How Ya Feelin'?

Prayer

Emotional Immaturity

I want to share a story with you that comes from John Ortberg in his Spiritual Transformation bible study series: Let’s call him Hank. He had attended church since he was a boy, and now he was in his sixties. He was known by everyone - but no one really knew him. He had difficulty loving his wife. His children could not speak freely with him and felt no affection from him. He was not concerned for the poor, had little tolerance for those outside the church, and tended to judge harshly those who were inside.

One day an elder in the church asked him, “Hank, are you happy?” Without smiling, he responded, “Yes.” “Well, then,” replied the elder, “tell your face.”

Ortberg goes on to discuss how Hank, in all his years as a Christian, never changed. He never experienced any transformation - becoming like Jesus. This in spite of a lifetime of faithful attendance at church, learning the Bible, singing hymns. And he never changed because there was no expectation of change

Well, we want to change that! Change the expectation of change - whole point of this sermon series, Deeper Still - invitation to move from shallow Christianity to deeper discipleship

That this would be our expectation here, that we are, bit by bit, day by day, becoming people who know Jesus and are increasingly more like him.

People who are living more and more into the abundant life that Jesus offers - life that is filled with his joy and peace, genuine love for others, servants heart, humility.

This morning I want to talk about something you might not normally associate with following Jesus - and that’s emotional maturity.

According to Peter Scazzero, this is one of the great failures of the church today, why we have stayed shallow (what’s often been described as a mile wide and an inch deep). Failure is this: we tolerate emotional immaturity.

His claim is that you can only grow spiritually as far as you grow in your emotional maturity.

Now, you might be thinking, what the heck?! What do emotions, emotional maturity, have to do with my Christian faith? Isn’t faith what we’re supposed to rely on? Faith over feelings?

I mean, I believe in Jesus, believe that he died on the cross for my sins, that he rose again on the third day. I trust that God have given me gift of eternal life through his son Jesus. I go to church, I say my prayers, read my Bible. Heck, sometimes I even throw a little extra in the offering plate - isn’t that what I’m supposed to be doing?

Aren’t emotions often a reflection of sin? Getting angry - isn’t that sinful behavior? Or things like depression or worry - don’t those demonstrate a lack of faith? Aren’t we supposed to “rejoice in the Lord always”?

If you have any of those concerns, I have to admit, I was right there with you. On a personal level, that’s always been my tendency, to be more reserved, rarely that strong expression of emotions.

So I can appreciate any skepticism you might have - what does all that touchy-feeling stuff have to do with following Jesus?

But I’ve become convinced that Scazzero is absolutely correct - that emotional maturity is essential to deeper discipleship. That there’s something fundamentally wrong about a situation like Hank - someone who’s been a believer for a lifetime and yet their heart seems to be unchanged. You don’t see any resemblance between such a person and the person they purport to follow, Jesus.

Here’s why our emotions and emotional maturity are so essential to spiritual maturity - and this is our main point this morning: Emotions are the voice of our hearts.

Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III, The Cry of the Soul: Ignoring our emotions is turning our back on reality; listening to our emotions ushers us into reality. And reality is where we meet God…Emotions are the language of the soul. They are the cry that gives the heart a voice.

Here’s thing - emotions are an absolutely central part of who we are as human beings made in the image of God. They are the way in which we express deepest parts of who we are - voice of our hearts.

And because they are the cry that gives the heart a voice - they help reveal condition of our souls, the reality of our souls. This is why they are so essential to consider.

And not just consider, but why growing in emotional maturity is so intimately connected to becoming like Jesus. Because emotionally maturity is all about loving others well, and loving others well is what Jesus is all about. We cannot be like Jesus (love others) and be emotionally immature. Let’s take a few moments to look at this together.

Voice of Our Hearts

If we don’t take seriously our emotional maturity, we’re denying a central aspect of who we are as human beings made in image of God.

If you think about it, we really do know this intuitively - if you think about two extremes.

Person who’s over-emotional, something doesn’t go their way, they blow up. Tantrum, which is appropriate for a toddler who hasn’t learned to deal with their emotions, not an adult.

Or people who are unemotional. Or really, seemingly unemotional - we’re all emotional beings, they just don’t express them. But words we use to describe them - aren’t fully human - we might refer to them as robotic, soulless, cold-hearted. Like Hank, hey, buddy, tell your face.

But the best evidence that our emotions are full part of our humanity is to see example of Jesus himself, and how he expressed full range of emotions - lived out emotional maturity.

There are several examples in the Gospels of Jesus becoming angry, such as Mark 3, the story of Jesus in the synagogue on the Sabbath. A man with a withered hand is there also, and the Pharisees are watching Jesus closely to see if he’s going to - in their minds - break the Sabbath by healing this man’s hand. So Jesus asks them:

“Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” But they remained silent. (watch his reaction…) He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored.

Jesus is rightly angry at their stubborn and willful hearts. They don’t want this man to be healed because of their manmade rules! But notice that Jesus, in his anger, does not sin. He heals the man’s hand! He restores life. Which is so very different from reaction of Pharisees, who in turn get angry that Jesus healed this man’s hand. Vs. 6, Then the Pharisees went out and began to plot with the Herodians how they might kill Jesus.

That’s emotionally immature reaction. We don’t like what you did so we’re going to hurt you, kill you.

We see Jesus expressing compassion throughout the Gospels as well. One example, Matthew 14:14, When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick. Jesus sees this large group of people and his heart reaction is one of love, compassion.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 - Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

God doesn’t just feel compassion, he is Father of all compassion. That emotion is a reflection of his heart. Compassion literally means to suffer with. You see someone hurting and your heart is stirred towards them. Emotions are voice of the heart.

Healthy heart, a godly heart, experiences compassion towards those suffering. A sinful heart is glad to see them suffer (they deserved it).

Jesus grieved. Shortest verse in Bible, John 11:35, Jesus wept. He was grieving along with his dear friends for the loss they had experienced. God grieves. We were made to grieve and mourn.

Jesus experienced anguish. When Jesus hangs on the cross, he lets the words of Scripture express his heart, he cries out, My God, my god, why have you forsaken me? That’s a direct quote from Psalm 22. Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish. My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest.”

That’s Bible teaching us to express ourselves, our hearts, our emotions - anguish - to God in prayer, just like Jesus did. Because it’s a central part of who we are as people made in the image of God, to be like him. Listening to our emotions ushers us into reality and reality is where we meet God.

Emotions really are a beautiful gift - they enable us to have heart-to-heart connection with God and with one another.

One of the funnest things about our new building has been to share the story of how God completely blessed us with this building in a way that none of us imagined he would. When you share stories like that and those you tell story to rejoice with you, that’s beautiful connection.

Flip side of that is true as well - gift of coming alongside those we care about who are hurting, empathize by sharing in their mourning.

Living out fullness of who God made us to be, Romans 12:15, Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

When people don’t react - if they don’t rejoice or mourn with me, do I matter to them?

Paul in 2 Corinthians 2:4, For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.

Paul had to write a hard letter to church in Corinth, confronting them on a number of issues. Those are difficult waters to tread. But note how he wants them to hear his heart, that he wrote this as an expression of love for them. You matter so much to me. Beautiful heart-to-heart connection.

Consider worship, especially singing in worship. Virtually universal, to use music in proclaiming praise to God (in fact, Psalms teach us to do that). Why is that?

Because music engages us in so many ways - mentally (think about lyrics), socially (do it together, in unison), physically (actively engaged in singing) - but especially emotionally.

Gift of music is that it helps us to express our hearts. Think about watching a movie, music throughout the movie is giving you emotional cues (experiencing tension / high drama, light & happy, sad / tragic music, exhilaration / adventure (think Raiders of Lost Ark).

Emotions really are wonderful gifts, so central to who we are as human beings made in the image of God. Here’s why emotionally maturity is so essential as it relates to our discipleship, our following of Jesus - if emotions are language of soul, cry of the heart - then what is your soul saying? What does it reveal about your heart?

Emotionally immaturity reveals a heart that is broken, acting out of selfishness, sinfulness.

If you make a comment to me, I get angry or defensive, what does that reveal about my heart?

It may be that you said something hurtful - anger would be an appropriate reaction. If I make a hurtful comment back, I’m sinning in my anger.

But it may say something about my pride. Or my need to be liked or look like the smart one in the group, because what my heart really wants is your admiration. It’s not a heart seeking after Jesus.

If I’m getting impatient, that may be revealing in me that I have a self-centered world view - world should be working in a way that’s most convenient for me. I’m filled with self-importance.

If I’m experiencing fear or worry, what does that reveal about my heart? What is my heart clinging to?

I could be the most gifted preacher. You could know the Bible inside and out. Or be so faithful in coming to church. But if I’m cold and distant and you get angry and defensive easily - what does that say about us as followers of Jesus?

Which brings us back to our main point this morning: Emotions are the voice of our hearts, the language of our souls. To grow in deeper discipleship requires we grow in emotional maturity, recognition of what our emotions are revealing about the condition of your hearts.

Two of our core values are Heart Transformation (discipleship is from inside out) and Lived Obedience to Jesus. In every message I offer some ways to put into practice what God is teaching us so that we can join with God in his heart transforming work in us. When we talk about soul training exercises, that’s what we mean.

So, how ya feeling? Honestly, how is your heart - what’s it saying?

Soul training exercise: Feel your feelings. To be attentive to them. This is particularly helpful for those of who have long tended to deny them (I count myself here). Remember, they are a gift, part of what makes us fully human, made in image of God - reveal what’s going on with our hearts, good or bad. Goal is not to get rid of all bad feelings, but to allow them to speak, reveal our hearts.

Peter Scazzero engaged in practice of journaling as part of his time of solitude with Jesus. If something happened that day that made him defensive or angry or fearful, he would take time to explore that. Here’s the key: Ask himself the question, “Why am I…?

Doesn’t have to be journaling, I’ll do that as part of prayer walks that I take, conversation with God...

Second one: Commend to you: Emotional Health Assessment. 15 minute assessment - for your own benefit, an opportunity to honest with yourself about how emotionally healthy you are. This is not for the faint of heart! But it is for those who trust that God loves us as we are (no secrets from him), and is working in us to become like him!

If you have the book, Emotionally Healthy Discipleship, it’s Chapter 2.

Otherwise, you can go to the website, emotionallyhealthy.org/mature. Post that through our newsletter and on our Facebook page, Facebook.com/pcclife.

Let me finish with this: Throughout this message, we’ve talked about a lot of hard emotions that our heart may be speaking: anger…grief…depressed…impatience…irritability. But the reverse is true, too. Our hearts speak through joy and gratitude and contentment and delight and grieving with hope.

Those are the hearts we want. Hearts that have been transformed by Jesus. And those are the hearts Jesus wants to give us: John 15:11 - I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

Isn’t that fun to consider, Jesus wants our hearts to experience fullness of joy? That’s what he wants our hearts to be singing out with (why worship exists - to express that joy).

Peter Scazzero says this, “An emotionally healthy disciple slows down to be with Jesus, goes beneath the surface of their life to be deeply transformed by Jesus, and offers their life as a gift to the world for Jesus.”

My hope is that we don’t want to offer to world what Hank gave. An unchanged life. Hardened. Judgmental. Because he never took time to slow down to be with Jesus, to go beneath the surface of his life to be deeply transformed by Jesus - so he never was.

There are more than enough Christians who are offering anger and judgment and bitterness.

In the end, our life is really the only thing we can offer the world - wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could offer heartfelt love, patience, compassion, kindness - because that’s the language of our soul?

I hope you’ll continue to join with me in going deeper still.