Renouncing Narcissism

Life is a war for glory.

Even for those who have rested in Jesus, there are still daily skirmishes where our reputation is at risk. Sadly, life is our live battlefield where we struggle and strive for glory, trying to put it on display to see how we measure up to others.

Are we advancing in our career fast enough?

Have we progressed to the right point at the right time in our romantic life?

Do our children have that one thing that makes them something?

Are we Christian enough to be well-thought-of, but worldly enough to not stand out?

Remember, we’ve been set free from this. In Jesus, we are fully known and fully loved. But alas, we are grace amnesiacs, and we forget the truth that sets us free.

At the end of Prince Caspian, the brave mouse warrior Reepicheep has lost his tail in battle. In hopes of having his tail restored, he comes to Aslan. Here’s how it plays out:

“But what do you want with a tail?” asked Aslan. “Sir,” said the Mouse, “I can eat and sleep and die for my King without one. But a tail is the honor and glory of a Mouse.”

“I have sometimes wondered, friend,” said Aslan, “whether yo do not think too much about your honor.”

In counseling, I often talk about root and fruit issues. Root issues lie at the base of our motivations and have a way of ruling our hearts. We cling to these root idols to secure our identity and joy. Often times the root idols revolve around power, control, comfort and approval.

Then there are the fruit idols. They are simultaneously the product of our root issues and the means by which we try to secure them. So, if we seek comfort as a controlling root idol, we may see the fruit idol of fleshly indulgence — some type of escape (food, porn, neglecting responsibilities, etc.) — as a way to capture that comfort. If power is the root issue, money and popularity may be what we look to in order to give us a sense of power.

In our hunger for glory, we are looking at the root idol of acceptance and approval. As a way of waving a flashing “caution” sign, Vassar notes that we can use the gospel as a means of scratching that idol itch instead of actually yearning for the Christ and God of the gospel. Personally, there was a day of reckoning for me in college when in one of my quiet times, God floored me with this question: “Do you want Me or what I offer?” Yes, the gospel offers a wonderful benefit to us: salvation from our sin and the acceptance our hearts crave. BUT, The gospel is primarily about God, not about us! “The driving motivation of God’s saving activity is the praise of His glory, not ours (Eph.1:6, 12, 14).” However, our legitimate desire for the Father’s approval, His “very good,” can quickly turn to narcissism if left unchecked.

Narcissus was a character in Greek mythology, a hunter well known for his beauty and vanity. One day his arch-rival led him to a pool where he stooped to drink. As he looked into the pool, he became transfixed by his reflection. Immobilized by his reflection but not knowing it was merely an image, he could not leave the reflection of his beauty, and he died beside the pool.

While there is a clinical narcissism, there is also a functional narcissism that runs rampant in our culture. It’s expressed in excessive concern with and an over-inflated view of self — an inordinate self-love. Vassar notes, “It is an egocentrism rooted in an exaggerated self-esteem that in reality is self-absorption.”

Consider how the culture now preaches the importance of self-love.

An NBC public service announcement says, “You may not realize it, but everyone is born with their one true love — themselves. If you like you, everyone else will, too.”

Writer Dian Mastromarino claims, “Loving yourself means knowing how great you are and not letting any person, any place, or any thing ever get in the way of that.”

For the world around us, emotional health begins the moment you enter into a love affair with yourself.

Our Culture’s Vanity

It’s not secret — the Judeo-Christian worldview no longer holds the home field advantage in the west. It may still be the most widely-accepted philosophical starting point, but Christians do not hold the distinct advantage of providing the primary lens by which the world is understood. This has greatly impacted the “self.” Instead of being defined primarily from a vertical relationship with God, humanity is no looking to define itself from a horizontal perspective.

Being “hot” is not a culturally desirable trait. Think about this — the instagram model worth the most money? Kylie Jenner. What’s her talent? I don’t know, but she’s worth $1 billion.

Do we even consider virtues like integrity? Chivalry? Responsibility? Respect?

In 2006, a Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon saw his business increase by 40% when he began offering “Bridal Beauty Buffets.” I mean, what are saying? “Don’t mess up my special day with your poor complexion or unsightly figure. If you want to be in my party and in my pictures, near perfection is required.” Seriously?!

Our Obsession with Celebrities and Quest for Fame

Narcissism has made celebrities into icons and prophets, so fame is now the holy grail of our culture. We will do nearly anything for our 15 minutes of fame.

There’s an Austin-based company, “Celeb 4 A Day,” whose sole intent is making customers feel as if they are famous. They provide paparazzi to follow you taking pictures day and night, an entourage, you name it, all to make you feel like a star. You get a fake magazine at the end of the evening, and guess who’s on the front cover. Sounds terrifying to me. But, is that because I’m self-conscious about my lack of image appeal?!

Nineties rock band Counting Crows maybe summed it up best: “When I look at the television I want to see me staring right back at me; we all want to be big stars.” The obsession over self runs so deep that even when we taste the fame, it may not be enough. British rock star Amy Winehouse tragically overdosed watching YouTube videos of her own performances.