Loving Your Mate

Intro:

As we continue our love sermon series, I thought it would be fitting on this Valentine’s Day weekend to speak a little about loving your mate. While the Bible has a lot to say on this topic for the sake of time, I would like us to focus today on Genesis 2:18-25

Scripture Reference:

Genesis 2:18–25 NLT

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. 23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’ ” 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 25 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

We Are Intended to Be Present and Helpful to One Other in a Relationship

Genesis 2:18 NLT

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

Genesis 1 and 2 tells us how God made the heavens and the earth. He made everything that was made which included man which was made in His image. Then we can see in 2:15 that the Lord placed the man He created in the garden which He created to tend and watch over it. He then provided a blessing and a warning in verses 16 and 17 that man can eat of fruit of every tree except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil or death would be the consequence.

Then the Lord declared that it was not good for man to be alone so He would make a helper just right for the man.

Like Adam had the responsibility to tend and watch over the garden, we too have responsibilities in our lives in general as well as for the Lord.

While it is entirely possible for us to do many of these things by ourselves, it is better when have a godly partner to not only share our experiences with but also to help with the workload.

There is a special dynamic and bond that forms when people are working together on a project or towards the same goals. This bond is much deeper and more special when that person is your mate.

This is one of the reasons it is important to communicate with your spouse about your goals and dreams so that you can work together as a team to reach them and get excited discussing them or at the very least be able to better relate to what one another is experiencing.

The other thing that I want to clarify is that when the Bible uses the word helper to describe the woman it is not to belittle the woman in any way but rather it honors her.

Similarly, to God making man in His own image and placing him in the garden to tend and watch over it, the Lord made the woman to partner with the man in managing His creation of the earth.

God does not need man to manage the earth but rather He wants to partner with man to do this.

Even though He is head of man He partners with him to rule and reign the earth because He loves us and wants a relationship with us.

The same is true for the woman, sure Adam could have tended the garden alone for a period of time but rather the Lord loved Adam and Eve and He wanted them to have a loving, godly mate to share their lives with and to populate the earth.

Having a desire to join with and love someone honors them and helping one another is also honorable.

It is in fact, so honorable that we can see in the New Testament that Jesus referred to the Holy Spirit as a helper.

John 14:15–18 ESV

15 “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, 17 even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. 18 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.

Our Mates Are Good Gifts From God

Genesis 2:21–22 NLT

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

We can see here that God handcrafted Eve from Adam’s rib.

The Father could have spoken her into existence as He did with man of the other created things.

However, just like Adam, the Lord took time and personally handcrafted the woman.

If you have ever seen an artisan use great skill and patience to carefully craft the finest materials into something of the highest quality and beauty, then you can start to imagine what it must have been like when the Lord handcrafted Adam and Eve.

Of all creation mankind was the only thing personally handcrafted in His image.

Then God presented the woman to Adam as a very good gift and Adam was ecstatic.

One of my favorite things to do is to give someone a gift that they enjoy. As the Bible says it is truly better to give than to receive.

Many of you have heard me say that my wife and family are good gifts from God and they truly are.

There are times I have said that to friends or others in ministry that they are good gifts from God and meant it but truly that love does not have the same level, depth or type of love as the love I have for my children or my wife.

If you are married or single the Lord has made someone special for you and you for them.

So please take the time to really view your mate as a gift from God himself.

And if you are single be selective in who you choose for your mate and make sure they are the one the Lord has planned for your life.

God Made the Union of Marriage for One Man and One Woman to Be United As One Flesh

Genesis 2:23–24 NLT

23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’ ” 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

This point is straight forward but one that I think is worth mentioning especially in our modern culture.

Marriage is made by the Lord to be a covenant between one man and one woman.

The intention is that you keep yourself pure and holy and that when you meet the person the Lord has chosen for you that you both would be joined together as one flesh for the remainder of your lives.

While for most people things don’t quite work out that way, it does not change the original design and furthermore, the point remains that whatever your current situation is, start now working towards operating with the original design mindset.

In addition, like the Lord is three parts in the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, which is called The Trinity.

He has also created humans in three parts which are our body, soul and spirit. This is called the tripartite nature of man.

In both cases one being exists in three persons.

Similarly, in marriage, the Lord wants us to be two people existing together as one with our mates.

While we do have different personalities and independent thoughts in the practical sense, we are united as one by loving and serving the Lord and each other.

We Are to Be Fully Vulnerable With Our Mates Free of Sin and Shame

Genesis 2:25 ESV

25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

You see although Adam and Eve were completely naked, exposed and vulnerable to one another, they were totally comfortable.

The reason for this is that sin had not yet entered mankind.

After, they sinned against God, one of the first things they did was to cover themselves with fig leaves.

The same thing can happen today in our relationships if we are not careful.

Two people meet and there is a connection or attraction of some kind.

The people begin to talk and grow together in this relationship and become closer.

Then at some point sin enters into the relationship and it causes issues.

For some people it is subtle and others its obvious but either way the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy the good gift of love that the Lord has given you.

When Angel and I were studying to become Ministers and came to the section on couples counseling, one of the books we were to read is one called His Needs, Her Needs.

In this book, the author uses the term love bank to illustrate the point of how the devil will try to separate marriages in sometimes subtle but unfortunately effective ways.

One of the main illustrations is that each individual has certain needs, wants and desires they seek from their mate.

While not always true many times for women as a primary need, they seek a deep emotional connection from their spouse and the physical intimacy is a secondary item.

In contrast, for men many times they seek physical intimacy as a primary need in a relationship and the deep emotional connection is a secondary need.

This is one of the reasons it is important to spend enough attentive quality time with your mate so that everyone’s needs can be better met.

So, what can happen is as people go through the seasons of life like career development or having children for example the amount of quality time couples spend together in long talks and frequent physical encounters becomes less and less.

So, this relates to the love bank because when a spouse meets the primary needs of the other, they are depositing into that person’s love bank.

However, when those needs are not met or if there is stress introduced like arguing for example then that takes away or withdraws love from the person’s love bank.

Just like cash money if you keep withdrawing money out of the bank and not making deposits then the balance is going to be low.

Likewise, when the needs of couples are not met in a relationship their respective love banks will also have a low balance.

This is the point where the devil will kick his harassment into overdrive and starts trying to tempt people to search for their needs to be met elsewhere outside the marriage covenant.

This is not always being unfaithful as we would think but sometimes it’s one couple withdrawing and putting themselves into their work or hobbies.

For others maybe they decide to start going out with their friends on an exceedingly regular basis and leaving their mate behind.

Still others may look to all sorts of compulsions to try and have their needs met and get rid of the feeling of loneliness. This can range from alcohol, to shopping, to gambling, to sexual immorality and the list can go on and on.

When this sin enters into the relationship it is displeasing to God, it decreases intimacy, people become guarded and depending on the circumstance shame is introduced. All of these things are difficult to overcome in a relationship.

Just like everything the devil tries to tempt people with there is no lasting happiness in our lives unless we give everything to the Lord and live for Him and walk in His ways and focus on loving Him and serving others and trusting the promises of His word. Amen!

The good news is that with the Lord’s help, when we walk in His ways and really make a conscious effort to meet the needs of our partner and avoid sin or temptation, then the Lord will bless us to have that increased intimacy, vulnerability and love in our relationship without the shame or dysfunctional issues that come from sin.

Just like we keep God in the center of our lives spiritually we also need to keep Him in the center of our lives in every area including our romantic relationships with our mates.

Closing

In closing, as we leave here today let us rejoice for the wonderful love which the Lord has shown us.

Also, let us appreciate that He loves us so much that He has made a special person for each of us to spend our lives with.

With His help we can be present and serve one another.

We can recognize and reflect that our partners are good gifts from God.

We can stand firm in the knowledge that Biblical marriage is defined by one man and one woman joining as one flesh and making a lasting life together.

In addition, we can experience true intimacy and vulnerability in our relationship and be free of sin and shame by keeping the Lord in the center of the relationship and making a conscious effort to meet the needs of our loved one.

Prayer

Thanks for joining me today and remember our joy is in Jesus!