Husbands

Intro

We all know that guys, we aren’t great at reading or asking for directions. It is such a common thing that we see it played out quite comically at times in popular TV shows and movies.

It is a well known fact that for most men, not all, but most men would rather figure it out on their own than read the manual.

In fact a recent study suggested that 64% of men don’t read the manual before calling tech support.

In other words, they call for help even though the answer to their problems might be in their hand.

And how true is that of marriage?

We have spent the last few weeks talking about marriage and looking at the components of a good marriage and what they look like and how they go together.

But this information isn’t mine. I didn’t come up with this stuff. No, these principles have been around for thousands of years in the Bible.

Everything we need to know about how to have a great marriage is in our hands or at least readily available at all times.

But for many, even Christians, especially Christian men we won’t take the time to read the manual; to read the directions.

Like most things we just wing it and rely on our own understanding of how things work or should work to get us by. The problem is that our understanding is flawed. We have to be willing to do what doesn’t come naturally and read the manual.

And the fact is, our willingness to do the work and learn what we need to learn says a lot about how much we value our wives.

Seriously, if you and I aren’t willing to open the manual, to open a Bible and read God’s word as it applies to our role as a husband then can we really say they we care about our spouse?

Can we really say that she means a whole lot if she isn’t worth the time it takes to learn a few things to make us better husbands?

I think it speaks volumes.

So today as we wrap up this series on marriage I want to focus our time this morning on what the manual says about husbands.

Big Idea/Why it Matters

If you remember, last week we looked at more of Ephesians 5. We looked specifically at verses 21-24.

We said that verse 21 tells us that husbands and wives, you must be willing to submit to each other. We talked about the concept of mutual submission.

And then we looked at the example Paul gave for how wives can do that. By acknowledging their husband as the head, or leader of their family.

We said that she submits to him not as a subject to be ruled, but as a partner who is helping him lead.

But let’s bring it back again to this concept of mutual submission. We looked at what that looks like with the wife, what about the husband? How does a husband submit to his wife?

Ephesians 5:25-33 NLT 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.

28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Notice here that Paul when talking to the husbands in his letter spends 3 times as much time on the husband’s role than he does the wife’s.

He tells the husband, listen, your responsibility is lofty. It is no small task. He even repeats himself, indicating how important this is.

Men, the simple fact is that problems are always going to arise in your marriage when you don’t read the manual. Because if you don’t read it, then you won’t be able to do what Paul is explaining here.

In verse 25 Pauls speaks of sacrifice. He says “he gave himself up for her”, speaking of Jesus for the Church.

The expectation for husbands outlined by Paul is that a husband should be willing to die for his wife.

Now there are men who will hear this and say, no problem. I would die for my wife. I would lay down my life to save her. And you know, for many that is probably true.

But Pauls instruction here relates to another kind of death too. For men, swallowing our pride and our ego is all about dying to self. Sometimes this is even more difficult than physically dying for our wives.

That is something that men may not be as eager to do. Dying to self is difficult and requires a willingness to always be second. It requires a mindset that says everything I do, I do for the benefit of my wife.

This is the mutual submission piece. A godly husband submits his will, passions, ego, and desires to his wife because he recognizes that like Jesus, our aim is to serve and not be served.

He then goes on in verses 26 and 27 to describe the reason Jesus gave himself up for the Church.

Ephesians 5:26-27 NLT 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.

Jesus death made it possible for the Church to become all that it was meant to be.

Likewise, husbands need to understand that our role is to do likewise for our wives. To love them in such a way that they have the space and resources needed to be everything they have been created to be.

This means we set aside our own ambition at times to make space for our spouse’s.

This means we lift up rather than put down

We encourage rather then discourage

That we are the kind of godly leader in our home that inspires them to be godly

That we love them for who God made them to be and not who we might wish they were.

This sounds lofty because it is lofty.

Husbands, the world wants to sell you a narrative where you don’t matter. Where you are nothing but a buffoon who can’t seem to get things right with your wife.

The world would have you believe that to be a strong leader in your home is chauvinistic and too patriarchal for a woke society.

I’m here to tell you that that couldn’t be further from the truth. And if you believe that is what your wives want from you, nothing more than the butt end of a joke or passive and uninterested in being the man you are called to be, then you don’t know your wife very well.

Husbands, when you and I get this right, it makes their role of submitting to our leadership an effortless one.

Application

Remember, Paul isn’t one to simply give us this big lofty command and leave us to ourselves to figure out how to do it. No, he often gives practical application.

That is exactly what he does in...

Ephesians 5:28-29 NLT 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.

He says, love your wife, submit or die for her the same way Jesus did for the Church. Why? To make her into who she was created to be.

How do we do this. Well Paul says that when you consider how you love your wife, does it reflect how you treat yourself? Love them like you love yourself.

You care for your own body don’t you. You feed it and do things that you find enjoyable. Jesus cares for the Church by providing for her physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Can we say that we are doing the same for our wives?

Maybe you provide physically, but that isn’t enough. Even with our own bodies, just being fed physically isn’t enough. We also need to be fed spiritually and emotionally to be a healthy human.

Our wives are the same way. They need more than physical provision. They need a husband who will invest emotionally in them. Who see the spiritual needs of his family and take the reigns and provide for that.

This is an area that so many men have set aside forcing their wives to pick up the slack. Men, the spiritual condition of your family is your responsibility as head of your house.

Can you honestly say that you have taken a leadership role in this area? Are you setting the tone and the example for your family of what it looks like to serve God? Or has your wife had to take that on since you have neglected it?

This will have a detrimental long term impact on your family that you can’t even begin to see until it is too late.

The stats don’t lie. When mothers take the lead spiritually in her family there is only a 17% probability that her family will follow her lead.

When husbands/fathers take the lead spiritually in his family there is a 93% probability that his family will follow his lead. Why? Because that is how God designed it to be.

Men, if you love your wife like Jesus loves the Church then you need to step up and make sure you are leading and providing for her in this area.

What happens when we don’t take care of our bodies? We get sick, develop health conditions, damage our longevity.

The same is true of our marriages. If we don’t take care of our spouse like we should our own bodies then we are going to invite sickness and damage that will infect the longevity of our marriages.

At the end of the day you have to decide how important your wife is to you. You have to decide what you are willing to lay down for her benefit.

Many husbands love to speak of the wife’s role in submitting to her husband as head of the family. But we cannot forget that being the head comes at a cost. Being the head of the Church cost Jesus his life on a cross.

Have you died on your cross yet? Have you died to self for her yet?

How far are you willing to submit to her and serve her?

Closing

Men must recognize the value of the wife. She is priceless and should be treated as such.

Proverbs 18:22 NLT 22 The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.

The hope diamond in the Smithsonian is a priceless gem. But the security system surrounding it is even more impressive. The system costs over $500k, took over 600 man hours to design, and has sophisticated triggers if the diamond is tampered with.

The protection around that diamond is an acknowledgment of its value.

What do we do to protect our marriage? Because what we are willing to do is an acknowledgment of its value to us.

Do our actions demonstrate that it is priceless? Or do they show that is worth nothing more than cheap costume jewelry?

Husbands, how you lead reveals the answer to that question.