Be Before You Do

Prayer

Doing Before Being

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of the phrase, “transactional relationship”. It’s exactly what the name says it is, a relationship that is functional in nature, has everything to do with transaction between the persons - the doing, not the being.

We engage in these all the time. Your waiter or waitress at a restaurant. Or when you go through the checkout line, cashier scans all the groceries through, you might chitchat a bit, few pleasantries, but that’s generally it.

It’s all about conducting the transaction, that task that needs to happen. Cashier should scan my groceries and I should pay. Not much personal about it.

Now, sometimes transactional relationships may become more personal - go to the same store on a regular basis or eat at the same restaurant, you might get to know that person better, learn who they are. It might get very personal if that server doesn’t make sure we have plenty of chips and salsa on the table.

Personal relationship has to do, of course, with the personal aspect. It’s about who a person is rather than what they do. It’s about their personality, their story, what makes them them, their being.

Tragedy is of relationships that should center on being - but become more transactional, just about the doing.

A national news commentator and a friend of his had a baby together. They are not married, not in a romantic relationship, just friends. But they both wanted to have another child (he’s male, she’s female, so…). So they decided to do it together. They call it conscious co-parenting.

I’m sure there’s a personal aspect to all of this, but they have certainly reduced what God created and ordained in family relationships - centered in a married couple who bear and raise children together. In this instance, parenting has become a transactional relationship.

Marriages can be the same way. Some people enter very intentionally in transactional marriages - one partner wants financial security, other wants companionship or a trophy spouse or help managing house.

But there’s lots of ways we can unintentionally turn a marriage relationship more into a transactional one - she takes care of this and he takes care of this - they each have their assigned duties but there’s little interpersonal about the relationship. Or when you “keep score” about who does what, we’ve reduced heart of what God intended marriage to be (two becoming one).

This can absolutely be true of our relationship with God. It can be primarily about doing. Transactional.

If I go to church faithfully and try to be a good person and help others out as I can - God will watch over me and those I care about, nothing terrible will happen to us. Or our prayers are mostly transactional - when I pray, it’s always centered on asking God for things. Now don’t get me wrong, asking God is absolutely a vital part of praying (we need and God is the great provider), but if that’s only way in which we pray, if we never seek to listen or engage in praise or simply come to be with God - then here again, we’re reducing our relationship with God to a transactional one.

But God is far more than just a transactional God. God himself is in constant “being” relationship - as the Triune God, three persons in one being, God is in constant mutual giving and receiving love, of constant mutual glorifying and honoring - among the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. He is a being God!

Invitation is for us to be with God in this being relationship. To be one with the Father as Jesus is one with the Father.

And it’s to our loss when we don’t. In the same way that you miss out on all the riches and goodness of others, who they are, delighting and enjoying them as the wonderful and amazing people God made them to be when you only interact with them on a transactional basis.

That’s true whether it’s your spouse or your child or your neighbor or the server who’s bringing you chips and salsa.

Main Point this morning: Central to being a follower of Jesus is simply being with Jesus. A vital and growing relationship with Jesus - deep discipleship - means both doing for Jesus and being with him.

As Peter Scazzero puts it this way in his definition of an emotionally healthy disciple: An emotionally healthy disciple slows down to be with Jesus, goes beneath the surface of their life to be deeply transformed by Jesus, and offers their life as a gift to the world for Jesus.

So let’s dive a little deeper into this idea of being with God.

Deeper Discipleship requires being

What do we mean by being? I’m going to get a little philosophical here for a moment

In Philosophy, the study of being, essence of something, is called Ontology. Ontology asks what the nature of something is, its ultimate substance. What makes a rock a rock or a horse a horse (as opposed to cow or a tree or anything else)?

When scientists discover a new plant or animal, that’s one of the things they have to figure out - does this plant belong to a known species, a variation of that particular species, or is it something new, unique, its own species? They have to examine the particular traits and characteristics in trying to make those determinations. Think about how much fun God had creating the platypus - that’ll really throw them off.

Of course the vital question, what makes a human being a human being? What is our essential essence? What does it mean “to be” as a human?

Interesting that we even use that language, human being. After all, we don’t use it with anything else. We don’t say a shovel being or a cat being? There’s something unique about us that gives us value in and or ourselves, not simply in what we do.

We know that’s true because we immediately recognize how precious a human life is, no matter their ability to do. Consider a newborn baby who cannot do anything - there’s no doing with a baby. Everything has to be done for that child. Yet we consider that baby absolutely precious, and rightfully so. Or a person who is profoundly disabled, again, unable to do even the most basic tasks in life. Here, too, we would say that person, simply in being, is precious.

I want to share with you part of Psalm 139 (vs. 13-18), which speaks powerfully to who we are as beings created by God. But see if you can notice not just what it says, but what it doesn’t say:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.

Power of passage - I’m a wonderful work of God simply because God so beautifully and wonderfully handcrafted me, knit me together - all the days of my life already laid out for me. (God made you! Intentionality behind it). And when one of those days end and I wake up to the next one…I am still with you. Because you’re always there, with me. Such a great passage on being.

But notice what it doesn’t say - it never mentions anything about doing or producing…just being. Just because we are, created by God, our inmost being - to be with him.

One thing is absolutely clear - out of all of creation (rocks and horses and cows and trees), we, as human beings, and only we, were made in the image of God. To be like God, to reflect him and to be with him - in loving, ongoing relationship. To BE with him.

This is why is it so essential for us to simply be and even more so, for us to be with God.

We see this played out in the story of two sisters, Mary & Martha, in Luke 10:38-42...

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Jesus is with his disciples, visiting his dear friends, Mary & Martha. Martha wants to be a good hostess, so she’s scrambling about trying to get everything ready for all their guests. In meantime, her sister, Mary, is there calmly sitting at the feet of Jesus soaking up every word he speaks as he teaches all the disciples gathered there.

You can feel slow burn of anger and resentment building up in Martha while she’s frantically working and that Mary…just sitting there…not lifting a finger…letting me do everything…and Jesus! why doesn’t he say anything?! You know that feeling, that slow burn of resentment because something feels so unfair. Everything’s been dumped on you. Grrrrr...

Finally, she reaches her tipping point and she blasts away at Jesus, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself?” (You must not care, since you’ve let her get away with it!). And then she tells Jesus, the Lord, what to do - “Tell her to help me!”

In spite of Martha coming at Jesus with both barrels blazing, he responds with love and affection, “Martha, Martha.” (he does not rise to her level of anger). Notice what he says next, it’s so revealing - “you are worried and upset about many things.”

In other words, it’s not just this. Your life is disordered. You’re so caught up in doing and doing and doing - and all these things have got you worried and upset. You’ve lost the few things - the one thing that is truly necessary. But Mary hasn’t, and I would never take that away from her.

You can hear the invitation in it, let go of all those things and come be with me. That’s what’s needed. We’ll manage with all the food preparation and cleaning and whatever other hosting tasks you’re feeling overwhelmed with, it’ll be fine. We’re well within Kingdom of God, under the attentive loving care of the Father. Come BE.

There’s a great insight Peter Scazzero offers about this passage that I think is absolutely true - he believes that even if Mary had chosen to get up and serve, she wouldn’t have been worried and upset and distracted - she would have been able to serve with joy and gladness of heart. Because she knew that being with God was more important than doing for God. She knew the one thing that’s needed.

And Martha, even if she had chosen to sit down at the feet of Jesus to listen to his teachings and be with him, would not have been able to enjoy it or really hear it - she would have been too distracted with all things that needed to be done. She wouldn’t have been able to be present to Jesus in that moment. Because her focus would have been on doing for, not being with, Jesus in that moment.

And this is our main point this morning - central to a life as a follower of Jesus is simply to be with him. To be in his presence with an openness to receive whatever he might have for us.

Our being is rooted in God - our lives are disordered when they are not ordered in him.

Example of Alf & Susan’s friends, a young couple with a little toddler who has always been around them - they live in a very small home (an RV) and so he is used to be being around them constantly. And cries and cries when he is not.

Now, over time, that child is going to have to learn to be away from his parents - part of growing up.

But child’s whole sense of security, well-being comes from presence of his or her parents. Living in a household that feels safe (physically, emotionally), their needs are provided for, they are attended to). So much of that simply comes from child being with the parents in ordinary aspects of our daily lives.

Same dynamic is true of us and God, we were made to be with God. How different life is when we live in that same assurance of his abiding presence, his faithful provision, his care and attention and instruction and direction.

Like many others, I’ve been greatly upset over the Russian invasion of Ukraine, knowing that it’s already resulting in great suffering. That changes when I come into presence of Jesus, the Risen Lord, sovereign over all. I still sorrow, but there’s a comforting assurance when I remember who God is.

It’s not just in big, troubling things - but in our day-to-day life. When I get worried about how others are reacting to me or whether things are going to work out the way I want them to, start getting nervous, anxious. What a difference it makes to come into presence of Jesus, his unconditional love, I’m his.

Scazzero’s indicators, I Know My Doing Exceeds My Being When...

I can’t shake the pressure I feel from having too much to do in too little time. I am fearful about the future.

I am defensive and easily offended. I am preoccupied and distracted. I fire off quick opinion and judgments.

This is an important thing to consider - am I willing to make this a priority of my life? To restructure the my time and intention towards being with God on a consistent basis - balance of being with and doing for God?

Peter Scazzero says it starts with this: Requires a radical decision to be with God

Our lives tend to be busy, we’re easily distracted. Being with God requires we make a radical decision to make this a priority of our lives (in the same way that Jesus did). “I cannot not do this” It is that essential to our lives, to our well-being, to being an emotionally healthy disciple.

It requires our trusting that Jesus was speaking the truth: I am the Vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do doing. (Lived Obedience to Jesus).

Spiritual Disciplines - to put Jesus’ teachings into practice. To live out radical decision to be with God.

Integrate silence. In silence we come to be with Jesus. That is primary purpose of silence…I’m not asking, telling God what I think (or what I think He should be doing), I just come to be with him.

Be intentional about Sabbath, 24 hours to be with God. Rest (like God himself did on 7th day!). Stop. Delight. Contemplate.

Inspiration

What this says about God - his desire simply to enjoy and delight in us

No doubt that God is pleased when we serve him well (“Well done, good and faithful servant.”). But God’s desire is to enjoy and delight in us simply for who we are

I think we might have a hard time even imagining that possible - that God, even now, is simply watching over us, rejoicing in each and every one of us.

There’s no doubt he sorrows over our sinful choices (when our hearts are stubbornly willful or filled with resentment) because he knows he made us for so much more

Like a thoughtful parent will just take those precious moments to watch and delight in their child. This is my Son (daughter), whom I love, with him I am well pleased.

And the great gift that we get to simply enjoy and delight in our Heavenly Father. Make the radical commitment to be with God.