I am going to make a statement and I want to get your response.

The largest percentage of communication is not the words that you say.

What do you think of that statement?

Here is a chart I saw recently.

This information comes from Albert Mehrabian, Silent Messages (Belmont, CA: Wadsworth, 1971). Cited by Dr. Stuart Scott at IFCA Regional March 5, 2022.

Only 7% of our communication is the words that we say and what they mean.

38% is the tone we use!

Okay vs. okay.

The largest part is non verbal.

Our body language and facial expressions matter!

Here’s the thing.

When we are not honest in what we say, it makes this even worse.

This means that if we want to communicate well, we need pay attention to the non-verbal cues we get from others.

Let’s look at a passage of Scripture where there are a massive quantity of non-verbal cues.

Genesis 43:29-34

Genesis 43:29–34 NKJV

29 Then he lifted his eyes and saw his brother Benjamin, his mother’s son, and said, “Is this your younger brother of whom you spoke to me?” And he said, “God be gracious to you, my son.” 30 Now his heart yearned for his brother; so Joseph made haste and sought somewhere to weep. And he went into his chamber and wept there. 31 Then he washed his face and came out; and he restrained himself, and said, “Serve the bread.” 32 So they set him a place by himself, and them by themselves, and the Egyptians who ate with him by themselves; because the Egyptians could not eat food with the Hebrews, for that is an abomination to the Egyptians. 33 And they sat before him, the firstborn according to his birthright and the youngest according to his youth; and the men looked in astonishment at one another. 34 Then he took servings to them from before him, but Benjamin’s serving was five times as much as any of theirs. So they drank and were merry with him.

This passage has always made me laugh.

When we take this with everything that happened the last time they were with Joseph, there was a mountain of evidence that this was their brother, they just couldn’t see it.

Sometimes, in communication, there is a mountain of evidence that we are ignoring.

In some cases married couples have gotten so comfortable ignoring the elephant in the room that they don’t even see it anymore.

Then an outsider comes in and can’t understand why no one is talking about the elephant!

Communication is impossible if we ignore the non-verbal.

Scenario - An unhappy spouse.

She isn’t talking to me, but she said she’s okay, so there must not be anything wrong!

2 sides to this.

1 - Pay attention to the non-verbal cues and ask.

2 - When asked, tell the truth. - Say what you mean.

VIDEO - Okay spray

All of this leads us to discuss our topic for this evening.

Be Perceptive

Matthew 11:28-30

Matthew 11:28–30 NKJV

28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Three lessons to learn here.

Lesson #1…

An Invitation To Give

READ v. 28

Jesus sees the needs of people and invites them to himself.

He wants to help them.

He does not wait to be asked!

He invites them in.

Most of the time, others will not come to us if they are not invited.

“I want my kids to tell me what is going on in their lives.”

Invite them!

“I just want to disciple young people, but they never ask.”

Invite them!

“I want to know what my husband/wife is thinking and feeling.”

Invite them!

This is the first step, invite them.

There is a second step.

The invitation needs to be specific.

Labor and are heavy laden.

Jesus is perceptive.

He knows exactly what they are facing.

If your kids are overwhelmed with a specific issue, invite them in to talk or discuss that issue.

Be specific.

Jesus’ statement here appeals to us all because we have all felt burdened by life and labor.

Here’s the third step.

I will give you rest.

We are inviting people into a place of safety.

If we are not safe, they will not come.

All it takes is one time of overreacting or condemning to make people not come back to us.

That doesn’t mean we don’t speak truth, nor does it mean that we ignore sin.

What it means is that we listen!

When we are perceptive we see the burdens others carry and we invite them to share those burdens with us.

We extend a specific invitation to a place of safety.

Be perceptive and invite them in.

Lesson #2…

A Desire To Form

READ v. 29

Notice all that Jesus offers here.

Help - take my yoke.

Advice - learn from me.

Compassion - I am gentle and lowly.

Care - you will find rest.

All of this comes from His heart and desire to help them.

We must have a desire to help bear the burdens and difficulties of others.

This is where it all starts, with the desire.

We can only help others if we want to.

Again, this requires that we be perceptive to see the need they have.

When we have seen the need, we must engage the person.

How?

Exactly how Jesus does here.

Offer help

Jesus does this verbally and specifically.

If our children, spouse, or friends have a need that we can meet, we should do it!

Two passages that bear on this.

Proverbs 3:27-28; James 2:15-16

Proverbs 3:27–28 NKJV

27 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in the power of your hand to do so. 28 Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come back, And tomorrow I will give it,” When you have it with you.

James 2:15–16 NKJV

15 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit?

If we truly care about others we will care for them.

Offer advice

NOTICE - offer advice, not give it.

“Would you be interested in hearing what I think?”

If not, close your lips.

Loose lips… sink ships.

OR

Loose lips completely decimate relationships.

Hmmm, doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Anyways. Jesus invites us to learn of Him, He does not force us.

Be Compassionate

Does this describe us?

Gentle and lowly?

Are we kind and humble?

Are we the kind of people who put others first?

This is especially important in family relationships.

Care more about them than we do ourselves.

Philippians 2:3

Philippians 2:3 NKJV

3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

Offer Care

You will find rest.

It is not possible to force someone to accept the care we offer.

Jesus says that if we do what He describes, if we accept what He offers, we will find rest.

Care is offered, it is available, but it must be accepted.

Here’s the thing.

It does need to be offered.

Don’t fall into the “they know” trap.

Even if you think they know they can come to you, offer the care that is needed.

Our perception into the needs of others must be driven by a desire to care for them.

People know when we don’t really care.

Lesson #3…

An Attitude To Have

Read v. 30

In what Jesus says here there is a recognition people who labor and are heavy laden need an easier yoke and a lighter burden.

When someone is burdened, speak with compassion.

That is what Jesus does here.

He also does not give false promises.

Notice, you will still be in a yoke and you will still bear a burden.

The difference is that you will be yoked to Christ!

He will carry you when the burden is too much!

When we are communicating with people, we must speak with compassion.

Part of that compassion is being with them in the middle of their trial.

We are offering them help.

We want to help bear the burden and carry the load.

Galatians 6:2-5

Galatians 6:2–5 NKJV

2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3 For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. 5 For each one shall bear his own load.

We bear burdens.

This requires humility.

We all have a load to bear.

This means we are not off loading our burdens onto others.

We also do not give false hope.

Don’t promise what you cannot deliver.

For example: “Things will get better.”

Do you know that? They might not.

What we must do is point people to Jesus even in difficulty!

Say: “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I know our God. He will be with you and so will I.”

My yoke is easy. My burden is light.

The attitude Jesus exhibits here is one of compassion and care.

This is to be our attitude as we communicate with others.

We are perceptive to see the burden they are under and offer our support, encouragement, and help with the burden.

Attitude is essential.

If we are putting people down or discouraging them, the relationship will be damaged.

Because so much of communication is non-verbal, we must approach all communication with the right attitude.

What is the right attitude to have?

Compassion.

We need to care for and about others.

Our perception must always be informed by, and result in, compassion.

This is what it means to be perceptive.

It means we share burdens, care for others, and have compassion.

Challenge:

To be perceptive in communication, what changes can I make this week?