Communication

Does it ever feel like an impossible task?

You say one thing, they hear another.

They react to what they thought you said and you react to their reaction and that’s when things really get crazy.

Right?

As followers of Jesus, we understand intellectually that God’s Word has the answers for everything.

We give mental assent to the idea that everything we need to navigate life is given to us in the Word of God.

The problem is that we still tend to act and react according to our fleshly nature and habits instead of how the Word of God directs us to.

When we are in the middle of a conflict it is difficult to stop and think Biblically.

Instead, we often react according to our fleshly nature.

One of the most difficult things to do in life in general and communication in particular is listen well.

That is our topic tonight.

Listen Well To Others

Our passage tonight is Matthew 9:27-31.

Before we go there, lets look at an Biblical example of someone who didn’t stop and think Biblically.

Jonah 1:1-3; 4:2

Jonah 1:1–3 NKJV

1 Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, 2 “Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry out against it; for their wickedness has come up before Me.” 3 But Jonah arose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. He went down to Joppa, and found a ship going to Tarshish; so he paid the fare, and went down into it, to go with them to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord.

We know the story.

Jonah’s ship gets caught in a severe storm.

The sailors cast lots, find out its Jonah.

He eventually gets them to throw him overboard.

He’s swallowed by a whale and eventually spit back out.

He goes to Nineveh, preaches repentance and they repent and God doesn’t destroy them.

Now we look at Jonah’s response.

Jonah 4:2 NKJV

2 So he prayed to the Lord, and said, “Ah, Lord, was not this what I said when I was still in my country? Therefore I fled previously to Tarshish; for I know that You are a gracious and merciful God, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, One who relents from doing harm.

Jonah knew the Lord's grace and mercy.

He didn't understand God's discipline.

Jonah didn’t listen to God.

He reacted in his flesh instead of thinking Biblically about Who Scripture reveals God to be.

Here is a huge key to communication.

Stop to listen and think before responding.

Observe what Jesus did

What we are going to look at tonight is…

5 Principles that help us to listen well.

Alright, let’s look at Matthew 9.

Matthew 9:27-31

READ vv. 27-28a

If we are going to listen well to others, they need to be able to say something to us.

This means that we need to be approachable.

They need to know that they can come and talk to us about anything.

So here is our first principle.

Approachability Is A Must vv. 27-28a

We cannot listen well if people are not talking.

People will not talk if we are not approachable.

Consider what happens here.

Jesus is followed by these blind men.

Not only that, they are continually crying out “Son of David, have mercy on us!”

Then, they follow Jesus into the house he is staying at!

How many of us would be annoyed at this point?

We may even accuse them of nagging.

They must have understood that Jesus was safe.

Jesus is someone they can talk to.

This leads us to ask the question of ourselves.

Am I approachable?

Are we?

Do our spouses, our children, our friends feel comfortable coming to us with disagreements and potential conflicts?

How many want their children to come to them with problems?

Raise your hand.

If that is what we want, we must react very carefully anytime they bring something to us or we hear something.

All it takes is one wrong response to slam this door shut!

Let me be really vulnerable with you.

This is an area of struggle for me.

Only recently have I been learning that my responses have made it difficult for Jess to even ask me for help with things.

I may say “okay” but I say it in such a way that it clearly indicates I don’t want to do it.

Or, I may answer a question but my tone implies that it is something she should have known.

Eventually, these kinds of responses make her not want to bring anything up to me anymore.

That’s not where we want to live!

Failure to be approachable pushes others away.

Approachability is a must!

Be approachable.

Principle #2…

Hear The Heart v. 28b

READ v. 28b

Jesus listens to these men.

He hears what they are saying as well as what they are not saying.

They say “have mercy” they mean “heal us.”

Jesus hears the cry of their heart.

This is how we listen well.

Yes, they should say what they mean.

Yes, they should speak with clarity.

However, the reality is that many people don’t do the things we have already talked about.

Instead, they hint, they imply, they want you to guess and figure it out.

Listening well requires that we hear the cry of the heart.

Sometimes children will ask directly for what they want.

Our youngest will sometimes say, Daddy can you just hold me?

Other times they will say something like, Dad can we play a game.

What they mean is, “can we spend time with you?”

I need to hear the cry of their heart in that moment and not be annoyed or frustrated with them asking for the 10,000th time to play a game.

Wives - When he asks you to go to the store with him, or help him with a project, he wants to spend side by side, shoulder to shoulder time. He needs that.

Husbands - when she asks for you to do a task, it isn’t because she doesn’t like you to do nothing. It’s because you are her important person, the one she brings things to, she wants to feel cared for, loved, and protected!

Parents - your kids need your time, attention, and affirmation. No matter their age.

Friends - Every human being needs connection. Listen for the cry of their heart!

Examples?

Questions?

Hearing a heart requires work and patience.

Be approachable.

Hear the heart.

Principle #3…

Address The Need vv. 29-30a

READ vv. 29-30a

Jesus meets their need.

He was approachable, He heard the cry of their heart and He met their need.

Part of listening well is taking whatever action is required of us.

Jesus doesn’t just give them well wishes.

He touches their eyes.

Why?

He doesn’t need to.

There is comfort in physical contact.

They have come to Him with a care, with a concern, Jesus is providing comfort.

He does that through physical means and then through verbal means.

They already said they believed in His ability and power to do this.

Their eyes are opened.

When someone comes to us with a problem or difficulty, they do not need a lecture nor a sermon, they need compassion.

Jesus cares for these blind men.

Do we care for those who come to us?

As most of you know, Joseph was injured on Sunday afternoon.

He was barefoot in the backyard and through a series of events, a 4x4 wooden beam got dropped on his foot.

One of the first things that occured to me was “you shouldn’t have been barefoot and moving wooden beams!”

I did not say that to him when he came in the house with a smashed toe.

I didn’t say it at the hospital, or the next day.

I addressed that with him and Abi yesterday.

Why?

Because I wanted him to know that I cared about him.

First and foremost, that is what the people in our lives need.

They need to know that we care.

The old saying is very true.

People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.

Be approachable.

Hear the heart.

Address the need.

Principle #4…

Give Clear Direction v. 30b

READ v. 30b

Part of listening well is response.

Communication is a two-way street.

Jesus listened to them, He heard the cry of their heart, He met their need.

Now he gives them some direction.

If there is a problem to be solved, solve it.

Not the problem you think, but the real problem.

Again, we have to listen to know what action to take and direction to give.

If we only hear half the information, our response will be incorrect.

Jesus is clear in His direction.

One of the things that happened with taking Joseph to the emergency room was that they gave us a packet of information about caring for his wound and toe.

The problem is, we got home and found out that all the important parts of the information were not fully filled out.

Therefore, the directions were not clear.

We had to take Joseph to a second doctor to get clear directions!

When someone brings something to us, whatever it is, and we have truly listened to them, we will be able to clearly articulate steps that need to be taken.

Our direction needs to be clear.

We also need to be clear about what we are going to do.

People know we have listened when our response is clear.

Be approachable.

Hear the heart.

Address the need.

Give clear direction.

There is one more issue here.

Listening well needs to go both ways.

Let’s look at our final principle.

Principle #5…

Be Gracious v. 31

READ v. 31

Sometimes, even when we listen well, we are not listened to.

These men do not listen to Jesus.

He warns them not to tell, they do so anyway.

Acting in deliberate opposition to what others say always damages relationships.

This goes for everyone in a situation.

Be very careful to listen well and act accordingly.

When someone does the opposite of what we have said, there is nothing we can do about it.

Let it go.

Don’t wait for an “I told you so” moment.

Be gracious.

Jesus didn’t allow this to end His ministry.

He didn’t decide that he wouldn’t heal anymore blind people.

Jesus kept right on ministering.

When it comes to relationships, this is what we do.

Now, I am speaking generally.

There are certain extreme situations where something else may need to be done.

That’s not what I’m talking about here.

I am talking about normal interactions that are part of relationship.

Disagreements and ignored advice should not end relationships.

This is especially true with family and church family.

Just because they didn’t do what you think they should do, doesn’t mean you cut them off!

We are all going to disagree on things.

Most of those disagreements are not significant.

That’s it for tonight.

Anything else?

Copy what Jesus did

To be someone who listens well, what changes do I need to make?