Do Yourself a Favor Love Your Spouse
Do Yourself a Favor Love Your Spouse
Exodus 20:14-14
How can you prove your faithfulness to God? One way is by demonstrating faithfulness to your spouse.
In his book The Myth of the Greener Grass J. Allan Peterson tells the story of a woman who was at lunch with eleven other people. They had been studying French together while their children were in a nursery school. One woman asked the group, “How many of you have been faithful to your husbands throughout your marriage?” Only one woman at the table raised her hand. That evening, this woman told her husband the story and added that she, herself, had not raised her hand. “But I have been faithful,” she assured him. “Then why didn’t you raise your hand?” “I was ashamed.”
That’s what we’ve come to in the good old U.S.A., we’re ashamed of virtue and godliness. It’s just not cool to be faithful anymore. At least that’s what T.V. and movies teach us. You get the good life by playing the field. And, of course, on the T.V. and in the movies there are no consequences to pay.
Our culture as bought into the lie that sex outside of marriage is good and something to be sought. One recent survey revealed that 60% of all marriages in our nation will experience the affect of adultery.
God’s ways are not our ways. The Seventh Commandment tells us his attitude on promiscuity in no uncertain terms. “Do not commit adultery.” Exodus 20:14
Sex outside the bound of a marriage relationship between a man and a woman is not permissible in God’s sight. It is a corruption of his intent for sex. The word, adultery, means that an impurity has been added. If you heard that the food you eat had been adulterated you wouldn’t eat it because it had been defiled somehow.
Sexual intimacy is to be contained within the covenant relationship between a man and a woman. To violate this command puts you in opposition to the God who created sex in the first place. Hebrews 13:4 warns, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (NIV) What does that judgment look like? Let’s ponder just a few of consequences of adultery.
1. The Awful Outcome of Infidelity
A. Adultery undermines trust in the marriage. One psychiatrist noted that adultery isn’t about “whom you lie with. It’s whom you lie to.” Marriage is a sacred union where we uncover our spouse – we learn who they really are – and they uncover us. It’s the place where you’re supposed to be totally free to be yourself. It is the deepest, most intimate relationship possible on this side of heaven. Adultery violates that sacred trust. You have to cover-up and lie to keep the illicit relationship going. It is the ultimate relational betrayal. Intimacy is lost and the relationship is damaged. Healing is possible, but it takes a long time to re-establish that broken connection. For many, the damage is irreparable.
B. Adultery opens the door to STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases). God’s plan is that two virgins meet, get married and enjoy sex free from guilt or fear. You hear about safe sex in the media, but it’s really only possible in a committed marital relationship between a man and a woman. Adultery, either before or after marriage, opens the door to sexually transmitted diseases.
There are twelve million cases of sexually transmitted diseases every year. The AIDS epidemic is reaching monstrous proportions, and efforts at making sure we all wear condoms aren’t going to safeguard anybody. The failure rate of condoms when it comes to preventing pregnancy is somewhere between 15 and 26 percent. And the HIV virus is 450 times smaller than sperm. God’s call to remain faithful to our spouses protects us from the pain of such epidemics. Recently Dr. Laura said on her radio show that 1 out of 5 people between the ages of 18 and 30 will contract a STD.
C. Adultery devastates children. If anyone here is considering an affair or engaged in one let me encourage you to take along a picture of your children to your next rendezvous. Prop it up at the table where you’re whispering sweet nothings in one another’s ear. Take it to the motel room and set it up where you can view it while you get busy. By doing this you’re getting a good look at the real victims of your little roll in the hay. One way or another they’re going to be damaged.
The number one fear of every child is the loss of one or both parents. If you want to give them a big dose of insecurity and anxiety go ahead and pursue that selfish affair. Just keep telling yourself that your happiness is more important than their emotional, physical and spiritual security. That’s the choice. Adultery devastates kids.
This is not to even mention kids who are the product of an affair. Typically, they grow up in single parent families, which puts them immediately at a disadvantage. Here are some statistics to tuck away. “Almost 75 percent of American children living in fatherless households will experience poverty before the age of eleven, compared to only 20 percent of those raised by two parents. Children living in homes where fathers are absent are far more likely to be expelled from or drop out of school, develop emotional or behavioral problems, commit suicide, and fall victim to child abuse or neglect. The males are also far more likely to become violent criminals. As a matter of fact, men who grew up without dads currently represent 70 percent of the prison population serving long-term sentences.”
D. Adultery doesn’t supply the happiness it offers. According to Dr. Lana Staneli, author of a book on marital triangles, “Of those who break up their marriage to marry someone else, eighty percent are sorry later. Of those who do marry their lover, which is only about ten percent, about seventy percent of them get a divorce. Of that twenty-five to thirty percent that stay married, only half of them are happy. Having an affair is an invitation to an awful lot of pain and tragedy.”
When you boil it all down you only get one thing out of an affair, a new sex partner. But guess who studies show have the best sex? A new study commissioned by the Family Research Council of Washington, D.C., found that the people most likely to report a high degree of satisfaction with their current sex life are married people who strongly believe that sex outside of marriage is wrong. The study found that 72 percent of these “married traditionalists” reported sexual satisfaction. This is 31 percent higher than unmarried non-traditionalists and 13 percent higher than married non-traditionalists. The study went on to show that sexually happy people also tend to go to church. Some two-thirds of the responders who attend church weekly are very satisfied with their sex lives, compared to barely half of those who never attend church.
No wonder some of you folks are so happy on Sunday mornings.
2. How to Stay Faithful
Remember that adultery begins in the mind, not the private parts. Our thought life determines our fidelity. That’s why Jesus made such a big deal about the internal forces behind adultery. Matthew 5:27-30 “You have heard that the law of Moses says, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye – even if it is your good eye – causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand – even if it is your stronger hand – causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” (NLT)
Please note that this saying of Jesus is what’s known as hyperbole. It’s exaggerated speech used to make a point. He never intended us to maim ourselves. If he did I suspect there’d be a lot of one-eyed men in the church today.
His point here is that we must do whatever it takes to eradicate sexual lust from our lives. For men it’s typically what the eye takes in. For women it’s often hearing or touch. The first bit of advice is …
1. Get a grip on your thought life. The Great Wall of China was built over many hundreds of years to keep China’s northern enemies from invading. The Great Wall is so wide that chariots could ride across the top. It is one of the few manmade objects that astronauts can see from outer space as they look back on the earth.
But the Great Wall did not keep the enemy out. Do you know why? All the enemy had to do was bribe a gatekeeper. Despite the massive wall, there was an enemy on the inside that let the enemy on the outside in. So it is in our lives. The gatekeeper of our hearts must be faithful or the walls of restraint, the laws of God’s Word, will do us no good.
You are the gatekeeper of your soul. Beware of what you let in. Men, I don’t know how you can expect to indulge in pornography and not be tempted to go after illicit sex. Even the mildest forms, like Playboy, are designed to inflame your desire. If you want to stay faithful you’ve got to stay away from movies, videos and even some TV shows with sexual content. You’re being invaded and set up for an affair. Follow the practice of Job 31:1 “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust upon a young woman.” (NLT)
Most women are rightly disgusted by pornography, but, ladies, you better beware of those Soaps on TV. Romance novels can be harmful too. Watch out for those things that provoke a longing for excitement and romance. Those stories promise a life of unending bliss, which is fictional.
2. Avoid dangerous liaisons. Billy Graham is one of the few televangelists whose ministry has not been rocked by scandal. This has not been by accident. Neither Billy Graham nor any of his associates will allow themselves to be alone with a member of the opposite sex who is not their spouse. They take every precaution to protect their integrity. We’ve got to do something similar. Here are some suggestions:
A. Watch how and when you are alone with someone of the opposite sex.
B. Watch how you touch people of the opposite sex – be careful with your hugs and lingering touches.
C. Don’t travel alone with someone of the opposite sex.
D. Watch out for that long lunch, that after-work drink, the moments when you stay late and work together on a project with someone of the opposite sex.
3. Meet Your Spouse’s Needs.
Not only should be guard ourselves against affairs, but it’s also important to help our spouses not stray by meeting their deepest needs. This is, in fact, what the Bible counsels us to do. In the area of sex married couples are taught in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 “The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, no should the wife deprive her husband. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife.” (NLT)
Here’s the attitude we’re supposed to have for one another.
Ephesians 5:33 “…each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (NLT)
Help them not be tempted by meeting their needs. To help in this area there is a book titled His Needs, Her Needs: Building and Affair-proof Marriage. by Willard F. Harley Jr. It is highly recommended. In it he discusses the top five needs of husbands and wives and how we can meet those needs. Although we don’t have time to talk about them I thought it would be helpful to show you the list.
His Needs, Sexual fulfillment, Recreational companionship, An attractive spouse, Domestic support, and Admiration.
Her Needs, Affection, Conversation, Honesty and openness, Financial support, and Family commitment. The last bit of advice is…
4. Value Your Marriage.
Get God’s perspective on marriage. If you are a follower of Jesus Christ prove your faithfulness to God by demonstrating faithfulness to your spouse. Here’s what he thinks about it. Mark 10:9 “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Marriage is sacred. God put you with your spouse to make you holy. Prove your faithfulness to God by demonstrating faithfulness to your spouse.
In his address to the 1997 graduation class at East Stroudsburg University, U.S. Senator Rick Santorum told a story seemingly unrelated to the usual commencement speeches about success and happiness. This is the story: A Baptist preacher in South Carolina wanted nothing more out of life than to run a Bible college. All his life, he worked for the position and eventually attained it. As he fulfilled his life’s dream and vocation, Alzheimer’s disease struck his wife. Her health degenerated to the point where he could not possibly take care of her and work his full-time job. The preacher came to a decision – to give up his position as president of the Bible college. His peers were incredulous. “What are you doing?” they asked. “Your wife doesn’t even know who you are!” The man answered, “She might not know who I am, but I know who she is. She’s the woman I made a promise to until death do us part.”
Prove your faithfulness to God by demonstrating faithfulness to your spouse.