A Dream Wedding - Song of Songs 3:1-5:1

Introduction

There’s nothing in my pastoral ministry that makes me more nervous than weddings. I literally get more nervous for your weddings than I was for my own. Over time, you really begin to understand the gravity of what’s taking place. You sit down with these sweet, little brides, and you realize that you’re responsible for helping her attain something that she’s dreamed about longer than she could read. I tell people all of the time that’s the difference between weddings and funerals — two of the hardest tasks for a minister. At both events, families can get a little weird or out of sorts, but for the most part, a funeral is a time in which the family just needs to be comforted and reminded of the hope they have in the resurrection. Nobody dreams about the funerals of their loved ones. But, at a wedding, it’s not something you just get through together; it’s something that everyone wants perfect. So, there’s all this pressure to hit every ceremony on point, to say the right names and to say them correctly, to read fluidly and eloquently, to make sure that you have the unity *whatever* just right. Honestly, the goal of the pastor is, in many ways, similar to the goal of an offensive lineman. If you’ve done your job well, nobody remembers you. They hear the gospel, they celebrate the couple, and they forget you. If they remember you, then you’ve blown it. You want to be like a piece of furniture at the wedding.

That’s probably why I watch royal weddings differently than most of you. When William and Kate were getting married, I’m praying for the officiants. If they stumble or gaffe, they will be memorialized for the rest of time. They’re responsible, not just for the dream of the bride, but for the dream of an entire nation. They perform a wedding that is to be the ideal of all weddings that come after them.

God’s Word

That’s really the scene of the Song of Songs. It’s an album of songs that is meant to tell the story of Solomon’s royal wedding (and honeymoon) in the idyllic way that songs do. It shows the build up to the wedding, the consummation of the wedding, and a bit of the aftermath. That is, the book is really a build up to and a digression from the crescendo that takes place in the middle, which is why we’re going to spend our limited time focusing on the middle songs in the album.

And, this is where it’s important for us to remember what Jesus says in Luke 24 that all Scripture is about him — even these song, hard as they may be for us to believe. So, it’s important that we look upon these lyrics with two different perspectives — one focused on the story itself and the other with an eye as to how it fits within the grander story of the Bible. So, this is in one sense the story of a royal wedding, and it is in another a parable so that we can better understand and adore Christ. So, I want us to focus in on three dreamy scenes that ask three hard questions(headline) (Two this week and one next week) at this dream wedding:

What if my “dream” doesn’t “last”?

A Nervous Bride

Song of Solomon 3:1-5 “On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not. I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but found him not. The watchmen found me as they went about in the city. “Have you seen him whom my soul loves?” Scarcely had I passed them when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother’s house, and into the chamber of her who conceived me. I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.”

Approaching weddings often reveal insecurity. When the moment you’ve always waited for now stares you in the face, it’s a surreal experience. And, behind all of the planning and all of the excitement, there’s often a low-grade anxiety. What if he or she isn’t who I think they are? What if I don’t get along with their family? What if the honeymoon doesn’t live up to the hype? What if this marriage doesn’t last? That’s the question that we see this young bride wrestling with here at the beginning of chapter 3. She’s in her bed, but she’s hardly resting. She drifts off to sleep, but anxieties are revealed in her dreams. She has a dream where she can’t find her beloved. She pursues him just as she has throughout the first two chapter, but now her search comes up empty. What once seemed like mutual passion and longing now appears one sided. She loves him with her very soul — her very being, the very essence of who she is as a person — and she is here desperately hoping that her love isn’t unrequited. That’s when she sees him — “the one her soul loves” — and she clings to him as though he is life itself. So, on what may be the night before her wedding, she finds herself wrestling with insecurity about her wedding and the future, and she can only be comforted by clinging with all that she has to her love for him and his love for her.

To love is to make yourself vulnerable. Love opens you up to the greatest joys and the greatest pains simultaneously. And, this love album isn’t in the dark. What we see in the build up to chapter 3 is two lovers pursuing one another and being vulnerable with one another and risking the pain that could come for the sake of the delight they hope for. That is, what we see here is that love is risky, but it’s a risk that should be taken. Many of you have been wounded by people that you love, or you’ve watched as others have been; so, there’s reluctance to love and to pursue love. You identify more with the insecurity of the bride than her passion. But, wisdom isn’t saying that all attempts at love will leave you damaged; wisdom is saying that clinging to insecurity rather than love will rob you of delight and the fullness of life that God offers to you.

But, there’s also a warning given to those who approach love rashly and naively. It’s a refrain that shows up three times throughout the album “that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” She’s looking at her maidens in language that must’ve seemed hypocritical, and she says, “Don’t pursue love until you’re ready. Don’t arouse your sexual interests too early. Don’t open yourself up to this insecurity rashly.” That’s a word for us today. Modern dating prepares our children for a future divorce by subjecting them to practice divorces all through college and high school. But, they aren’t ready for that kind of commitment or that kind of danger.

An Assuring Groom

Song of Solomon 3:6-11 “What is that coming up from the wilderness like columns of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and frankincense, with all the fragrant powders of a merchant? Behold, it is the litter of Solomon! Around it are sixty mighty men, some of the mighty men of Israel, all of them wearing swords and expert in war, each with his sword at his thigh, against terror by night. King Solomon made himself a carriage from the wood of Lebanon. He made its posts of silver, its back of gold, its seat of purple; its interior was inlaid with love by the daughters of Jerusalem. Go out, O daughters of Zion, and look upon King Solomon, with the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, on the day of the gladness of his heart.”

And, at just the right time, the wedding processional led by her beloved shows up to solidify their commitment to one another. What’s beautiful here is that you have a doubting bride being met by an assuring groom. It’s as if Solomon knew exactly the question that she was worried about, and took intentional actions to assure her that everything would be okay. In fact, Solomon gives his doubting bride four assurances that are meant to secure her. He shows that he will provide for her. There is a cloud of smoke surrounding him because there is so much incense being burnt and so many people walking in the processional. The maidens can smell the perfumes from far away. He’s like a merchant coming with so much, as evidence that she will always be provided for and she will provided for with the very best he can provide. He’s not just going to provide, but also protect. There’s “sixty mighty men....all of them wearing swords and expert in war.” He brings Seal Team Six with him. She’s safe with him. He displays his power to prove that she’s okay. Perhaps, most importantly, he shows her that she is his passion. No expense is spared. No processional is grand enough. This is the day of ‘the gladness of his heart’ — the happiest day of his life. That’s what she needed to know, isn’t it? That’s what you need to know too, right? That you’re the passion of the other person. That you make their heart happier. And so, the wedding is meant to solidify these realities so that she will know that his provision, protection, and passion for her are permanent — they’re forever. He’s all in.

Secure love makes for secure people. There is in this song here, and throughout, the evidence that the two lovers are never shy to express to one another what they feel and think and value of the other person. Our relationships never grow to a point where this isn’t necessary. And, there are times in which both of you will have to take all of the intentional steps, like Solomon here, to assure and strengthen your spouse. Your marriage is intended to be an anchor point for you, your spouse, and your kids.

A Greater Wedding

And, it’s this relationship, scripture teaches us, that is meant to reflect like a mirror the greater marriage that we have to Christ. Throughout the OT, Israel is often referred to as the bride of YHWH, where He is the faithful groom and she is the unfaithful bride. But, they were secure because their groom was unwavering. He would provide and protect because they were his passion, and He would do so permanently because they were his bride. In fact, the Bible closes with a wedding — our wedding — to Christ where we feast with him forever. He’s wedded himself to us in a way that can satisfy us today — even if we never marry here — and in a way that secures us forever. He’s unwavering toward us. And, the day is coming in which the best day of our lives — our wedding — will become every day of our lives.

What if “Eden” is just a “dream”?

Song of Solomon 4:1-8 “Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing, all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost its young. Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil. Your neck is like the tower of David, built in rows of stone; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense. You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. Come with me from Lebanon, my bride; come with me from Lebanon. Depart from the peak of Amana, from the peak of Senir and Hermon, from the dens of lions, from the mountains of leopards.”

Wholesome Desire

Really, it’s the honeymoon that this Song building up to even more than the wedding. But, it’s the wedding the is meant to provide the context and the security for the long awaited honeymoon. That is, what we’re seeing here is how God has designed for human beings to flourish from the beginning. Throughout the songs being sung, there is this back and forth yearning for one another, but we’re meant to see that this is right and good and appropriate. It’s a wholesome desire. It’s important that we not miss what is too often missed — the Bible doesn’t say to avoid sex; it says to avoid immoral sex. The inverse actually true — the Bible elevates sex as a gift. The Bible is about freedom, not oppression, but it’s about the right kind of freedom, the kind of freedom that won’t damage your soul.

We’re even able to see a glimpse from Solomon’s perspective of what this wholesome love looks like. What may surprise you, if you’re unfamiliar with this Song, is that it is the Shulammite that initiates and invites Solomon in (SOS 1-3). There’s no decorum between the husband and wife; she can fully lower her inhibitions with him. So, in that context, look at Solomon’s response on the night of consummation: He accepts her (v. 6). He doesn’t take her vulnerability or invitation lightly. Rejection, especially by your lover, is a painful experience. He elevates her (“bride” 5x’s, “tower of david” (unassailable), “no flaw in (her)”). Solomon doesn’t just accept his wife; he extols her. He actually says what he feels. He builds her up and encourages her. She isn’t just for his pleasure; He is for her good. He respects her (v. 8). He doesn’t demand; he invites. She isn’t his object; she is his treasure. This isn’t just about him; it’s about them. Where would our marriages be if they were built upon this type of foundation? Where would they be if we neither diminished nor perverted the good desires that God has given us? Something Paul reminds us of in 1 Corinthians 6 is that sex is about more than the body; it’s about your soul and the soul of your spouse. It’s the expression of wholesome desire — a desire that initiates, accepts, elevates, and respects.

Wholesome desire leads to shameless delight.

Song of Solomon 5:1 “I came to my garden, my sister, my bride, I gathered my myrrh with my spice, I ate my honeycomb with my honey, I drank my wine with my milk. Eat, friends, drink, and be drunk with love!”

And, what I want you to see teenagers, singles, self-centered spouses is that wholesome desire leads to shameless delight. SOS dispels any false notion that sex is merely a duty or a means to procreation. There’s no mention of either of those in these songs. Sex is to be the expression of passion leading to wholistic delight — physically, relationally, and spiritually. That is, it’s aim is the opposite of the experience that many of you have had — shame. Shame because of past abuses. Shame because of personal immorality. Shame because of pornography usage. These perversions make you want to hide; but, the intent of sex is to give you the freedom to be totally shameless, that is, to experience even briefly something of God’s original design for humankind.

You see, we read about the Garden of Eden like a fairy tale as though it’s not real. Adam and Eve completed one another. They walked with God and each other. They lived perfectly provided for. They were naked, and there was no shame. In fact, many have rightly said that what we see in the SOS is a glimpse of the Garden in real life. “I came to MY GARDEN.” Think of what we have here. Two people in the prime of their lives — beautiful and handsome. They are continually in a garden or are described euphemistically as a garden. They are with one another, naked and unashamed. It’s a brief glimpse of paradise. That is, one of the mysterious wonders of sex (in the context of marriage) is that it provides a fleeting glance at Eden — the way we were intended to be — and, through Jesus’ redemption and return, the way we will one day be again.

Is there any wonder why the fleeting experience of sex is something that so many life for? It is, for many, the only experience of Eden they can relate to. But, what they can’t know is the wonder of 5:1b. It transports us back to the Garden. “Eat, friends, drink, and be drunk with love!”. It’s really difficulty to know exactly who is saying this as the subject is different than anywhere else found in the poem. Many scholars agree that what you have here is God himself approving just as he did on the sixth day when he made male and female and said, “This is very good.” There’s no shame with one another. There’s no shame before God. There’s horizontal and vertical intimacy. Eden isn’t a fairy tale; it’s reality, and it’s returning.

What if my “dream” becomes a “nightmare”?

Covered next week!

SOS 5:2-8