Honoring Family
The Fifth Commandment is concerned with the home and family. Family solidarity has long been one of the unique features of Jewish life. Underlying this law is the warning against the heathen habit of abandoning the aging when they can no longer support themselves. In some ancient cultures the “old folks” were put out to die of exposure or be eaten by wild beasts. This inhuman act is now sternly forbidden by God. Parents are to be respected and revered and protected. And the reward is plain: a stable society blessed by prosperity. Happily both Judaism and Christianity are family religions and this emphasis has contributed mightily to history’s progress.
b. Children and parents (6:1–4)
The Spirit-controlled life (5:18) is necessary for having a good parent-child relationship.
6:1–3. Children are to obey their parents. The phrase in the Lord does not mean that children are to obey parents only if their parents are believers. As Colossians 3:20 clearly denotes, a child’s obedience to his parents is pleasing in the Lord’s sight. The reason for this is that it is right (dikaion); it is a proper course to follow in society. Paul then quoted the fifth commandment (Ex. 20:12; Deut. 5:16) to support the need for children to obey parents (Eph. 6:2a, 3). The parenthetical clause states that this is the first commandment with a promise. But this is actually the second command with a promise (cf. Ex. 20:6). Some say Paul meant that this is the first command that children need to learn. But the first, not the fifth, of the Ten Commandments should really be learned first. More likely, Paul meant that this is “first” in the sense of being “a primary commandment,” that is, of primary importance for children and it also has a promise. The promise for those who obey their parents is that they enjoy a prosperous and long life on the earth. This states a general principle that obedience fosters self-discipline, which in turn brings stability and longevity in one’s life. (Stated conversely, it is improbable that an undisciplined person will live a long life. An Israelite who persistently disobeyed his parents was not privileged to enjoy a long, stable life in the land of Israel. A clear example of this was Eli’s sons Hophni and Phinehas [1 Sam. 4:11].) Though that promise was given to Israel in the Old Testament, the principle still holds true today.
6:4. Fathers are addressed because they represent the governmental head of the family on whom rests the responsibility of child discipline. Fathers are not to exasperate (parorgizete, “provoke to anger”; used only here and in Rom. 10:19; cf. Col. 3:21) their children by unreasonable demands, petty rules, or favoritism. Such actions cause children to become discouraged (Col. 3:21). Instead, fathers are to bring them up, that is, rear or nourish (ektrephete, “provide for physical and spiritual needs”; also used in Eph. 5:29) them in the training (paideia, “child discipline,” including directing and correcting; cf. “training” in righteousness [2 Tim. 3:16] and God’s “discipline” of believers [Heb. 12:8]) and instruction (nouthesia; cf. 1 Cor. 10:11; Titus 3:10) of the Lord. Children are to obey “in the Lord” (Eph. 6:1) and parents are to train and instruct “in the Lord.” He is to be the center of their relationships and of their teaching and learning.