Wisdom In Choosing A Mate
Lessons From Proverbs • Sermon • Submitted
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Introduction
Introduction
Greetings…
Over the last several weeks we have been looking at some of the “Lessons From Proverbs.”
As we mentioned in the beginning, the book of Proverbs is all about how we, as God’s children, can make wise decisions that will benefit us in this life and the next.
Today, we are going to finish this series up by looking at our last “wise choice” if you will and that is, “Wisdom In Choosing A Mate.”
We are extremely blessed, here in Ramona, with the number of children we have attending.
Often the kids make up more of our congregation than the adults.
It’s with that in mind we find that the book of Proverbs blesses us with factors the unmarried can use to choose a mate wisely.
The main points of this lesson will be gleaned by looking at Proverbs 31:10-31, also known as the “Virtuous Wife or Good Wife.”
There are some interesting tidbits of information about this section of the Proverbs.
We find that “King Lemuel’s mother” taught these lessons to him and so these are proverbs from a wise woman rather than a wise man.
This is an “acrostic poem” as well.
This simply means that each of the 22 verses begins with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet.
This is similar to Psalm 119.
What are some biblical characteristics one needs to look for in a spouse?
They need to be someone that…
Biblical Characteristics
Biblical Characteristics
Fears The Lord.
Fears The Lord.
Proverbs 31:30 reads…
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
This verse points out two powerful realities.
First, when choosing a spouse do not focus on the superficial things.
By that I mean that physical beauty rarely sheds light on a persons character and spiritual makeup.
Think of all the models and actors and actresses in the movies, tv shows, magazines and the like.
How many those people do you think “fear the Lord?”
That brings me to the second reality.
When seeking a spouse, understand the importance of finding someone show shares your faith and love for God.
Paul rights in 2 Corinthians 6:14…
14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
There is no human “yoke” greater than that of marriage.
There are far too many dangers that come from marrying someone that doesn’t share your faith in God and love for his truth.
When looking for a spouse and partner for life, we should look for someone that “fears the Lord” and marry a Christian.
Notice I didn’t say we can’t date non-Christians, but marrying a non-Christian is far too dangerous to mess with.
Look at what marrying outside of faith did for Solomon.
A second characteristic one should look for in a mate is…
Trustworthiness.
Trustworthiness.
Spouses must be able to trust each other.
It is vital to a relationship working.
Notice again what is said in Proverbs 31:11…
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
On more than one occasion I have heard a husband or wife who have had their spouse cheat on them say…
“I can’t believe I was so stupid that I didn’t realize what was going on.”
My response is always the same, “There is nothing stupid about trusting your spouse. You had every right to expect faithfulness and truthfulness from them.”
No couple should live their lives “wondering” if their spouse is trustworthy or not, that should be established before one gets married.
That brings me to Proverbs 2:12-19 which reads…
12 delivering you from the way of evil, from men of perverted speech, 13 who forsake the paths of uprightness to walk in the ways of darkness, 14 who rejoice in doing evil and delight in the perverseness of evil, 15 men whose paths are crooked, and who are devious in their ways.
16 So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words, 17 who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God; 18 for her house sinks down to death, and her paths to the departed; 19 none who go to her come back, nor do they regain the paths of life.
What does “avoiding evil companions” have to do with being delivered from “the forbidden woman?”
It all comes down to wise choices.
If we can see the difference between a good companion and a bad one so too we should be able to avoid a bad spouse.
Now don’t get me wrong, you can’t always predict whether a person is trustworthy.
People can change and “good and spiritually faithful” spouse could end up falling away.
However, we are talking about the minority in these matters not the majority.
So when looking for a spouse, look for someone that can be trusted.
Who you can put your hopes, dreams, pains, and comfort in that will help you get to heaven.
A third characteristic that should be looked for is their…
Kindness.
Kindness.
When looking for a spouse one shouldn’t have to ask if they are “nice” or not.
Too often people get caught up in the excitement of the “bad boy” or “bad girl” and forget the importance of kindness.
Proverbs 31:20 and Proverbs 31:27 says…
20 She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Notice kindness is based not just in words but actions.
If the person you are attracted to isn’t kind to other people what makes you think they will be kind to you when the “new shine” of the relationship wears thin?
Being with a contentious spouse is horrible.
15 A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; 16 to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one’s right hand.
3 It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.
If all you ever do is argue and fight while dating what makes you think this will change when your married?
With that said, if you and your spouse seek faithfulness you both can grow to be kind to each other but know this isn’t easy to accomplish.
Lastly, we find that a great characteristic is…
Respectable Behavior.
Respectable Behavior.
How others perceive your spouse can have an impact on your life and relationship.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
23 Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
Because the “Virtuous Wife” was so well respected by others, her husband found respect as well.
If she was the opposite, like Hosea’s wife what do think other people’s perspective would be then on her husband?
Summary
Summary
That type of character you look for in a spouse will determine the type of character you will find.
If you are looking for a good, kind, respectable, and God fearing person you will find someone, a spouse with these characteristics.
If not you won’t.
Before we conclude this lesson I want us to remember two more things concerning make a wise chooses about your future spouse.
First realize…
Wisdom Is Patient
Wisdom Is Patient
Think Long & Hard.
Think Long & Hard.
The Proverb writers states in Proverbs 20:25…
25 It is a snare to say rashly, “It is holy,” and to reflect only after making vows.
In other words, making vows to God is serious business and it is’t to be taken lightly.
No one should “rashly” enter into a marriage and no one should “act first” and “think later.”
King Solomon is a great illustration of how a bad marriage can bring one to unfaithfulness.
Summary
Summary
Obviously, there is no such thing as being “100%” sure but if each one in the relationship “goes into” having put in the proper time and thought, things will go much smother.
Thinking through things from a biblical perspective before reacting in a relationship will always allow for a better success rate.
More great advice we find in the book of Proverbs is to…
Cherish What Is Good
Cherish What Is Good
No What You Have In A Mate.
No What You Have In A Mate.
There is an old proverb that says, “Appreciate a good thing when you see it.”
Proverbs 31:10 (ESV)
10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
When you start dating someone that is open to the truth of God’s word recognize that before it’s too late and you loose them.
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
14 House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.
Summary
Summary
The point is this, when you find that “right person” don’t let that person (a) slip away and (b) make sure you don’t forget who gave you that special one.
He or she is a gift to you from the Creator of all life, so be grateful to God for them.
Conclusion
Conclusion
I know growing up it seemed like I would never find that “right person” for me.
This led me to get into relationships that I should never have gotten into, but knowing what God sees as a “wise choice” for a spouse, don’t let society tell you who to marry and spend the rest of your life with.
Let God be your guide, and when God is your guide you can never go wrong.
Invitation
1 Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save, or his ear dull, that it cannot hear; 2 but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.
6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.
17 So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.
6 And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.
30 The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent,
32 “Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven.
8 in flaming fire, inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus.
1 Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, 2 and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain. 3 For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, 4 that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures,
3 Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. 5 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.
7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.