Honor the marriage bed, and keep it holy

Introduction

We’re continuing our study of Deuteronomy through chapter 22, and we’ve found ourselves over the last few weeks working our way through Moses’ pastoral wisdom as he applies the ten commandments to common situations in the life of Israel.

By way of reminder, we have seen three consistent themes that undergird these commands.

The holiness of God

The distinctiveness of Israel

The fulfillment in Christ

And we will see these themes once again tonight, as we consider Moses’ pastoral wisdom regarding marital relationships, chastity, and the design of God for intimacy between a man and a woman.

Now I recognize tonight that as a young, unmarried man, I have no experience in tonight’s subject matter. However, my aim as I open God’s Word tonight is to do just that: open the Word, and allow God, through His servant Moses, to teach us about God’s holiness, Israel’s distinctiveness, and ultimately about Christ through these 5 commands regarding sexual ethics.

Now as we get started tonight, initially I think it’s fairly obvious which of the 10 Commandments Moses has in view over the course of these 17 verses.

What commandment is Moses explaining here?

It would seem on it’s face that Moses is explaining how to practically live out the command to not commit adultery, and that is true. But what’s interesting is that Moses weaves other commandments into this exposition, and we will see that in our first point tonight.

But before we get into the text, I think it’s important to establish four foundational Biblical principles on this idea.

First, we need to understand the creation order regarding marriage from Genesis 2:24

Genesis 2:24 NASB95

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

Marriage is to be between one man and one woman, joined together as one, and to quote Jesus Himself in Matthew 19:4-6:

Matthew 19:4–6 NASB95

And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

Marriage is between one man and one woman, their relationship is ordained and given and presided over by God Himself, and it is permanent.

Second, we need to know that the command of God is this, out of Exodus 20:14:

Exodus 20:14 (NASB95)

“You shall not commit adultery.

The command here then is marital fidelity, and really it’s a call to disavow, to abhor, to purge from your midst any intimate marital relationship, and the benefits thereof, with anyone other than your husband or your wife.

Third, we need to be familiar with the author of Hebrews’ positive restatement of this command in Hebrews 13:4

Hebrews 13:4 (NASB95)

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Positively then, not only shall you not commit adultery, you shall honor and dignify the marriage relationship as what it is: a blessed gift from God as part of His created order.

Finally, we need to be familiar with the teaching of Jesus in Matthew 5:27-28:

Matthew 5:27–28 (NASB95)

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’;

but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Jesus takes all of this Biblical teaching on adultery to the next level by declaring that adultery and marital infidelity occur long before a physical act takes place, but it begins in the heart and in the mind.

So wee see that the Biblical teaching here is this: Marriage is between one man and one woman, God’s people are called to honor and dignify the marriage relationship, and to do so not only in action, but even in thought and in desire. Out of this command then, chastity is a noble, honorable, and dignified thing, because to be chaste is to be walking in obedience to the Biblical teaching on marriage and marital fidelity as God designed it to be.

So with those first principles in mind, let’s consider the text.

Calumny and chastity - 22:13-22

So in this first section tonight we see a double commandment out of a single situation, each command arising from a different verdict. The first has to do with what I’ve called calumny, which is your first blank there. What is calumny? Truth be told, I only chose this word because 1) it’s an odd word that we don’t hear every day and 2) it alliterates with my other word which we’ll get to in a minute, so I’m hoping between the oddness and the alliteration, you’ll be able to remember the main ideas. Calumny is a Shakespearean Middle English word, meaning to deceive with intent to harm another’s reputation. A more common way of understanding the idea in modern terms would be defamation, if you’re speaking it, slander, if you’re writing it, libel. You’re trashing someone’s reputation. That’s Moses’ first thing here when it comes to Biblical sexual ethics.

The second concern of Moses here is another word that starts with C, chastity. Wow, we are really getting into the Shakespearean English tonight. That’s also on purpose because I want to preserve the dignity and honor and nobility of our subject matter, and by using words that sound more eloquent, you afford that dignity to a subject that is easily derailed into crass and inappropriate jokes. Additonally, calumnity and chastity are the two words Calvin uses in his commentary on Deuteronomy, which is actually where I got the idea. As Pastor Scott says, always be plagiarizing. Just make sure you cite your sources.

So first, the problem of calumny, specifically in the marriage relationship. The idea is that a man and woman have gotten married, and they’ve consummated their marriage relationship. Then at some point afterward, the husband turns against the wife, and desires to defame her publicly, so he claims that when he “went in to her,” as the text says, he found her not to be a virgin, not to be chaste. Now in light of our first principles that we just discussed, this is a high and heavy accusation to make. Essentially this husband is accusing his new wife of being guilty of breaking the 7th commandment. This is what Calvin calls calumny, or defamation. Calvin says that “this is, indeed, an act of gross brutality, that a husband, wittingly and willingly, should seek a false pretext for divorcing his wife by bringing reproach and infamy upon her.”

So we see here that Moses is not only speaking in a general sense about the 7th command, he is also working in the 9th command, to not bear false witness, and here the two go hand in hand. Not only is bearing false witness an abomination to the Lord, but bearing false witness that accuses someone of breaking another commandment is even more reproachable.

Now you may ask why a man would want to defame his wife like this. It would seem, as with many of these commands, that Moses is addressing a specific situation, something that Israel would have been familiar with. John Calvin brings some pastoral insight in his commentary on the passage: “Since it does not unfrequently happen that the libidinous (or lustful) become disgusted with their vices, and then endeavour to rid themselves of them in every way, it was needful to correct this evil, and to prescribe a method whereby the integrity of the woman should be safe from the calumnies of an ungodly and cruel husband.”

What Calvin is essentially saying is that this husband is seeking to divorce his wife because he wants to feed his sexual appetite, feed his lust, and has become bored with his wife, for lack of a more dignified way to put it, but doesn’t want to unlawfully divorce her, so he lies to try cover himself.

So we see layer upon layer of evil in this scenario. A lustful husband who wants to appease his lusts while simultaneously protecting his own reputation, accuses his wife of playing the harlot in her father’s house.

So Moses implements what Calvin calls there, a method by which the integrity of the woman should be safe from the defamation and slander of her ungodly husband.

And that method is by the public presentation of the evidence or token of the young woman’s virginity, which is described in verse 17 as a garment, or what RC Sproul calls “the stained bedclothes of the wedding night,” which were kept by the girl’s parents for just this type of occasion, where a defense of their daughter’s integrity and innocence may be necessary. So they spread the garment before the elders as proof that their daughter did not know, in the Biblical sense, any other man prior to this husband who now accuses her of harlotry.

So what is the outcome? If the girl is indeed innocent, and the evidence presented indicates that she did not know another man, then a punishment is meted out against the man. He is fined 100 silver shekels, or around $600, and that fine is given to the girl’s father, because the accusation of harlotry is not only against the girl, but against her parents as well. Additionally, under no circumstances is the man allowed to divorce the woman for the rest of his life.

But then we have the flipside, the alternate outcome:

If the charge is in fact true, if the girl is indeed not a virgin, then the people shall bring her to her father’s house, into the doorway, and stone her to death.

This is graphic and severe. Why the harsher punishment for the lying woman than for the lying man? I think it is for this reason: the man only lied. The woman lied and did so to cover her original sin of adultery, of unchastity. Calvin says this:

Commentaries on the Four Last Books of Moses Arranged in the Form of a Harmony Deuteronomy, Chapter 22

If the punishment should seem to anybody to be somewhat too severe, let him reflect that no kind of fraud is more intolerable. A false sale of a field or a house shall be accounted a crime, as also the utterance of false money; and, therefore, she who abuses the sacred name of marriage for deception, and offers an unchaste body instead of a chaste one, much less deserves to be pardoned. The cause of severity, however, which is expressly mentioned, is much more extensive, i.e., because she hath wrought wickedness, or filthiness in Israel.

Abuse of the sanctity of marriage is intolerable in God’s legal economy.

So here we see two principles:

First, God is deeply concerned about honesty and integrity and honor. Defamation is cruel and wicked and shameful. Lies and false witness in general are wicked and shameful. But God gives special attention to honesty and integrity as concerns someone’s chastity. This is such a prevalent issue in our world today. The #MeToo movement has brought countless lies into the media spotlight, bringing public shame and humiliation to many men who had walked in integrity. So as Christians, it is so important to weigh, even as the parents and the elders did, all the evidence. It is so easy for us to get caught up in the mudslinging of our culture and throw rocks at anyone and everyone who is accused of some sort of misconduct. But God’s wisdom teaches us that we are to weigh the evidence carefully, and to be seekers and proponents of truth as it is, and not a fantasy that we would like to exist.

Secondly, and even more importantly, I think, given the extent of the punishment, God dignifies and honors the marriage bed. We live in a culture that has become completely out of touch with the sanctity of the marriage bed. God takes purity and chastity very seriously, and so we also must take it very seriously. The nation of Israel was called to purge impurity from their midst. Are we committed as Christians, both individually and as a church, to purging sexual sins from our midst? Are we willing to take radical measures to walk in purity and integrity? Whether married or not, man or woman, young or old, we are called to plant this flag and stand firm on this truth, and I think Calvin agains says it well: Chastity is indeed greatly acceptable to God. Purity, integrity, and innocence must be the pursuit of God’s people.

Moving on then, Moses gives us 5 additional scenarios that paint a clear picture for us: God takes sexual ethics, marital fidelity, and purity very seriously.

Scenario #1: An Extramarital Affair

Verse 23 paints a fairly simply picture: the penalty for extramarital affairs is death. Both the man and the woman must die by stoning, in order that the evil may be purged from Israel.

Make no mistake: God takes this seriously.

And so we find the reality of so many professing Christians, and even Christian leaders, to be especially heartbreaking. Time after time we hear of some Christian leader having an affair, of failing to be faithful to God and to his wife. I thank God for the many faithful churches who walk in integrity and obedience and remove pastors from pulpits who commit these heinous sins. I thank God for the many faithful churches who call those among their number caught in this sin to repentance.

As a church we must be bold in this. We must take a firm stand for Biblical ethics, for the sanctity of the marriage bed, and confront these sins when they arise, both in our own lives and in the life of the church.

Scenario #2: A Betrothal Affair

Many of you may know that the ancient Hebrew custom was that the husband and wife be betrothed to one another for an extended period of time. This betrothal period was a time of preparation, primarily for the man, to prepare a home and living for his new wife. Once this preparation was complete, his wife would come with him to the new home and the marriage would practically begin and be consummated. However, even during this betrothal period, for all intents and purposes, the couple was already bound together, committed to one another in the marriage covenant, which is why the punishment is the same. While technically unmarried, in a legal sense the marriage covenant was already sealed, and so by violating it, the betrothed and the interloper have failed to uphold the sanctity of the marriage relationship.

This passage provides context to the most well-known Biblical betrothal: that of Mary and Joseph. Joseph knew full well, that because he and Mary had not yet come together, and yet sh is found to be with child, that her fate would be death at the hands of the elders and the community according to this law if her pregnancy was discovered. This is why Joseph, described as a righteous man, intends to “divorce her quietly,” choosing to engage the provision in Deuteronomy 24 that states that a divorce is permissible if any uncleanness or impurity is found in the woman.

In keeping with the Law of God, this situation would require Mary to face the death penalty, but of course we know how she became pregnant, and how that story turns out.

So for a second time, we see the seriousness with which God holds the marriage relationship, and not only just the sexual aspect of it, but even the relational and covenantal aspect of it.

Scenario #3: A Rape in Betrothal

In this scenario the death penalty only awaits one party: the assaulting man. The scenario plays out that this girl is assailed in the countryside by a man and she cries for help but there is no one to hear her and rescue her. She is defiled by this evil man, and he faces the death penalty but she does not.

Notice the care and provision that God displays for the innocent young woman here. As Christians, we ought to have that same level of care for those who have been victimized by evil men. Obviously we need to balance our care with the truth, as we saw in our first point, but when the truth of the matter is that a woman has been assaulted and violated, our responsibility to that young woman is to care for her and protect her, even as God commands here.

I fear that the church has fallen short in this area in many respects. Survivors deal with deep pain, emotional scars, and haunting memories of the horror of sexual abuse and assault. We would do well to ask: how can we care well for them? I think of the imagery of Isaiah 40:10-11

Isaiah 40:10–11 NASB95

Behold, the Lord God will come with might, With His arm ruling for Him. Behold, His reward is with Him And His recompense before Him. Like a shepherd He will tend His flock, In His arm He will gather the lambs And carry them in His bosom; He will gently lead the nursing ewes.

The same arms that deal judgment to the perpetrators, also carry the victims like lambs. As a church we should reflect this aspect of God’s character, dealing justly with those who commit evil, and dealing compassionately with those who suffer because of evil. As a church do we reflect the heart of Christ, which is a heart of compassion for the sufferer? I pray that we do, and that we continue to grow in this area.

Scenario #4: A Rape Outside Betrothal

The next scenario Moses describes is another rape situation, this time with a girl who is not married or betrothed. The punishment here, like our first scenario, is a fine, and no provision for divorce under any circumstances.

Now our modern sensibilities might chafe at this a little bit. Why would we force a girl to spend the rest of her life with her abuser? There are a couple of items to point out regarding that. First of all, the context of the passage is one of community. The idea is that this couple will be under the careful watch of the elders and the people to ensure that no further harm would befall her. The other thing to keep in mind is something that RC Sproul points out:

The Reformation Study Bible: English Standard Version (2015 Edition) Chapter 22

Women depended on their marriage relationship for protection and status in ancient Near Eastern society, and the law provides important protections for women.

A final consideration is that the general cultural outlook on a woman who had been victimized in those days would have been unfavorable. She likely would not have found a husband if her abuser was not required to marry her, simply because of how she would be publicly perceived after the assault.

So we see that God again takes special care for the women of Israel, especially the young, the innocent, and the virgins.

Scenario 5: A father and son share a wife

This is another unique situation, in which an elderly widower takes a new, younger wife, then the widower passes away, leaving a young widow. in this scenario, a son from the previous marriage would take his father’s widow, essentially his step mom, as his wife, in a kind of kinsman redeemer situation.

you might say, there’s no blood relation, what’s the big deal? Two items:

first, it’s a matter of the honor of your father. To have relations with a woman with whom your father also had relations, regardless of age and blood relation, even after your father’s death, is a shameful thing. So this is a command out of two commandments, adultery and honor your father and mother.

secondly, it’s a matter of the appearance of evil. The people of god are not to even entertain the appearance of evil, and this type of situation, according to spurgeon, Calvin, and sproul, while not an explicit moral evil, is strange, unseemly, and unbecoming to the people of god, gives the appearance of evil, dishonors your father and mother, and is therefore forbidden by god for his people.

conclusion

the heart of god toward marriage.

israel’s marriage ethic against Canaan.

christ’s relationship to the church.