Critical Reflection Essage

INTRODUCTION

When I came to my church seven years ago, we only sang older choruses and hymns. One of those was “To Be Like Jesus.” Many times we’ve sung and I have asked, do I really mean this?

From an outsider's perspective,

Jesus's ministry consisted of an action-packed schedule aimed at reaching as many people in the short amount of time He had.

Throngs flocked to Him to witness and experience His healing power. People focused on the external attributes of His work.

Still, Jesus maintained an internal dialogue with the Father, even going to a "mountain to pray and all night he continued in prayer to God" (Luke 6:12).

[1]Jesus served as the model for all disciples of Christ. Through the reading for this class, Jesus has taken me “in the master class of life.”[2]The crux of my leadership depends on following Jesus’s example. Each book solidified in me the impetus of focusing on developing a friendship with God and realizing my doing for God is built on my being with God. To grow in Him, I will engage in spiritual disciplines, taking a weekly sabbath and realize that pain can promote internal growth.

PART 1: DEVELOPING A FRIENDSHIP WITH GOD

I pastor a rural church in Missouri, which is quite the contrast from my hometown in the suburbs of Oklahoma City. Life moves slower in my community, which proves challenging. Too often, my instincts mirror "the proverb, 'Don't just sit there, do something.'" Bryan Dodd suggests reversing the order of the saying to, "Don't just do something, sit there!"

[3]The Psalmist echoes the sentiment with the admonition, “Be still, and know that I am God…” (Ps 46:10). If I am not careful, I enter the rat race of so-called productivity and discover I am not developing the friendship with Jesus that is possible.

Dallas Willard believes, "To trust the real person Jesus is to have confidence in him in every dimension of our real life, to believe that he is right about and adequate to everything."[4]

Instead of compartmentalizing my daily routine to administration and spiritual matters, trusting Him will lead me to include Him in everything because He is everything I need.

Gary Tyra contends, “we can experience a transformational friendship with the real Jesus.”

[5]Jesus affirms this reality to His disciples, “…I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15).

Do I really know Him? What makes him tick? What makes Him smile? What makes Him happy? What breaks His heart?

Anybody knows His stats— birthday, hometown, parent’s names. But I want to know Him

Friendship with Jesus includes spending time with Him and trusting that He has everything under His control. I often realize I neglect my friendship with Jesus when I become lax in my time in God’s presence. Subconsciously I then seek to make up for the time I should have been with Him by filling my schedule with busy work that supposedly honors Him. Instead of rushing into busyness, I can prioritize His presence. Doing so will give me peace that God will do His part to take care of every event in my day.[6] I will delve deeper into a life with a keen awareness of His continuous presence as God does His part. Becoming busy at the expense of God's presence in my life will dwarf my work in the ministry and potentially derail my walk with the Lord. The solution to the busyness epidemic is to remember that the antithesis to the compulsion to always go is to accept Jesus's invitation to come to Him and find rest (Matt 11:28).[7]Jesus offers a place in Him where I can go and draw nearer and become a closer friend to Him.

PART 2: DOING OR BEING

The propensity to inundate my life with activity stems from the mirage that "busyness equates productivity."[8]

Many of the men I pastor are constantly working. They live under the ideology that there are never enough hours in the day. If I spend too much time comparing their calling with mine,

I feel undue pressure to inoculate my schedule with so much work that I miss out on what God desires—time with me.

Peter Scazzero describes this paradox as "being before doing."

My priority is to operate from a place where I am full of God, both spiritually and emotionally.[9]

In a society that thrives on productivity, it is easy to delve deeper into what I need to do. Doing so will minimize any potential impact. Instead, the focus is less on what I do for God and more about being with Him.

There is a vast difference between a leader who does for God with a leader who longs to be with God. Peter Fadling affirms, “Hurried leaders are quick to do and slow to be; quick to speak but slow to listen, quick to teach and slow to learn; quick to lead others but slow to lead themselves beside his still waters.”[10]

Such a description causes me to take serious inventory of what I do for God and if it takes precedence of how often I am with Him.

To keep me from overexerting myself at the expense of being with Him, God provides a gift of limits. As a leader, I cannot do what everyone expects of me. If I attempted this, I would have the reputation of being the best preacher, teacher, caretaker, administrator, architect, manager, and the list could continue.

Instead, God shows me what He gifts me to do and what He gifts others to do.[11] Viewing limits as a gift helps me grow into the leader God envisions instead of stretching myself thin in becoming someone I am not. Furthermore, setting limits with others will safeguard my time with God.[12]

When I first started pastoring, I felt undue pressure to make myself available whenever and wherever. Many mentors warned against this, but I chose to learn the hard way. Tyra believes being with Jesus is "an important aspect of our apprenticeship to him…"

When I do not protect my time with God, I miss out on what He has for me.[13] Following Jesus’s example, I will make sure what I do flows out of my time with God.

PART 3: SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES

Started on the Spiritual discipline journey a year a go when Lisa mentioned Mysticism and Dr. Tennison explained spiritual formation.

I do think I was already doing much of it, I just did not have the terminology for it.

With a sincere desire to grow in friendship with Jesus and to live and lead from being with Him, I need the means to make these possibilities a reality. Historically, spiritual disciplines have served Christ-followers well in their pursuit of Him. Richard J. Foster teaches, "Spiritual Disciplines are the means God uses for producing in us the needed transformation of heart and mind and soul."[14]Keeping the end goal in mind, nearness to Christ will keep the disciplines in the proper place.

Of the many spiritual disciplines, two that spoke volumes to me at this point in my life are meditation and solitude.

Initially, meditation conjured up thoughts of Eastern mysticism. Because of a lack of understanding, I sought to distance myself from what has proved to become a tremendous asset in spiritual life.

Satan seeks to steal, kill, and destroy; therefore, I realize he will offer a counterfeit to true spiritual disciplines (John 10:10). I have become more diligent in meditating on Scripture.

Like many leaders, I can view God’s Word from the perspective of developing a new message to instruct and help people.[15] Now, I have reversed the process. Instead of studying the passage to preach, I long to get the passage stirred and cemented in my heart.

I “internalize and personalize” the passage to give God space to apply it to my life.[16]

Furthermore, I have challenged myself to memorize Scripture. As I repeat each line of a passage, I pour over each word, thinking about each syllable and phrase. Doing so has caused me to think about a passage as I drift to sleep. Then I resume quoting the passage as I get out of bed. I take Tyra's admonition seriously, "We're never too old to spend quality time committing some especially critical biblical passages into our memory; so they can daily influence our actions and attitudes.”[17]

Another layer of solitude includes listening in prayer. Too often, my intercession focuses on me talking to God about my needs. Instead, I see that listening is the priority.[18]

I have renewed my commitment to sit and wait on God. Instead of inundating my day with constant noise, I will shut everything off and listen. Listening to God helps me identify my emotions and why I feel what I feel. DOING FIVE MINUTES

Meditation and solitude are two of many spiritual disciplines. I sense nearness as I turn my undivided attention toward Him.

I have experienced Willard's description, "The heavens progressively open to us as our character and understanding are increasingly attuned to the realities of God's rule from the heavens."[19] Putting these disciplines into practice has brought me closer to God.

PART 4: SABBATH

Developing a friendship with God comes from doing everything from being with Him. Each spiritual discipline assists in my endeavor to draw closer to God. Nevertheless, taking concrete steps to lead from a position of rest is not always easy.

Walter Brueggemann’s conviction that “God mandates a pause for Sabbath for the community” was a gentle reminder from God about my leadership in my family.[20]

I develop a pang of internal guilt if I do not fill my schedule to the brim. At one point, I could live this way, and it did not affect anyone but me.

Now, I have a nine-month-old baby boy. I have watched other children raised in a pastor's home feel slighted because their ministry parent was absent.

I want to resist the lure of placing my family on the back burner as I spend myself on the needs of others. Sabbath-keeping is a welcomed alternative to the constant flow of life with not enough hours in the day.[21]

My wife and I have looked over our schedule to create a weekly space for a family sabbath. Doing so has not been easy; it has made the workday fuller. Also, unplugging the noise and distractions brings some anxiety.

[22]Instead of ignoring what I feel in the sabbath, I have listened to Brueggemann's explanation that, "Sabbath is a school for our desires, an exposé and critique of the false desires that focus on idolatry and greed that have immense power over us.”[23]

Readjusting life to rest has caused me to focus on what is important. While I never want to shirk my responsibilities, I better serve those I lead when I rest in God's presence and ensure my family never feels slighted or ignored.

PART 5: LEADERSHIP PAIN

The invitation to develop a friendship with God, lead from the position of being and not doing, sounds appealing. On top of that, spiritual disciplines will assist in the process, including meditation, solitude, and keeping the sabbath. The prospective depth with God is alluring. The only problem is that the process is often painful.

Samuel Chand explains, “Pain isn’t an intrusion into the lives of spiritual leaders; it’s an element in shaping the leader’s life… If you’re not hurting, you’re not leading.”

[24] The past two years have been a season of leadership pain.

In addition to leading through a pandemic, the loss of my mother-in-law at age fifty-two created unique hurts, problems, and pains. God has remained faithful throughout the process and sprinkled in glimmers of hope and grace.

Instead of seeing the pain as punishment, I realize it is a gift from God. He uses the pain to expand my “compassion and wisdom.”

[25] God continues to use my situations as a means to prepare me for a deeper understanding of Himself. Walking through the hurt has made the presence of God more palpable. I feel closer to Him. Furthermore, He has provided tools that continue to help me through the process of growing through pain.[26]

One part of the pain process has included becoming moldable in the hands of God.[27] Seeing that pain is a gift from God to make me more like Him has shifted my perspective on what I face.

I have gone deeper in my prayer life and am more consistent in listening to His voice for direction, comfort, and help. I've developed new freedom to share openly and honestly with God, even lamenting my trials.

However, paradoxically, I have not fallen into a state of despair or hopelessness.[28] Acknowledging how I feel has opened a door for God to bring healing and direction.

God has also deepened my capacity to actively forgive. Facing loss has opened many circumstances that blindsided and bewildered my wife and me.

Gail Johnsen revealed, “Forgiveness is a spiritual discipline, an intentional, repetitive practice that becomes a point of healing every time forgiveness is extended.”[29]

I have grown in appreciation for the vastness of God's willingness to forgive me. I see Him developing that heart into my life. I now understand that the pain I have experienced has become a catalyst for me to know Him better.

CONCLUSION

Began spiritual formation/contemplative/mystical/whatever we call it journey.

Last year, went to a Benedictine monastery/chapel and listened.

Psalms 23— is my life passing me by. Am I in God’s will?

You’re going the slow way around with your best friend.

Including—

friendship

being with Him

spiritual doorways/disciplines

sabbath

pain