iLife Series Part 2: iAccept

"I Rule Number 2." We're talking about Accept. How do we accept one another?

This is a real tough one, to accept people because most everybody isn't like us. They don't think like us, they don't act like us, they don't respond like us, they don't look like us. Because of that, it's more difficult to accept them.

Nobody is normal. I've just come to believe that. Nobody is normal. I read a headline a couple of weeks ago that said this, "Totally normal women who stalk their ex-boyfriends." Totally normal? You wonder what a totally normal woman would look like. We would describe somebody totally normal who obsessively stalks an ex-boyfriend. Then I began to think, "What would a strange woman look like?

What would that headline look like?" "Not-so-normal woman who pursues relationships with Michael Jackson" - something like that. But everyone of us, at some point, is flawed. We're weird. We're strange. As a matter of fact, let's just get that out in the open. Everybody raise their right hand and repeat after me, "I understand at times I am flawed, weird, strange." In fact, why don't you just turn to the person next to you and say that: "You are flawed, weird and strange?"

By show of hands, how many of you would not agree with that assessment? Some of you would not agree with that assessment, and that just means you're more flawed. One of the reasons that I love this book - the Bible, God's love letter to us - is that it reveals to us some real people. Some real people who were flawed and weird and strange. For some reason, God didn't choose to tighten everything up, clean everybody up, airbrush all the faults out, touch things up. As a matter of fact, if you've ever read the first book of the Bible - Genesis (Many of you have read it several times because you sat down a to read your Bible,and you open it and read through Genesis. There's some great stuff happening. You get to Exodus. But by the time you get to Leviticus, it's tough to read. But many of you have read Genesis many, many times.), you know some of the crazy whacked-out families that are in there. As a matter of fact, I put some in my notes:

-Cain, who's jealous of Abel and kills him.

-Then there's Noah, the Bible says the most righteous man of his generation, gets drunk and gets naked in front of his kids. Anybody see that video in Sunday school? The Bible doesn't leave it out, but Sunday school teachers do.

-There's Lot who, when his home is surrounded by the residents of Sodom who want to violate his visitors, Lot instead offers to let them have sex with his daughters. And if that wasn't bad enough, later on, his daughters get Lot drunk, and he gets them pregnant. By the way, that's why you never see "Lot" on any Father's Day cards.

It gets worse.

-Isaac plays favorites between his sons, Jacob and Esau; they're bitter enemies for twenty years. Then, just like his dad, Jacob plays favorites between his sons, except there are twelve of them.

Eleven gang up on one of them, Joseph. They were going to kill him, but they were kind, and they sell him into slavery instead.

It just seems like, in Genesis, every marriage is a disaster.

-Abraham has sex with his wife's servant then sends her and his love-child off to the wilderness at his wife's request.

b marries two wives and ends up with both their maids, and they kind of end up in this fertility

contest.

.!Then there's Jacob, whose firstborn, Reuben, sleeps with his father's mistress.

I'm going to stop there. I don't need to. There's plenty more, but it's just becoming like The Brady Bunch meets Sex and the City. It's--kind of wild. One part Sunday school, two parts Survivor, three parts Jerry Springer. So you might ask as you read, why do you think God includes all the messy stuff? Why would God do that? I think it's because God wants us to see that nobody's normal. That everybody is a little whacked out. That's why we've got to accept this basic truth that's in your notebook: Eventually, somebody you loved, somebody you trusted, one you had faith in or

thought was a friend will disappoint you. They will hurt you, and they will cause you significant relational pain.

Everyone of you in here has a story of this. If you don't, guess what? That story is right around the corner. It's coming to your house. It's coming into your life. I could, just about on a weekly or bi- weekly basis, I could point out to you somebody who was a friend who's hurt me.

In your notes: When this happens, you will typically want to show this person you're right and they're wrong.

Here's the next fill-in: With God, you get included in on something you don't deserve. You don't deserve it. If you want to write underneath that, just off to the side, write down these words: What a deal! We get included in on something that we don't deserve.

Does anybody in here love deals? Just out of curiosity, you love a good deal. We love deals. We just love to feel like we've gotten something good.

With God, it is such a deal! God gets you, and you get God. God did everything. He hung on the cross. You and I did nothing. That's a deal. You and I get to be included in His grace and His mercy and His forgiveness. Now here's what God says to us: "Because of that, I want you to give other people 'deals' in how you treat them. I want you to respond to them in the same way that I've responded to you." That's why we use the word" accept."

Remember last night, I said that forgiveness is like the foundation of God's way. As we're walking down this road, forgiveness is the foundation, off to the side is a support rail. On that support rail is Acceptance. Accepting one another.

Out of curiosity, how many of you wear contacts or glasses? Many of you. You remember when you first got the glasses, how different everything looked all of a sudden? Some of you were in school: "Oh, that's what the teacher does with chalk on the chalkboard. I can see that!" or "Those weren't

raisins in the rabbit cage." And stuff like that. The lenses, what they did, corrected stuff in your eyes that was blurred before.

With acceptance, we don't just see people through the lens of our eyes. With acceptance, we see people through the lens of our heart. Acceptance isn't shaped by what we see. Acceptance is shaped by what we feel.

Your notes: Your life, your heart, your soul, and the state of your emotions have been shaped by the doses of rejection and acceptance you have received in your life. If you have been rejected a lot in your life, you will have a hard time accepting other people. All of us have been rejected. Maybe you can remember back to the first time you really felt the sting of rejection.

Rejection comes in many forms. It's not just "Hey, Doug! I'm here to reject you." That would be nice and easy and obvious. But you and I were born and raised in a world which chooses favorites and rejects the seconds. Since nobody can be the best at everything, what's happened in life is you and I have been rejected by family and friends and teachers and coaches and those we look up to.

Some of you are sitting here today, and you have these huge feelings of physical rejection. You don't like how you are physically, and you feel rejected. You watch an image on TV, and it starts on TV, then moves into your home, then gets into your mind. You think that you don't have the right nose or the right eyes. Or that you're too short or you're too tall. Or that there's something wrong with your body.

Then you look at me and think, not everybody can have a sexy receding hairline. You compare yourself. You sit there with physical rejection.

Some of you have parental rejection. You're living your life for your parent's approval, which is going to lead to some deep problems later on if you don't get that one figured out.

Or one we can all experience is one I call recreational rejection. One of the meanest things, maybe in the history of the world, is letting peers pick teams. Always somebody has to be picked last. Right? One standing all alone, everyone's shot off to the sides, and the person second to last thinks, "At least I'm not the last!" Then there's one guy standing there. And everybody sees Rejection. Then the guy that's picking goes, "Doesn't your little sister or somebody else want to play?" which drives it in even deeper. Then the double rejection when you actually get on the team, but nobody ever gives you the ball .... Not that I've ever experienced it! But that type of rejection, it's painful.

Probably the most painful is the relational rejection. Some of the hurt that some of us in this room feel, that because of significant relationships, that we have been rejected. Some rejection is intentional. Some is accidental. But regardless, it just adds up over the years. It produces this emotional insecurity where you live in this fear of rejection. You're afraid of other peoples' opinions. And you live with these distorted values of what's important. And sadly enough, you really misunderstand who God is.

In my notes, I put some effects of rejection. See if this maybe describes the state of your soul. It chips away your confidence, self image, and motivation. It causes conformity to lifestyle and values.

It keeps truth from being spoken. It leads to isolation and loneliness and unhappiness. It slows down spiritual growth. It prevents giving and receiving love. And what we're talking about today, it makes it more difficult to accept others.

If you're sitting here having experienced rejection, can I just say to you, you're not alone? I understand. I've been rejected many, many times. God understands. Jesus was perfect, and He was still rejected. As I study the Bible, I see that rejection is in the direct opposition of acceptance. God wants you and I to know that He doesn't reject us, that He accepts us - unconditionally accepts us.

When you experience God's acceptance, what it does to you, it gives birth to accepting other people. What we're talking about today, this I Rule of accepting one another, you can't really do this until you've experienced God's acceptance. When you do, you come alive.

Your notes: God designed us in such a way to become acceptance magnets. Where there is acceptance, we will move to that environment. Some of you wonder why your dads are at work so much. I'll tell you one of the reasons your dads are at work so much. At work, they get accepted. Some of their work environments, they're the boss. When they say, "Do this," and the person does it. There's all this acceptance. Then when they come home, there's this rejection. At work, everybody accepts me. They're attracted to that environment.

Maybe something you can relate to even more. Ladies, some of your girlfriends are dating somebody, and you can't believe they're dating this guy. He is such a knucklehead. He treats girls so bad. But they're dating them anyway. Do you know why they're dating the guy? Because the guy accepts her. She finds some acceptance there. That guy wouldn't make your top 100 list of guys to go out with.

You'd rather go out with a guy in a foreign country who just had a head. No arms to hold you. No legs to walk with you. Just a head in a foreign country. He would make your top 100 list before this other dude. But why does she go out with the other dude? Because he accepts her.

Think about it a second. Most of us in this room, we didn't choose our friends. We chose environments where we felt acceptance. We gravitated towards those environments, and we found friends there. By the way, this is really big for youth groups. Maybe tonight when you get together and you talk, and you talk about acceptance, you might ask that question, "How are we as a youth group? Are we accepting of others? Are people gravitating towards us because that's where they feel this unconditional acceptance?" If you sense God's acceptance of you, you'll be more accepting of others.

If your whole life has been filled with rejection, you're going to have a harder time accepting one another.

Romans 15. Basically God's word is saying, I'm calling you guys to a new relational standard: "May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other each with the attitude of Christ Jesus toward the other. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. So accept each other, just as Christ has accepted you. Then God will be glorified." Underline "God will be glorified." He says, we're all moving in the same direction as Christians, and because of that, let's accept one another and live in harmony with one another. And when that happens, God will be glorified. He says make this a habit. Remember we said last night make forgiveness a habit, and you'll come alive. Make acceptance a habit, and God will be glorified.

The next fill in: here's the challenge - to accept one another in the same way, to the same degree, with the same intensity as Jesus accepted you.

When I became a Christian, I was not very acceptable. I wasn't very acceptable. But God didn't say, "Hey, Doug, I want you to change everything before I accept you." No. God accepted me before I changed. That's a big part of acceptance. Just write that in your notes - the word "before." Accepting people before they change.

What's the result of this acceptance? The result will be that God will be glorified.

Just out of curiosity, let me ask one of the guys in the front row, "Why do you think God would be glorified when somebody else is accepted?" Because He accepts you. Let me ask you this, is somebody going to get glorified, is somebody going to get extra credit, is somebody going to get praise when you do something that's normal? Just something normal like .., My wife has never said to me, "Doug, you watched the whole movie!" and applauded, "Way to go!" No, that's kind of expected.

That's normal. This morning in the hotel room, she didn't go to the bathroom and come back and go, "Doug! You flushed the toilet last night. Way to go! That's awesome!" No. Because that's expected. That's normal. You do stuff like that. You don't praise people for doing the normal stuff. You praise people when they go above and beyond. When you accept people, God will be glorified because accepting people is so big, because we live in a world of rejection. So what it's saying in this Romans passage is, when you accept one another as Jesus Christ has accepted you, God will be glorified because that is so big, the average person doesn't do that. The normal person doesn't do that. It's so big that God gets the extra credit because nobody would normally do that on their own. But to do this, it gets a little complicated.

Notes: This means I have to be willing to give up something big to get something good. What does that mean? What do I have to give up big? What I have to give up big is what I want, what I want to do. Instead of building my case, I'll build a bridge.

What's big is what I want to do. I want to build a case. I want to build a case for why my friend Rob was wrong, why he's an idiot. I want to build a case for why I'm right and he's wrong. Instead, I need to build a bridge. I need to accept him. Because he's different, flawed, weird, just like I am.

Giving up something big. Here's the next one: Instead of winning your argument, you win a heart. What's natural is to convince you, to convict you, to guilt you. God says, "No, Doug. You know what I want you to do? Just accept them. Because that's what I did with you. I didn't argue with you, Doug. I didn't try to convince you. I just accepted you."

Let me tell you something about Jesus. When Jesus came into the world, He didn't come into the world to be right. He didn't come into the world to make a pOint. He could have. He was perfect. He was God. He could have walked around town going, "Hey! You're wrong. I know what you're doing, and you're wronger. And you're the wrongest." He could have done that. He knew everybody's hearts.

Wrong motive, wrong attitude. Then, "Now that I've told everybody that they're wrong ... follow Me."

Guess what? It wouldn't have had the same impact. Nobody would have followed Him. In your notes: Clearly Jesus' point and reason for being here wasn't just to expose everybody's wrongness. Jesus came to build a bridge and to win our affection and accept unacceptable people. He says to you today, on this Tuesday morning, I want you to do that, too! Because I did it for you.

When you begin to see people through that new lens, through those new eyes, you can accept people.

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I'm going to ask for a degree of maturity. I know you can meet this. I want to ask you not to pOint to somebody, not to whisper somebody's name, but I know on this trip, on yesterday's drive, that there's probably somebody in your van or your bus that was driving you crazy. Don't pOint. Don't nudge. But there was somebody on your van or bus that was driving you crazy. Obnoxious. Hard to be with. It was all about them. They were loud. They were rude. You get on that bus and see that person and you think, "I've got to get on the other bus!" You want to distance yourself from them. You don't want to accept them. Here's what you want to do. You want to reject them. You want to stay away from them. And if I do get close to that person, I'm going to lecture them. And if I do get the opportunity, I'm going to tell them what an idiot they are. "Don't you realize why nobody wants to hang around you? Don't you see that you're turning everybody off? Don't you see that when you're critical and negative and all about yourself that it just repels other people?" You want to lecture; you don't want to accept them. Maybe now that you've heard this message, you do want to accept them, but when you accept them, you want to lecture them. You want to influence them. You want them to change.

You can do both. You might be saying, "Doug, I want to win their heart, but I also want to win the argument. I want to build my case, but I also want to build a bridge." I've got great news for you. Both of those things are possible.

When acceptance becomes the focus, then you'll retain influence. When it's the priority, when it's the thing that you go after, you'll retain influence.

Jesus didn't just talk about it. He modeled it. Let me give you a quick event. Many of you who grew up in the church, you have heard this event. There's a dude named Zacchaeus. If you went to Sunday school, you know that Zacchaeus was a wee little man, and a wee little man was he. If you didn't go to Sunday school, if you didn't grow up in the church, you just missed a song where Christians make fun of somebody's physical deformity. We pick on this short guy named Zacchaeus. The Bible says that he was influential. The Bible says that he was rich. He was a tax collector where he'd take some money to pay to the government and slip some in his pocket. Nobody liked the tax collectors. It says he was rich, and he was influential. But nobody likes guys like this. And Zacchaeus wasn't a liked guy. Jesus is cruising through town one day, and the Bible said that everywhere Jesus went, there was a crowd.

So there's a crowd getting on the streets to see Jesus come through town. Zacchaeus, the wee little guy, he can't see over the crowd. If he were a cool guy, if everybody liked him, he'd say, "Excuse me, pardon me. I want to see." But people were going, "No way!" And kicking him back. He's behind.

The Bible says that he wanted to see Jesus, so he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore tree beside the road so he could see. So you've got this little guy. He can't see over the crowd to get a peek at Jesus, but he can't. So he runs over to the tree and climbs in this tree.

Now he's in a sycamore tree, looking down. The wee little man in the sycamore tree. Then all of a sudden, Jesus is coming through town. The Bible says when Jesus came by, "He looked up at Zacchaeus, and He called him by name, 'Zacchaeus! QUick! Come down, for I must be a guest in your home today. m You've got to imagine Zacchaeus is going, "Me??" He's looking around for other Zacchaeuses in the tree. "Me?" And Jesus says, "I must be a guest in your home." Nobody liked Zacchaeus. His whole life was a life of rejection. Sure, he was rich and influential, but he was rejected. And Jesus sees him, calls him, and says, "Let's go to your house."

Acceptance isn't just recognizing. Jesus didn't just walk through town and go, "Hey, look! It's Zacchaeus, the wee little man in the tree," and keep going. That's not acceptance. That's recognition. He says, "Zacchaeus, let's get together." The Bible says that "Zacchaeus quickly got out of the tree, and he took Jesus to his house with great excitement and joy. "

But watch this. It says the crowds were displeased. They said, "He's gone to be the guest of a notorious sinner." So here's a guy that nobody liked. The crowds say he's a notorious sinner, and Jesus says, "We're going to hang out together." Watch what happens. "Zacchaeus stood there and said to the Lord, 'I will give half of my wealth to the poor, Lord. If I've overcharged people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much. m Jesus accepted him, and this guy changed. He influenced him. He accepted him first, then he changed.

My point to you is this. You want to change that person who's unacceptable? Of course you do. You're not going to change them by rejecting them. You're not going to change them by turning your back on them. You're not going to change them by going to the other bus. You're not going to change them by totally distancing yourself from them. You want to change them. You want to influence them. You accept them.

Your notes: Maybe, by God's grace, He'll use you to actually help change that person you are so convinced needs changing. It all begins with accepting. Circle "begins with accepting." Because that's what your heavenly Father did for you.

Romans 3, "For all have sinned [Circle "all."] and all [Circle "all."] fall short of God's glorious standard." All have sinned. That's means you. That means me. That means your youth leader. That means the pastor of your church. All have sinned. And we all fall short of God's glorious standard.

We're all messed up. We're all flawed. We're all weird. We're all abnormal at times. And God says, "I'm going to take you. And I'm going to spot you. I'm going to call you by name. I'm going to invite you into a relationship with Me. Then you can change." Because God's Spirit is so going to influence who we are.

Let me leave you with this challenge. Today, if you think about this message, and I hope you do, when you are tempted to reject somebody, instead of rejecting, reach out. Reach out. When you're with a group of friends and that person comes by that you want to reject, reach out. If you want to make fun of them, instead, make friends with them. Try to do some stuff at camp this week that you would never do at home. Instead of arguing with somebody, accept them. The results when

you do that, when you want to reject them and you reach out, when you want to make fun of them and you make friends, when you want to argue with them and you accept them, here's the result: God will be glorified. God will be glorified. Over time, that person that you accept, over time, that person will be changed by acceptance because we are acceptance magnets.

In those tough moments, the question isn't who's right. The question is "What do I do for the people who seem to be unacceptable?" The answer is, "Do what God did for me when I was equally or more unacceptable." While you and I were still sinners, our heavenly Father decided to win our heart, not make a pOint. He decided not to build a case or convince us, but accept

us. When you do this to other people, you invite God into the outcome. You become His hands and His feet. You are for other people what God has so graciously been for us.

Here's the summary thought: when you accept others, you invite God into the outcome of the situation because you become His instrument to do for others what He has so graciously done for you.

i Life

accept one another; part 2

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Truth: Eventually, somebody you love, someone you trusted, one you had faith in, or thought was a friend will disappoint you, hurt you and cause you significant relational PAIN,

When this happens you will typically want to show this person you're RIGHT and they're WRONG.

What's normal, when you're hurt you will treat them the way they treated me.

Yet, as a Christian, you are invited into a relationship with God that's completely different-it's a relationship characterized by UNCONDITIONAL love and acceptance.

With God, you get included in on something you don't DESERVE.

Jesus says, I want you to respond to them the way that I responded to you.

Your life, your heart, your soul, and the state of your emotions have been shaped by the DOSES of rejection and acceptance you have received in your life,

God designed us in such a way to be acceptance MAGNETS,

May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other-- each with the attitude of Christ Jesus toward the other. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. So accept each other just as Christ has accepted you; then God will be glorified.

Romans 15:5-7

Challenge: Accept one another, in the same way, to the same degree, with the same intensity as Jesus ACCEPTED YOU,

What's the result of this acceptance?

This means I have to be willing to give up something big to get something good:

Instead of building my case ... build a BRIDGE, Instead of winning your argument., ,win a HEART.

Clearly Jesus' point and reason for being here wasn't just to expose everybody's wrongness. Jesus came to build a bridge and to win our affection and to accept UNACCEPTABLE people.

When acceptance becomes the focus, then you'll retain INFLUENCE.

And maybe, by God's grace, He'll use you to actually help change that person you are so convinced needs changing. It all begins with accepting because that's what your Heavenly Father did for you.

For all have sinned; all fall short of God's glorious standard. 24 Yet now God in his gracious kindness declares us not guilty He has done this through Christ Jesus, who has freed us by taking away our sins. Romans 3:23-24

In those tough moments, the question isn't who is right." the question is." what do I do for the people who seem to be unacceptable? The answer is, "What God did for me when I was equally or more UNACCEPTABLE."

One last thought: When you accept others, you invite God into the outcome of the situation because you become his to do for others what He has so GRACIOUSLY done for you.