9 Marks of a Healthy Marriage: Scriptural Authority

Allen, age ten, said, “You’ve got to find someone who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it, and she should keep the chips and dips coming.”

Kristin, age ten, replied, “No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all the way before, and you got to find out who you’re stuck with.”

When asked, “How can a stranger tell if two people are married?”

Derek, age eight, said, “Married people usually look happy to talk to other people.”

A boy named Eddie responded, “You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.”

These are funny, but isn’t it interesting how much influence the thoughts of others have over us. We genuinely don’t want to be perceived this way, so sometimes we will try to make things look differently. You could say that we submit to the authority of what other people might think.

God is using the difficulties of the here and now to transform you, that is, to rescue you from you. And because he loves you, he will willingly interrupt or compromise your momentary happiness in order to accomplish one more step in the process of rescue and transformation, which he is unshakably committed to. Tripp, Paul David. Marriage (Repackage) (p. 23). Crossway. Kindle Edition.

What is the goal of this lesson?

The goal of this lesson is to help recenter our hearts upon that which should be the authority of our marriage — God’s holy word. Ephesians 5:25-26.

What’s the plan for reaching our goal?

(1) to show that there is a need for this assumed topic.

(2) to observe some principles from Jesus’ teaching on marriage.

(3) to give one way that couple’s can recenter their hearts upon the word.

(4) to provide a measure of accountability for the application.

Is there a need for this topic & goal?

Example:

What are two major decisions that each couple has to make? (By major, I mean matters that will alter your current living situation — housing, job, children’s involvement…etc

The scriptures presents several ways to make decisions: (1) Seek God’s word for guiding principles (2) Pray [note, if you don’t care enough to read what he has said, why would you care about him giving an answer in prayer] (3) Multitude of counsellors, (4) Questions of local church edification…etc

If our tendency is to assume that we are acting biblically in significant decisions, imagine how often we assume that the scriptures are our authority in the day-to-day decisions of our lives.

Big Idea:

If it is a big deal to Jesus, it should be a big deal to us.

Illustration:

When you love someone, what is a big deal to them often is a big deal to us. When my wife and I first met, her favorite restaurant was O’Charlies. She always got the same meal. She always selected the same drink. Within my mind, my desire to take her there grew because I was growing to love her more. Her tastes were actually becoming my tastes — including Mountain Dew.

As we consider our passage tonight, I want us to sit at the table with Jesus and listen, observe, and see what is the big deal with Him.

Observations: Matthew 19:3-12

(1) Jesus used the scriptures for his reply - Have ye not read...

Jesus immediately referred to the scriptures for his response. Notice to whom Jesus is responding — the Pharisees. Note: even those who are most learned in the scriptures can miss the authority of the scriptures.

Application: Do you know how to actually apply the Bible in a way that is Christ-centered or do you just use the Bible like someone uses Wikipedia?

(2) Jesus identified God as the Creator - he which made them...

Jesus presumes that the scriptures authority are fundamentally connected to God as the Creator. Being a creature of God is more fundamental to marriage than we often consider because being a creature of God establishes our responsibility and accountability to Him.

Biblical Foundations for Manhood and Womanhood Chapter 3: The Surpassing Goal: Marriage Lived for the Glory of God (John Piper)

God is ultimate and marriage is not. God is the most important Reality; marriage is less important—far less important, infinitely less important. Marriage exists to magnify the truth and worth and beauty and greatness of God; God does not exist to magnify marriage. Until this order is vivid and valued—until it is seen and savored—marriage will not be experienced as a revelation of God’s glory but as a rival of God’s glory.

(3) Jesus confirmed biological differences - male and female...

Distinction is biology is by divine design. The same Creator made the female and male. They are of equal value though distinct.

App: There are husbands who say that they and their wives are co-equal but then they treat their wives like they need to bow and bend to his whim and will at ever beckon call.

There are wives who have been shaped within a feminist work environment where equality is based on pay-grade, job function, and opportunity — these wives bring this baggage into their relationships with their husbands.

(4) Jesus recognized God as primary speaker where Moses moderated - And said

Though Moses is the narrator in Genesis 2, where Jesus is quoting from, Jesus identifies the person speaking as the Creator. The Creator of the Bible has graciously chosen to reveal his Person and His will by means of speaking. We have this corpus of His words in the Bible. Thus, Jesus is affirming that what God has said is authoritative.

App: That is to say that there is no greater word spoken that should have authority over how we engage one another in the covenant of marriage. The government law is important, but not supreme. Our parents are important, but not supreme. Our friendships are important but not supreme.

(5) Jesus quoted the scripture - For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh…

App: If Jesus saw fit to quote scripture for responding to the quandary of divorce, how much more intentional should we be in searching and applying of the scriptures within our marriages.

(6) Jesus explained what was meant - Wherefore they are not more twain, but one flesh...

The scripture is to be interpreted faithfully, so as to communicate the clear intention of the author.

App: A Christian husband/wife should be careful not to use the scripture in a way that is convenient to his or her respective agenda.

(7) Jesus applied what was explained and that it was still authoritative - What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

App: Scripture read and interpreted is useless without scripture applied. When it is God who has brought together this union, we must understand it to be a covenant.

Why do we say that marriage is the most deeply covenantal relationship? It is because marriage has both strong horizontal and vertical aspects to it. Keller, Timothy. The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God (p. 75). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

[Ibid] To break faith with your spouse is to break faith with God.

Application:

Because of what Jesus said, we both should agree with Jesus about the authority of scriptures over marriage.

(*) Because of what Jesus said, we both should be in agreement with each other about the authority of the scriptures and marriage. Gen. 2:24-25, Matthew 19:5, I Corinthians 6:16, Ephesians 5:31-32.

How?

-> Confession

(1) IDENTITIES USED TO COVER UP EMPTINESS. (Pharisees)

What are some examples of this?

(2) INTENTIONAL MISUSES OF SCRIPTURE.

We should confess attempts at using the scripture to justify our already established desires (Is it lawful...)

The self-torture between truth and wants...

(3) INTENTIONAL NEGLECT BECAUSE OF HARDNESS OF HEART.

We should confess any hardness of heart that leads us to intentional neglect.

To say that someone is hard-hearted is to say that they refuse the word of God.

Illustration: Husbands, let’s imagine that your wife said something to you in a condescending tone. She’s frustrated, after caring for all of the matters around the house and possibly a long day at work.

Now, you are offended. The scripture is clear in Ephesians 4:32.

But rather than believe what God has said about you in Christ, you are not satisfied until you are able to make her humble herself. You have chosen to harden your heart.

This leads to neglect or mistreatment, and the climax of neglect/mistreatment is infidelity. It is the apex of saying, “I don’t want you” - the exact opposite that we have heard Jesus say to us.

So, confession is the product of allowing the word of God to expose our sinfulness and agreeing with what God has said about our condition — submitting to the authority of the Word.

Example:

When the Giver of the Word [Jesus] recognizes the authority of and fully submits to the Word, we should ask “Why?”

To merit obedience to the Word for disobedient rebels so that they might become submissive to the Word.

[Anthony Burgess, 1664] “On the eve of His crucifixion, Christ speaks in anticipation of completing His mission from God. He opens His prayer by offering His obedience to the Father, which is ‘not merely obedience but a meriting obedience,’ Burgess says. [Beeke, Joel. A Puritan Theology, p. 373]

The authority of the scripture is a big deal to Jesus, and it should be a big deal to us.

Workshop Work:

Learning Who We Are.

Homework:

Read “An Introduction to the Temperaments” & Complete pp. 9 - 38 in “I Said This You Heard That” [ISTYHT]