Alien Ways at Home

In the beginning, God created… and when all was finished, creation was declared to be very good.

Within His creation He created something… remarkable. He created something… beautiful. He created something to be shared between one man and one woman… a relationship like no other. GOD CREATED MARRIAGE.

When no suitable helper was found among the rest of creation for Adam, God created Eve from one of Adam’s ribs. She was made to be the missing piece… made to compliment the man… to help him in ways he could not help himself.

She was NOT made to be dominated by him but to be cared for and loved by him.

And think about how Eve was made for a moment. A piece of Adam was used to complete the relationship picture… and when those two unite, they once again become that one flesh, complete as God intended in the beginning.

Marriage is God’s idea, not an idea of the world. Despite recent attempts to redefine or restructure what marriage is… it is NOT for the world to set that definition. GOD set the terms for marriage IN THE BEGINNING.

Over the course of time, we have sen marriage… changed, twisted, ignored, abused, and perverted.

When sin entered the world, it corrupted everything - including this special union God put into place for one man and one woman - the man being the masculine individual with the X and Y chromosomes and the male reproductive organs, and the woman being the feminine individual with the X chromosome only and the female reproductive organs.

I specify not to make fun, but to make clear. Our world today is struggling to know the difference because society has blurred the lines. We have taken it upon ourselves to relabel and redefine what a man is and what a woman is.

Church, the problem isn’t with our biology… the problem is… we are LOST in sin and we have LOST sight of who God has created us to be!

And society has lost sight of what marriage was designed to be.

Even in the early days of the Bible, polygamy (one man taking many wives) was being practice by the Cainites as seen in Genesis 4.

Genesis 6 records that sever compromise was taking place within marriage relationships… compromise that led up to wickedness in man’s heart that resulted in God regretting having ever made humankind in the first place! This regret led to the great flood we are studying on Wednesday nights.

In Jesus’ day, if you ever study the marriage relationships and the sexual practices of the Greco-Roman world, make sure you have the stomach enough to take on that study. It was repulsive. It was perverted. It was a free for all that will tie your stomach in knots and break your heart.

And even in this day, although we have become more… civilized… we remain demoralized as a culture. And much of the demoralization comes because our world has lost sight of God’s original design for… marriage.

The enemy’s attack on marriage is not an accidental thing. What we read about historically and what we see happening today is a purposeful, spiritual attack of an enemy who desires for all of God’s creation to perish. And his attack on marriage… is causing great harm to many people.

Here’s the deal: when we break away from God’s design, things begin to break down. God knew what He was doing then… and He knows what He is doing know. We must learn to trust in His ways and to live out His ways on a daily basis.

I could list the studies and statistics but we’d be here all night. What I want us to understand is there is a cause and effect that must be considered. The cause being a breaking away from God’s deign for marriage and the effect being… well… simply look at the world around you. The effect is everywhere.

The enemy knows… if he can disrupt the home… if he can shake up that foundation… chances are, he will do major damage for generations to come.

The damage, church, is irrefutable and undeniable. Our culture has chosen to turn a blind eye to the damage so as to continue in its “fun,” but it is leaving a torrential wake from its path.

We need to do all that we can to protect our marriages and to protect our families. We need to make sure we are NOT losing sight of God’s way and we need to actively REJECT the attempt of the world to redefine the original design.

So what does that look like? How do we do this? What can we do as believers to make sure our marriages are strong and our relationship with our spouse is growing?

Tonight we are looking at a portion of Scripture that is going to address husbands and wives. This portion of Scripture is in line with what we studied last week.

last week we talked about Alien ways… or the ways Christians were to conduct themselves while living as strangers in a foreign land. Those ways honored God. And what we are going to see tonight is those ways were to be observed in public, but also within the home… within the marriage of the believer.

Marriages were to remain as God defined them in the beginning. But this wasn’t going to be easy because… these believers were living in cultures that did not honor the Lord.

Our actions, our behaviors, the way we operate within our marriages… MATTER TO GOD. In all things and in all ways, believers are to honor our God… not the ways of the culture that surrounds them.

The text we look at tonight introduces the Alien ways… in the home. God is to be honored… everywhere. And the instructions given in our passage tonight are God honoring but also evangelical in nature.

God, through Peter, addresses husbands and wive who are living in a strange land while trying to honor God first in all things. And His instruction… might surprise you.

Ladies… First.

The instruction begins with the wives. On the surface, it sounds like instruction we have heard in other passages… but as we dig deeper tonight, we will find out why it is unique to its context.

1 Peter 3:1–6 NIV

1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

There’s that word again… submit. And that word is tied to the teaching we covered in chapter 2 last week. notice verse one specifies that wives, IN THE SAME WAY, are to submit is a link to what was previously talked about. But the submission here is NOT to just any human authority or leader or to an earthly master or ruler. The submission called for is to her husband. The reason given for her submission is what? TO WIN THE HUSBAND OVER FOR THE LORD.

Now, we need to be careful as we dig into this. The call for submission was not given ONLY for wives who have unbelieving husbands. look at verse 1 again. IF any of the husbands do not believe… In other words, submission is called for in every circumstance but especially when the husband is not a believer. Ephesians 5 is another place where we see the instruction for submission given.

So how does submission honor God and lead a non believing husband to believe in the Word? Before we answer that, we need to know some specifics regarding the situation.

First off, the wife’s reverence to God is her motivation for submitting to her husband. This is true regardless of whether the husband is saved or not, harsh or kind.

The submissiveness comes then as an act of faith, not obligation, to the One the wife is serving with all her heart, soul, and mind.

Ladies, if you desire to have the best marriage you could possibly have, choose to reverently follow the Lord in all things.

You faith in God needs to shine through in your household! As it shines through… it can and will make a tremendous impact on your household.

Secondly, in Peter’s day, the Greco-Roman culture had a few “rules” that we need to consider as we read this passage of Scripture.

In that time, a wife’s conversion to Jesus could cause issues within the marriage. Why?

In that society, it was expected that the wife would have no friends of her own and that she would worship the gods of her husband. This obviously becomes a problem for a wife who has chosen to follow Jesus.

The very fact that a woman would adopt any religion other than her husband’s violated the cultural ideal of an orderly home.

Because prosperity and well being were seen as dependent on religious forces, disorder in the home was a threat not only to the family but to society. Christians were often blamed as the cause of public calamity because they introduced a new god that upset the status quo of the empire.

So… with this in mind, the husband and society could perceive the wife’s relationship with Jesus as rebellion, especially if she worshipped Jesus exclusively.

Culturally, the husband might experience embarrassment, and suffer criticism for not properly managing his household. His social status would be diminished. His reputation, tarnished.

These are all very real concerns of Peter’s day… but notice he doesn’t address the particulars. He simply gives the instruction to… submit.

Now… the Christian wife is to submit not to the expectations of any and all men in general but to her own husband.

The details of how the submission was to be expressed was left between husband and wife… but the goal remains the same. Her submission… might lead to his salvation. Because this was the goal, her submission was to honor God and NEVER compromise His Word or her faith.

Ladies, may your Christ-like ways lead your family to the Word.

Notice verse 1 places the emphasis not on the words you use, but on the behavior and reverence to God that you display. Peter gives a few examples.

One, your home needs to see the purity and reverence of your life.

Two, your beauty comes not from what you wear or from style, but it comes from your inner self, from a Christ-like Spirit.

Three, do what is right and do not give in to fear. Stand for your faith with gentleness… but be resolved. PUT YOUR HOPE IN GOD.

These three things are NOT what the world would tell you to do! These three things go against the cultural norm. BUT THESE THREE THINGS LEAD BACK TO GOD AND HIS DESIGN FOR THE HOME. That is how submission honors God and leads the lost back to Him!

Submission is a POWERFUL thing. And at the heart of this command is… love. Love for God and love for your spouse.

In the mind and eye of the world, submission is a degrading and a less-than behavior. Yet in the instruction of God, it has the POWER to bring the heart of Christ to the center of your marriage relationship.

Christ was a shining example of submission as he submitted Himself to the Father’s plan. And look what doors were opened because He said yes to God and no to anything else. Yes, He went through a difficult hardship, but His submission brought victory to all who would believe.

Ladies, submitting to your husband is allowing the submissive love of Christ to lead you in your marriage. And your example through your behavior and reverence makes a HUGE difference in your home! Culture may say go a different direction, but if you want God’s best for your marriage… choose to honor God by following His instruction.

When we do things God’s way… we can expect God’s blessing.

Guys… in the SAME Ways...

Husbands… that last statement applies to us as well! If we want God’s best for our marriages, we need to choose to honor God by following His instruction. When we do things God’s way… we can expect God’s blessing.

The wives were not the only believers that Peter addressed in this passage. Verse 7 is all about the husbands. One verse compared to the six that was given for the wives… but there is A LOT going on in this one verse.

1 Peter 3:7 NIV

7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

First and foremost and similar to the instruction given to the wives… Peter uses a phrase that links this teaching with what was just said… IN THE SAME WAY. In what way is He talking? The way of SUBMISSION.

Husbands are to submissively to what is coming in the instruction. They are to submit themselves to the Word of God AND to the care of the household.

Going back to Ephesians 5 I want you to see something very important. BEFORE the instruction was given for wives to submit to their husbands and BEFORE the instruction was given for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church… look at what was said in Ephesians 5:21

Ephesians 5:21 NIV

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

What is the REASON or the MOTIVE behind the mutual submission? REVERENCE FOR CHRIST!

If we desire for Jesus to be the center of our marriage… then our marriage must be built on our reverence for Him!

Guys… in the same way… we are to be reverent to Christ through our submissiveness in our marital relationship. The form of submissiveness looks a bit different, but it comes with the same motive as given to the wives. THIS IS ALL ABOUT SERVING JESUS.

Peter mentions three things about which husbands should be concerned in their relationship with their wife. The concerns highlighted all point back to God’s original design for marriage.

One, The husband must be considerate and understanding. This goes right in line with showing a Christ-like love for His wife as directed in God’s Word.

What does it mean to be considerate? Alright guys… here we go. Considerate is showing careful thought… placing the needs of another… above your own.

So when your wife comes home from a long day at work and she needs an ear to hear her, turn off the TV, put down the cell phone, and be considerate.

When your wife needs help in getting dinner on the table, getting kids through the shower, and making sure the dog isn’t making a mess, put down the tools, get out of the garage, get into the action… and be considerate.

When your wife simply needs a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, or someone to be present with her… set the distractions aside, put the mower back in the shed, turn off the game… and be considerate.

Loving your wife with a Christ-like love is to place her needs above yours. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church - sacrificially. SHE IS WORTHY OF THIS LEVEL OF CONSIDERATION.

Two, the husband should treat his wife with respect as an equal heir of God’s gracious salvation and inheritance of eternal life.

Thus, the husband must honor, provide for and protect his wife according to her needs.

Remember when God made Eve for Adam? She was created to fulfill a relational void in his life. She completed the picture… not as a less than but an equal part of the picture.

Although the roles for husbands and wives are different, these differences do not equate to one being higher than the other.

The mention of wives being the “weaker partner” is again not given to place a woman as less-than but calls out to the man regarding his responsibilities.

Commentators agree that this mention is referring to physical abilities and NOT spiritual abilities.

Both husbands and wives are instructed as believers to exhibit behaviors such as the Fruit of the Spirit and Christ-like attitudes.

In this case, the mention is to remind husbands of their responsibility to care for and NEVER abuse their wives.

This includes ALL forms of abuse. Physical, verbal, psychological, you name it. Guys… God has CHARGED us with protecting our wives… and absolutely will not tolerate the abuse of the help-mate He has given us!

Three, a godly husband must take the lead in submitting his own interests and concerns for the good of his wife and family.

There are a lot of things out there competing for our time and attention. And we, as husbands, need to make sure we are keeping things in proper balance.

Over the years I have done my best to keep things in check and yes, I have listed out my priorities

One, God comes first. Above all else, God comes first.

Two, my family comes next. My first responsibility is to be the husband and father God has called me to be. How can I lead a church if my own house is not in order?

Third, my ministry (career) comes next. I take my call to full-time ministry very seriously… but it does not honor God if I leave my family behind or neglect my personal relationship with the Lord for the sake of that calling.

Gentlemen, your family DESERVES to be near the top of your priority list! God at the top, your family should come next.

We need to hold our families up, be examples of Jesus before them, and give sacrificially for their spiritual and physical well-being.

These are God’s instructions to the husbands who were leading their families in areas hostile to the gospel message.

Jesus is to be at the center of our home life. Jesus’ love is to be displayed through the love of the husband/father.

And the reason why might be surprising to you.

The end of verse 7 tells us ALL OF THIS is done “so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

When there is contention in the home, the spiritual well-being of the home can and often will, suffer. The conflict can become a distraction to seeking God and calling out to Him in our time of need.

Gentlemen, we are to guard our homes against any attack the enemy may try to bring upon us.

This does not mean that arguments will not rise up from time to time. This simply means that even in moments of disagreement… husbands lead the way in agreeing to behaving in ways that honor the Lord. Let’s not become dishonorable in disagreement.

This line also implies that husbands… are to be praying for their families.

I pray throughout the day for my kids and my wife. My desktop on my computer displays different pictures of my family randomly throughout the day. I pray for those faces as they pop up on my screen.

It’s a simple reminder to pray for them. To not get too busy… and forget what matters most.

We believe in the power of prayer! Gentlemen, we need to be a people of prayer as we look after the spiritual well-being of our families.

Closing

The believers in Peter’s day were facing some pretty large challenges, but with God’s help, they could continue to do things His way.

These ways might look alien in nature to a world that has rejected God’s design. Regardless, we are honor God in everything.... especially in our home lives.

Too often we take fro granted the greatest blessings God has given us.

Before Adam had anything, God gave him Eve.

Yes, Adam had the garden to tend and all the animals of the earth… but something was missing. The picture was not yet complete.

God completed that picture when He created Eve.

And consider this… not only did he fill a relational gap for Adam… but He also completed the love of Christ picture as well.

Christ displayed both a SUBMISSIVE love and SACRIFICIAL love in His ministry on earth.

He was submissive to the Father’s plan.

He sacrificed His life for the sins of the world.

So… when the wife displays a submissive love and the husband a sacrificial love… the COMPLETE picture of Jesus’ love is on display within the home.

Christ, then, becomes the CENTER of the marriage relationship.

How many desire for this to be the case… or the continued case for your home tonight?

Then here’s what I want us to do… we are going to pray for marriages.

We are going to pray for God to help us in our homes… but also for God to help others in their homes.

Let’s believe for the love of Christ to be displayed through husbands and wives who desire to honor Him in all ways!