9 Marks of a Healthy Marriage: Supernatural Love

Week #3 - February 13

Series: Nine Marks of a Healthy Marriage

Lesson: Supernatural Love

Text: Matthew 22:39; Ephesians 5:28-29

Icebreaker:

Marital Advice from Animals

Topics: Acceptance; Change; Divorce; Husbands; Marriage; Spouses; Wives

References: Genesis 2:18–25; Proverbs 17:9; 18:22; 19:13; 27:15; Luke 17:4; Colossians 3:13; 1 Peter 3:1

After twelve years of marriage, journalist Amy Sutherland was still irked by some of her spouse’s habits. It took some advice from animal trainers to help her. In a column in The New York Times, Sutherland wrote:

These minor annoyances are not the stuff of separation and divorce, but they began to dull my love for Scott. I wanted—needed—to nudge him a little closer to perfect, to make him into a mate who might annoy me a little less, who wouldn’t keep me waiting at restaurants, a mate who would be easier to love.

So, like many wives before me, I ignored a library of advice books and set about improving him. My nagging only made his behavior worse: he’d drive faster instead of slower; shave less frequently, not more; and leave his reeking bike garb on the bedroom floor longer than ever.

A breakthrough came when Amy went to a school for exotic animal trainers in California to research a book. She wrote:

I listened, rapt, as professional trainers explained how they taught dolphins to flip and elephants to paint. Eventually it hit me that the same techniques might work on that stubborn but lovable species, the American husband.

The central lesson I learned is that I should reward behavior I like and ignore behavior I don’t. After all, you don’t get a sea lion to balance a ball on the end of its nose by nagging. The same goes for the American husband.

Back in Maine, I began thanking Scott if he threw one dirty shirt into the hamper. If he threw in two, I’d kiss him. Meanwhile, I would step over any soiled clothes on the floor without one sharp word, though I did sometimes kick them under the bed. But as he basked in my appreciation, the piles became smaller.

—Amy Sutherland, “What Shamu Taught Me about a Happy Marriage,” The New York Times (June 25, 2006)

Exercise:

Please write a short definition of natural love.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Please write a short definition of supernatural love.

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What’s the goal of this lesson?

To challenge each individual to believe in and practice the supernatural love for which they have been gifted.

Is there a need for this kind of topic or goal?

There is a need for this kind of lesson because Christians are confused about what true love really is.

There is a need for this kind of lesson because Christians are saying that have “fallen out of love.”

There is a need for this kind of lesson because Christians are joylessly fulfilling the duties of marital love.

There are many more loveless marriages out there than you and I would tend to think. [Tripp, Paul David. Marriage (Repackage) (p. 186). Crossway. Kindle Edition.]

(1) The Bible’s Assumption about Love - Matthew 22:39, Ephesians 5:28-29.

The Bible assumes that we are self-lovers.

This kind of love would emphasize the aspect of care.

(2) The Natural Affection in a Fallen World - Romans 1:31; II Timothy 3:3.

There is a natural affection that should exist among natural relations among the mankind.

This kind of love would highlight the aspect of familial obligation.

This means that when we speak of supernatural love, we are speaking of something that is beyond what we would observe in lost humanity.

(3) The Supernatural Love of Christians - Romans 12:9-10.

This kind of love emphasizes the duty for which Christian’s have been equipped.

This kind of love is a fruit of God’s Holy Spirit.

(v. 9) “love” - affection, regard

“abhor” - hate strongly

“cleave” - bind to, cling closely, attach

“affectioned” - loving dearly, devoted, affectionate, loving tenderly

“if love, in general terms, is the intense feeling of care that leads to sacrificial living, then affection is the specific aspect of love where we tenderly devote ourselves to the other”

But what can lead me to be tenderly affectionate for someone supernaturally?

What can lead me to have a tender, affectionate kind of supernatural love for my spouse is a Christlike mind that truly prefers the other better than self.

“preferring” - esteeming; esteem more highly, consider better

Philippians 2:3-4. “let each esteem other better than themselves”

“Do you truly believe that your spouse is better than you?”

Exercise: What are some practical reasons why we would not think this?

How do I get this kind of mind that leads to this kind of esteem that leads to this kind of sacrifice? Philippians 2:5-11.

(1) You will work at it (Philippians 2:12)

(2) If God is working in you (Philippians 2:13)

Summary:

Supernatural Love:

(1) Mind - What dominates your mind?

(2) Esteem (pro-active) - What are you telling yourself to think?

(3) Prefer - Do you consider them to be better than you?

(4) Work - Are you disciplining your actions to live out this preference sacrificially?

Supernatural love is when the mind of Christ rules my heart so deeply that I truly consider my spouse better than me and show this preference by selflessly serving them.

Marrying the Right One

Topics: Commitment; Contentment; Divorce; Happiness; Intimacy; Love; Marriage; Relationships; Romance; Satisfaction; Spouses; Unfaithfulness; Vows

References: Genesis 2:24; Malachi 2:13–16; Matthew 7:24–27; 19:3–9; 1 Corinthians 7:10–11; Ephesians 5:22–33

If we are serious about pursuing spiritual growth through marriage, we must convince ourselves to refrain from asking the spiritually dangerous question, “Did I marry the right person?”

A far better alternative to questioning one’s choice is to learn how to live with one’s choice. A character in the Anne Tyler novel A Patchwork Planet realizes this too late. The book’s thirty-two-year-old narrator has gone through a divorce and now works almost exclusively with elderly people. As he observes their long-standing marriages, he comes to a profound understanding:

I was beginning to suspect that it made no difference whether they’d married the right person. Finally, you’re just with who you’re with. You’ve signed on with her, put in half a century with her, grown to know her as well as you know yourself or even better, and she’s become the right person. Or the only person, might be more to the point.

I wish someone had told me that earlier. I’d have hung on then; I swear I would. I never would have driven Natalie to leave me.

—Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage (Zondervan, 2000)

Workshop:

p. 44 - What are some key strengths/weaknesses of the sanguine?

p. 45 - What are some key strengths/weaknesses of the choleric?

p. 46 - What are some key strengths/weaknesses of the phlegmatic?

p. 47 - What are some key strengths weaknesses of the melancholic?

Did you complete p. 49?

How many of you had your spouse complete p. 55?

Homework:

Read and complete “The Words Your Temperament Needs” in ISTYHT, pp. 57-71.

Question & Answer

COUPLE’S BRUNCH:

We are excited to announce a special brunch for our Marriage Growth Track class. The brunch will be on Sunday, February 20th, right after the morning service. We will be having Taste of Belgium waffles along with some yummy toppings and sides. This is for you and your kids.

The cost is $6 for everyone 10 and older, and $3 for any one 9 or younger (if they would be eating the food). In order to facilitate our process, please follow this two step procedure by February 19th.

Step 1- to let us know that you are coming please sign up here: https://forms.office.com/Pages/ResponsePage.aspx...

Step 2- to pay for your meals please use our easy tithe app (or click https://app.easytithe.com/App/Giving/cometogbc) Choose the "Marriage Growth Track Lunch" in the drop down menu.

If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to the church office at 513-423-4658 or through email at [e-mail].