The Ideal Wife and Husband

THE IDEAL WIFE

Always beautiful and cheerful. Could have married movie stars but wanted only you. Beauty that won’t run in a rainstorm. Never sick. Just allergic to jewelry and fur coats. Insists that moving furniture by herself is good for her figure. Expert in cooking, cleaning the house, fixing the car or T.V., painting the house and keeping quiet. Favorite hobbies: mowing the lawn and shoving the snow. Hates charge cards. Her favorite expression—“What can I do for you dear?” Thinks that you have an Einstein brain but look like Mister America. Wishes that you would go out with the boys so that she can get some sowing done. And loves you because you’re so sexy.

That’s the ideal wife. That’s what every man expects. But here’s what he gets.

She speaks 140 words a minute with gusts up to 180. She once was a model for a totem pole. She’s a light eater. As soon as it gets light, she starts eating. Where there’s smoke, there she is—cooking. She lets you know that you have only two faults, everything you see and everything you do. No matter what she does with it her hair looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory. If you get lost, open your wallet and she’ll find you.

THE IDEAL HUSBAND

(what every woman expects)

He will be a brilliant conversationalist. A very sensitive man, kind, truly loving, understanding, very hard working. A man who works around the house by washing dishes, vacuuming floors and taking care of the yard. He always cleans up after himself, never leaving his dirty socks or clothes lying around. Someone who helps his wife raise the children. A man of physical/emotional strength. A man who is as smart as Einstein, but looks like Robert Redford.

What she gets:

He always takes her to the restaurants. Someday he may actually take her inside. He doesn’t have any ulcers, he gives them. Anytime he has an idea in his head, he has the whole thing in a nutshell. He’s well-known as a miracle worker—it’s a miracle when he works! He supports his wife in a manner in which she is accustom—he’s letting her keep her job. He’s such a bore that he bores you to death even when he gives you a compliment. He has occasional flashes of silence that makes his conversation brilliant.

*** THE GOLDEN RULE OF ANY MARRIAGE ***

What you want in your spouse, begin to produce in your own life.

Love is a commitment and not feelings.