Friction in Our Families

Welcome - Bienvenidos

Today, we are beginning a new series called Fact or Friction. For the next 4 weeks we will be learning how to navigate the stress and struggles in trying times.

When things are hard, we call this times of friction. It is when our perspective is affected and we find it hard to know what is true in those important areas of life

OUR FAMILIES

OUR MARRIAGES

OUR FINANCES

WITHIN OURSELVES

God wants us to be able to know how to overcome the obstacles in our lives. For that, we need God to transform us by the renewing of our mind.

Would you pray with me:

OPEN THE EYES OF OUR HEART

ALLOW US TO HEAR YOUR VOICE TODAY

REMOVE THE DISTRACTIONS - WE WANT TO FOCUS ON YOU

SPEAK, FOR YOUR SERVANTS ARE LISTENING

Friction is the resistance that one surface encounters when moving against another. La fricción es la resistencia que encuentra una superficie al moverse contra otra.

Have you ever tied pushing something heavy across the floor with thick carpet? That is Friction.

Ever lit a match on the matchbox? When you rub the match against the side of the box, you create friction. - Let me show you

Friction Illustration

Everyone take your hands and put them together in front of you. Now rub them together as fast as you can. Do it for 10 seconds. You can hear the friction. You can feel the friction. Do you feel your hands getting warmer? That is from friction. As the surfaces of your two hands move against each other, they experience resistance.

Do you ever experience that friction in your family? - Well, that is what we are going to focus on today: Friction in our Families.

If you are a mother in the room, I want you to think back to the last very stressful time within your family.

How did it make you feel toward your husband?

Maybe you should not answer that right now. :D

If you are a father in the room, I want you to think back to the last time you felt pulled in too many places.

How did it make you feel toward your kids?

Maybe you are a single parent and these stressful times are even more heightened.

If you are a kid in the room, think back to the last stressful day you had in school.

How did it make you react to your parents?

You see, life has a way of throwing so many curve balls and unexpected situations at us that often we struggle to keep things running smoothly within the home.

The reason this is all true is that, as humans, we have a tendency to want to protect ourselves when we feel like things are out of control.

Whenever we sense this to be the case, we often turn inward and begin to look out for ourselves rather than taking care of others.

1. When we put ourselves first, everyone else becomes last - Cuando nos ponemos a nosotros mismos en primer lugar, todos los demás quedan en último lugar.

God designed the family to give us a support system that would help us navigate life. In an ideal world, as things get more difficult and as trials come, the family rallies around to offer care and concern.

Unfortunately, in a broken world, when we face the unknown, our response is quite the opposite.

The most important person in the world becomes us. We look to calm our nerves. We look to soothe our pain. We look to meet our own needs.

Therefore, whether we are a mother, father, husband, wife, or child, the decision to put ourselves first means that we in turn put everyone else last.

We ignore their needs. We disregard their pain. We cannot see from their perspective. This is the birthplace of friction. Grace turns us outward but sin turns us inward.

Help reading

Philippians 2:3

Philippians 2:3 NKJV

3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

Philippians 2:3 RVR60

3 Nada hagáis por contienda o por vanagloria; antes bien con humildad, estimando cada uno a los demás como superiores a él mismo;

Paul instructs us to

practice humility and

raise the significance of those around us.

It is about who gets the priority. It’s about who gets the attention. It’s about who is first in line.

Naturally we want it to be us, but supernaturally it must become others.

Illustration: Imagine if you are in line at the grocery store waiting to check out.

Imagine, if you will, that that line is very, very long.

Probably not too hard to imagine.

You finally get to the head of line and it is your turn to check out and be on your way, when suddenly someone pushes their way in front of you.

They intentionally put themselves first.

They see their need to check out as a higher priority than your need to check out.

No longer are you first in line: you might as well be last.

When we begin to allow ourselves to become our highest priority within the family, then we will ultimately experience the grind and friction with our mother, father, spouse and child.

2. Friction cannot last forever - La fricción no puede durar para siempre

We were never designed to be able to withstand relational friction over an extended period of time.

Just like brakes on a car wear down over time and have to be replaced, just like knives become dull over time and have to be sharpened, if we allow friction to exist within our families for too long, it can wear our trust, care, and love thin with one another.

This wear shows up in what we believe about one another.

We begin to believe lies about each other.

When we are stressed, we translate things that are said to us to be personal even if they are not meant to be.

When we find ourselves in a difficult season, we interpret every action from our family members as an act of aggression.

When we face struggle, our perspective can become clouded and we begin to believe the worst about one another rather than believing the best.

This kind of situation can wear us down and destroy our relationships.

We have to be careful to respond the way Jesus would in relationships, especially during times of friction.

In the book of Philippians, Paul writes his most extensive and clear passage about Jesus’ attitude and mentality in terms of his relationships with others. Jesus is lifted up as the example for how we are to treat one another.

Help me read

Philippians 2:1-5

Philippians 2:1–5 NKJV

1 Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, 2 fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. 3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus,

Philippians 2:1–5 RVR60

1 Por tanto, si hay alguna consolación en Cristo, si algún consuelo de amor, si alguna comunión del Espíritu, si algún afecto entrañable, si alguna misericordia, 2 completad mi gozo, sintiendo lo mismo, teniendo el mismo amor, unánimes, sintiendo una misma cosa. 3 Nada hagáis por contienda o por vanagloria; antes bien con humildad, estimando cada uno a los demás como superiores a él mismo; 4 no mirando cada uno por lo suyo propio, sino cada cual también por lo de los otros. 5 Haya, pues, en vosotros este sentir que hubo también en Cristo Jesús,

Paul says that if we are united with Christ, if we consider ourselves followers of Jesus, then we are to be like-minded.

The Greek words that make up this phrase hold with them the idea that we would have a properly regulated internal perspective that would manifest itself externally in our behavior.

Therefore, our unity with Christ would cause us internally to treat each other with love no matter what the outside circumstances are.

The Spirit of God mentioned in verses 1-2 is what gives us this proper regulation. The external manifestation of this internal state is humility. The Spirit of God helps us to choose to put others’ interests above our own. This does not happen naturally; we need the Spirit’s help.

When we begin to notice the friction levels rise in the family. When we begin to notice things heating up. When we sense that we are tempted to protect ourselves by putting ourselves first and others last,

we must choose to have the same mindset as Jesus as our example and focus on others.

So what was Jesus’ mindset? What regulated his life?

Paul tells us more in verse 6.

Help me read

Philippians 2:6-7

Philippians 2:6–7 NKJV

6 who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, 7 but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men.

Philippians 2:6–7 RVR60

6 el cual, siendo en forma de Dios, no estimó el ser igual a Dios como cosa a que aferrarse, 7 sino que se despojó a sí mismo, tomando forma de siervo, hecho semejante a los hombres;

In order for the friction within our families to give way to healthier and smoother relationships, we must have the same mindset as Jesus.

Jesus gave up his power and laid it down in order to serve others.

3. Use your strength to serve - Usa tu fuerza para servir

When the stress levels rise within the home, rather than looking for any angle you have to exert power and position over others, we must be willing to lay those strengths down in order to serve our family.

As a father, I know the temptation to want to use my strength and power over my children in inappropriate ways when emotions are heightened.

I must not do that. Instead, I need to be willing to serve my kids by laying it all down my power the way Jesus did.

Adriana and I have been working with the boys on walking out the rebellion that is common in the transition to adulthood.

We can be having a regular conversation with them and BOOM! it turns into something that seems disrespectful or rude.

There is a temptation to respond with all the authority and power God gave parents.

However, that kind of response would crush them.

I have had my share of having to explain what I was thinking, or apologizing for over-reacting.

The best times, are when I catch myself in advance and am able to change the approach in a way that serves my sons rather than scolds or puts them down.

Jesus’ example in the scriptures is a laying down of heaven to come to earth.

He comes and walks among broken and sinful people and loves them.

He serves them by washing their dirty feet when all while he was the one who created the earth their feet were covered in.

Jesus was sacrificial and a servant. Matt 20:28 “28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”” 28 como el Hijo del Hombre no vino para ser servido, sino para servir, y para dar su vida en rescate por muchos.

When things get hard within the family, we need to make the conscious choice to serve one another.

Jesus’ love for others caused him not to just lay down his power; it also led him to be sacrificial.

Philippians 2:8

Philippians 2:8 NKJV

8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.

Philippians 2:8 RVR60

8 y estando en la condición de hombre, se humilló a sí mismo, haciéndose obediente hasta la muerte, y muerte de cruz.

Ultimately, Jesus gave up his life for you and for me. He died a criminal’s death on a cross in order that we might experience new life.

4. Love looks like sacrifice - El amor parece sacrificio

When families face trying times, each individual must make one of two choices:

whether to be selfish or

to be selfless.

The selfless attitude of Jesus led him to offer up his life for the world while the world was yet sinful.

This is what love looks like.

It is sacrificial in nature.

If you are going to see the friction in your family ease, then you are going to have to start here.

You are going to have to forgive when you do not want to and be honest when maybe you do not have to be.

You are going to have to say no to the things that you want to do in order to spend time with someone in your family who needs your presence.

You are going to have to be obedient to your parents, even if you do not want to.

You are going to have to be patient with your child even if you have been pushed to the brink.

The truth is that living as family is sacrifice (2x).

It simply comes with the territory.

There is no way around it.

Whether it is changing diapers, helping with homework, obeying curfew, or sticking by someone who is sick.

Families learn to bend toward one another.

This is how a family can make it through a rough patch and come out the other side healthier than before.

Sacrifice.

5. The family that prays together stays together - La familia que ora unida permanece unida

Prayer for our family should be the first response and not the last resort.

So, as life gets harder, the family should pray harder.

As life becomes difficult, prayers should become specific. The author of the book of Romans knows the value of the Spirit of God in our lives when he writes in chapter 8.

Pray Hard - Ora con Fervor

Pray Specifically - Ora Específicamente

Help read

Romans 8:26

Romans 8:26 NKJV

26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

Romans 8:26 RVR60

26 Y de igual manera el Espíritu nos ayuda en nuestra debilidad; pues qué hemos de pedir como conviene, no lo sabemos, pero el Espíritu mismo intercede por nosotros con gemidos indecibles.

When things within the family get so hard that we do not even know what to pray, lean on the Spirit of God within you to help you navigate the ups and downs.

Each person within the family can trust that God hears their prayers and will act on their behalf.

Trust that God offers hope in the middle of challenging times.

This is a fact that can help ease the friction.

APPLICATION

What areas in your family are causing friction? ¿Qué áreas de su familia están causando fricciones?

Is pride getting in the way of peace? ¿Se interpone el orgullo en el camino de la paz?

Is your strength being used to serve? ¿Tu fuerza está siendo utilizada para servir?

Do you have sacrificial love for your family? ¿Tienes amor sacrificado por tu familia?

Is prayer a regular part of your family? ¿Es la oración una parte regular de su familia?

Let’s pray together.