Sermon Tone Analysis

THE GREATEST RISK YOU'LL EVER TAKE

The Secrets of a Satisfying Marriage - Part 2 of 12

Bobby Earls, FBI, September 13, 1998

A Sermon Series developed by Rick Warren.

Ephesians 4:15 & Genesis 3:1-19

We're in part 2 this morning of "Secrets of a Satisfying Marriage".

A few years ago there was a television show called "Amazing Risks" -- had all these dare devils on it, guys like Evil Knievel, jumping the Snake River on his motorcycle, bungy cord jumpers, people who walked across burning, hot coals of fire, people who climbed Mt.

Everest and people who chased tornadoes.

Risk Takers!

I want to talk with you this morning about the greatest risk you'll ever take in marriage.

It is the risk to be totally honest with your mate.

The reason it's a risk is because man's oldest problem is the fear of rejection.

Ephesians 4:15, "Let our lives lovingly express the truth in all things ... speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly."

Very few people live that way, in a relationship of total honesty.

It's risky.

Man's oldest problem is the fear of rejection.

A book that came out a long time ago Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am?

The answer goes like this, "I'm afraid to tell you who I am because if I really reveal what I'm like and if you don't like it (what I am) then I'm up a creek, because I'm all I got."

We don't like that.

Fear enters relationships and ruins it.

This morning I want us to look at how fear ruins relationships.

We're going to look at the first couple, Adam and Eve.

Genesis 3. When you think about Adam and Eve, everything was going perfect for them.

They had every reason for a romantic relationship.

He was never late from work.

She never burned anything.

There were no bills to worry about.

They had no health problems.

There were no kids hanging on to them.

No in laws.

No clothes.

Everything you need for a perfect relationship.

But sin entered the relationship.

And it brought a new factor called fear.

Marriages have been struggling ever since.

Fear does three things:

1.

My fear of my faults make me defensive.

2. My fear of my feelings make me distant.

3. My fear for my freedom makes me demanding.

1. MY FEAR OF MY FAULTS MAKE ME DEFENSIVE.

We hate to admit it when we've made a mistake.

We hate to admit weaknesses.

We do make mistakes but we deny them.

Have you ever found yourselves defending a stupid decision that you made just out of pride?

Before you married your fiancé had an idealized view of what you were really like.

Then after you got married the ideal became the real.

The task became "How long can I fool him?"

That causes tension and stress.

It causes us to wear masks in a relationship, in a marriage.

God said, I want you to be honest.

The fear that I have faults causes me to be defensive.

There are two common reactions when we're defensive:

1.

We accuse

2. We excuse

1.

We accuse -- We blame our mates.

We say it's your fault, your problem.

v. 11-13 "God asked, `Did you eat ... what I told you not to eat?' Adam answered, `The woman you put here with me gave me the fruit and I ate it.'

[Adam took it like a man -- he blamed his wife] She replied, `The snake tricked me into eating.'"

Ever since then, men have been blaming women, and women have been calling men "snakes".

It's part of life that we blame, accuse.

We have faults and don't want to admit it, but we accuse others thinking, "If I admit my weakness, they may use it against me at a later time."

2. We excuse ourselves.

We’re thr Great Pretenders.

We pretend nothing is wrong.

"I don't have any problems in my marriage.

It's fine."

If I ignore it maybe it will go away.

But pretending doesn't work.

I John 1:8 "If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and refusing to accept the truth."

What are you pretending not to know about your marriage?

What is the problem in your marriage that you're pretending doesn't exist?

What are you defensive about?

The tragedy is that a lot of marriages have problems that can be solved relatively quickly but pretending perpetuates problems.

I'm afraid that I have a problem so I don't want to admit it.

And I'm afraid to ask for help.

So the pain gets worse and worse and worse.

We must face our faults in order to be freed from them.

The way you get rid of your faults is to face them head on.

If I fear my faults it makes me defensive.

So what do I do with my faults?

I don't conceal them.

I don't pretend they don't exist.

I don't condone them, justify them, make excuses.

I don't say, "It's no big deal.

Everybody's got this problem."

I just confess it.

I admit it.

2. MY FEAR OF MY FEELINGS MAKE ME DISTANT.

v. 9-10 "God called to Adam, `Why are you hiding?' Adam answered `...

I was afraid and hid from you because I was naked.'"

Hiding, hid, afraid -- those three go together.

Men typically withdraw when we're faced with emotions.

Most men don’t know what to do when their wives get emotional.

Men typically become cool and detached and macho and cowardly.

The real issue is we don't know how to deal with emotion.

We fear our feelings.

We become distant.

The number one complaint I hear is, "I just don't understand him.

I don't have any idea what he feels.

He won't talk to me.