SESSION 5-BECOMING ONE March

AFTER THE EXPLOSION-

TURN TO PAGE (21) AND WRITE THE 1ST WORD THAT COMES TO YOUR MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD INTIMACY

WHAT WAS YOUR WORD

MOST WE HAVE ASKED ANSWERED SEX

SEX IS A PART OF INTIMACY BUT INTIMACY IS NOT JUST SEX

TALK ABOUT INTIMACY

GOD HAS A DESIRE TO REDEEM INTIMACY........& THAT IS WHAT WE ARE GOING TO ATTEMPT TO DO TODAY

The enemy and culture has clouded our thinking, so much so, that we see intimacy as primarily a physical connection.

We want to redeem it back to Gods original design

Intimacy is way more than physical.

Its a connection that mingles and intertwines the depths of our souls.

As you watch, listen for when they began to see intimacy as more than sex & how God transformed their views of intimacy.

­GO INTO TESTIMONY COMPILATION START OF TEACHING!

INTIMACY WHAT IS IT?

I asked my self this question....

Intimacy has got to be more than the 3-15 min of physical pleasure we call sex!

1 THESS 2:8 “so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.”

FOUND THIS SCRIPTURE THRU LOGOS

we were delighted to share with you.......our lives, or all of our selves.

Every real and healthy relationship must have intimacy

It requires a relational connection.

friends, mom, dad, kids,..... closest is spouse.

DEFINITION OF INTIMACY: A CLOSE FAMILIARITY OR FRIENDSHIP

DEFINITION OF INTIMATE: A WARM FRIENDSHIP DEVELOPING THROUGH LONG ASSOCIATION

OUR DEFINITION-A CLOSE ONENESS DEVELOPED OVER TIME

It is really a desire to want to know ALL about you.

Joe said it and I have read it-into me you see

We are going to talk about sex in this session, But before we do, we are going to dissect what intimacy really is.

w/ the goal of redeeming intimacy

when intimacy is redeemed to what God intended it to be

Sex is going to be blow your mind good!

God sees it all, he created it all and its all good!

It may be mind-boggling to you that God does not turn his eyes when married couples goes to bed…naked…but HE doesn’t. So we shouldn’t turn our eyes from God when we share intimate moments w/ our spouse.

Truth is sex is good-when it is in order so LETS LOOK AT THE ORDER

3 CORE LEVELS OF INTIMACY-SPIRITUAL, EMOTIONAL & PHYSICAL

SPIRITUAL BEING IN A PHYSICAL BODY…..

NOT PHYSICAL BEINGS TRYING TO BE SPIRITUAL

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY

DEFINITION OPENING YOUR HEARTS (YOUR INNER BEING) TO EACH OTHER AS YOU WOULD OPEN YOUR HEARTS TO THE LORD

YOU MUST HAVE OPENED YOUR HEART TO GOD FIRST

AND THEN BRING YOUR SPOUSE IN AND SHARE YOUR CORE BELIEFS & HEART W/ THEM.

HIGHEST LEVEL OF INTIMACY

FOUNDATION (GODS STARTING POINT)

EMOTIONAL INTIMACY

DEFINITION-A CLOSENESS IN WHICH BOTH PARTNERS FEEL SECURE & LOVED & IN WHICH TRUST & COMMUNICATION ABOUNDS

SECOND LEVEL OF INTIMACY & IS SIMILAR TO SPIRITUAL

EMOTIONAL INTIMACY IS GOING TO BE EASIER WHEN SPIRITUAL INTIMACY IS RIGHT

MOST RELATIONSHIPS START HERE (EXPLAIN)

While dating-but often times don’t go deeper than surface

& most bypass spiritual convos

Emotional Intimacy is:

GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER

Sharing feelings and desires

Its becoming aware of who each of us is

THIS IS SHARING OUR HEARTS & LIVES TOGETHER.

PHYSICAL INTIMACY

DEFINITION-TOUCH & CLOSENESS BETWEEN BODIES

THIS IS THE LEVEL THE ENEMY WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO START AT

LOWEST LEVEL OF INTIMACY (EXPLAIN PORN, PROSTITUTION, ECT)

God designed intimacy to be with people… not our selves

IF YOUR THOUGHT OF INTIMACY=SEX, THIS IS WHERE YOU LAND

MOST VISIBLE & TANGIBLE LEVEL

Each of these areas of intimacy need to be experienced everyday in marriage to have a healthy relational connection

This may seem overwhelming and impossible, but it is not!

Spiritual-praying together, sharing a devo, talking about what God is speaking to you.

Emotional-sharing your day, thoughts, etc w/ each other

Even if this is a few minutes, it is crucial

Physical-touch, holding hands, hug, kiss, & sometimes sex

But even if sex isn’t present-other touch needs to be.

When we start w/ spiritual intimacy, emotional intimacy comes naturally and when spiritual & emotional are in line, they overflow into physical.

Like Colt said the enemy would love for us to start at physical

When we do start at physical it is more difficult to move into emotional & spiritual connections

IF INTIMACY IS ONLY BASED ON SEX

YOUR AS CLOSE THE DAY YOU MARRY AS THE DAY YOU DIE

JILL MENTIONED THAT THEY HAD GOOD SEX, BUT THEY WERE NOT INTIMATE

If our view of intimacy=sex then we have a problem if sex at some point becomes impossible

We lose the ability to be intimate, which will result a relationship w/ no value.

WORLD HAS Twisted intimacy into a synonym for sex

Satans Goal is to distort your view

DISTORTED MY VIEW OF INTIMACY WITH GOD

(STORY OF ASKING SOMEONE THIS QUESTION)

EFFECTS OUR THINKING OF WHAT A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD IS ABOUT

INTIMACY MUST BE REDEEMED TO WHAT GOD INTENDED.

For us to experience intimacy in our marriages the way God designed. And lets be honest the way we desire.

GEN 2:24 “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

CLEAVE KJV

PERSONALLY VIEWED AS JUST SEX

CLEAVE IS MUCH MORE THAN PHYSICAL-

ITS COMPLETE ONESS OF EVERY FIBER OF OUR BEING, MIND, BODIES AND SOUL

Redeeming Intimacy is:

Redeeming your thinking

Its reordering your view of intimacy

Then its making every effort to maintaining this order

And connecting on each level, each day.

We could spend an hour on each level.

Truth is you have to put the work in.

You have to maintain connection.

Now that your thinking is redeemed then lets look at what the bible actually says about sexual intimacy.

SONG OF SOLOMON

ROMANTIC POETRY

WIDELY THOUGHT TO HAVE BEEN WEDDING SONGS

NEVER BEEN TO A WEDDING THAT TALKS OPENLY ABOUT THE MARRIAGE BED

Song of Solomon 2:3 NIV

Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.

VERY CLEAR NO SHAME IN PARTAKING IN THE GIFT OF THEIR LOVER’S BODY

The fruit that is sweet to her taste is not a basket of apples her lover has brought her.

Let’s look at sexual intimacy at creation.

· GENESIS 2:25 “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”

GOD CREATED ADAM AND SAID HE WAS GOOD

THEN HE CREATED EVE TO BE THE HELPER WHO WAS JUST RIGHT AND HE SAID SHE WAS GOOD

& we know God created sex

So Sex is good-b/c it is God’s creation

If we believe all God’s creation is good, why do we exclude sex and we have so many issues, even among Christian marriages.

@ creation-sin entered the garden & distorted Adam & Eve’s view-they had to hide themselves, b/c they were no longer unashamed.

This is what happened-sin entered the world and distorted our view of sex

You may be here and your view of this is distorted

SS 8:4 “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

This is a command that is given 3 times

Don’t arouse or awaken-meaning not to stir up passions -before the right time.

It may be something you made the choice to do

Or maybe it was something that was done to you-maybe out of your control

Lisa talked about how she never enjoyed sexual intimacy due to abuse in her past

But once she saw it thru God’s eyes, she experienced healing.

Most of us have had premature awakenings and they may still be impacting you today.

Which leaves you feeling naked & ashamed, which is opposite of God’s design

Vincent said he had a turning point years ago, but the healing has just recently came.

We want you to know that your healing is available today.

Healing from abuse or something of your choice

ISAIAH 44:22 “I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you.””

You are redeemed also......

So your past experiences & even your current view of sex do not get to over-ride God’s truth.

Sexual intimacy was created to be good, it is still good, & it can be good for YOU.

Regardless of how you FEEL

REDEEMING YOUR THINKING IS REDEEMING YOUR INTIMACY

OUR REDEMPTION JOURNEY

WE AWAKENED LOVE EARLY

ACTED LIKE A MARRIED COUPLE SEXUALLY

In my ignorance I broke up with Amanda my senior year.

Thought I wanted to date someone else

I broke her heart

She felt the pain of divorce

Only lasted a little over a month

When we got back together, we swept it under the rug

And continued awakening desires

WE MARRIED A COUPLE YEARS LATER

“GOOD MARRIAGE”

THOUGHT WE HAD A GOOD SEX LIFE

HAD SEX OFTEN

THOUGHT WE KNEW WHAT INTIMACY WAS

15 years into our marriage, healing began to manifest

GOD JOURNEYED US THROUGH THIS PAST HURT

That was caused by awakening desires

He took us on a journey to healing & deep intimacy on all levels.

IT STARTED w/ spiritual & emotional healing & flowed out into the physical

We didn’t even realize that the physical could get better.

And not just sexual, physical intimacy-holding hands, etc

MARRIAGE CONFERENCE 12 YEARS AGO-GOOD SEX

Good sex does not equal amazing love making

How do we get there-who in here wants amazing love making

How do we get to amazing love making

How do we get to amazing intimacy

Hard work and a lot of fun

We want to share the tools that God used to redeem our view of intimacy

OPEN COMMUNICATION-FROM SESSION 4

If you can’t communicate you can’t relate, and if you can’t relate you can’t truly get to know each other.

The freedom to talk about anything & everything

We became each others safe place

You both need to be on the same page w/ sexual intimacy

If there is something you don’t like you need the freedom to tell your spouse

If there are any triggers, share those and pray thru them.

Nothing from your past should be in your marriage bed

They can be healed...

Talk about it & be sensitive to the others needs

While being sensitive you are also ”holding hands” & journeying together to remove any strongholds that need to be removed.

You can partner w/ God for total healing

2. CONFESSION

James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

AREAS THAT NEED CONFESSED AS THE HOLY SPIRIT BRINGS IT UP

B/c we we are safe place, we were able to confess & share any & everything that the Holy Spirit revealed to us.

& this doesn’t even have to be sexual

It can be shameful things, that we have been fearful to share for fear of reactions.

Flower by the day care.... I felt shame for years

You may have something your feeling shame for thats hindering your connection. Bring it to to the light.

We got to the point of having no secrets so the enemy had NOTHING he could hold over our heads.

The freedom I felt when I had shared every embarrassing, guilty memory from my past and Colt still loved me and felt the same about me, it was amazing.

3. TAKING THOUGHTS CAPTIVE

2 COR 10:5 “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

THOUGHTS COME INTO OUR MINDS THAT ARGUE AGAINST THE TRUTH

1000 w/ mouth vs 10,000 in mind

Triggers from Past

Must take these false thoughts captive & make them obedient to Christ

By countering every argument the enemy brings up w/ the Word of God.

Some of the ladies talked ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS EVEN DURING PHYSICALLY INTIMATE TIMES.

4. PRAYING-EVEN DURING YOUR MOST PHYSICALLY INTIMATE TIMES

We have talked a lot about prayer

Prayer is a spiritual discipline and it has to be developed.

Its spiritually connecting.

Vital part of each level of intimacy

Even in physical intimacy

Just like Amanda said earlier God does not turn his eyes when we go to bed

We should feel the freedom to pray & invite Him into our sexual experiences

Yes you can pray during sex

Physical mirrors the Spiritual

God has used these areas to deepen all our intimacy-including sex

But it had to begin to be ordered God’s way starting spiritually, emotionally & the physically naturally came in line.

Jill talked about this God triangle.

23 years we awaked physical intimacy before its proper time

And God has reversed that wrong order and put it in the proper order.

Intimacy is multi leveled

It has an order

We have to recognize that and begin to order it Gods way.

We hope you have gathered that intimacy is not simply sex, however

Its a part of it & a good part so.......

LETS TALK ABOUT SEX!

We have give you so good tools so we are going to .

JUMP RIGHT IN TO THE GRAND FINALE

Book the hotel up the road called Capital O Hotel

1 CORINTHIANS 7:3 THE HUSBAND SHOULD FULFILL HIS WIFE’S SEXUAL NEEDS AND THE WIFE SHOULD FULFILL HER HUSBAND’S NEEDS.

Our culture tells men have higher sex drive & women have more of a desire to connect emotionally.

Shannon talked about how she needed emotional connection before she could be sexually interested

We need to view this emotional need as a need to be met before sex.

Emotional intimacy is part of the sexual experience.

Bill talks about their sex drives being on opposite ends and he began praying for God to bring them closer together.

He didn’t complain, he prayed

& for those who have the lower sex drive, pray for yours to increase as well

However, this verse makes it clear that women have sexual needs as well

& men you have emotional needs

It is not a true statement that men need sex and women need emotional-both need both!

Michelle & Barbara talk about getting emotionally ready for the physical act of intimacy & making a plan.

I love how they make a plan to meet their husbands needs. Needs that they know are important & maybe aren’t something they need as much.

We plan for what is important

It is ok to plan for sex

1 CORINTHIANS 7:5 “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

BIBLE IS CLEAR ON NOT W/HOLDING

Sex is a gift for both of us, not to be used as a weapon or a bargaining tool

Men you don’t get to use these scriptures as a tool to prove to your bride she must have sex with you b/c the Bible says so

The roles could be reversed in this area…maybe you as a wife have more of a desire

A common question is how many times should we have sex in a week

This is diff for each couple. Each of you should be fulfilled sexually

You must be able to communicate your needs & its possible that @ times sacrifices must be made.

Its not really a number its you both being on the same page.

Its about serving one another and meeting the others needs not just your own desires.

If someone is w/holding sex or it is not what they want it to be there is more than likely an unmet area

I need to self analyze to see if I am doing all I need to bring her alive sexually

It is important to use the tools of communication to get to the core issue

We have established-sex is good & it is for both of us

Story of going to lake as a kid and not getting a turn

Men-if you never had a turn on the tube you wouldn’t want to go to the lake

and if you never experience an orgasm would you want to have sex?

90% of men while 48% of women O frequently during sex

Scientific fact-the male sexual organ has multiple functions

however

the female’s klit-or-us has just one

Solely for sexual pleasure

God created a bodily organ that has no other purpose but sexual ecstasy

So where is the disconnect-why do many less women experience an orgasm than men do.

Women-for some of you this is an area of stress, concern and maybe you have given up.

Facts are only 10% of women orgasm easily

Some reason for the disconnect

Not taking proper time or preparation.

Women in general take more time to get ready sexually

Men we can be ready most of the time

Ignorance

Explore the garden-Joe

Only a small minority of women can orgasm thru penetration

It takes more time, communication and intentionality to bring your bride to orgasm

Learn to communicate during sexual experiences to discover what is best for you together.

Lack of Concern

Be honest, some may don’t care

If you are sexually fulfilled that is all that matters

You need to recognize there is a problem, repent and ask for a desire to pleasure her

If her needs are not met your not whole, b/c you are ONE

Women concerns

Mentally taxing on you

Maybe you have given up and think you are incapable of achieving O

Worried that it is going to take too long or inconvenience your husband

Past issues, worries, triggers,

All of this can be dealt with thru communication and practical application-go on a field trip

pg 47-I never faked an orgasm

Our challenge is to

Heal any past awakenings

Begin or continue your journey to sexual fulfillment

Communicate about sex-how much you would like to have it, what you need to get there

Focus on spiritual, emotional & physical intimacy outside of sex and experience your sex life explode.

Couples who enjoy being together have better sex lives

WHAT BECOMES YOUR HABIT becomes YOUR NORMAL...

If sexual pleasure is a stress, fear or foreign concept for you, there can can be healing.

So you can experience God’s good design of sex & that can become your normal

You can experience exceedingly, abundantly, more than you could have ever imagined.

Wow that is an awesome promise

Yes Please!

Intimacy redeemed could have been the title to this session & that is our hope for both of you!

We hope we have inspired & challenged you!

We are getting ready to go to our Q&A,

What if my wife doest want to O every time.

But we want to explain the challenges.

We encourage you to do these together-soon-remember today is the day to make the change.

Jeff & Sheila are you ready to come on up?