Holiness in an unholy world... (11)

Battle of the sexes

This morning, we’ll be looking at a topic that can be controversial, but as we look into this topic a little deeper, I hope that we can bring some clarity.

1 Peter 3:1–7 NLT

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do. In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

Pray - Donna

Just want to look at the first two verses and expound on them.

1 Peter 3:1–2 NIV

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

What does it mean to submit?

The NLT says to “accept the authority of...” So in this case, Peter says that the wife is to accept the authority of her own husband.

David

In our not so distant history, in the evangelical hierarchy in the church, women were not permitted to sit in positions of authority, The Bible said that women were to be silent in the church. They were to have head coverings. They weren’t supposed to wear pants in church. Women weren’t supposed to teach men, they were to be obedient to their husbands, and were not allowed to sit on church boards.

But there were many women that were evangelists who preached the gospel, but they were not allowed to be ordained in the PAOC until 1984.

Galatians 3:28 NIV

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

We say that we believe the whole Bible and we apply it all to our lives and yet, we also realize that some was for the people of that day. Here’s some examples: We don’t leave our land vacant once every seven years. Farmers don’t leave the corners of their fields for the poor. We wear clothes with cotton and polyester, which was forbidden in the OT.

Donna

Let’s go back a step and look at marriage where both husband and wife are Christians. Let’s look at what Paul says about submission in Ephesians. He begins with our submission to God. If we don’t get this part right, the rest will be more difficult.

Ephesians 5:21–24 NLT

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

It’s easy for us to submit to God because we love Him, we respect His authority in our lives.

As a wife, I can submit to my husband because I love him. I know he will never ask me to do anything that will bring harm…because he also loves me. He doesn’t DEMAND that I do what he says, I choose to respect and submit to him out of the love we have for each other.

David

It says that the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church. Does this mean that I’m the boss?

Not so fast, Mister! How DOES Christ love the church? Keep reading!

Ok.

Ephesians 5:25–27 NLT

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.

First, love means to sacrificially give. Jesus sacrificially laid His life down for the church. In the same way husbands are to lay down their lives for their wives.

I notice here that Jesus made the church perfect, without spot, wrinkle or blemish. He brings out the best. That means that we should bring out the best in our wives too.

Now that we’ve looked at each role, let’s make it practical.

How does this apply to decision making in our homes?

For ourselves, if we are going buy a second vehicle. It’s not a good idea for me to just come home with one.

We discuss the when, the what, the how much we can afford. We have to be in agreement before we even start the process.

I remember when my Dad came home with a car with my mother’s knowledge. We weren’t really in a position to afford it. Not a good idea!

Let’s go back to 1 Peter 3 and see what he has to say about

Unbelieving spouses

Donna

1 Peter 3:1–2 NLT

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.

Basically what Peter is saying is that our actions should speak a lot louder than our words.

In our research, during NT times, when a husband would come to faith, he would bring the whole family, but when a wife would come to faith, she would often come alone. Under Roman law the husband was the absolute authority in the home. If the wife demanded her freedom in Christ, it could endanger her marriage. (NLT notes)

We can try to convince an unbelieving spouse until we are blue in the face, but unless the Holy Spirit is working in them, it can be futile and can cause friction in the home.

David

John 6:44 NIV

“No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them, and I will raise them up at the last day.

How can we be godly examples?

1. In our behaviour

Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, “Preach the gospel at all times and if necessary use words.”

So instead preaching at an unbelieving spouse we need to let our faith be expressed by our love.

Donna

Galatians 5:22–26 NLT

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.

David

2. In our character

Our looks might be our first impression, but character leaves a lasting impression.

Proverbs 31:30–31 NLT

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

Donna

In North American culture, a lot of value is placed on how a woman looks. We need to be thin, wrinkle free, and “photo-ready” at all times. Emphasis is placed on getting rid of grey hair, losing weight and wearing the latest trends. We’re supposed to look like we just stepped out of a magazine, right? After all, that’s what is attractive…or so we’re told.

That’s NOT what the Word of God says.

1 Peter 3:3–4 NIV

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

David

Just to clarify, while who we are on the inside is most important, being presentable is still acceptable.

When I was working retail, there were some religious groups that believed that they were pleasing God in how they dressed, but in reality they were drawing attention to themselves. In a strange way, they were doing the opposite of what they were trying to do.

3. In example

Donna

1 Peter 3:5–6 NIV

For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

David

Sarah set an example for all Christian women by showing respect to Abraham. Husbands, if we expect our wives to call us Lord or Master, chances are, we won’t see them for a week or so. When the swelling starts to come down, we’ll see them again.

On serious note, it was cultural for a woman to call her husband, Lord, out of respect. In our society today, it speaks volumes to those around us, when both husbands and wives show sacrificial love and respect for each other.

Donna

4. Husbands

1 Peter 3:7 NLT

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

Just as wives are called to accept the authority of their husbands, husbands are called to honour their wives.

David

How do we show honour?

Paul said that we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church.

1 Corinthians 13:4–8 (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails...

Peter says that we are to treat our wives with understanding. We need to be considerate. Our wives aren’t our servants. They are our partners. This means that we make decisions together.

Do we consider their needs, their desires, their giftings, and their abilities? I’ll admit that sometimes men can be a little thick. We make decisions based on what we like, but it doesn’t even cross our minds to ask our wives. We need to be considerate of our wives and include them our day to day decisions.

Sometimes a quick call or text just to keep them in the loop of what’s going on, is important. An example can be something as simple as I’m running late, here’s my ETA.

Donna

Ephesians 5:28 NLT

In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.

David

It’s kind of like the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. We can become impatient when we feel like we are out of the loop without even thinking that our lack of communication affects our wives.

Donna

What about this whole Weaker vessel thing?

David

While most translations say weaker vessel, the NLT says, “She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.”

Here Peter was making a general point of physical strength. We all know that this is not a rule. He was not referring to women as less than, it’s no secret to the fact that women have had an uphill battle to fight for equality. Peter wasn’t referring to any moral, intellectual, or spiritual inferiority. In fact, He referred to wives as equal partners in God’s gift of new life.

The Bible has often been accused as being a book that promotes men’s superiority over women. What is true is that many have used the Bible to promote this, but God created both men and women in His image. He created us to have relationship with HIm. He made each of us to be His unique masterpiece.

Husbands, God holds us accountable, so let’s look at our

Accountability

The way that we treat our wives, does not go unnoticed in the sight of God. If we don’t honour our wives, if we don’t show them the respect that they deserve, it affects our prayer life.

1 Peter 3:7 (NLT)

Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

We can pray powerful sounding prayers, but if we don’t treat our wives as we should, our prayers are hindered. On other words, the way that we treat our wives, affects our relationship with God.

Donna

In Conclusion:

Just to pull together any loose ends. We started with the title, “Battle of the sexes.” If this is our marriage motto, our marriages are doomed to fail. A house divided against itself cannot stand.

God’s desire is that in our marriages, the two shall become one flesh.

David

Husbands, let’s love our wives as Christ loved the church. Let’s love, honor, and respect them. As we are submitted to Christ, He will help us to be the husbands we are called to be.

Wives, showing honour to our husbands and respecting the authority God has given them, we show our love and honour to God, Himself. For those with husbands who are not saved yet, your love and respect toward your husband will speak volumes to him.

David: Let’s pray.

Donna: So, it looks like you’ve got the last word :-)