Honour

In our consideration of LD 39, we won’t be able to plumb the depths of what it means to honour your father and mother, but we will highlight a few important considerations. If you picture this sermon as a target, we’re going to start at the bulls-eye and then move toward the outermost ring. The bulls-eye represents honouring parents as dependent children. The next ring represents honouring parents as independent, adult children and the ring after that represents those in authority over us.

Dependent Children

The two verses from Colossians 3 address children who are living as dependents at home, and their fathers, the fifth commandment is addressed to children who are non-dependents. In verse 21, he talks to fathers in particular, warning them not to embitter their children. An embittered child is a discouraged child. It is someone deprived of courage, confidence, and energy. Fathers can embitter their children, that is, discourage their children through disappointment, disillusionment, and hopelessness.

The opposite of disappointment, disillusionment, and hopelessness is giving expectation, encouragement, and hope. Good parenting aims to raise children who are encouraged, hopeful—who recognise the freedom to pursue their hopes and dreams. Now, all the encouragement, expectation, and hopefulness will become nothing if the children do not centre their expectations, encouragement, and hopes on Christ. A truly encouraged child is one who understands that success in this life is found when we are united with Christ, trusting Christ to transform and sanctify us.

Hope looks at the future and it gives confidence in the present. If a general could look into the future and see that he wins the battle, it will change how he approaches it. When David faced Goliath, he was confident in God. Even though Goliath was a seasoned warrior, and David was just a kid, God had shown he was with David when David fought lions and bears. David knew that because God handled the bears and the lions, he would handle Goliath. We want to raise our children with the knowledge that God is with them, he is inside them, and he will give them what they need, and will act on behalf of them. They can have courage for the present because of the hope they have in Christ for the future.

It is important to make sure that our focus is the hope they have in Christ. We can easily encourage them to put hope in other things, like a good education, good looks, and success. But what happens if your child doesn’t excel at school? What happens if he or she doesn’t succeed? They will be set up for disappointment, embitterment, and discouragement. Many people today, many parents today, are living with the fact that they disappointed their parents by not fulfilling their expectations.

The greatest thing we can encourage our children to hope for is Christ. The apostle Paul was the poster child for parent wish fulfilment. He cashed in on his excellent birthright—he was a Hebrew of Hebrews, of the tribe of Benjamin, educated by the very best of the day, a Pharisee, zealous, he made the top of the who’s who in leadership circles. He was destined for a most promising career, his parents would have been exceedingly proud of him. But after Paul met Jesus, he said, “But all of these I count as rubbish.” That’s putting it nicely. The Greek word is actually better translated as dung—or think of the most vulgar term you can for fecal matter. Knowing Christ is of such surpassing value, that all the other things, even good and wonderful things are as dung in comparison.

We want to raise our children with the knowledge that God is guiding and directing them, that God is big enough for them and that he is sufficient enough for every circumstance they face. “Fathers do not embitter your children” means “Fathers encourage your children’s hope to be in God. If in this life you succeed in many things, great, but when you put your hope in God, you accept who you are.

When you look at the most godly people in the scriptures, you discover that God first stripped them of their self-confidence and taught them to trust Him. When Jesus met Paul on the road to Damascus, he blinded him—in reality showing him that he was actually spiritually blind, confident in himself, not in God. In this way, Paul learned how to trust God. The most important thing we can do as parents is model this for our children. It is not enough to say, we have to show it. Our actions speak. So as parents, we need to put God first in all things, at work, at home, in our free time, everything. Where we are is where God wants us to be.

The context of verse 20 is a home where there is encouragement, expectation, and hope. Parents teach children to obey. It is a never-ending education program. You’ve noticed, I’m sure, that you don’t need to teach your children disobedience, do you? They pick it up naturally due to the sinful nature they are born with.

The principles are simple. Children need boundaries. There’s freedom in boundaries. But boundaries need to make sense. But when the boundaries are crossed, they need to experience consequences. The consequences have to be reasonable. If you’re on a long trip with the kids and one of them is having a tantrum, an unreasonable consequence would be to say, “If you don’t calm down, I’m going to pull over and strap you to the roof.”

Children never stop testing boundaries. Often, tantrums result when boundaries aren’t clear or consistent. They’re acting out because they don’t feel secure. As children mature, boundaries are moved and removed. It takes 18 years to produce a mature, self-controlled, reliable person. We can’t just say, “boys will be boys,” because as someone else said, “boys will be boys, but boys will be men, and the kind of men they become depends upon the kind of boys we allow them to be.”

The goal of boundaries and discipline is self-control. Parents used to want good children, parents now want happy children. Parents seeking happy kids don’t put the right boundaries in place, don’t follow through on consequences, and don’t expect their children to be good. The result is unhappy kids. Happy kids come from parents who are teaching them to be self-controlled and good.

Children obeying their parents please the Lord. Jesus said, “If you love me, you will obey what I command you.” Jesus loved his father, and obeyed his commandments, with the result that he lived a perfectly obedient life so that he could save us from our disobedience.

The Christian life is a life of learned self-control and obedience. If we do not teach obedience to our children, they will have a hard time submitting to Christ. It is harder to learn obedience as an adult, if you’ve never learned it as a child.

Now that we’ve covered the bulls-eye, we will quickly consider the outer two rings.

Independent Children

How do we honour parents as independent children? We continue to submit to their good teaching. Every parent has a moment when they realise that their parents were right. You honour your parents when you call them up and say, “Remember when you said, ‘I hope you have a child just like you, and then you’ll know...?’ Mom, Dad, you were right, I was wrong.” You honour your parents in demonstrating self-control and responsibility in your life. You honour your parents when you submit to their good teaching.

There will come a moment when you will need to consider your own commitment to Christ. It may come out of doubts. It may come as a realisation that you no longer just assume that what they taught was right, but that you realise for yourself it is right. I tell you the truth, if your parents are or have brought you up in the Lord; you have been blessed to receive truth!

Honouring Authorities

And finally, the outer ring, living responsibly in society means submitting to the authority that Christ has placed over you. The elders and deacons, the town government, provincial government, the federal government have all received authority from Christ, who has all power and authority in heaven and on earth. Our love for Christ compels us to submit to them with proper obedience, knowing that through them, God rules us. God’s boundaries, God’s rules are there because he loves us and he desires that we are happy and flourishing.

One final point: let us also be gracious with our parents and those in leadership. Just as we recognise that we are prone to failing, we must be patient with those who fail. Even when armed with the best intentions, we can fail. So, let us give the same grace to those whom God has chosen to rule over us, as God gives us. Amen.