Thrive when Hurt

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We all mess up in life, and that includes Christians. When we mess up, or when someone we know messes up, what is needed the most? We need forgiveness.
Christianity is all about forgiveness. Being a Christian means that you have been forgiven by God through the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Through Christ we have peace with God. Living the Christian life means that those who are forgiven must forgive others.
Let’s face it. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing when we are on the receiving end of it, but when it comes to giving forgiveness it becomes a bit difficult.
People mess up. People hurt people. How do we thrive when we are hurt?
It’s all about forgiveness. That’s what this text is all about. It is about forgiving people when they mess up.
Let’s read the text, “Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. 6 For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, 7 so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. 9 For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything. 10 Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, 11 so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.”
We will begin with the obvious in this text. In life, we will be hurt by the actions of others.

1. You will be hurt by the actions of others.

In the passage it becomes clear that the Corinthian church knows exactly what Paul is talking about. The lack of details is the determining factor for this conclusion. Of course, this leaves us, the interpreters, to try to fill in the blanks on our own. Any attempt to try to understand the situation will end in speculation, but at least it will be a very educated speculation.
We will begin with the text itself. Who was the offended party? Who were the ones hurt by the actions of another? It is safe to say that a majority in the church were hurt. Notice verse one again, “Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it to severely—to all of you.” Most of the church was hurt by the sinful actions of another.
We can also conclude that Paul was hurt as well. Paul was hurt, but was able to get to a point where he could forgive the offending party.
Who exactly was the offender? It seems to be at least one or two people according to verse six, “For such a one…” Many scholars believe that the unnamed individual is the same person whom the church was commanded by Paul to discipline in 1 Corinthians chapter five. Turn with me to that passage and observe the situation first hand:
“It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father’s wife. And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you. For though absent in body, I am present in spirit; and as if present, I have already pronounced judgment on the one who did such a thing. When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus and my spirit is present, with the power of our Lord Jesus, you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord.”
The sin that was in the church was a serious sin. It was incest. Some scholars believe that after Paul gave this exhortation to the church, the apostle became the object of verbal assault concerning his authority, character, actions, and motives. A small minority joined the chorus of criticism. Contentious spirits can always find a few who love to criticize.
Now, we need to note that the sinful actions and hurt that Paul is dealing with in within the church. Some of the greatest hurts we will experience in our Christian life may come from our church family. Those whom you trusted can hurt you. People who totally misunderstood your motives can hurt you. You can and will be hurt because people hurt people. I have found in my own experience in church that hurting people hurt people. In life you will be hurt by the actions of others. But it is also good to remember that in life others will be hurt by your actions.
What do we do when another hurts you? How did the Corinthian church get to the point where the whole church had to be involved in discipline? We learn from our text that you must take the proper biblical steps when confronting the offender.

2. Take the proper biblical steps when confronting the offender.

The step that we are at in the text is the third and last step of the confrontation process. Notice what he says in verse six, “For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough…” This is the last step. There are two other steps that must take place before this step. They are not in this text, but we can assume that they were practiced.
The Lord Jesus Christ in Matthew 18 gave the process for confrontation to us.
First, if someone sins against you, you go to that person individually with the aim of him repenting. I have people come to me all the time with hurts they had experienced at the hands of other believers, wanting me to talk to that person. I always ask if they have talked with them individually. If not, I send them to that person because that is what Jesus said to do. If they have talked to the person, and they have not responded in repentance, then we move to the second step.
You take one or two other people with you, again with the aim of repentance. If repentance is not achieved, that is when you go to the third step, which is church discipline. That is where we are at in our text.
We need to remember that each step is the goal of repentance and restoration. When the goal is achieved, it is then that we seek the restoration of the person who repents.

3. Seek the restoration of the person who repents.

Fortunately, the confrontation presented in our passage had a good result. Verse seven, “So you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.” The sorrow that he is talking about is godly sorrow that leads to true repentance. Paul was concerned that the excessive sorrow that he experienced could lead to depression and despair if the church did not actively try to restore him. How do you seek restoration for the person who repents? First, you forgive because you have been forgiven.

a. Forgive because you have been forgiven

Paul says “forgive” him in verse seven. The word forgive is used five times in this passage. The basis for giving forgiveness is the forgiveness that we have received from the Lord Jesus Christ. In fact, our ability to forgive others is a litmus test on whether we have truly been forgiven by the Lord. Jesus addressed this the disciples prayer when he taught us to pray, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who have trespassed against us.”
When we truly forgive a person, we treat that person has if it never happened. We don’t pass the information on to other people. And when it comes to our memory, we repeat the act of forgiveness. Unlike God, we can’t forget our hurt. Therefore, every time the memory of the hurt comes up, we forgive. How many times do we do this? Jesus said, “Seventy times seven.” Restoration means we comfort the person who repents because we have been comforted.

b. Comfort because you have been comforted

Paul says, “So you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him.” The word for comfort is “parakaleo.” It is the same word that is used in verse four of chapter one, “who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” The word means to “come alongside and encourage.” It has the idea of God’s people coming alongside those who have messed up, encouraging them to move forward in their walk with the Lord, living a life worthy of the gospel. I am so thankful for the people God has put in my life that came alongside of me and spurred me on to love and good deeds. Restoration means we love the person who repents because we have been loved.

c. Love because you have been loved

Verse eight, “So I beg you to reaffirm you love for him.” The love that Paul is talking about is agape love. Because we have been loved by God with agape love, we m must confirm and reaffirm our love for the person who has messed up.
Some might think that forgiveness, comfort, and love are a choice, but not for the Christian. We restore out of love for God and love for our neighbor. We seek restoration out of obedience. Verse nine, “For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything.” Paul is referring to the obedience in discipline the offender, and now the obedience of forgiving the sinner. To be a Christian is to be forgiven. To live like a Christian is to forgive those who sin against us. The reason for forgiveness is obedience to Christ, and that should be enough to motivate us, but just in case it is not, Paul gives a warning. We learn from the warning that when we thrive in forgiveness we disrupt the plans of Satan.

4. When you thrive in forgiveness you disrupt the plans of Satan.

Verses ten and eleven, “Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for you sake in the presence of Christ, so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.”
One of the plans of the devil is to keep God’s people in an unforgiving spirit. The temptation for many people is to say, “He hasn’t said he was sorry, so I’m not forgiving him.” “He doesn’t deserve to be forgiven.” In reality, no body deserves to be forgiven. That is why we call it amazing graze.
As believers, we need to be ready to forgive even when the person who has hurt us does not repent. That did it before the individual repented. That is what verse ten is all about, “Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ. Paul could have disobeyed and held and nursed unforgiving spirit towards the person who hurt him, but he didn’t.
Paul knew that a grudge gives the devil an advantage over a believer, and a congregation. When we fail to forgive. When we fail to comfort. When we fail to love, we fall into the schemes of the devil. One of his greatest schemes is to keep us from reconciliation and restoration of relationships.
The devil spreads lies to cause division and discord. Satan wants to divide families, churches, and any relationship with have in life. He wants us to be angry with one another so that he can get foothold in our lives.
However, when we are obedient to the gospel, and forgive, comfort, and love those who have messed up and hurt us, we disrupt the plans of Satan. When we extend grace to others we foil the plan of the devil.
I heard a story once about a man named “DC.” He was a teenager who lived in a small village in Scotland that was always getting in trouble and committing crimes. He stole livestock, burnt down barns, and stole money. He was arrested and punished, but he always returned to a life of crime. One day the villagers took drastic measures. They took a branding iron and branded the letters “DC” under his left eye. Everyone knew in Scotland that the letters stood for “Dangerous Criminal.” DC finally stole enough money and decided that he would move to America. While living in Chicago, DC came to know Christ under the preaching of D.L. Moody. He was radically changed by the gospel. He started living for God.
When ever people asked him about the letter’s DC under his eye, he never told them what they meant because he didn’t want them to know about his criminal past. DC served the Lord faithfully for over 50 years, never getting married, leading many young people to Christ. When he died, the pastor made a mention of no one knowing what DC stood. He then said, “After knowing him all these years, I finally know what they stands for: Disciple of Christ.” God can change dangerous criminals into disciples of Christ.
Let’s be honest. Each one of us are marked with the letters DC. All of us are dangerous criminals before the Lord because we have broken his law. We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. It is by the grace of God that we become disciples of Christ.
When people hurt me I always put myself in their shoes. It could be may actions that hurt someone, and how would I want them to treat me? I would want them to forgive me, comfort me, and love me back to restoration.
Maybe you’re here today and you need restoration. You have messed up. We all have. We are putting our hand out to you today. Come and be restored to the Lord. God wants you to get back into the game.
I will be the first to tell you that the church is not perfect, and many hurts can from followers of Christ. But know that you are forgiven and healed in Jesus Name. Let the Spirit of God bring healing to your soul. Let the church reach out to you today with the forgiveness, comfort, and love of the Lord.
Maybe you need more that restoration. You need redemption. Turn from your sin an self and trust in the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ, and be redeemed through his blood, and experience the forgiveness of sins.
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