Dealing With Difficult People

We all deal with people in our lives that are difficult at times. And whether they’re friends, siblings, teachers, teammates, or total strangers, how we treat those around us matters. We’ve been taught since we were kids to share, to be kind, and to have manners, but is that as far as it goes? And does the Bible have anything to say about dealing with this kind of everyday situation in our lives?

Well, as we continue our study of Galatians, Paul is writing to a group of people who are struggling, they’ve found themselves puffed up with arrogance coming from a legalistic mindset and there is an atmosphere of disunity and fighting within their church. It’s people dealing with difficult people. And in the midst of this, Paul encourages them to walk in the Spirit and that within the life of the believer, there would be these organic fruits bubbling up into their lives as a result of what the Spirit is doing on the inside and today we are discussing three particular points which are: longsuffering (or patience), kindness and goodness.

But what is patience? Is it being able to wait for your ramen to finish microwaving while you’re starving to death, or waiting for the Pastor to finish so you can catch the last quarter of football? What exactly is it and how does that overflow into our dealings with difficult people in our lives?

Well, patience may be defined as:

Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible Patience

Ability to take a great deal of punishment from evil people or circumstances without losing one’s temper, without becoming irritated and angry, or without taking vengeance. It includes the capacity to bear pain or trials without complaint, the ability to forbear under severe provocation, and the self-control which keeps one from acting rashly even though suffering opposition or adversity.

The word for long-suffering here is the opposite of having a short-temper. It is the willful restraining of power when temptation to use it is presented. And is there really any picture that is more mind-blowing than that of how God is so patient with you and me? Which leads us to our first point: When I am dealing with difficult people I must:

Think of God’s Patience With Me

In Nehemiah 9, the people of Israel are mourning their sin and crying out in repentance. In the midst of this revival, there is a prayer made acknowledging how God is the beautiful Creator of all things, who deserves worship and has been so kind to choose, deliver, and provide for the people of God. But they continue to admit how rebellious Israel was (v16-17), but in the midst of this rebellion they say, “But You are God, ready to pardon, gracious and merciful, slow to anger, abundant in kindness, and did not forsake them.” and throughout the rest of the chapter they tell story after story of Israel’s sin and God’s patience with them. But this isn’t just one passage. As you and I read through the Old Testament we see passage after passage reminding us of God being forgiving, gracious, compassionate, and slow to anger with Israel.

But not only there, in the New Testament we see that it is God’s patience, goodness and kindness that leads us to repentance in Romans 2:4 “Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?” We are even reminded of how God was patient with the people of Noah’s day in 1 Peter 3:20 as He held off the flood while Noah built the Ark, giving the World more time to repent.

1 Peter 3:20 NKJV

20 who formerly were disobedient, when once the Divine longsuffering waited in the days of Noah, while the ark was being prepared, in which a few, that is, eight souls, were saved through water.

But the most astounding verse to me is 2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.” Have you ever wondered why Christ hasn’t returned? 2 Peter 3:9 tells us that the delay in Christ’s return is not that God is slow, but that He is long-suffering and granting more time for men and women to come to repentance. Paul explains this by saying that in saving Paul, Christ displayed perfect patience to all in saving the worst of sinners in 1 Timothy 1:16.

So, when you and I are tempted to explode upon the people who are really difficult to deal with, whether it a sibling or a ex-best friend who wasn’t as loyal as we thought, or a nagging team-mate; take a moment to reflect on how the Lord has been so patient with you. And let that guide your attitude toward others.

As a matter of fact, the Lord addresses this in Matthew 18 where we learn of a servant who owed his master a large amount of money, but when he begged his master for patience, the master was kind and forgave him of all that he owed. Well, it doesn’t end there. This servant who was just forgiven goes and finds another servant who apparently owed him just a small amount but this guy, even though he had been shown compassion and patience, refused to show it to this poor little guy. And what does the master say when he finds out about this? He says, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ And the master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was owed. Jesus finishes this story by saying, “So My Heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”

Think of God’s Purpose in This Trial

In James 1:2-3 we read,

James 1:2–3 NKJV

2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

and in Romans 8:28-29 we read,

Romans 8:28–29 NKJV

28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.

You know, through my life especially when I was younger, I’ve been forced to do things I absolutely didn’t want to do. I moaned and complained the whole way through, but once I was through it I was grateful that I had to do it. For instance, when I was in the 6th grade my Dad made me be the manager for our football team in the middle school I went to (because 6th graders couldn’t play) and boy did I hate it because I didn’t get to be on the field playing and I would’ve just rather had went home. But I’m glad my Dad didn’t let me quit. I was able to develop some friendships, but more than that I learned not to be a quitter.

And that is very similar to our lives as Christians. There are trials you’re going to face, and in this scenario its people pushing your buttons; but if you and I would take the time to first, think of God’s patience with us and second, pause to consider God’s sovereignty, that would help us a ton.

Think of it like this, God is in control of absolutely everything that will come in your path tomorrow at school and everything that you face has a purpose and that purpose is to grow you as a Christian for the glory of God. So, as you deal with that person who really knows how to press your buttons, know that this is an opportunity to rest in the Spirit’s power and show patience as Christ has shown patience to you.

Think of God’s Picture For My Relationships

Illustration: When I was in high school we had a basset-hound named Anna and my senior year I got a little Puppy named Oakley. Well, Anna would walk around the house with her big floppy ears and her drooping little eyes and little Oakley would come flying through the house and would run up to her to pull on her ears and to annoy her and she was always so patient with him. She was a lot bigger and a lot stronger, but she restrained her strength for the good of that little puppy.

Christine Hoover said, “When we attempt to find our security and value solely in human friendship, we become idolaters.” and I agree with her. But I would also like to add that when our identity is found in the comfort of relationships, when those relationships hit hard times, and our patience is tried, our identity is now shaken to pieces.

The purpose of the relationships in our lives is to be a type of Christ to those around us. Not to take the spot-light for ourselves, but to, like John the Baptist, point people to Christ instead of ourselves but when we are short-tempered, unkind, and harsh there is no way we could properly represent our Lord.

Now, in our passage for today, Paul wants us to be longsuffering, kind, and good to those around us. And the second two may almost be considered further explanations of the first in one way as they all blend together to show the gracious patience and gentleness of God toward us to others. So what does it look like to be patient with difficult people?

Let’s consider kindness. Norman Bartlett said, “kindness is the spontaneous overflow of love in the heart. It is the spirit that would rather be hurt by others than hurt others. Would that more of us were as tenderhearted as we are thin-skinned, as impulsive in kindness as explosive in anger. We need to cultivate resourcefulness in kindliness, to gain proficiency in the artistry of applying Christian love to the hearts and lives of those with whom we come in contact in the multitudinous activities and relationships of life.”

Joseph Exell tells this story, “Wishing to seal a letter, Gotthold called for a lighted candle. The maid obeyed his orders; but, proceeding too hastily, the flame, which had not yet gathered sufficient strength, went out. “Here,” said Gotthold, “we have that which may well remind us of the gentleness and moderation to be observed in our comportment towards weak and erring brethren. Had this candle when first lighted been carried slowly, and shaded by the hand from the air, it would not have been extinguished, but would soon have burned with vigour. In like manner, many a weak brother might be set right, if we only came to his help in the right way and with kindly advice.”

This kindness is a sense of behaving to others as God has behaved toward us.

Now, lets look at that word, “goodness”. This word finds its fullest expression in us willingly and sacrificially seeking the betterment of others in active kindness. It is generosity springing from the heart that is kind and will always seek the best for others. One commentator said, “The real meaning of this word is generosity in things material and spiritual. Being stingy impoverishes, while liberality enriches the soul; or, as Scripture puts it, “The liberal soul shall be made fat.” In the realm of the Spirit, we lose what keep and we keep what we lose for Jesus’ sake.

Conclusion

So, when I am dealing with difficult people I should:

Show goodness to them as though they deserve it by being patience and going the extra mile for them.

Slow down when emotions are high to remember that God has me here for a purpose.