With Friends Like These… (Job 4-5)

[Open Bible & Opening Statements]

The end of friend day does not mark the end of friendship or friendliness.

As much as we often like to overlook it, the Bible has a lot to say about the areas of friendship and friendliness towards others.

Proverbs 18:24 KJV 1900

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Proverbs 17:17 KJV 1900

A friend loveth at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.

In addition to that, the Bible also has a lot to say about bad friends.

1 Corinthians 15:33 KJV 1900

Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

Proverbs 13:20 KJV 1900

He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: But a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

We all know the struggle of having bad friends who pull us down spiritually or become more of a stumbling block than sharp iron.

However, our lesson tonight is not going to be about how to avoid bad friends. That’s a whole different sermon for a different night, but tonight I want us to consider what kind of friends we are.

The Bible is filled with great example of good friends like Nathan and Johnathan to David, Elijah to Elisha, and Timothy to Paul.

However, there are few better examples of what a bad friend looks like than the example of how Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar to Job.

For context, many are familiar with the story of Job, the righteous man who God allowed the devil to take everything from and make suffer in order to test and ultimately grow his faithfulness to God.

The story of Job’s friends begins with great acts of kindness showing the reader that Job’s friends had good intentions at first.

Job 2:11–13 KJV 1900

Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him. And when they lifted up their eyes afar off, and knew him not, they lifted up their voice, and wept; and they rent every one his mantle, and sprinkled dust upon their heads toward heaven. So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.

If they had stopped there and simply continued to listen and comfort their friend, they would have been included in the list of great friends in the Bible, however unfortunately, they didn’t.

The moment Job’s friends opened their mouths and tried to help Job with their poor theological understanding of God and prideful comments, they quickly become examples of horrible friends.

People like these inspire the old saying, “With friends like these, who needs enemies?”. They were the kinds of “friends” who did more harm for their friend than any of his enemies ever have.

Their words turn Job from a man of unshakable faith to a man who begins to question and accuse God of being a cruel enemy to man.

This is the common result of an unfriendly Christian.

If we’re not careful, in our effort to make converts, our poor idea of friendship can turn people away from God instead of towards Him.

While I wish we had the time to do a full study of all three of Job’s friends, tonight, I want to focus in on Eliphaz, the first friend and share three lessons about what it means to be a friend like these.

1) The Focus on Failure

The story begins with Eliphaz debating whether or not he should speak, then foolishly decides to go and start running his mouth.

Emphasize the word “thy”

Job 4:3–6 KJV 1900

Behold, thou hast instructed many, And thou hast strengthened the weak hands. Thy words have upholden him that was falling, And thou hast strengthened the feeble knees. But now it is come upon thee, and thou faintest; It toucheth thee, and thou art troubled. Is not this thy fear, thy confidence, Thy hope, and the uprightness of thy ways?

In other words, Eliphaz tells Job that after all the people he’s helped in his life, why is it that Job can’t help himself in his time of need?

What’s our first reaction when we hear about someone suffering?

Too often, we ask, “What did they do wrong?”

Look at how often Eliphaz says the word “thy” in verse 6. Like Eliphaz, we become obsessed with “you”, and don’t spend enough time asking what God is doing, and what we can do to be of help.

Job 4:7–8 KJV 1900

Remember, I pray thee, who ever perished, being innocent? Or where were the righteous cut off? Even as I have seen, they that plow iniquity, And sow wickedness, reap the same.

Eliphaz goes on make the second mistake of accusing Job of his problems being his fault, by making the claim that no one has ever perished of suffered unless it was there fault, and they deserved it.

The problem with Eliphaz’s logic is not that Job was perfect, but the simple fact that everyone is sinful, and we all deserve suffering.

Every moment we spend in comfort is simply by the grace of God, not a result of our righteousness or anything that we did to earn it.

The problem is, our pride loves to point us to the fault in others.

It’s the way our carnal minds are wired. We’re fixated on the failure of others. That’s why Jesus made it a point to call it out in:

Matthew 7:5 KJV 1900

Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

Who needs that from a friend? While there’s always a time and season for rebuke and correction, people need to know they are being heard first!

2) The Facade of Faith

The next lesson I learned from Eliphaz was that not everyone who can sound spiritual and full of faith really is. Faith is easy to fake.

Job 5:8–16 KJV 1900

I would seek unto God, And unto God would I commit my cause: Which doeth great things and unsearchable; Marvellous things without number: Who giveth rain upon the earth, And sendeth waters upon the fields: To set up on high those that be low; That those which mourn may be exalted to safety. He disappointeth the devices of the crafty, So that their hands cannot perform their enterprise. He taketh the wise in their own craftiness: And the counsel of the froward is carried headlong. They meet with darkness in the daytime, And grope in the noonday as in the night. But he saveth the poor from the sword, From their mouth, and from the hand of the mighty. So the poor hath hope, And iniquity stoppeth her mouth.

The worst job I I ever worked. Pretend dental whitening. It was a SCAM.

While everything he says was technically true, it wasn’t sincere. It was not the message His friend needed at this moment in his life. Job knew these things better than Eliphaz did! Job didn’t need a sermon. He needed sympathy!

He’s still accusing Job of being the cause of his own problems. His words are filled with truth and scripture, but his heart sure isn’t.

One of the impact quotes I learned in college was that “no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care”.

We all know the stereotype that Hollywood portrays of Christians being arrogant, prideful, and selfish, but always quick to throw out cliche Christian quotes like “I’m praying for you”, “God still loves you”, and “Don’t worry, everything has a purpose!”.

As offensive and hurtful as those stereotypes are to see, I can’t help but feel a little convicted by the fact that those stereotypes didn’t come of our thin air. There’s sadly a lot of truth to many of them.

I’ve been guilty myself of getting into silly arguments with unbelievers and throwing out the words, “I’m praying for you”, but deep down inside, thinking “I think I’m much smarter than you”.

Let’s stop trying to spiritualize our selfishness. This is what pushes away friends. Just because we can throw in Bible verses and use “Christian talk” doesn’t make our opinions right, or our heart pure.

Don’t forget that people have used scripture throughout history to defend slavery, Nazism, Neo-Nazism, genocide, racism, and to go against interracial marriage.

I’m certainly not saying that to ignore scripture, but I’m saying that just because we know the “Word of God”, does not mean we are aligned with the “heart of God”.

If we want to truly help a friend, before we ask God, “what to say”, let’s ask God to first change our heart.

3) The Forgotten Fruit

Finally, we learn that the type of friendship Eliphaz had was ultimately and unfruitful one that led to more harm than good.

Job responds by saying in Job 6:4

Job 6:4 KJV 1900

For the arrows of the Almighty are within me, The poison whereof drinketh up my spirit: The terrors of God do set themselves in array against me.

Job, having taken the self-righteous words of Eliphaz to heart, is not starting to see God not as a friend, but as an enemy to his life.

He knows that his sin wasn’t any greater than the average person and couldn’t explain why he was suffering unless God hated him.

This selfish, “help yourself” brand of Christianity is exactly why so many people can’t stand Christians. When people come to us for love and support, all we have to offer is blame and condemnation.

Please don’t confuse my sermon as a case for a seeker sensitive, “feel good” Christianity, or some type of prosperity gospel. As a matter of fact, what I’m saying is the opposite of prosperity gospel.

When we just tell people to stop complaining, go to church, get a better job, and all their problems will go away is prosperity gospel.

What I’m saying that is that no level of spirituality can just make “problems just go away”. Job understood that God gives, and God takes away. Job understood that God is in control of everything.

There’s a time a place for rebuke, for correction, and instruction, but we can’t start that without first being a real and genuine friend.

That’s where real fruit comes from. Not from the self-centered, phony, Eliphaz friendship we often are guilty of offering, but real Christlike friendship, and looks to lift others up before ourselves.

They started by doing the right things. In chapter 2, they showed up, they listened, they wept, and they prayed with their friend Job.

If they had only continued to speak words of life instead of death, we wouldn’t be using them as biblical example of horrible friends.

Instead, we would be looking to them as perfect examples of friends. We would be preaching sermons about how to imitate their behavior to copy them, instead of warning us how to avoid it.

As we move on from Friend Day, and prepare to engage with our new friends, can we take time to self-examine, what kind of friend are we? Are we a chapter 2 Eliphaz, or a chapter 4 and 5 Eliphaz? Is our friendship bringing help or hurt?

Instead of focusing on the failures of others, pretending to be spiritual without actually helping anyone, and bearing absolutely no fruit, let’s choose to be the type of friend Jesus was to people.

Be a friend who loves the most unlovable, gives to those who can’t give in return, and seeks to help those who can’t help themselves.