A Generous Life

redemptive conflict and confrontation, tonight we will consider redemptive relationships.

Now first of all, we should just be aware that we don’t know for sure exactly what the nature of that conflict was.

Barnett argues that what happened was that some man in the Corinthian church, who is unnamed in this letter, wronged Paul in some serious way – likely by publicly opposing his authority or somehow thwarting his attempts to minister to the Corinthians. And when this happened, while the majority of the Christians in Corinth do not seem to have fully supported the man who was thwarting Paul, they also did not defend Paul, or come to his aid, or really show him any particular deference or even loyalty as an apostle, and instead they allowed the man opposing Paul to stay in good standing in the church while Paul felt he needed to leave town.

The thing that gave the Apostle Paul such joy and comfort in his relationship with the Corinthians was their willingness to repent.

In our text we see a pattern of redemptive relationships.

Repentance is a key component of healthy Christian relationships – that in healthy Christian relationships repentance is highly valued. As a result, Christians are to seek out relationships with those who will help them to repent. Christians seek to be people who help others repent.

Define Repentance:

In our own relationships we often miss repentance altogether and relate to others with either non-judgmentalism or condemnation.

nonjudgmentalism, which he says “is like market deregulation” in the moral sphere, the result of which, he says, is that “we find it difficult to critique anyone’s personal behavior in specifically moral terms.” [Reno, 51-52]

You do you Personal truth After all, what place is it of ours to tell another that they are doing something wrong? Isn’t it arrogant of us to tell someone else to turn away from their actions, to, in the Bible’s words, “repent” of their “sin”? Isn’t it better to be nonjudgmental? To let those we are close to live their lives? To mind our own business?

What is wrong with nonjudgmentalism?

But we don’t only avoid calls to repentance just through nonjudgmentalism. We are also sometimes guilty of the opposite problem.

Condemnation is not = to a genuine call to repentance.

We are guilty of a sort of selfish judgmentalism.

We condemn others rather than calling them to repent.

He says in verse three that his goal is not to condemn them. He says in verse eight that he regretted – he felt sorrow over – having to cause them grief by confronting them. He says in verse nine that what he really wanted was for them to repent.

2 Corinthians 7:3 ESV

I do not say this to condemn you, for I said before that you are in our hearts, to die together and to live together.

Paul’s goal was not condemnation, but to lead the Corinthians to repentance and restoration.

And those are two very different things. If we’re honest, when most of us do confront someone we are in a relationship with, we far too often go for the jugular instead of the heart.

We far too often lash out in condemnation rather than reaching out in a call to repentance. Which, among other things, is a great way to damage others and destroy a relationship: whether it is a marriage, a friendship, or a relationship between a parent of a child.

So in our own relationships we often relate to others with either nonjudgmentalism or condemnation.

In nonjudgmentalism, we are willing to let someone walk down a road on which they will damage themselves or others, and we’re willing to let them do it for the sake of our own peace.

Intervening might upset things in our lives. So we let it go. We let them suffer the consequences in order to preserve our own convenience. On the other hand, when we condemn others, we usually do it because it makes us feel better. It makes us feel superior. There is a real enjoyment, though a twisted one, that comes with the sneer of contempt. We do not want to help the other person repent. We want to rub their face in what they have done so that both we and they can know how much better we are than they are.

In the end, nonjudgmentalism and condemnation are two sides of the same self-centered coin. And too often we give in to one or the other of them.

Healthy Christian relationships highly value repentance, as a result Christians seek out relationships that will help them to repent, and seek to be people who help others repent.

Healthy Christian’s highly value repentance.

how do we value repentance? How important do you tend to think repentance is? Because when sin breaks into our lives and the lives of those we love – and it always does – it will be the quality of our repentance and their repentance that determines the future course of our lives. Seek relationships that help you repent.

If we do see the value of repentance then we should also see the value of having people in our lives who help us to repent.

It’s fairly logical, right?

If you value money, you value having people in your life who will help you get rich. If you value popularity, you value people who will help you get popular. If you value power, you will value people who will help you gain power. And if you value repentance, you will value people who help you repent. We need people who will encourage us, but who are willing to lovingly wound us in the process/ in relationship.

If there is no one in your life whom you have given permission to call you to repentance, you need to find someone wise, loving, and mature in the faith, and give them permission to lovingly call you to repentance when you need it.

Who might that be for you? It should probably be several people.

Your spouse. A close Christian friend or mentor. Maybe a parent. Who might that be for you? Who knows you well enough to be able to do that? And if you do have those people in your life, how do you respond to them?

Do you make room for them in your heart when they do what you have asked them to do? Do you seek to respond faithfully? We see in verse fourteen that Paul was able to assure Titus that the Corinthians would repent when confronted by him. [[2 Cor 7:14]] Can the closest people in your life say the same about you? How do you hear those who call you to repentance? We need to seek to become the type of people who help others to repent.

I want to briefly consider seven things that I think Paul shows us that we need to do to cultivate repentance in the lives of others as he does. Let’s look at them quickly.

we need to truly value and love those whom we would call to repentance. V3 we need to truly value repentance in the lives of those we love. we need to seek godly grief, not worldly grief, in those we love.

But I will say that it is really easy to make people feel bad about themselves. That doesn’t take too much work. A little child knows how to do that. Cultivating worldly grief – a grief of condemnation, a grief that makes them want to defend themselves or protect themselves or give up, rather than repent, is really easy. What is harder is cultivating godly grief, rooted in a love for God and a hatred for sin, that yields repentance. We need to be people who think and reflect and work hard at knowing the difference, both in our own hearts, and in how we talk to others. To condemn is easy. To cultivate repentance is to walk in the footprints of Christ. we need to be willing not only to speak, but to live out the gospel for those we love.

What Barnett means is that to cultivate repentance in others, we need not only to talk about Christ’s ministry of reconciliation, we need to live it. We need to pursue the one sheep that goes astray, like Christ our shepherd. We need to make ourselves vulnerable and put ourselves out there for the sake of the other, like Christ the humble servant. We need to make sacrifices, and take on struggle, that the other person might be restored, like Christ our sacrifice. And we need to embrace that person when they repent, like the Father in the parable of the prodigal son. Paul’s relationship with the Corinthians cost him a lot. He had to chase them. He had to suffer for them. He had to embrace them after they had hurt him. But he did. And in doing so, he preached the gospel of reconciliation not only with his words, but also with his deeds. we need to truly rejoice in the spiritual growth of those we love.

Paul gushes about how proud he is of them. We need to do the same for those we love. We need to encourage them as he encourages the Corinthians. we need to place our confidence in God, not in ourselves or in those we are calling to repent.

We need to remember that in our spiritual lives, and in the lives of those we love, we may plant or we may water, but it is God who gives the growth, as Paul points out in 1 Corinthians 3. we need to remember the one who has loved us, and cultivated repentance in our hearts.

Paul could pursue the wayward Corinthians because he remembered the one who pursued a wayward Paul. Paul could patiently call the foolish and sinful Corinthians to repent, because he remembered the one who had patiently called a foolish and sinful Paul to repent. Paul could patiently endure the sin and stubbornness of the Corinthians because he remembered the one who had patiently endured his sin and stubbornness. Paul could embrace the Corinthians when they repented, because he remembered the one who had embraced him when he repented. Our ability to lovingly deal with others in their sin rests on our remembering how Christ has lovingly dealt with us.

Let us appreciate the beauty and centrality of repentance in the Christian life. Let us seek out those who will help us in our ongoing repentance. And remembering what Christ has done for us, let us, like Paul, seek to cultivate repentance in the lives of others.