Respect Must be Taught and Caught Before It
Respect Must be Taught and Caught Before It’s Sought
Exodus 20:12
Everything that you’ve needed to know, somewhere along the line a mom probably taught you. Let’s think about some of those lessons: My Mother taught me LOGIC: "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me," as well as, "If everyone else jumped off a cliff would you do it too?" My Mother taught me MEDICINE: "If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to freeze that way." My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD: "If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!" My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE: "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... then when you spoke, Don’t talk back to me!" My Mother taught me HUMOR: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me." My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT: "If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up. My mother taught me about GENETICS: "You are just like your father!" My mother taught me about my ROOTS: "Do you think you were born in a barn?" My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE: "When you get to be my age, you will understand," or, "I will explain it all when you get older." My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until your father gets home." My mother taught me about RECEIVING: “You are going to get it when I get you home.” And the all time favorite thing my mother taught me, JUSTICE: "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you’ll see what it’s like! I can’t wait!"
Obviously that wasn’t a complete list. It left off perhaps the most important concept a parent can instill in a child, respect. Today we’re going to tackle the fifth commandment. This God-given boundary comes with a promise. Here’s what God said: “Honor your father and your mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God will give you. Exodus 20:12 (NLT)
What does it mean to honor your father and mother? In the original language the word “honor” literally means “to make heavy.” In other words, we are not to take our parents lightly. God calls us to actively give them respect and reverence.
This commandment is tough to chew on because we live in an age of disrespect. In our society youth is glorified and old age is seen as something to avoid at all costs. On TV and in the movies kids are most often portrayed as the witty heroes. Parents tend to be the pathetic, overbearing buffoons, especially dads. Anybody remember Al Bundy or Homer Simpson? The elderly are most often viewed as senile and to be avoided if you want to have a good time. In this case it seems that the media is reflecting the attitude of the culture, disrespect of parents and grandparents. Just as with all of God’s commandments, this one has terrible consequences for nations and individuals if it’s not heeded.
1. WHY SHOULD WE INSIST ON RESPECT?
A. It teaches kids to honor all authority. When God first gave this commandment to his people, he told them one of its purposes. “If you want to live a long and good life in the land I’m giving you, honor your parents.” The negative implication is that if they fail to honor their parents, they’ll be expelled from the land. As we’ll see shortly, that’s exactly what happened. The health of the family reflects the health of the nation. The Fifth Commandment extends to other areas of authority in society. By learning to respect parental authority, one learns to respect the authority or other superiors, such as teachers, ministers, policemen, and state and federal officials – right up to the president.
In other words, kids who have learned to honor their parents in turn respect those in authority over them. This enables them to be upright, law-abiding citizens. Proverbs 30:17 says, “The eye that mocks a father and despises a mother will be plucked out by ravens of the valley and eaten by vultures.” (NLT)
This isn’t a shallow warning designed as a scare tactic. The death described is one of a criminal whose body is left exposed to the elements and the birds of prey. Kids who grow up disrespecting their parents in turn disrespect all authority and often become criminals. When this happens an entire nation can be brought down. About 600 years after this commandment given the people of Israel began to violate it. Speaking through Ezekiel, God points out the problem and its results: Ezekiel 22:7,15 NLT “Fathers and mothers are contemptuously ignored. I will scatter you among the nations.”
In 586 B.C., that prophecy became a reality when the Babylonian army invaded. Nations that fail to honor parents eventually disrespect and disregard all authority. It leads to lawlessness. Even worse, failure to honor parents results in a refusal to honor God, the ultimate authority. The 5th commandment has a reciprocal effect.
B. The honor you give is the honor you will receive.
One of Grimm’s fairy tales tells of an old man who lived with his son, the son’s wife, and their four-year-old boy. The old man’s his hands shook. When he ate, the silverware rattled against the plate, and he often missed his mouth and the food would dribble onto the tablecloth. This upset the mother, because she didn’t like the mess of taking care of the old man. But he had nowhere else to live. So the parents decided to move him away from the table, into a corner, where he could sit on a stool and eat from a bowl. And so he did, always looking at the table and wanting to be with his family but having to sit alone in the corner. One day his hands trembled more than usual; he dropped his bowl and, and broke it. “If you are a pig,” they said, “then you must eat out of a trough.” So they made the old man a wooden trough and put his meals in it.
Not long after, the couple came upon their four-year-old son playing with some scraps of wood. His father asked him what he was doing. The little boy looked up, smiled, and said, “I’m making a trough, to feed you and Mom out of when I get big.” The next day the old man was back at the table eating with the family, from a plate, and no one ever scolded him or mistreated him again.
So you see the huge implications of honoring your parents. We’re so disconnected from this commandment today that we have to re-learn how to honor our parents.
2. HOW TO HONOR YOUR PARENTS
A. Teach your children to respect you. Honor and respect must be taught. It doesn’t come natural for children. Notice how the command for children to respect and and for parents teach it are linked. Eph. 6:1-4, “Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first of the Ten Commandments that ends with a promise. And this is the promise: If you honor your father and mother, “you will live a long life, full of blessing.” And now a word to you fathers. Don’t make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.” (NLT) Respect must be taught before it is sought by kids. Adrian Rogers says, we teach respect when do four things…
1.) Love them. Show them affection. Mom and dad, your kids need your hugs and kisses and pats every day. They need you to bless them. Affirm them constantly. Take them seriously. Don’t belittle their joys and sorrows. Listen to them. It should go without saying, but the biggest thing you can give your kids to demonstrate your love is your time.
In an interview in Today’s Christian Woman, Carol Kent writes: One day when my son Jason was young, we were eating breakfast together. I had on an old pair of slacks and a fuzzy old sweater. He flashed his eyes at me over his cereal bowl and said, “Mommy, you look so pretty today.” I didn’t even have makeup on! So I said, “Honey, why would you say I look pretty today? Normally I’m dressed up in a suit and high heels.” And he said, “When you look like that, I know you’re going away; but when you look like this, I know you’re all mine.” This little boy felt honored by his busy mother simply because she dressed in a way that said, “I want to be with to you today.” We show our children how valuable they are by the time we spend with them. Another way we teach respect is when we …
2.) Lift them. Make a practice of building your kids up. It’s easy to tear them down because they’re kids and they mess up a lot. Colossians 3:21 tells us: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart.” Encourage rather than discourage. Focus on the good thing the child is doing, not just the achievement. Rather than say, “Good job, you got an ‘A.’” Lift what they’ve done by saying, “I’m so proud of all the hard work you’ve done to get that grade.” The next point is: As a parent your must …
3.) Limit them. This is hard. But, your children need parents, not buddies. You can be a friend, but not a buddy. Buddies don’t discipline. Parents do. The Bible, in no uncertain terms, tells us that true love sets limits and then enforces them. Proverbs 13:24, “If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don’t love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them.” (NLT)
Increasingly I see parents who are either too lazy or too scared of their children to discipline them. Failure to set and enforce limits is both a failure to love and instill honor. How will a child ever respect authority out in the world if you don’t hand out discipline at home? The most pathetic scenes I’ve ever witnessed are parents trying to reason with their children. Don’t do that. They’re children. They don’t have the capacity to reason early on. Here’s what the Bible advises: Proverbs 22:15 says, “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”
God gave you a size and weight and intellectual advantage for a reason. Use those advantages. Set those limits and enforce them and you will see remarkable results.
James Dobson tells a story about a ten-year-old boy named Robert who was a patient of a dentist, but Robert was a holy terror. Robert saw his trip to the dentist as a new and exciting challenge in his ongoing battle of wills. As he went into the dentist’s office, he announced that he was not going to get in the chair. The dentist said, “Robert, I want you to climb up into the chair.” Robert clenched his fists and screamed at him that he would not. The dentist patiently explained that Robert needed to get into the chair in order to get his teeth fixed. Robert refused – again – loudly. Then Robert played his trump card: “And if you come over here and try to make me, I’ll take off all my clothes.” The dentist simply said, “Fine. You go right ahead.” And Robert did. He was as naked as the day he was born. “Now,” said the dentist, “get in that chair.” This time Robert did as he was told. No crying, no hitting, no kicking, and no biting. When the cavities were drilled and filled, Robert climbed down and asked for his clothes. The dentist said, “No, son, I’m not going to give them to you. We’re going to keep your clothes tonight. Your mom can pick them up tomorrow.” So out came Robert from the dentist’s office into the waiting room to a very shocked mother. But she didn’t say a word! She just took him out to the parking lot to their car. The next day the mother came for her son’s clothes. When the dentist came out, she said, “Doctor, I want to thank you for what you did to Robert yesterday. His favorite threat has been that he’ll take off all his clothes if he doesn’t get his way. You’re the first person who has ever called his bluff, and he’s already become a different child!”
4.) Lead them. Parents, you are the primary teachers of morality in your home. Children’s ministry, youth ministry and the other things church may offer your kids is at best supplemental to what you do at home. In other words, if the Christian faith isn’t being taught and lived out in your family, the very best programs of the church can produce will have little effect. You must lead them in godly ways. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Laura Schlessinger tells the story about a rabbi sitting next to an atheist on an airplane. Every few minutes, one of the rabbi’s children or grandchildren would inquire about his needs for food, drink, or comfort. The atheist commented, “The respect your children and grandchildren show you is wonderful. Mine don’t show me that respect.” The rabbi responded, “Think about it. To my children and grandchildren, I am one step closer in a chain of tradition to the time when God spoke to the whole Jewish people on Mount Sinai. To your children and grandchildren, you are one step closer to being an ape.”
Respect must be taught before it is sought. However, honor must also be caught. Our children need to see respect in us. How?
B. Treat your parents with respect. This is going to be a for some of you. God didn’t say honor your parents if they’re honorable. God doesn’t say that respect must be earned before you have to give it. We’re to give honor too our parents, because they gave us life.
This means that, you refuse to speak disrespectfully of your parents, no matter what they’ve done. It means you are polite and respectful in their presence. If there’s not some kind of abuse or violence going on it means that you maintain a relationship with them. Even if they live far away you can drop them a regular letter, a phone call or a visit. If they are open to a relationship you should pursue it. If they want nothing to do with you you’re not obligated to go after them, but you should still extend respect.
If your parents are involved in some sort of immorality you honor the person, but not the practice. Today we have some grandparents or parents who are shacking up or having extra-marital affairs. You can include and invite them and honor them, but make sure they know that they can’t bring the new squeeze to the family cookout. You can still be respectful even if you’ve got a prodigal parent or grandparent. It’s important for your own kids to see the way your respond. Respect must be taught and caught before it’s sought.
C. Take care of your parents in their time of need. We should be thankful for nursing homes. They provide the care that often cannot be given by the children of disabled parents. Let’s be honest, though, often those places are used as escapes to avoid responsibility. If you’re follower of Jesus Christ you can’t opt out of providing care.
The church should care for any widow who has no one else to care for her. But if she has children and grandchildren, their first responsibility is to show godliness at home and repay their parents by taking care of them. This is something that pleases God very much. 1 Timothy 5:3-4, 8 says, “But those who won’t care for their own relatives, especially those living in the same household, have denied what we believe. Such people are worse than unbelievers. (NLT)
I’m going to my mom and dad’s house this week because my mother needs a little help. She needs help because my father has to be lifted out of bed, on and off the toilet, and in and out of his chair and wheel chair. And now mom has a sciatic nerve problem. This is to say nothing of my mother’s normal daily routine of cooking, cleaning, shopping, banking, medicating, driving, washing, ironing, not sleeping more than five or six hours a night due to dad’s loss of bodily functions. My mother is 81 and has had a radical mastectomy that has never fully healed due to lifting dad.
There are other things I’d rather be doing this week, but I love them dearly, so I am going to help. I will empty and washed my dads pants and catheter bag, scrub the bathroom floor where he regularly misses the toilet. I’ll have to fix several things that dad has broken or scraped while listening to the same stories I’ve heard several times already. Why do I want to do this?
Because when I go, I am overcome with a feeling of immense gratitude. It occurs to me that it is my honor to give them that measly gift of a few day’s servitude out of the so many thousands of such days my mother puts in single-handedly without a word of complaint. It is my privilege to clean his pants and wash his dirty clothes. I will feel an overwhelming sense of divine grace. I always realize while there that to serve others selflessly to the point of being sad and tired, without expectation of reward or recognition, is the ultimate spiritual high. In a generation (to its shame) is dubbed, “The Me Generation,” where millions can’t decide whether dear old Dad is worth the extra fifty bucks a day in this nursing home, or if the other worse but cheaper one, it is not surprising that so many are baffled by my daughters desire to go to Africa to take care of the sick and social outcasts dying of Aids. How did she get that way? I think she watched my mom.
If you want kids who honor authority and grow up to be godly, responsible, compassionate adults remember: Respect must be taught and caught before it’s sought.