On Sunday I mentioned that there was a biblical issue that I have been wrestling with for several years.

Let me explain a little more about that.

Over the years I have had parents come to me because they were having issues with their adult children.

Before anyone here starts thinking this message is just for them, let me assure you that this has been happening long before anyone in this room was attending here.

However, there have been some of you who have brought these kinds of questions to me.

My goal tonight is not to preach at you, it is to explain what the Lord has shown me in Scripture.

My goal is for all of us to have a better understanding of Scripture and how we are to live in light of what it reveals.

The complexity and difficulty of the questions believers have about their adult children has often brought pain, heartache, and division to families.

In these difficult circumstances I have given counsel and advice to the best of my ability.

With several of these situations, I even sought the advice of Godly men I trust. Pastors, counselors and friends.

One of the struggles I faced can best be expressed in the form of a question.

Does Scripture ever give us permission to treat our believing adult children differently than we do other Christians?

The answer to this question lies at the heart of what we are going to study tonight.

As we begin, here is what I need from all of you.

I need grace.

I need to admit and own right up front that based on what the Lord has shown me in His Word, some of the advice that I have given in the past was wrong.

I also want to be clear that what we look at tonight will not answer all of your questions, nor will it bring clarity to every situation.

It is my prayer and desire tonight to open the door for all of us to have a better understanding of what God has reveled in His Word about how we interact with our families.

PRAY

Have you ever had something revealed from Scripture that immediately changed your entire thought process about a particular issue?

That is what happened to me on Friday morning at 4:00 a.m.

God helped me see the issue of family relationships clearly for the first time.

I want to begin our study with a question.

This question is printed on your handout.

Why does it matter that we are children of God?

Please think about that for a moment, then tell me your thoughts.

We could sum all that up with this sentence.

Being children of God gives us a special relationship with God.

That relationship comes with special privileges, special access, and special treatment.

This is actually something we know intuitively.

If I see Tobias misbehaving, I will respond to that differently than I would with my own child.

Okay. Here is what we are going to talk about tonight.

Message title: Children Of God

Subtitle: Why our status as children matters and what it means for family relationships

Children Of God

Why our status as children matters and what it means for family relationships

We are going to go to a number of passages tonight.

Hopefully we will get through everything.

Our first stop is actually in 1 Corinthians 15:7.

Go there please.

1 Corinthians 15:7

1 Corinthians 15:7 NKJV

7 After that He was seen by James, then by all the apostles.

Why did Jesus make a specific and special appearance to James?

Anyone?

Who was James?

Jesus, of course, knew that James would be influential in the early church.

However, part of that influence was because Jesus appeared to him and changed his life!

After pondering this, here is my conclusion.

Jesus appeared to James because James was His brother.

On to our second stop.

John 19:25-27

John 19:25–27 NKJV

25 Now there stood by the cross of Jesus His mother, and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing by, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold your son!” 27 Then He said to the disciple, “Behold your mother!” And from that hour that disciple took her to his own home.

There are 4 women, all followers of Jesus, standing by the cross.

Matthew 27 says there were “many women” as does Mark.

Luke says that all His acquaintances watched what happened on the cross.

Here is my point.

Out of a crowd of women, Jesus singles out Mary for special treatment.

Why?

Jesus told John to care for Mary because she was His mother.

When Mary asked Jesus to do something about the wine at the wedding, he did.

Jesus goes out of His way to preserve and protect His relationship with His mother.

From these two interactions, we come to the following conclusion.

Jesus treated His family differently than He did others.

What does everyone think of that statement?

Do we agree or disagree?

Our next question is, why?

Why does Jesus treat family different than followers?

Because family is different.

The relationship between parent and child, between biological siblings, is different.

Do we have any Biblical evidence to back this up?

Yes. Yes we do.

Let’s look at a few examples.

Go to

Matthew 17:4-5

Matthew 17:4–5 NKJV

4 Then Peter answered and said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here; if You wish, let us make here three tabernacles: one for You, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” 5 While he was still speaking, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them; and suddenly a voice came out of the cloud, saying, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. Hear Him!”

Notice what the Father says, “This is my beloved son.”

There is significance to the father-son relationship in the trinity!

Hebrews 1:8

Hebrews 1:8 NKJV

8 But to the Son He says: “Your throne, O God, is forever and ever; A scepter of righteousness is the scepter of Your kingdom.

The Father says this to the son. Why? Because there is a unique and special relationship between a Father and Son.

Let’s stay in Hebrews for a minute and go to Hebrews 12:7-8.

Hebrews 12:7-8

Hebrews 12:7–8 NKJV

7 If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? 8 But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.

For our purpose tonight, I want to set aside the discipline aspect of this passage.

Instead, I want to focus on two phrases.

First, “God deals with you as with sons.”

Second, “then you are illegitimate and not sons.”

What these two phrases tell us is that there is a special and unique relationship between those who are God’s children, and those who are not.

God’s relationship with His children is special.

If this is to be a mirror of our own relationships, then our relationship with our children is special and unique.

What does that mean?

We do not treat biological family the same as we would other believers.

Just in case you are still not convinced, let’s talk about few more passages before we make some application.

We’re not going to go there, but in Joshua 7 there is a negative example in that all of Achan’s family is stoned with him for his sin.

Repeatedly in the Old Testament there are curses or blessings pronounced to x number of generations.

3rd and 4th or 10th.

In 1 John he repeatedly addresses them as “my little children.”

Scripture calls us brethren or brothers and sisters.

Why do these expressions carry any weight?

If there is not a special relationship between parent and child and between siblings, why use these expressions?

Let’s talk about Paul for a minute.

Was Paul timid? No.

Did he shy away from directly addressing issues? No.

Look at what he says to the Galatians.

Galatians 3:1

Galatians 3:1 NKJV

1 O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you that you should not obey the truth, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed among you as crucified?

Ouch!

How about this one.

Galatians 5:7

Galatians 5:7 NKJV

7 You ran well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth?

Paul! That’s not very nice!

Now, let’s contrast that with how Paul addresses someone else.

Who did Paul consider his son in the faith? Timothy.

Paul’s indictment of the Galatians is their failure to obey the truth. He encourages them to cling to the gospel.

Though softer in tone, Paul challenges Timothy to remain faithful as well.

Go with me to 1 Timothy.

1 Timothy 4:14; 6:20

1 Timothy 4:14 NKJV

14 Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you by prophecy with the laying on of the hands of the eldership.

1 Timothy 6:20 NKJV

20 O Timothy! Guard what was committed to your trust, avoiding the profane and idle babblings and contradictions of what is falsely called knowledge—

Why does Paul address Timothy so differently?

1 Timothy 1:2, 18; 2 Timothy 1:2

1 Timothy 1:2 NKJV

2 To Timothy, a true son in the faith: Grace, mercy, and peace from God our Father and Jesus Christ our Lord.

1 Timothy 1:18 NKJV

18 This charge I commit to you, son Timothy, according to the prophecies previously made concerning you, that by them you may wage the good warfare,

2 Timothy 1:2 NKJV

2 To Timothy, a beloved son: Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.

The difference is that Paul viewed Timothy as a son! Therefore, his treatment of Timothy is different.

Think about the prodigal as described in Luke 15.

He is already a son. He is a wayward son.

When he returns, he is welcomed home! He was looked for! He knew the door was open!

Go to Luke 15 with me.

Luke 15:20-24

Luke 15:20–24 NKJV

20 “And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. 21 And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ 22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. 23 And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; 24 for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.

See what the father didn’t do? “You’re right! You really messed up! How dare you waste your inheritance!”

He didn’t make his son grovel.

He rejoiced.

What is the point of all of this?

Family is treated differently in scripture.

We do not treat family members how we would other believers.

Why not?

The goal with family is different.

Jesus didn’t wait for James to realize his mistake and believe.

Jesus sought him out.

Galatians 6:1 “1 Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.”

This is the goal within the body of Christ.

The goal with children seems to be different.

When Paul writes Philemon about Onesimus, he calls him his son begotten in his bonds (v. 10).

Then he says “receive him, that is, mine own bowels” (v. 12).

The goal here seems to be the protection and preservation of relationship.

Here is the conclusion I have come to.

The most important thing for your child to know is not that you disapprove, not that they have sinned; they need to know they are your child. Loved, accepted, and embraced.

What does that mean for our adult children who may be living in sin?

They need to know they are loved.

They need to know they are accepted, not because you approve of their behavior, but because they are your child.

They do not need to be continually reminded that their actions are sinful.

They need to be reminded of the grace, love, and mercy of God. How? By our actions.

This may mean that some difficult conversations need to be had.

Conversations in which apologies are made.

You can blame me if you need to. :)

Here is the bottom line:

The example of our heavenly Father means that while we do not approve sinful behavior, we love and embrace our children.

We work to build relationships with them so that when they are ready they are able to ask us about our hope in Christ.