The Bond of Marriage

Good morning, welcome. Please open Bibles to Hebrews 13.

Last week- new series entitled “Related: A Theology of the Family.”

Reminded that all of life is meant to be worship, including our marriages and our families.

Turn our attention to the book of Hebrews.

Convincing believers not to revert back to Judaism.

Presenting Christ as the fulfillment, the perfection of all of the OT.

If it is all true, what now? What does life in Jesus look like? Especially what does life in the community of faith look like?

Chapter 13 begins with a couple of important words- remember and do not neglect.

These words sum up so much of the Christian life.

Learning things today already known- Encouragement- Remember and do not neglect.

Read Hebrews 13:4- Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Pray.

We have looked at the creation of marriage, now we begin to put boundaries around it.

The need for boundaries. Meaning is becoming lost in our world.

As we more clearly define marriage, it becomes more limited.

As is the case anytime we clearly define anything.

Aletheia as an example.

We must clearly define things by placing and moving in boundaries in order to rightly understand them.

1. Let the marriage bed be undefiled.

Let’s begin by defining some terms.

Marriage bed- refers to physical intimacy.

Undefiled- unstained- without sin.

Hebrews 7:26-For it was indeed fitting that we should have such a high priest, holy, innocent, unstained, separated from sinners, and exalted above the heavens.

What is being said of Christ? He is holy, He is without sin, He is pure.

How then should we understand this in the context of the marriage bed? It is to be undefiled, separate, protected, pure.

Not everything is allowed.

So what defiles the marriage bed? When we take what is meant for marriage and find it elsewhere.

Hebrews author puts it clearly- Sexually immoral and adulterous.

Seen most clearly in the physical realm. Scripture makes clear that physical intimacy is meant only for marriage.

What do we mean when we speak of these two ideas? Sexual immorality and adultery.

Let’s create some boundaries around marriage, according to Scripture. How does the marriage bed differ from the unmarried relationship?

Return to the question asked last week- How far is too far at any stage prior to marriage?

Stated differently- How different should dating and engagement look from marriage when it comes to physical intimacy?

The lines have been blurred, but our goal is to fortify our boundaries around marriage. What is meant for marriage and what is not?

First- the mindset that asks such a question.

What is sinful and how close can I get to that sin without actually sinning?

Remember- Love God with all of heart, mind, soul and strength. Glorify God in all things.

Proverbs 6:27- Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned?

But what about the behavior? What is allowed and what is not? In marriage, physical intimacy is beautiful and encouraged, so what level of intimacy is beautiful and encouraged prior to marriage?

1 Timothy 5:1-2- Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.

What is being stated? Treat other believers as family. At it’s root, respect.

But there is a note added to the final phrase about young women- in all purity.

When young men look at the young women of the church, they are meant to see them as a sister, and one of the reasons for seeing her in that way is in order to protect her purity.

Why do I believe that, biblically speaking, all forms of physical intimacy are outside of God’s plan for the unmarried? Because of how God tells us to treat one another, in love and respect.

But we are dating, we are committed to one another. Have you become one flesh? Have you entered into the covenant of marriage? Then you are not yet committed.

Please understand- my intention is not to be legalistic or to steal joy. God is the Creator of marriage and of all relationships. I think we ought to go to Him to see how these relationships are meant to be lived.

Again, who is defining your relationship?

Finally, let’s look at this logically. In marriage, we ought to go through painstaking efforts to protect the integrity of the marriage bed. Why would we not do our best to protect it prior to marriage?

Looked at in a different way- In marriage we would fall apart upon seeing our spouse kiss another person- Why? That intimacy is mine.

The marriage bed is to be kept undefiled.

2. God will judge the sexually immoral and the adulterous.

What is the motivation given for keeping the marriage bed pure and undefiled? God judges that which falls outside of His design for marriage.

We act surprised to find out that God judges sin.

Doesn’t it make sense? If God created and designed marriage for good, and we pervert it into something else, then we ought to expect that judgement would follow.

Ainesis coloring on the wall.

We were not upset that she was using the markers and having fun- we were upset at how she was using the markers.

Tend to convince ourselves that either God doesn’t judge it, or that it is not sin.

Matthew 5:27-30- “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

A couple quick things to note.

First, note the defining of sexual immorality and adultery here.

Looking lustfully at a woman. Thinking about a woman in a way that is meant for your wife. Taking what is meant to dwell solely in the marriage relationship and taking it outside.

The warning is not just meant for men. Women struggle in this area as well. Seems to be becoming more common for women to struggle with sexual lust just like their Christian brothers do.

But for those who don’t- consider what lust might look like for you.

Emotional adultery.

Also note that the words on judgement follow this particular sin.

We tend to think these thoughts and feelings can’t be helped. Jesus recommends surgery.

Judgement comes for those who sin in the areas of adultery and sexual immorality. So what hope do we have?

Salvation in Christ alone. Receive the righteousness of Jesus.

But please understand- salvation gives new life. Our manner of life prior to Jesus is put to death, and we live according to the very Spirit of God.

New priorities, new direction, new desires. Tempted by old sins but always mortifying, or putting to death, the flesh.

Judgement comes for sin, even the sin we find to be inevitable. Will we face the judgement for such sin or will Jesus have already received our judgement on our behalf at the cross?

3. Let marriage be held in honor among all.

Remember- life in the church. All- the entire church body.

Is this true of marriage in our church family?

Just a few questions for reflection.

What counsel do you give to the men and women who are struggling in a broken marriage?

Are we a church that builds up and strengthens marriages, or do we go with the cultural flow and encourage an easy way out?

How have you served those who are readying themselves for marriage?

What wisdom is given to your children concerning life outside of marriage? How do you speak of dating? How do you speak of marriage?

My fear is that we go with the flow. This is how the world looks at it, we might as well do the same.

Marriage is a gift from God, it is a blessing, but it is also meant to be set apart, to be separate from every other relationship known to man. It is meant to be well-defined and concretely-defined. And it is meant to be protected and valued.

May we as a church always honor and value every marriage, whether our own or the marriages of others.