Wives

Intro

How we use words sometimes can be tricky can’t it. Even if our intentions are good, what is interpreted by what we say may not be what we are actually trying to communicate.

For example, some of you might remember the popular song from the 80’s Every Breath You Take by the Police. It was a popular song at the time, one that for even people who weren’t alive when it came out in 1983 like myself know its lyrics.

I’m sure you remember the words...

Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I’ll be watching you.

This was a popular love song. It goes on to say

Every single day, every game you play, every night you stay, I’ll be watching you.

I don’t know about you but what might have sounded romantic in the 80’s sounds like an episode of Unsolved Mysteries in 2022.

Interpretation matters and most people interpret that song as though it is being sung by a stalker rather than a love interest.

What is my point, my point is that what we say and how it is interpreted is very important. And this couldn’t be more true of today’s topic.

If you are just joining us you know that last week I started a short 3 part series on marriage called Some Assembly Required.

The premise of this series is the understanding that for a marriage to be good, let alone great, a couple has to understand that it isn’t going to just happen.

In fact, in order for it to happen it will require a husband and a wife to understand what the components of a great marriage are and how to put them in their designed place so they work properly.

Marriage is complex because it is the merging of two complex individuals into a deeply spiritual bond. One that the Paul himself calls a mystery when describing the two individuals becoming one flesh.

So something this complex requires some assembly. And the assembly manual has been provided in God’s Word; in the Bible.

So it makes sense to go to that manual to find the answers to how to assemble a great marriage.

Last week we talked about the first 20 verses of Ephesians 5 as being the blue print for Christian living which in turn becomes the blue print for the role of the wife and husband within a marriage relationship.

I said that if we understand our call as individuals to love unconditionally like Jesus and live holy lives then it gives a greater understanding of what he says next in verses 21-33.

So that brings us to this morning’s message.

Big Idea/Why it Matters

What I am about to read is probably one of the most divisive areas of the New Testament. By divisive what I mean is that there is an array of varying interpretations and views about what this is saying to us as 21st century followers of Jesus.

There is also a lot of emotion that centers around these verses mostly because of a misunderstanding of the text.

So remember what Paul is saying. He says as Christians you need to live like this, loving unconditionally, living holy lives, avoiding sin; both in action and in speech. He says be wise, be filled with the Holy Spirit and give thanks to God...

Ephesians 5:21-24 NIV 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands I would advise keeping the Amens to yourself. Ladies, hear me out.

So much of what we talk about when it comes to the biblical description of the wife is centered around this one word…submit.

But that word means more than we think. Often times men like to quote verse 22 out of context. Let me give you an example.

Ephesians 6:5 NIV 5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ.

You see slave owners used to quote this verse out of context to justify the atrocity that was slavery. Today, we know that context is key here. That God abhors slavery and the subjugation of others.

No reasonable Christian who has even a basic understanding of Bible interpretation would argue that slavery is justified and encouraged in the New Testament.

And while we don’t have time to get into the context of slavery in the 1st century, we need to understand that never-the-less, there was context to this verse.

If we know that to be true, then we must acknowledge that there is context to what he says just a few verses earlier in Ephesians 5:22.

So what is the context? It starts in very 21. You see in Ephesians 5:22 in the Greek there is no verb. It simply says, Wives, to our husbands.

Greek grammar presumes that we carry over the verb from the verse that came before it and that verb is submit.

But because the verb is carried over from 5:21, it cannot mean something different than it meant in 5:21.

The wife’s submission is merely an example of mutual submission; so is the husband sacrificing his life for his wife as we will look at later.

In other words, since verses 21 and 22 are part of the same sentence in the Greek, we should understand verses 22-23 to be giving an example of how husbands and wives are to submit to each other.

It is this idea of mutual submission that makes it clear to husbands that it is not Biblical or permissible to treat his wife as subservient.

A wife is not called to be subservient in marriage, but instead the couple through mutual submission are to model unity and glorify God.

The wife here is called to recognize her husband’s God-ordained role as leader in the family. But not as being subject to his rule or authority, rather as a partner who is in step with him. Who comes alongside him as he leads as a partner.

The submission mentioned here is one example of many of how the wife is to exemplify what Paul commands us to do as Christians in the 20 verses that precede this one.

Just as he explains in the verses that follow how a husband submits to his wife.

Now, even knowing this there are some who still feel this resistance to the idea of submitting one’s self to anyone, especially a woman to a man.

Part of that is the result of men who for generations have abused this verse and treated their wives as subservient. Meaning that the men were in charge and women just needed to be quiet and do as they were told.

This led rise to the feminist movement which sought not only to elevate women to equal status with men, but to in many ways remove men from the equation altogether.

And now embedded in the western mindset is a resistance to any idea or notion that a wife would submit to her husband. So part of that is on us men. We created some of this.

But on a much deeper level, a spiritual level, the resistance to the biblical role of the wife is due to the curse of sin.

Remember in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve broke God’s command and the curse of sin was unleashed on creation God explains to both Adam and Eve what the consequence for their actions were going to be.

Genesis 3:16 NIV 16 To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.

Now at first glance when the husband reads this they think, doesn’t sound too bad. My wife is going to desire me and I get to be in charge. Its a win win.

Well it depends on your interpretation of this one word…desire. While there is some debate, overwhelmingly we understand this word not to mean what we think it does.

In fact this Hebrew word for desire only exists 3 times in the Bible. Twice in Genesis, in fact only a few verses later in Genesis 4:7.

So it makes sense to look at its use there to better understand its meaning here. In Genesis 4:7 it is used to describe sin’s desire to control or dominate over Adam and Eve’s son Cain.

So in context, part of the curse is that a wife’s desire for her husband is not a sexual desire, but a desire to dominate or control.

God is saying to Eve and in effect all women who come after her that as a result of our sinful nature you will have within you a desire to rule over your husband but you will not be able to satisfy that desire because I am going to make it so your husband will rule over you.

Application

This is more profound than we realize. Remember what the purpose of a marriage is. For a man and a woman to be united as one. And it is in that unity that they reflect the very nature of a triune God who is 3 persons in one.

It is also a reflection of Jesus’ relationship with his Church.

But sin has cursed it and made that unity very difficult to achieve. Why don’t marriages last, because at the heart of every divorce is disunity.

One or both partners struggling for control or seeking their own satisfaction and fulfillment rather than their spouse’s.

How does Jesus break that curse on the cross, by making it possible for husbands and wives to give up that control and mutually submit to one another. Remember the first 20 verses from last week.

We are called to love unconditionally, be holy or set apart, and be filled with the Holy Spirit.

This breaks the curse. Wives no longer have to be controlled by their desire to rule and husbands no longer have to view their role as a ruler over their wives. Rather they have to ability to submit to one another because the curse of sin is broken.

When husbands and wives learn what Biblical submission looks like it makes for a beautiful picture of Jesus submission to the Father and his willingness to lay down his life for our benefit.

Yes, the husband is still the head of the family, but as head, he leads with his wife not over her.

Wives, understand the power you possess. You were made in God’s image to be your husbands partner.

But what happens when your husband isn’t leading or embodying the mutual submission I spoke of this morning.

1 Peter 3:1-2 NLT In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.

Don’t discount the influence of a godly wife who embraces her role.

Closing

If husbands and wives viewed their role in a similar light then there would be no debate or negative feelings around this idea of submission.

Wives, submission to your husband is not the absence of independence or individuality. You still have free will and the ability to make choices. You are not a servant or a voiceless robot who simply does as they are told.

And husbands if that is what you think the Bible is telling your wives to do then you have a very poor understanding of what the Bible is actually saying.

There is nothing minor about the role of the wife. She is not second class or beneath the husband. Her and her husband are following the Lord together as they lead their children.

But if we ignore what Pauls says here, and decide that we are not going to be willing to submit, then don’t be surprised when what you are are trying to build falls apart because you are trying to build it with the wrong parts.