The Gospel at Home

I recently came across a humorous interpretation of Genesis 1–2, the passage where God creates Adam and Eve. This interpretation, with lightheartedness, states a simple question: “Do you know what God said after he had created the first man, Adam?” He said, “Oh, I can do so much better than that.” And of course, having learned from his first try, He then succeeded in creating a far superior creature, and named her Eve.

There is no end to jokes about men and women. We need each other, at times we can’t understand each other, and we range from loving to arguing with each other.

This dance between men and women is most vividly on display in marriage, and in the ensuing makeup of the home. You may find it a relief to learn that even in the first century Mediterranean world, even in Paul’s little churches, men and women needed lots of instruction on how to make marriages, and the family relationships that followed, work under Christ’s authority .  In other words, if you feel like you’re not always getting the relationships within your home or at work well, you are in good company—neither did the Colossians.

Our passage today, Colossians 3:18–4:1, is all about the close intimate relationships within the home. Not only Paul, but many other ancient writers addressed these household relationships. The typical household of the Greek and Roman involved three types of relationships: husband and wife; parent and child; servant and master. Some of what Paul has to say strikes our modern ears as out of tune, it might seem difficult at first. Especially the call for wives to submit in v. 18, and the apparent acknowledgement of some sort of slave/master relationships, in vv. 3:22–4:1. However, when we read these passages within their historical context, and better understand what Paul is getting at, they become vivid instructions for our view of human relationships.

We’ll take a look at each of these relationships in a moment, but first let back up and take a long view look at where we’ve been. In our series in Colossians, we are now entering the second half of the four-chapter letter, but it might be helpful to review where we’ve been:

Back in chapter 1, Paul begins by stating his love and intent and prayer for the Colossians— That they would be growing in the knowledge of the will of God. (1:9) He then emphasizes the supremacy and sufficiency of Jesus for salvation and everything we need to live a holy life. He follows that by explaining the Mystery of the Ministry— that Christ is in us— and is the Hope of Glory. They shouldn’t allow anyone to judge them by human made rules— or demand that they follow some man made rituals or traditions that try to add something to Christ. Last week we discussed a passage that got a little bit more practical in what it would tangibly look like to “put off the things of the world” and “put on the attributes of Christ”--- In our passage for today, 3:18–4:1, Paul instructs us what this “resurrected life” will look like when Christ comes into our very relationships at home.

Over all The BIG idea here is that although we believe that these relationships are a “two-way” interaction— the introduction of Jesus to our relationships creates a completely new understanding of our lives together: Opening up an entirely different set of considerations for our relationships, especially these closest relationships within our families and our homes.

So let’s turn to Colossians, 3:18.

Let’s follow Paul and take these relationships one at a time.

I. Husbands And Wives

In verses 18–19, Paul treats the relationship at the center of the home—husband and wife. He says the following:

Colossians 3:18–19 NIV

18 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Ouch! To our modern ears, Paul doesn’t come out of the gate so well. Beginning a teaching on marriage by telling wives to submit is like being asked to sing the national anthem at a Garaway home basketball game, and opening with the Berlin Hiland alma mater or fight song. It’s not going to go over so well. Is Paul this insensitive? Is Paul merely relegating women to quiet kitchen duty in an otherwise male-centered world?

Throughout history, we’ve witnessed far too much abuse of women in the name of male authority. So I understand if you perhaps cross our arms and take a cautious approach to this passage. But I want us to be good readers, which means probing a little deeper to better understand Paul’s thought here. These two verses, in the way that they are written are actually “counter-culture”.

There are three key observations to better understanding verse 18:

Women are instructed to submit, not obey.

Notice what Paul is not saying. He is not telling wives to obey their husbands. In the two relationships that follow, children and servants are told to “obey” parents or masters. The word translated “submit” here, has a fascinating application— “Tasso” is the root - it refers to “designate” or “determine” .

But it is crucial to see that Paul switches to a different word to describe the relationship of child to parent, and servant to master. This means the wife is not like a child, or servant. Rather, she is a peer, an equal, to the man. She is not being called to blind subjection, but a voluntary trust. To designate her husband--She puts herself in submission; she is not put there by her husband. I think that it’s interesting that Paul also states that women should submit to your husbands. This isn’t Paul stating that all women should submit to all men. He states this another way in Eph 5:22

Ephesians 5:22 NIV

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

Designate yourself to your OWN husband— as you do to the Lord. (or “as is fitting in the Lord” in Colossians)

2. Men and women are created in the image of God, together.

Secondly, We need to be reminded of what Paul actually believes about women, and how shocking it is in this context. Based on

Genesis 1:26–27 , Paul believes that both men and women are created in the image of God. The importance of this for shaping all of Paul’s thought can hardly be overstated. This means that although different, men and women are equal: they are equal in value, dignity, and importance. They both bear the image of God, both are integral to God’s purposes in the world.

Genesis 1:26–27 NIV

26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” 27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

Paul makes this clear elsewhere, in Galatians 3:28, that in Christ there is no distinction in value, worth or importance between a man and a woman:

Galatians 3:27–28 NIV

27 for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

When Paul says that in Christ, “there is not male and female,” meaning the two are perfectly equal in standing and value before God, he is lifting women up to amazing heights in the ancient world. Paul is not operating from the assumption that women are by nature inferior, but rather from the belief that by nature, they are equal as creations and image bearers of God.

3. Submission within the context of the collective submission to Jesus.

The third thing to notice, which helps us understand Paul’s words for wives, comes at the end of 18, Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

This is the great qualifier of this verse: submit, “as is fitting in the Lord.” This means that submission is only in the context of a collective submission to Jesus. If the woman’s husband would ask her to follow him in worshiping a pagan god, she would not be expected to submit to such a thing—for this is not “fitting in the Lord.”

This is because the husband is not the wife’s Lord. Jesus is her Lord. She is called first and foremost to follow Christ. If Christ has called her to marriage, then as her husband brings the relationships and household into following Christ, she can follow this lead.

Finally, to fully understand Paul’s message for wives and husbands, we need to consider the call for husbands to “love” their wives in v. 19, Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

In the ancient world of Paul, there were other instructive writings and authorities of how wives and husbands should interact. But there is no other example of this call for husbands to love their wives—not with this word for love, agape.  Husbands were called to manage and rule their household, because a well-ordered marriage and home were good for one’s reputation and for society. But they were not called to agape-love toward their wife. Agape love is the love Christ shows us. It is a selfless and sacrificial love that puts the other first. This is utterly unique.

4. Husbands are to agape love their wives, just as Jesus loves the church.

Eph 5:25 We can perhaps summarize what Paul is saying like this: As his peer and co-bearer of the image of God, the wife determines her trust in the husband by what Paul calls “submitting.” The husband offers Jesus-shaped love to the wife, selflessly seeking her wellbeing. And all of this is done in mutual submission to Jesus as Lord.

Ephesians 5:25 NIV

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

What does this look like in a marriage? I once heard that it looks like a “dance”.

When two people dance together, the overwhelming sense is that they are a team. I once spoke to a married couple that had been married over 60 years. They had grown together, and grown together in Christ. This was a couple who together did what was “fitting in the Lord.”  However, they explained that there was a subtle dance between them, as the wife put it. He nudges us in a direction, she said. And if I sense it is in accord with the tune and the beat the Lord is playing for us, I am happy to follow. When it seems out of tune, I hesitate, waiting for him to get on the right note.  Eventually we get on the same page, and keep dancing.

The wife told me that by allowing the husband to lead, she was offering him respect.  She was trusting him, but not without thinking and offering her own opinion.

The husband told me that by leading, he had learned again and again that he needed to be like Christ. What does that mean? I asked. He gave me one example, without hesitation. He said it meant to always make her wellbeing and the family’s flourishing, his main priority. Even when it meant sacrificing some of his own desires, he said he took responsibility for the physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing of the home.

To the observer, you could never tell one partner was leading and the other following—they were just dancing. But to the couple, there was a subtle balance; the man initiating in a direction, the woman deciding, volunteering, determining to follow—but not without thoughtfully asking if the man was in step with the music. And sometimes, she had to help him get back in step.

This is a beautiful model for anyone who is married, and even if you aren’t, this would be the ideal to pray for in any future relationship you might have.

II. Parents And Children

The second relationship Paul moves to is the parent and child.

Colossians 3:20–21 NIV

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

1. Children, listen to and obey your parents.

2. Parents, discipline and guide your children with wisdom and love.

But not out of your own unchecked temper or immaturity, but out of wisdom.

We lack space in this sermon to get into the ins and outs of parenting. But I want to stress one thing this passage teaches us that I think is really being threatened in modern culture. Due to our culture’s obsession with individual rights and the erosion of any notion of absolute truth, parents are increasingly nervous about giving their kids real guidance about their identity, about who they are, and certainly may balk at guiding them in matters of spirituality— they defer to the church to take care of that, right? In our modern culture, it is assumed that both the parent and child are on a journey of enlightenment together—both teaching each other.

Now that may sound a little off to you— and it should.

This notion, that parents and children “act alternately as instructor and pupil,” might intimidate parents out of guiding their children toward certain values or worldview, instructing them on what the truth is...  While the culture would tell us that children are “engineers of their own authentic lives,” the Bible has a different message: Children are not yet wise enough to engineer their own lives, but are meant to be cared for, lovingly, by parents who can guide them into fullness of our life in Christ.

So children, those of you under 18, assume your parents know a thing or two. Obey them.  Parents, God has entrusted you with care of these children. Do not provoke them, but lovingly guide and cultivate them in the understanding that Jesus + Nothing = Everything.

III. Servants And Masters

Paul devotes the most ink to the relationship hardest for us to understand, that of slave and master.  He instructs:

Colossians 3:22–24 NIV

22 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Colossians 3:25–4:1 NIV

25 Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism. 1 Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven.

We must understand that the Greco-Roman slave system was not identical to the American South system we are familiar with. Here is how the Yale Anchor Bible Dictionary puts it:

Racial factors played no role; education was greatly encouraged (some slaves were better educated than their owners) and enhanced a slave’s value; many slaves carried out sensitive and highly responsible social functions; slaves could own property (including their own slaves); their religious and cultural traditions were the same as those of the freeborn; no laws prohibited public assembly of slaves; and (perhaps above all) the majority of urban and domestic slaves could legitimately anticipate being emancipated by the age of 30.  (Anchor Yale Bible Dictionary, “Slavery,” VI, 58–72)

There were also great differences within the ancient system. Some slaves were indeed treated like sub-human creatures and abused terribly. Others, however, were more like household workers, who were viewed as inferior in terms of a broad class system, but nevertheless seen as human. These bondservants Paul is dealing with, in the churches, are more like the servants you might see in Victorian England (Think of “Downton Abby”).

We still wonder, why didn’t Paul call for the immediate emancipation of all such persons? First, Paul knows that if he encouraged slaves into a rebellion was sure to be killed or put into far worse scenarios. The new church had no power against the massive Roman Empire, which set the laws that governed. Second, Paul worked from the inside out, aiming to change the hearts of individuals first, which would put in motion a process that would eventually change the larger society.

If you want to know Paul’s heart when it comes to this system of bondservants within the home, we do have a window into how he thought about these matters----read Philemon, his shortest letter.

Paul is writing to Philemon about the same time he is writing Colossians. He is imprisoned in Rome, and Philemon is a resident of Colossae, and a church meets in his house. Philemon’s household includes bondservants, one of whom has run away. That servant’s name is Onesimus, and he’s found his way to Rome and in Rome found his way to Paul.

Onesimus has become a Christian, and has become close to Paul. Paul is aware of how vulnerable Onesimus would be in Rome—a runaway servant. So he writes Philemon, asking Philemon to take him back. But in the letter, Paul says two things that are stunning:

First, he refers to Onesimus as his child.

Philemon 10–12 NIV

10 that I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, who became my son while I was in chains. 11 Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me. 12 I am sending him—who is my very heart—back to you.

While for many Greeks and Romans, a slave was ‘inferior by nature,” and a runaway slave was even worse off, Paul sees Onesimus as a son.

Second, Paul asks Philemon to receive Onesimus back, not to hurt him, but as a brother.

Philemon 15–16 NIV

15 Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back forever—16 no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a fellow man and as a brother in the Lord.

We lack the time to explain why this is so stunning, but against the backdrop of the norms of Paul’s day, making a slave into a son and brother to a free person was incredible.

So whatever else we take from this passage, know that Paul had something far more ambitious in mind than making the bondservants or slaves in Christian homes legally free. He wanted to make them into human beings, saved by Christ, and equals with all mankind.

Our most relevant application to a passage like this would be our “worker to boss” relationship. We spend a tremendous amount of time in this relationship— and Paul’s instructions can apply to us as well:

Employees and employers are on the same level before the Lord.

First, he is putting them on the same level before the Lord. Recall that in Colossians 3:11, Paul writes,

Colossians 3:11 (ESV)

11 Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.

Both “slave and free” are one in Christ.

2. Paul calls both workers and bosses to integrity.

“No eye-service” in the way you work for your boss, Paul says. And for the masters, the employers, they must treat their employees fairly. Why? Because they, too, have a master in heaven.

When in a relationship as an employee, work as though you are working for the Lord. When in a relationship as an employer, be fair, because even though you are a boss here, you are working for God, your Boss above.

We’ve had to cover some complex and touchy material in this sermon. Let me conclude with three principles we can derive from this passage, which are relevant for all of us and for all close relationships we are in.

Jesus cares about our most important relationships, because he cares about us. You can invite Jesus into these relationships. You can cry out to him and ask him to help. Without a shadow of a doubt, this passage tells us that Jesus comes and dwells amid our closest relationships.

{Relationship DIAGRAM}

In each of our important relationships, we need to see Jesus at the top of the triangle. We need to relate to him, before we relate to the other. We need to view the other in light of how Jesus is relating to them: Does Jesus love them? Does Jesus extend grace, mercy and forgive them? We noticed that in each relationship Paul covers, the particular relationship is brought into a relationship with Christ:

Christ’s supremacy over my relationships:

18–19, Wives relate to husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

20–21, Children obey parents, for this pleases the Lord.

22–4:1, servants serve, serving the Lord; masters treat fairly, knowing they have a master in heaven.

In all your close relationships, invite Jesus to be at the center of them. See the other person as Christ does. Ask Christ what He is doing in that other person’s life, then try to join him in that effort. Feel Jesus relating to you, through the image of each of these relationships.

All three of these relationships act as metaphors for God’s relationship to us. The church is the bride of Christ; Christ the bridegroom. God becomes our Father in Christ; we his children. We become servants of Christ, who is our Lord, our Master.

It may be that in one or all of these relationships you’ve been hurt.

Does the marriage relationship leave your heart wanting? Ask Christ to help you experience his spousal love.

Does the parent-child relationship elicit bad memories? Ask Christ to help you feel God’s fatherly affection for you.

Does the servant and master relationship evoke anger, or fear? Ask Christ to help you feel His care for you as your true Boss; and ask Him to help you feel his care for you, as a good Master.

Let’s pray.