Check the Manual

Intro

I don’t know about you, but when I go to the home improvement store I will nine times out of ten if I am not in a hurry, stop and check out grills and smokers.

I don’t know why, I have two of them already, but I like to look at them. For those that know me, I am a big fan of grilling and smoking meat.

So I like to look at what is out there when I am at these stores. Look at the newest model if you will. Some guys are into cars, I’m into grills and smokers.

And man have we come a long way when it comes to what is out there. It is crazy what features are available on today’s grills, but with that comes a higher cost as well.

And while I like to look at them, and I like to by a new one when what I have wears out, who here knows that what you see on the showroom floor isn’t what you have when you open that new box.

In fact, usually you will have a box full of parts, a manual the size of a new testament Bible, and the need to block out at least 2 hours of your day to get it put together.

They take time to assemble, and you better hope that when you get to the end of it all that there aren’t any extra parts that you missed along the way.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just open up that box and everything be put together already. Fully assembles and ready to go.

Everything in its place where it is supposed to be. Wouldn’t that be convenient?

Wouldn’t it be great if life was like that? If everything was just in its proper place and working perfectly. If it didn’t require any extra work.

This is especially true when it comes to marriage. Wouldn’t it be nice if when a young couple said “I do” if everything just worked so easily and The Beatles would have been right all along and “love is you really need”?

But the fact is, to make a marriage work, you have to be willing to put in the work. That in marriage there is some assembly required.

That is the picture I want you to imagine for the next couple of weeks as we talk about marriage and look at our instruction manual on how to building one that works. That for all great marriages, even good marriages, there is always some assembly required.

There are parts that have to be put in the correct place in order for it to work properly. If you mis-align something, put it in the wrong spot, or leave out entirely, then it isn’t going to work.

Big Idea/Why it Matters

Paul understood this as he helped the believers in Ephesus recognize marriage required putting the proper pieces together.

Ephesians 5:21-33 is the most common biblical text we use and reference to outline the roles of husbands and wives.

However, I think it is important to recognize that the first 20 verses in this chapter are significant for a couple to understand how to conduct themselves as Christians in general.

Before Paul wrote about marriage roles, he wrote about Christian roles. And this matters because you and I will find it impossible to meet the standards contained in the marriage roles if we don’t first learn to master the standard that comes before it.

Chapter 5 starts with Paul challenging the Ephesians in verses 1 and 2.

Ephesians 5:1-2 NLT Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. 2 Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.

Here he challenges them to follow Jesus example and live a live filled with love. But not just any kind of love, unconditional love. As believers we are loved in such a way and are called to love in such a way that it isn’t dependent on the actions and attitudes of others.

And in marriage, our love for our spouse isn’t just a feeling, or referring to physical intimacy, it is a love that chooses. A love that decides that regardless of whether or not they deserve it, I am going to love them and walk out that love in everything I do.

But what does that look like? Paul goes on to give tangible examples of behaviors that demonstrate loving others.

Ephesians 5:3-5 NLT 3 Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. 4 Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. 5 You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.

He starts in verse 3. He says if you are going to live a life filled with love, following the example of Jesus then first and foremost, you have to understand that you cannot engage sexual immorality. He is saying to the Ephesians, you have to live a holy life

One that is set apart from the way this world lives. No sexual immorality, impurity, or greed because those things lead to making selfish choices that hurt those we claim to love.

There is a reason that infidelity is so destructive to a marriage, it is because something that God designed to be a permanent union between one man and one woman is torn apart when one member of that union enters into a sexual relationship with another person.

It hurts so bad because the relationship is damaged at the spiritual level and for many it is very hard to ever restore that relationship once it is broken. It is possible, but probably one of the most difficult things a married couple will ever have to go through.

Paul says you can’t live like this if you want to love properly. In order for the pieces of a great marriage to fit together properly then you have to avoid these kinds of things.

No only avoid, but as Paul says in another of his letters, we have to flee from sexual immorality. Don’t even allow yourself to entertain the idea or thought that comes with it.

You have to take every thought captive because if you flirt with the idea, or if you put yourself in a position that could lead to this then you are setting yourself up for failure.

He goes on to write about communication in verses 4-6. He talks about the importance of not talking in a foolish, vulgar, or harsh way. He says be wise, avoid immorality, live holy, and communicate properly.

These commands are important for the life of a believer, they are especially important for a married couple.

He goes on to say...

Ephesians 5:6-8 NLT 6 Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. 7 Don’t participate in the things these people do. 8 For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light!

To the single Christian he gives this warning, don’t participate or partner with people who live like this. To the Christian who is married to an unbeliever, there is hope and a call from God to demonstrate the love of Christ to that person.

Many of you have heard of Gary Chapman and his book “the Five Love Languages”. It suggests that human love is primarily expressed and received in one of 5 languages.

In Ephesians 5:1-20, Paul is highlighting God’s love language. If we follow the first part of chapter 5, the second part where we get into the roles of the husband and the wife take on a different meaning entirely.

Application

But how do we do this? By doing what Paul says next.

Ephesians 5:15-20 NLT 15 So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. 16 Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. 17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. 18 Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, 19 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. 20 And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Does Paul say, do your best? Does he say try to be a good person where you can? Does he say life is short so take care of you and have fun? does he say your happiness is the most important thing, so do whatever makes you happy?

No. He says, listen the world you live in and days you live in are evil. They are wicked. There are forces at play that want to destroy you, and the area that those forces are finding the greatest success is in our marriages.

Marriage is a sacred and holy relationship. One created and ordained by God himself since the creation of humankind. A relationship that mirror Jesus relationship with his Church.

If there was ever something that the enemy wanted to destroy it is marriage.

Paul is say don’t be passive, don’t be complacent. He says be careful. Don’t be a fool, but be wise. Don’t act without thinking very carefully about what you are about to do. Understand what God’s desire is for you and your marriage.

He says, to do this, be filled with the Holy Spirit. Allow him to empower you to live a holy Christian life. Free from immorality and greed. Free from using our words as weapons. Free from doing things that will harm others.

You and I can’t live a life full of the love of Christ without the Holy Spirit’s power and leading.

He says do this and when you do, give thanks to God. Be appreciative of what you have. The grass isn’t always greener, and if it looks like it is, maybe its because you’ve neglected to water the grass you have.

Closing

God cares about your marriage more than you could possibly know. And he has provided everything we need to build great marriages, but we have to be willing to get out the manual and assemble to right pieces.

Are you willing to do that? Are you willing to acknowledge that you don’t have it all together yet. That every marriage could be better than what it currently is. Are you willing to put in the work?

This morning is just one piece of the puzzle. But you and I have to get this first part right if we want to get what we are going to be talking about in the next two weeks right.

So I challenge you to look over what we read this morning and measure yourself against that standard. And if you don’t like what you see that is okay because its not too late. God has given us everything we need to be the husband or wife he is calling us to be.