Why Should I Forgive My Family
Why Should I Forgive My Family?
Genesis 45:1-15
Introduction
· I grew up hearing this . . .”Son, you’re just a little too big for your britches.” Now I really am! I know what my parents meant—you’re just a little too cocky—smart aleck.
· I think it’s safe to say that Joseph was a little too big for his britches.
· Jacob’s favorite son—spoiled. I think he felt quite at home in his position as number one son.
· Bitter rivalry among the Jacob clan—Joseph’s brothers got to the point of enough. They hated him (Gen . 37:4).
· Hatched a scheme (as older brothers are often wont to do). Let’s kill him and chunk his body down a well. Reuben steps in –don’t kill him—just throw him in a well (Reuben planned to pull him out later.). Just so happened that a caravan of Ishamaelite traders came along so they brothers sold Joseph into slavery for twenty pieces of silver. Then they took Joseph’s “coat of many colors,” dipped it in blood and showed it to Jacob—Jacob’s conclusion—some animal killed him.
· Times passes by and Joseph winds up in Egypt in the home of Potiphar, captain of Pharaoh’s guard.
· Through his skill as an interpreter of dreams and manager of resources, Joseph earns a position as Pharaoh’s right-hand man.
· Then, in time, famine came to the land of the middle east (not uncommon).
· Meanwhile, back in Jacob’s house food had run out; however Jacob heard that grain was available in Egypt so off he sent his boys to buy some.
· The boys get to Egypt and low and behold who to they appear in front of? Joseph himself. He recognizes them, but they don’t know him. Of course, how could they ever expected him to be in such a place?
· For a while Joseph appears to wrestle within concerning what he’s to do about this unexpected turn of events. He pretends to be a stranger and treats them rather harshly. At first he accuses them of being spies and does all kinds of things to make life difficult for his brothers. In the end, reveals himself to them. Joseph is overwhelmed with emotion—his heart is overwhelmed!
· Joseph's brothers were "terrified.” And for good reason!
· Joseph is very powerful at this point. He could have (with a word) condemned them to a fate worse than death. He could have gained revenge against them in response to their despicable act. Instead he forgave them.
· Why should I forgive my family?
1. Forgiveness preserves the unity of the family
· Ps 133:1-3 (NIV) How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron’s beard, down upon the collar of his robes. It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion. For there the LORD bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.
· I hate TV commercials. This week get up and while eating my granola bar & banana, I try to catch a little news—nothing but ads—CNN, Headline News, Fox!! “For everything else, there’s Mastercard. No price can be placed on family. No money can ever buy those relationships that are bound by blood.
· Family can be a beautiful thing—family should be beautiful. But far too often families are hotbeds of contempt. Unfortunately, those we love the most are capable of causing us the deepest hurt. And those hurts left un-forgiven divide us. Bitterness grips our minds. Grudges grow unhindered and over time literally rip relationships apart.
· Fathers who haven’t spoken to their children in years. Children who never call their mother anymore. Brothers and brothers, sisters and sisters, brothers and sisters who have for all intents and purposes lost contact with one another. Something went awry—somebody said or did something that hurt someone else’s feelings, and they never got over it. It just simmers . . . and family united is relegated to a place in that family’s ancient history. Unity/togetherness/ closeness is the way things used to be—and it seems they’ll never be that way again.
· That’s not right!! Do you hear me? It’s not the way we’re meant to be. That is NOT what God intended when he made us for one another.
· I don’t doubt that Joseph struggled within concerning what to do about his brothers. But he came to a place where he could forgive them. He understood that forgiveness would preserve his family.
· For unity to be an ongoing reality, forgiveness must permeate the family!
2. Forgiveness preserves the sanity of both parties
The victim.
· Bitterness destroys--grabbing hold of grudges and not letting go gnaws on our hearts.
· One day, two monks were walking through the countryside. They were on their way to another village to help bring in the crops. As they walked, they spied an old woman sitting at the edge of a river. She was upset because there was no bridge, and she could not get across on her own. The first monk kindly offered, "We will carry you across if you would like." "Thank you," she said gratefully, accepting their help. So the two men joined hands, lifted her between them and carried her across the river. When they got to the other side, they set her down, and she went on her way. After they had walked another mile or so, the second monk began to complain. "Look at my clothes," he said. "They are filthy from carrying that woman across the river. And my back still hurts from lifting her. I can feel it getting stiff." The first monk just smiled and nodded his head. A few more miles up the road, the second monk griped again, "My back is hurting me so badly, and it is all because we had to carry that silly woman across the river! I cannot go any farther because of the pain." The first monk looked down at his partner, now lying on the ground, moaning. "Have you wondered why I am not complaining?" he asked. "Your back hurts because you are still carrying the woman. But I set her down five miles ago." That is what many of us are like in dealing with our families. We are that second monk who cannot let go. We hold the pain of the past over our loved ones' heads like a club, or we remind them every once in a while, when we want to get the upper hand, of the burden we still carry because of something they did years ago. Dr. Anthony T. Evans, Guiding Your Family in a Misguided World.
· Are you bitter? Holding on to your hurts?
The perpetrator.
· In the case of Joseph's brothers, physical protection.
· Buddy Hackett: "I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing."
· They may be true for some but . . . to be the one who has wronged another and to truly feel the burden of guilt and to never experience forgiveness is to re-live the guilt repeatedly.
· Not all people who are guilty of some wrong committed against a family member are monsters who delight in mistreating others. Fact is, we're human--sometimes we say hurtful things--not always intentionally. At times we do hurtful things. BUT when confronted with our "crime" we confess, "Yes, I did it, and I'm SO sorry." Please forgive me!" To beg forgiveness and not receive it . . .
3. Forgiveness preserves the veracity of God's Word
· Jn 13:34-35 (NASB95) “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
· Through forgiveness, we express our love for one another. The love of God flowing through us is what empowers us to forgive. If God is truly in us, then we will respond in love to those family members who’ve wronged us—by forgiving them.
· Forgiveness really isn't optional if our desire is to obey God. We can dabble in forgiveness if we so choose, we can play around with never truly dropping the load of the grudges we carry. And we can continue to wallow in bitterness. But, if we're interested in honoring God by living the way he commands, we'll make forgiveness a perpetual part of our lives. We'll be quick to forgive.
· Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.(Mt 18:21-22, NASB95) See NIV: 77 times
Conclusion
· Easy to forgive? Of course not! Some hurts run very deep. The scars are rough, jagged. The wounds gaping. Please don’t think I’m minimizing in any way some of the hurts you may have experienced. Instead understand that I’m pointing out the necessity of forgiveness in you family. So . . .
· How can I forgive? Very important—by trusting God to work in the situation. That's exactly how Joseph saw it. He understood that it was all part of God's plan. Vv. 5-8.
· Joseph could have exacted revenge against his brothers. Instead he forgave them—he saw the big picture—recognized the role of God. He knew that God was "behind the scenes" working it all out. That’s how he was able to forgive(See Rom. 8.28). And you can do the same.
· Carl was a quiet man. He didn't talk much. He would always greet you with a big smile and a firm handshake. Even after living in our neighborhood for over 50 years, no one could really say they knew him very well. Before his retirement, he took the bus to work each morning. The lone sight of him walking down the street often worried us. He had a slight limp from a bullet wound received in World War II. Watching him, we worried that although he had survived the war, he may not make it through our changing uptown neighborhood with its ever-increasing random violence, gangs, and drug activity. When he saw the flier at our local church asking for volunteers for caring for the gardens behind the minister's residence, he responded in his characteristically unassuming manner. Without fanfare, he just signed up. He was well into his 87th year when the very thing we had always feared finally happened. He was just finishing his watering for the day when three gang members approached him. Ignoring their attempt to intimidate him, he simply asked, "Would you like a drink from the hose?" The tallest and toughest-looking of the three said, "Yeah, sure," with a malevolent little smile. As Carl offered the hose to him, the other two grabbed Carl's arm, throwing him down. As the hose snaked crazily over the ground, dousing everything in its way, Carl's assailants stole his retirement watch and his wallet, and then fled. Carl tried to get himself up, but he had been thrown down on his bad leg He lay there trying to gather himself as the minister came running to help him. Although the minister had witnessed the attack from his window, he couldn't get there fast enough to stop it. "Carl, are you okay? Are you hurt?" the minister kept asking as he helped Carl to his feet. Carl just passed a hand over his brow and sighed, shaking his head. "Just some punk kids. I hope they'll wise up someday." His wet clothes clung to his slight frame as he bent to pick up the hose. He adjusted the nozzle again and started to water. Confused and a little concerned, the minister asked, "Carl, what are you doing?" "I've got to finish my watering. It's been very dry lately," came the calm reply. Satisfying himself that Carl really was all right, the minister could only marvel. Carl was a man from a different time and place. A few weeks later the three returned. Just as before their threat was unchallenged. Carl again offered them a drink from his hose. This time they didn't rob him. They wrenched the hose from his hand and drenched him head to foot in the icy water. When they had finished their humiliation of him, they sauntered off down the street, throwing catcalls and curses, falling over one another laughing at the hilarity of what they had just done. Carl just watched them. Then he turned toward the warmth giving sun, picked up his hose, and went on with his watering. The summer was quickly fading into fall. Carl was doing some tilling when he was startled by the sudden approach of someone behind him. He stumbled and fell into some evergreen branches As he struggled to regain his footing, he turned to see the tall leader of his summer tormentors reaching down for him. He braced himself for the expected attack. "Don't worry old man, I'm not gonna hurt you this time." The young man spoke softly, still offering the tattooed and scarred hand to Carl. As he helped Carl get up, the man pulled a crumpled bag from his pocket and handed it to Carl. What's this?" Carl asked. "It's your stuff," the man explained. "It's your stuff back. Even the money in your wallet." "I don't understand," Carl said. "Why would you help me now?" The man shifted h is feet, seeming embarrassed and ill at ease. "I learned something from you," he said. "I ran with that gang and hurt people like you. We picked you because you were old and we knew we could do it. But every time we came and did something to you, instead of yelling and fighting back, you tried to give us a drink. You didn't hate us for hating you. You kept showing love against our hate." He stopped for a moment "I couldn't sleep after we stole your stuff, so here it is back." He paused for another awkward moment, not knowing what more there was to say. "That bag's my way of saying thanks for straightening me out, I guess." And with that, he walked off down the street. Carl looked down at the sack in his hands and gingerly opened it. He took out his retirement watch and put it back on his wrist. Opening his wallet, he checked for his wedding photo. He gazed for a moment at the young bride that still smiled back at him from all those years ago. He died one cold day after Christmas that winter. Many people attended his funeral in spite of the weather. In particular the minister noticed a tall young man that he didn't know sitting quietly in a distant corner of the church. The minister spoke of Carl's garden as a lesson in life. In a voice made thick with unshed tears, he said, "Do your best and make your garden as beautiful as you can. We will never forget Carl and his garden." The following spring another flier went up. It read: "Person needed to care for Carl's garden." The flier went unnoticed by the busy parishioners until one day when a knock was heard at the minister's office door. Opening the door, the minister saw a pair of scarred and tattooed hands holding the flier. "I believe this is my job, if you'll have me," the young man said. The minister recognized him as the same young man who had returned the stolen watch and wallet to Carl. He knew that Carl's kindness had turned this man's life around. As the minister handed him the keys to the garden shed, he said, "Yes, go take care of Carl's garden and honor him." The man went to work and, over the next several years, he tended the flowers and vegetables just as Carl had done. In that time, he went to college, got married, and became a prominent member of the community. But he never forgot his promise to Carl's memory and kept the garden as beautiful as he thought Carl would have kept it. One day he approached the new minister and told him that he couldn't care for the garden any longer. He explained with a shy and happy smile, "My wife just had a baby boy last night, and she's bringing him home on Saturday." "Well, congratulations!" said the minister, as he was handed the garden shed keys. "That's wonderful! What's the baby's name?" "Carl," he replied. That's the whole gospel message simply stated. Sermon Illustration Library copyright © 2006 by Scott Severance. All rights reserved. All illustrations are copyrighted by their respective owners.
· The gospel is all about forgiveness!
· Who do you need to forgive?
Hymn: #389 Freely, Freely
Benediction: