What is this?

It’s a fence.

How many of us in this room have fences?

Most, if not all of us.

Why?

Wait for response

Have any of us ever had someone come up and say something like this.

“How dare you have a fence! Don’t you know that your property is nice? I should be able to walk on your land and on your lawn whenever I want!”

Anyone?

All of us instinctively recognize that having a fence meets several criteria.

First - I am allowed to have a fence because it is my property.

Second - Having a fence does not mean that I hate other people.

Third - Having a fence is sometimes as much for the safety of others as for myself.

Fourth - Having a fence is often necessary.

Did you know that there is another name for a fence?

A boundary.

Just like fences, boundaries are allowed, not hateful, safe, and necessary.

Our topic tonight is

Share Your Boundaries

As we begin we’re going to read a story about someone who needed boundaries.

2 Samuel 11:1-4

2 Samuel 11:1–4 NKJV

1 It happened in the spring of the year, at the time when kings go out to battle, that David sent Joab and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the people of Ammon and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem. 2 Then it happened one evening that David arose from his bed and walked on the roof of the king’s house. And from the roof he saw a woman bathing, and the woman was very beautiful to behold. 3 So David sent and inquired about the woman. And someone said, “Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” 4 Then David sent messengers, and took her; and she came to him, and he lay with her, for she was cleansed from her impurity; and she returned to her house.

After v. 1

Boundary #1 - Responsibility.

David should have been with his army. He wasn’t. This left him open to temptation.

After v. 2

Boundary #2 - Dedication.

The second look. David should have stopped looking when he realized it was a woman bathing. Job - I have made a covenant with my eyes.

After v. 3

Boundary #3 - Information.

They try to stop him by reminding him of who this woman was! He ignores it.

After v. 4

Boundary #4 - Purity.

This is the will of God, your sanctification, abstain from fornication. This is a willful, intentional act of disobedience.

Having proper boundaries would have protected David, Bathsheba, Uriah, and the kingdom.

A vital part of communication and Christ-like living is having healthy boundaries.

Go with me to Matthew 12:38-40.

Matthew 12:38-40

Matthew 12:38–40 NKJV

38 Then some of the scribes and Pharisees answered, saying, “Teacher, we want to see a sign from You.” 39 But He answered and said to them, “An evil and adulterous generation seeks after a sign, and no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. 40 For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.

Jesus, when asked for a sign by the Pharisees, presents them with a boundary.

There are 3 requirements we must meet to have healthy boundaries.

Requirement #1…

Establish Boundaries

Read vv. 38-39

To have healthy boundaries you must first have boundaries.

Make sense?

What do we need to think about as we establish boundaries?

3 ideas.

Idea #1…

Our Boundaries Must Be Biblical

For example:

Ephesians 5:31 NKJV

31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

This verse demands 2 boundaries.

1 - Leave father and mother.

Though you are always to respect parents, you no longer obey them without question.

2 - Join your wife.

No other relationship gets between husband and wife.

2 boundaries for parents.

1 - Don’t intervene.

Let them work through their problems.

2 - Don’t come between them.

Ever. No matter what.

Our boundaries must be Biblical.

Boundaries that are not Biblical are not enforceable.

That being said, a Biblical boundary can be anything that does not contradict Scripture.

Idea #2…

Our Boundaries Must Be Practical

What I mean by this is the boundary has to be possible and workable.

This will be determined on a case by case basis.

Here’s what I mean.

I know of a family that had a boundary that no kids could go in the parents room.

For my family growing up, that just wasn’t practical.

If you are going to have a boundary, make it practical.

Impractical boundaries lead to frustration and anger.

Idea #3…

Our Boundaries Must Be Helpful

They need to serve a purpose.

Having a boundary simply to have a boundary is silly.

It needs to be helpful.

The opposite is also true.

Don’t have boundaries that hurt you or others.

Requirement #1: Establish Boundaries.

Questions?

Requirement #2…

Communicate Boundaries

Look at vv. 39-40

Jesus clearly articulates His boundaries.

He will not be performing miracles for them.

He also clearly expresses that there will be a sign they will see.

This interaction teaches us three lessons.

Lesson #1…

Communicate Boundaries At The Proper Opportunity

Jesus does not just walk up to the Pharisees and say “I will not be doing any miracles for you.”

He waits until the situation arises.

When it comes to our relationships, boundaries are important.

Here’s one Jess and I have set for ourselves, Thursday morning coffee date.

We don’t miss it.

We don’t plan things on Thursday morning.

Working out is important to us, but we don’t do it on Thursday.

You may need to have a boundary with adult children, maybe it would be, we don’t help you make vehicle payments.

This doesn’t need to be stated until it comes up.

There could be a boundary with a spouse.

A place you won’t go, a phrase you need them not to say.

Those are okay to have, those are healthy to have.

Communicate them as needed.

Don’t communicate them when you are angry or having a conflict.

Communicate boundaries at the proper opportunity.

This requires that we have thought them through.

If we haven’t, we may, in the heat of the moment, spout off a boundary that we do not mean, that is not, Biblical, practical, nor helpful.

Lesson #1: Communicate Boundaries At The Proper Opportunity

Lesson #2…

Communicate Boundaries With Clarity

Jesus doesn’t give a “maybe” response here.

He is very clear “no sign will be given”.

When we say things like “I don’t know if I can” or “I am not sure if I” it leaves the door open for boundaries to be pushed.

Our “no” needs to be firm.

They need to be communicated clearly.

This may require sitting down and thinking through the wording.

A boundary we are unsure about or have not thought through cannot be communicated with clarity.

Why not?

Because it is unclear to us.

Lesson #1: Communicate Boundaries At The Proper Opportunity

Lesson #2: Communicate Boundaries With Clarity.

Lesson #3…

Communicate Boundaries With Grace

Jesus tells them that there will be a sign given.

Though He cannot and will not do what they are asking, He is going to do something else.

It is okay to offer an alternative when a boundary is confronted.

Let’s return to our earlier example: Vehicle payment.

I cannot pay it for you, but I can help you look at your finances to see if there is an area you can find the money.

Boundaries are for our protection and the protection of others, but they need to be communicated carefully and thoughtfully.

When boundaries are communicated harshly they typically result in a harsh reply.

The goal is to preserve relationships, not kill them.

Requirement #1: Establish Boundaries.

Requirement #2: Communicate Boundaries.

Questions?

Requirement #3…

Understand Boundaries

Why did Jesus have boundaries?

Because He knew that’s what was best for everyone.

Read v. 40

Two things Jesus understood.

#1…

Boundaries Increase Connection

Boundaries do not hinder relationships, they enhance them.

Jesus didn’t give them the sign they wanted because something better was coming.

Boundaries are for our protection and the protection of others.

If we allow people to have demands on our lives that take us away from our responsibilities, our families, or are not a use of our God-given gifts and talents, we are wasting our time.

We only have so much time to give.

Having boundaries enables us to prioritize our time.

It also helps us to know these are the things I will spend time and energy on, these are not.

Jesus had this boundary because greater connection was coming.

Two things Jesus understood.

#1: Boundaries Increase Connection.

#2…

Boundaries Bring Freedom

Healthy boundaries give us freedom to do what God has called us to do.

Earlier in this series on communication we were in Matthew 9:13 where Jesus says this.

Matthew 9:13 (NKJV)

13 For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”

Jesus had a mission.

He didn’t come to be a performer, to do miracles to prove himself to people who doubted him anyway.

Because of His boundaries, Jesus had the freedom to do what the Father sent him here to do!

Boundaries give us freedom to say no.

They give others freedom to find someone else. :)

Without boundaries we will wonder where all our time went.

Boundaries give us freedom to be who we have been gifted and called to be.

Questions?

Challenge:

What steps do I need to take to form healthy boundaries?