A Patient Life

Intro

Have you ever been around someone that you would consider an angry person? I mean, they are like volcanoes just waiting to erupt on anyone who happens to be near.

People have to walk on eggshells around them.

They take practically everything that is said to them personally.

Most of us try to avoid people like this, and if you happen to be raised in a home by someone like this you know all too well the destruction that an angry person can cause.

Unfortunately for most, we often are a mirror image of who raised us whether we want to believe it or not. If you are someone who struggles with your anger, chances are high that you grew up with someone who also struggled with their anger.

This happens often times due to a desire to never allow anyone to control us like our angry parent did only to find that the secret to gaining control is to yell, a lot.

And so we adopt the same angry responses to situations we said we never would.

This morning in our series on wisdom, and more specifically the wisdom that comes from God’s word for everyday life, we are looking at anger.

Why? Because of all the emotions we feel and express as humans, uncontrolled anger is the most destructive.

Big Idea/Why it Matters

Now, anytime we talk about anger being a problem, there will always be some who want to point to Jesus’ response to the money changers in the Temple. The will say, see Jesus got angry and was flipping tables, so its okay to be angry.

Just real quickly.

There is a difference between uncontrolled anger and righteous indignation. Jesus anger wasn’t rooted in self the way our anger often is. It was rooted in the fact that God the Father and his Temple was not being revered as Holy and people were being taken advantage of.

You aren’t Jesus, so be very careful comparing your outbursts of anger to the King and Judge of the universe.

No today, I am not talking about righteous indignation. I am talking about uncontrolled anger that is rooted in our inability to live self-controlled lives.

Proverbs 14:29 NLT 29 People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.

People who fly off the handle or who think the best way to handle a situation is to be-little, shame, or knock someone around according to scripture is a fool.

This Hebrew word for fool carries with it a meaning of something that is bound up in the mind of a boy (child).

In other words, someone who cannot control their anger demonstrates a lack of maturity, likened to the temper tantrum of a young child.

I have this conversation with students all the time. What takes more strength. Getting called a name and reacting, or swallowing our pride and walking away.

A weak person reacts to being called names. An immature person retaliates when our feelings are hurt or offended.

I find it interesting that oftentimes our culture encourages this type of behavior, especially with our young men. We consider handing someone their lunch because they mouthed off to us as a sign of manhood or strength. But God’s word says it is actually a sign of weakness and immaturity.

Why? Because like everything is in our culture, sin has twisted it. Not only is uncontrolled anger foolish, it is a sin.

Galatians 5:19-21 NLT 19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

Notice here that Paul mentions a number of sinful types of behavior and listed right there with sexual immorality, drunkenness, and idolatry is outburst of anger, or uncontrolled anger.

It is not sinful to experience anger. There are things happening in this world that should make us angry. It is what we do with that anger that matters. It is how God’s people conduct themselves in spite of their anger that matters.

But for many of us, our anger isn’t even rooted in the things that should anger us. Instead it is rooted in our feelings of being disrespected, offended, or some other self-centered reason.

Notice that even Jesus anger towards other was always about how others were being treated. It was never about how he was treated.

He even warned us that we wouldn’t be treated well...

Matthew 24:9 NLT you will be arrested, persecuted, and killed. You will be hated all over the world because you are my followers

John 15:18-19 NLT 18 “If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. 19 The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you.

1 Peter 3:9 NLT 9 Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing.

No, as followers of Jesus we are called to a different kind of response. One where anger doesn’t control our behavior. One where instead of acting like a child, we respond in a way that brings honor to the gospel and gives credit to our testimony.

At the end of the day a wise person is patient with others and mature in handling anger.

Application

But this sounds easier said than done, especially if you are someone who struggles with anger. So what do we do?

Well, first you have to acknowledge that maybe you have an anger problem and want to do something about it.

Second, the spiritual answer is to do what Galatians 5: 16 NLT says. Let the Holy Spirit guide your life and then you won’t do what the sinful nature craves. If the Holy Spirit is in the driver’s seat then you will yield in those moments when anger tries to get the best of you.

But on a more practical level look at what it says in...

Proverbs 15:18 NLT 18 A hot-tempered person starts fights; a cool-tempered person stops them

Proverbs 15:18 NASB A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, But the slow to anger calms a dispute

The writer of Proverbs makes it clear that the slow approach to anger will gives us more clarity and understanding. it will allow us to see things from God’s perspective rather than our own.

But how do we take the slow approach. By removing the fuel.

When I was in the military I went to Ft. Polk Louisiana to a special training center called JRTC. It is considered the premier crucible training center for the US Army’s operation groups.

While I was there something I had never seen before was taking place. The forests were on fire. Literally, you could be driving down the road and the woods beside you were on fire.

But no one was concerned you see because what was going on is what you call a controlled burn. Meaning it was set on fire on purpose.

Now why would anyone set the forest on fire? Well to put it simply, so bigger fires that weren’t controllable wouldn’t happen.

For fire to burn, it needs fuel. It needs something to consume. And basically anything that can burn is fuel for a fire. During a forest fire all kinds of plant material can act as fuel, including grasses, shrubs, trees, dead leaves, and fallen pine needles.

As these burnable materials pile up, so do the chances of an out of control forest fire. In the right conditions, excess fuel allows fires to burn hotter, larger, longer, and faster, making them more difficult and dangerous to manage.

So in order to protect against catastrophic fires, management of fuels is necessary. One way this is done is by managing carefully controlled fires before the fuels become excessive, thinning trees in forests, and clearing brush.

Similar to a controlled burn, When we find ourselves in a volatile situation in which people are getting angry, the best thing to do is to treat it like a fire and try to remove the fuel from the situation. And the best way to do that, according to Proverbs, is to listen and be quiet.

Proverbs 15:18 states that by being slow to anger, we can help calm down the situation. So often, when people have a disagreement, they are seeking to respond rather than seeking to understand.

The wise path is to try to understand the other person’s point of view, and this is best achieved by listening to them.

This is why the apostle James’s words sound so similar to Proverbs.

James 1:19-20 NLT 19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.

When we are quick to listen and slow to speak, we are able to better understand someone and diffuse a situation.

Most of us don’t want to listen, especially when we disagree with the person doing the talking. You may never agree with them, but when you listen you may gain some perspective as why they think like they do.

Rather than being in a situation that leads to you saying or doing something that will do more harm than good, perhaps a better understanding will help you see the person in a different light.

This is true even in our closest relationships. So often in marriage when spouses are at odds, we can lose sight of the fact they they are not our enemy. They just see things differently than you do about a given situation.

And that is okay. Rather than seeing the argument as a battle that needs to be won, see it as an opportunity to better understand your spouse. And more importantly as an opportunity to demonstrate Jesus’ own response to others.

Closing

The word for anger in Proverbs is also the word for wrath. When something makes us angry, it can be easy to want to punish the other person.

This is why it is not a good idea to punish your kids when you are angry, because most of the time you will end up doing or saying something you will later regret.

Rather, discipline according to the Bible should come from a place of love and concern for our kids. It should be carefully considered and not be reactionary. It is about restoration and not harm.

But the same is true in adult relationships.

When someone does or says something that invokes a wrathful attitude it’s helpful to remember what God did with his wrath toward a sinful and rebellious humanity. He took the punishment himself.

When we become angry, it is so easy to lash out, even at those we love; but instead, consider the one who was lashed for our sin, by who’s stripes we have been healed.

Remember how God handled his anger toward us. Stop, breathe, listen. Give some pace to the conversation if need be so you can cool the fires of runaway anger.

But don’t be a fool and react. Don’t act like a child. Instead be led by the spirit. Maintain your testimony. And be the image bearer the Jesus died to make you.