding and knowledge. He even mentions faith enough to move mountains. These are important categories in the spiritual realm, and like all the others are given for the good of the church. But if they are about oneself, instead of about loving others no matter what the cost for their good, well, who cares about you?

He speaks of sacrifice: giving away everything may help some people you give things too, but with love there is no reward. Even if what you give is the sacrifice of your body, if you are doing it for the posthumous silver cross or some such, or to make sure the insurance will pay out to the ones you should be taking care of, well. What have you really gained?

The heart of the matter is this: All the religious stuff you can do means nothing if you don’t actually have a will to love others and serve their real needs no matter what it costs you. Here’s a simple measure you can use: did you do more good for others than the praise you got for yourself?

The Most Important Things About Agape Love

Paul shares 15 features of agape love that we can aspire to:

1 Corinthians 13:4–5 CSB

4 Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, 5 is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs.

Every great reality has things we won’t understand until they have time to cook. So with agape love. This love of the will, this love by choice, matures into greatness as we begin to live it out in relationship with others.

The Soft Side of Love

Love is patient

Love is kind.

Pride or Love?

Love does not envy

Love is not boastful

Love is not arrogant

Relational Love

Love is not rude

Love is not self-seeking

Love is not irritable

Love keeps no records of wrongs

Love Cares About What God Cares About

1 Corinthians 13:6 CSB

6 Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth.

Love is Always Around

1 Corinthians 13:7 CSB

7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love Lasts

1 Corinthians 13:8 CSB

8 Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end.

Love never ends.

Not so much prophecies.

Not the gift of tongues.

Not even knowledge lasts

When the Perfect One Comes

1 Corinthians 13:10 CSB

10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will come to an end.

It’s Time to Mature

1 Corinthians 13:11 CSB

11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put aside childish things.

Agape love becomes real and true first in our closest relationships. And the thing about this kind of love that makes it both important and difficult is that agape love does not require response, although our hearts may crave it. Agape love loves anyway.

Until We Truly Know Love

1 Corinthians 13:12 CSB

12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, as I am fully known.

Three Eternal Intangibles

1 Corinthians 13:13 CSB

13 Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love—but the greatest of these is love.

Faith keeps us in a posture of trust. Hope keeps us in a posture of anticipation.

When we are finally in the eternal presence of Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we will never run out of love given to us, and we will be empowered to give love to God unselfishly forever.

We start now with what we can do. Where is your heart, mind, soul and strength today?

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