2022-02-13 The Relationship Question

The Relationship Question

INTRO - Story… Cousin Jay… fight over my sister’s teapot. FF 4 years later, inseparable. Recorded wedding videos… not many, but a few.

Question #5: What does love require of me?

Here’s one thing I can guess about you...

You do not envision your future alone.

There’s somebody alongside you. Maybe they’re already there. Maybe not. Perhaps you’re looking for that somebody. The question will equip you to choose that right somebody. But the benefit, the benefit of this question will extend beyond that special somebody. This question, it has the potential to enhance the quality of every relationship. It has the power to restore and heal broken relationships. It has the power to rekindle romance. It has the potential to restore what has been lost.

BUT there’s a catch...

IT MAY NOT WORK.

The other questions that we’ve studied… you’ll always come out ahead discovering WHY you’re doing what you’re doing… really. The first four questions always yield a favorable return, and oftentimes immediately, but always eventually.

This question is different.

There is likely not going to be a tangible, measurable, or even noticeable return for your effort here.

This question is not about making YOUR life better. It’s about making SOMEONE ELSE’S life better, which may make your life better, but it may not.

So why bother?

Well, I’m glad that you asked that question...

Buckle in.

The GOLDEN RULE

You’ve heard this before, right?

Point out that this in the bulletin.

Stall so that they can right it down. (Chris, keep it up as long as possible)

This is the Golden rule. And as we look at it today

READ BELOW

Matthew 7:12 NIV

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

You see, Jesus had been pointing his followers that there was a new kingdom, a kingdom that would be different than what they experienced in 1st century Palestine.

He pointed that it was all centered around a relationship… with Him. Not only that, but Jesus claimed that he had the ability to forgive sin, and thereby negating the need for this system associated with the temple in Jerusalem.

So, you see, when he entered into Jerusalem for his final visit, everyone had all these expectations of him that were political, and messianic. He had their attention, but they didn’t understand his intentions.

Not until the night of his arrest. That’s when he made his intentions so crystal clear that they were frightening.

For example, he says this to them...

John 13:33 NIV

“My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come.

For several in his presence, and specifically Peter… they didn’t hear anything after that. The earth had a gigantic crack in it. Jesus was their everything. He was their security blanket, and if he was going missing, they were afraid that they would go missing as well, and not in a good way.

Besides, why leave now? They were on the verge of a revolution. The kingdom of Israel was about to be restored.

It’s right after this that Jesus gives them a new command...

John 13:34–35 NIV

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Underline these two phrases here… Love one another and As I have loved you.

First off, Jesus is NOT commanding to feel something. He is commanding them to DO something. But loving one another wasn’t anything new to them. But Jesus wasn’t done. What Jesus said next changes the world.

What came next takes the Golden Rule to the next level.

As I (Jesus) have loved you.

“As I have loved you.” I know you underlined this, but circle it for me. Because this… this is new. This is borderline blasphemous.

You see, doing for other as you would hope that they would do for you was… well, old fashioned. Jesus instructs his followers to do unto one another as he had done unto them.

You see, we modern generation, and btw - I mean anyone born since 200 a.d. Anyone here born before that? Nope… looking out on the internet… no hands. Okay, so all of us. We modern people read “As I have loved you” and we think of the cross.

Let me rewind the clock here. As Jesus commands his disciples, the cross hasn’t happened yet. So they didn’t think of the cross.

The thought back over the previous 36 months. Perhaps each man in the room thinks back to a specific moment in time when Jesus had loved THEM INDIVIDUALLY WELL. He could have called them out one by one.

Peter… remember that time we went to your house and your mother-in-law was sick?

Andrew, remember that time you were throwing a net over the wrong side of a boat?

Matthew, remember when you were working for Rome… as a theif.

Remember what I said to you that day?

Yes sir. You invited me to follow you. Nobody had ever done that before. Nobody ever gave me or my life a second thought.

-Exactly. Peter, Andrew, Matthew… extend that same grace to everyone you meet for the rest of your life. As I have loved you, so you must…

And the biggest thing… was what Jesus didn’t say. He could have said “Gentlemen… if you think that you’ve seen me love… tighten your seatbelts, cause you ain’t seen nothing yet.”

Because the next day, he would put on a demonstrating of love that would take their breath away. He would give his life away.

Jesus continued…

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

I almost want to let that sink in… I almost want to sit down right here… but I want to follow up with something that is as close to a commentary on what Jesus did as it is an incredible insight made by Paul.

But first, a humor break...

There was a woman who wanted to get mad at her husband from time to time. So she said “Whenever he ticks me off, I just text him a picture of the thermostat set to 72 degrees.”

lol?

Makes you hungry for some incredible insight from the apostle Paul, doesn’t it?

Well, it comes in 1 cor 13 I’d encourage you to turn to it… pg. 1137

1 Corinthians 13:1 (NIV)

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

You’ve heard this before. It’s in millions of wedding ceremonies. But this guy, Andy Stanley paraphrases it, and I want to share it with you… This comes from his book… Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets.

What is love?

Love requires patience.

Love is not pushy.

Love requires that I move at your pace rather than requiring you to move at mine.

Love requires kindness.

Kindness is love’s response to weakness.

Kindness is the choice to loan others our strength rather than reminding them of their weaknesses. It’s doing for others what they cannot in that moment do for themselves.

Love requires us to keep envy and pride from interfering with our ability to celebrate the success of others.

Love requires us to allow others to shine. It isn’t threatened by the success of others.

Love requires us to show honor to others. Love never treats another person dishonorably, disgracefully, or indecently.

Love doesn’t create regret. After all, honor is at the heart of every satisfying relationship.

Love requires selflessness. Love is not self-seeking or selfish.

It puts the interests and needs of others first. That alone would solve most relationship problems.

Love requires us to address our anger privately rather than allowing it to spill out on the people around us. Love requires us to own it and goes to work on it. Paul says, love is “not easily angered.”

It’s not easily stirred up or provoked. Instead, love absorbs. Love puts the other person’s story ahead of our own.

Love requires us to forgive. Love “keeps no record of wrongs.”

Funny thing about relational record keepers. They rarely keep track of their own records. Do you enjoy catching your spouse or significant other messing up? If so, that’s messed up. Forgiving and pretending to forget is your best bet. That’s what love requires. To do otherwise is a power play. When someone holds your past over you, who’s in the elevated position?

Love is not about powering up. Love is about stepping down.

Paul’s final descriptors are best taken together as one big game-changing idea.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects . . . always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love requires us to see and believe the best while choosing to downplay the rest. We might as well believe the best about each other. Nothing is gained by doing otherwise. Love chooses a generous explanation when others don’t meet our expectations.

Paul says love “always protects.” Love requires us to do everything in our power to protect or guard the relationship. Translated: Love doesn’t smuggle harmful things into a relationship. Just the opposite. Love keeps harmful things out.

Aren’t the adjectives and verbs in Paul’s list the very things you hope for or even expect from the people closest to you? Your spouse, fiancé, significant other, kids? Isn’t this what you hope for from your friends, neighbors, and coworkers? In some respect, you expect the people you love most to exhibit some form of everything referenced above. If these are the behaviors and responses we consciously or subconsciously expect or hope for from others . . . shouldn’t they be required of us as well?

If two people, or two parties embrace this approach… watch out! Amazing things happen. There’s virtually no obstacle that can’t be overcome.

Take a moment and think about your last relational conflict at work...

What if you and your supervisor, partner, associate or employee had both approached the conversation previously decided to protect the relationship and not to dishonor the other party. Would it have had a different tone? Would it have had a different outcome? Likely.

Tone and the Temperature of conversations so that they are not self-seeking but protect the relationship.

That’s why we read this scripture … to change the tone and the temperature of conversations so that they are not self-seeking and protect the relationship at all costs! Predeciding to protect the integrity of a relationship redefines what it means to win. Love doesn’t seek to win the argument. Love seeks to protect the relationship. Besides, nobody ever wins an argument when family is involved. We’ve all see too many parents WIN arguments and LOOSE their kids in the process.

So what does love require of you?

For some, the answer right now… it may be that you walk up to a family member, who may or may not be with you here today, and apologize.

Should I wait?

Love may require that you rebuild a bridge you burned with your incredible insight and logic with just a bit too much sarcasm. You were right! But being RIGHT wasn’t what love required of you.

And now the bad news, the other party may not be interested in what love requires of you. They may have no interest in what love requires of THEM either.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

But… this is how we make the world better. And if we are honest.... honest with ourselves… this is how we want to be treated by others.

So commit yourselves right now… that

Decision for the day: I will decide with the interests of others in mind.

In wrapping this all up...

Good questions lead to better decisions. Your decisions determine the direction and quality of your life. Your decisions serve as the framework for the story of your life. So write a good one. While there’s nothing you can do about the decisions you’d choose to go back and unmake, remember this: Your regrets are only part of your story. They don’t have to be the story. Your past should remind you. It doesn’t have to define you.

Begin today incorporating our five questions into the rhythm of your life.

1. Decide to tell yourself the truth even when the truth makes you feel bad about yourself.

2. Explore rather than ignore your conscience.

3. Raise your standard of living from what’s acceptable to what’s wise.

4. Do what love requires of you.

5. Write a story you are proud to tell

a story distinguished by better decisions, fewer regrets.