Biblical Communication

Introduction

Your words and the manner in which you speak are critical to harmonious relationships. As you learn to speak the truth in love, you must also determine when to speak, how to speak in an edifying manner, and to whom you should speak. The power of your words is enormous, and they also show the condition of your heart. Ever your idle words will be accounted for in the day of judgment (based on Proverbs 12:18; 18:21; 21:23; Matthew 12:34-37; Ephesians 4:15, 25, 29; Colossians 4:6).

What Do Your Words Reveal?

Your words are a mirror of your heart (Luke 6:45).

Your words reflect your intent to heal or hurt (Proverbs 11:9, 11; 12:18; 14:25; 15:4; 16:24, 28; 18:21).

Your words are indicators of your spiritual maturity (based on Ecclesiastes 10:12-14; 2 Timothy 2:16; James 1:26; 3:1-6, especially verse 2).

Your words reveal a self-focus (by cursing) or a focus on God and others (by blessing) (based on James 3:9-12; 1 Peter 3:8-10).

To Whom Should You Speak?

Speak with the Lord first in order to gain His perspective (James 1:5).

Speak to yourself, next, to determine changes you may need to make (based on Matthew 7:1-5; Romans 2:21).

Speak to the wise, not to the foolish scoffer (Proverbs 9:7-9; 19:25; 23:9).

Speak to the receptive, not to the quarrelsome (Proverbs 17:14; 20:3).

Speak to only to those who need to know (based on Proverbs 11:13-14).

Speak to those who need hope, comfort, restoration, or regeneration (spiritual new birth) (based on Matthew 28:19-20; 2 Corinthians 1:3-4; 5:18-20; 1 Peter 3:15).

When Should You Speak?

Speak after gathering the facts (Proverbs 18:13; 29:20)

Listen attentively, rather than concentrating on what you are going to say (Proverbs 10:19; 15:28; 18:2).

Listen to all sides; don’t jump to conclusions (based on Proverbs 18:13, 17).

Focus on facts, not on opinions. Ask who, what, where, when, and how (not why) questions (based on Proverbs 13:10; 18:15; 2 Timothy 2:23).

Ask questions to gain insight, not those that merely solicit a “yes” or “no” response (based on Proverbs 20:5).

Speak after thinking (based on Proverbs 13:3; 15:28; 18:13; 21:23; James 1:19).

Speak at the appropriate time (Proverbs 15:23; 25:11).

Make the most of any opportunity to provide grace in building up others (Ephesians 4:29; Colossians 4:5-6).

Speak with a blessing even when insulted or persecuted (based on Proverbs 20:22; Romans 12:14; 1 Peter 3:8-9).

When appropriate, help another by admonishing, correcting, and restoring him (Romans 15:14; Galatians 6:1; Colossians 1:28; 2 Timothy 2:24-25).

How Should You Speak?

Speak in love (Ephesians 4:15).

Love is patient, is kind, is not jealous, does not brag, is not arrogant, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).

Love covers transgressions whenever possible and Biblically appropriate (Proverbs 10:12; 1 Peter 4:8).

Speak with control over emotions (Proverbs 15:1; 16:32; 17:27; Ephesians 4:25-27).

Speak without quarreling (Proverbs 17:14; 20:3; 2 Timothy 2:24-25).

Speak with sweetness, gentleness, graciousness, and reverence (Proverbs 15:1; 16:21, 24; 25:15; Colossians 4:6; 1 Peter 3:15), and yet with confidence and authority (Titus 2:15; 3:8).

Speak with a blessing in response to insults (Proverbs 20:22; Romans 12:14; 1 Peter 3:9).

Speak in a manner that is acceptable and pleasing to God (Psalm 19:14; 1 Thessalonians 2:4).

What Should You Not Say?

You should not lie (based on Exodus 20:16; 23:1; Deuteronomy 5:20; Psalm 31:18; Proverbs 4:24; 6:12, 16-19; 8:13; 12:22; 19:5; Ephesians 4:25; Colossians 3:9; Revelation 22:15).

You should not use words that are unwholesome, slanderous, malicious, or abusive, since these are practices of the old self (Ephesians 4:29; Colossians 3:8).

You should not curse or speak with bitterness since these are signs of wickedness and unrighteousness (Psalm 10:2-11, especially verse 7; Romans 3:10-18, especially verse 14.)

You should not speak in a silly, joking, or coarse manner since this is not fitting behavior for a child of God (Proverbs 26:18-19; Ephesians 5:4).

You should avoid worldly, and empty chatter since this leads to further ungodliness (1 Timothy 6:20; 2 Timothy 2:16).

You should not talk too much or be quick to speak since this leads to unavoidable transgression and is characteristic of an undisciplined life (based on Psalm 39:1; 141:3; Proverbs 10:19; James 1:19).

It is deceptive to use flattering words for the purpose of gaining an advantage, since this is ruinous to loving relationships (based on Proverbs 26:28; 29:5; 1 Thessalonians 2:3-7, especially verse 5; Jude 1:16).

You should not gossip, since this reveals a contentious spirit within you and fosters contention between others (Proverbs 18:8; 20:19; 26:20).

Gossip is to be put away from your life, and you are not to associate with gossips. As Proverbs 20:19 pointedly states, “He that goeth about as a talebearer (slanderer, scandal-monger) revealeth secrets: Therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips (gossip).”

You can quiet contention by putting off gossip, as Proverbs 26:20 states, “Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: So where there is no talebearer (gossip, whisperer), the strife ceaseth.”

You should not boast about what you have accomplished or what you plan to do since all you have accomplished in the past or all you may accomplish in the future is a gift of God’s grace. Furthermore, boasting about yourself is a sign of arrogance and a failure to recognize God’s sovereignty and enablement in your life (Psalm 75:1-8; Proverbs 27:1; Jeremiah 9:23-24; James 4:13-16).

What Should You Speak?

Always speak the truth (Ephesians 4:15, 25).

You should speak God’s words rather than your own opinions or man’s philosophies (based on Proverbs 30:5-6; Isaiah 55:8-11; 1 Peter 1:24-25). Don’t appeal to your own authority by saying, “I think,” “I believe,” “I don’t agree,” etc.

Speak only words fitting for (appropriate to) sound doctrine (Titus 2:1).

Speak in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs (Ephesians 5:19; Colossians 3:16).

Use only wholesome words that give grace to those who hear (Proverbs 15:1; Ephesians 4:29; Colossians 4:6).

Do not tear down or belittle others with words like “that’s stupid” or “you are always wrong,” but instead concentrate on building up another.

Focus on meeting the need of the moment.

Speak with a view to reconcile others to the Lord (based on 2 Corinthians 5:20).

Speak to give witness for the Lord (1 Peter 3:15).

Your speech should give thanks (Psalm 9:1; Ephesians 5:4, 20; Colossians 3:17) and praise to the Lord (Psalm 145:1-7; 150:1-6).

Boast of God’s righteousness, mercy, justice and His work of grace provided through Christ Jesus for you (Psalm 20:7; 44:8; Jeremiah 9:23-24; 1 Corinthians 1:26-31).