Denial's Problem

Last week spoke about alarms / God opening our eyes / I want to deal with the next step / after our eyes have been opened / because it’s not enough to just see a problem / next

Ever hear of the show / Dirty Jobs / 9 seasons of him working awful jobs / Another show similar was about revealing the most disgusting things people encounter every day / This reveal was hotel rooms / They visited several hotels / black light in hand / enter room / turn off white light / to expose every germ / stain / everywhere in the room / on walls / on carpet / on bedsheets / a show that will ruin every future romantic getaway

On this occasion they went into the Lobby / looked for a victim / found couple enjoying their vacation / they submitted to the black light experiment / up the elevator / not knowing exactly what was going on / enter the room / Everything looked pristine / maids must have just left / couple commenting on cleanliness / crispness of bedsheets / Then the lights were turned off / seconds passed / black light came on / stains showed up EVERYWHERE / the couple began to panic / the wife began to scream

Can you guess what she screamed? You’ll never guess! / Turn that light off! Turn it off! / She rushed over to the light switch / turned on the white lights / instantly everything looked normal once again / She began to calm down / she said these words with nervous laughter “There, that’s better”

But here’s the thing / was it better? Stains were still there / sure no longer see them / didn’t change reality of their existence

The word for this is denial

2 Samuel 11:1–17

1. In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle, David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel. And they ravaged the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem.

2. It happened, late one afternoon, when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king’s house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful. 3. And David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, “Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” 4. So David sent messengers and took her, and she came to him, and he lay with her. (Now she had been purifying herself from her uncleanness.) Then she returned to her house. 5. And the woman conceived, and she sent and told David, “I am pregnant.”

6. So David sent word to Joab, “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” And Joab sent Uriah to David. 7. When Uriah came to him, David asked how Joab was doing and how the people were doing and how the war was going. 8. Then David said to Uriah, “Go down to your house and wash your feet.” And Uriah went out of the king’s house, and there followed him a present from the king. 9. But Uriah slept at the door of the king’s house with all the servants of his lord, and did not go down to his house. 10. When they told David, “Uriah did not go down to his house,” David said to Uriah, “Have you not come from a journey? Why did you not go down to your house?” 11. Uriah said to David, “The ark and Israel and Judah dwell in booths, and my lord Joab and the servants of my lord are camping in the open field. Shall I then go to my house, to eat and to drink and to lie with my wife? As you live, and as your soul lives, I will not do this thing.” 12. Then David said to Uriah, “Remain here today also, and tomorrow I will send you back.” So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. 13. And David invited him, and he ate in his presence and drank, so that he made him drunk. And in the evening he went out to lie on his couch with the servants of his lord, but he did not go down to his house.

14. In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it by the hand of Uriah. 15. In the letter he wrote, “Set Uriah in the forefront of the hardest fighting, and then draw back from him, that he may be struck down, and die.” 16. And as Joab was besieging the city, he assigned Uriah to the place where he knew there were valiant men. 17. And the men of the city came out and fought with Joab, and some of the servants of David among the people fell. Uriah the Hittite also died.

I. David’s Denial

A. David / KOI / was at top of his game / going to war / winning battles conquering neighbors

1. During this season of success / he made some devastating mistakes / then rather than being honest / chose path of denial

a. It began one night / as was custom for women to bathe on rooftops / certain hours / as part of ceremonial baths / were done with naturally gathered water / warmed by sun during day

2. I believe David knew this was common for this time of night / like flipping through pay-per-view

a. 2. It happened.... and the woman was very beautiful.

So he tells his servant to find out who it is / servant already knows

3. And one said, “Is not this Bathsheba (pause) the daughter of Eliam (pause) the wife of Uriah the Hittite?”

I picture him saying it this way because he knows David already knows

He’s saying David / the woman you are lusting over / is the wife of your most trusted soldier / who is in battle RIGHT NOW

B. David’s Red Flag

1. God was using a servant to get his attention

a. We know David ignored warning / invited her up to palace / affair

2. Then came the 3 little words / change things forever “5… I am pregnant”

a. Should have been a place / where he was honest with himself / come clean / but he didn’t / continued in denial

Denial Stories / Do you know what people do when they get a bill in the mail they know they can’t pay? You may have guessed it / They don’t open it!

Same reason why women who have family history of breast cancer don’t get mammograms

Same reason men in families with history of heart problems will ignore early warning signs

Our simple answer / just turn off the light!

3. He schemes / bring her husband back / then if Uriah sleeps with his wife / he will think the baby is his

a. David has Uriah is brought back / thinking he will do what any man would do after being weeks away from his wife

But Uriah sleeps on his porch / showing solidarity to his fellow soldiers

9. But Uriah slept at the door of the king’s house with all the servants of his lord, and did not go down to his house

3. David see’s Uriah’s integrity / does not effect him at all / does not stop living in denial

a. David has Uriah stay another day / decides to get him drunk this time

David had time to repent / instead goes further down the hole / gets him liquored up / thinking for sure / he will go home to his wife

13. And David invited him, and he ate in his presence and drank, so that he made him drunk. And in the evening he went out to lie on his couch with the servants of his lord, but he did not go down to his house.

4. David’s time is running out

Jim Collins wrote article of businessman who went wrong / He said / If you wold have told any one of those businessman early on / “let’s cook the books and get rich quick, they would have never gone along with it” / That’s rarely how people get drawn into things they later regret / “When you are a step A, it seems almost inconceivable to jump all the way to step Z as that would be a breach of your values” / But going from Step A to B, then B to C, C to D, until you have reached Y, is how moving to Z becomes much easier

a. David is now at Y / but instead of honesty / he denies / chooses cover up

1. Tells commanders to put Uriah at front lines / fiercest battle / then pull back / let him be killed

2. This part might hurt the most / He has Uriah deliver the letter / knowing Uriah is a man of character / still didn’t shake his own lack of character

a. 14. In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it by the hand of Uriah

5. Uriah is dead / David thinks he has gotten away with it / move on / never look back

a. Sometimes we wish life worked like this / don’t we / ignore problem / it will go away

Unopened credit card bills don’t make them go away! Actually opposite / every day interest accrues / balance increases / eventually will HAVE to be paid

Denial leads farther down path / you ever imagined you will go

C. Reality Check

1. Last week talked about Prodigal son / not sure how long it took for him to wake up / recognize dire situation / broke / bad job / wanting to eat pig slop / still didn’t make any changes

a. Had to ask some questions

What keeps a person in the pigpen? Denial

Even when life is falling apart? Even when you make yourself same promise every night to be better? Even when you can’t remember last time you got on your knees to pray

b. Yet keep living like everything will be okay

Prodigal looked around “I am starving to death”

2. Take a moment / look around / where are you at? Define your circumstances

Reality = the state of things as they actually are

Example / you have awakening / you need to do something different financially / its bad / changes should have been made long time ago / now desperate / Coming to senses is one thing / Honesty is next step / look at where spending money / acknowledge unnecessary spending / / go through finances / even get some help / accountability

It’s humiliating / embarrassing / painful / But it’s essential

a. God can open our eyes (last week) but we get stuck

We lack courage to be brutally honest with ourselves about current reality

II. Three Tactics of Denial

A. Disagree

1. Ever been in a discussion with someone who is blatantly wrong? Still disagree with you?

a. It becomes clear / not concerned with facts / just what they WANT to be true

Like the young man / grows up in church / goes off to college / when visiting home / goes up to his pastor / says “I have been studying scripture and I have come to the conclusion that sex before marriage is not a sin” / He gave all his reasoning before pastor showed him specific text about honoring marriage / intimacy of marriage / oneness and what God had in mind for marriage / Young man justified his position by saying Bible is outdated / for a different culture / The pastor said you grew up in church knowing sex outside of marriage is a sin / right? He said true, but I don’t believe that any more / times have changed / So the pastor then said / let me guess / you have gotten yourself a girlfriend and you are sleeping with her / is that true? After moment of Silence / he said / yeah but that doesn’t have anything to do with it

That’s denial / we tell ourselves a lie because it’s easier to believe.

Blaise Pascal “People almost invariably arrive at their beliefs not on the basis of proof, but on the basis of what they find attractive”

2. IOW / We are willing to lie to ourselves about our reality / what we believe...

a. If it means we can have what we want

B. Defend

Anyone have a friend who is a personal trainer or gym buff? I work with one / although I would never trade my morning routing for his / there are times when I look at him / then look at myself and hate life for a few seconds / so I eat a cookie dough blizzard / all is right once again!

Without fail / at times he will ask hows your exercise routine going? It’s a genuine concern / so what do I do / get defensive / ask How is your prayer life and bible reading going? How’s that routine going for you?

1. Defensiveness often reveals an area of our lives where we’re in denial

a. It’s why most of us avoid personal trainers

We want to avoid people / places / force us to be brutally honest

2. I’ve discovered its the same for people who often have significant lapses in church attendance / after coming back after missing for months or years / say things like

a. I started partying / that’s about the time I stopped going to church

b. I started dating this guy / wasn’t long after that I stopped going to church

c. My marriage was on the brink / wasn’t long after that I stopped going to church

Avoiding the people / place that will confront them / truth about where they were

3. This is how we respond to stains in our lives / WOG illuminates stain in our life

a. We don’t want to deal with it / so we keep light away / pretend everything is fine

Have to come to place / stop defending ourselves

C. Distract

1. It’s easy to live in denial about one area of our life / if all the others seem to be keeping us busy / going well

a. King Davids personal life was falling apart / but professional life looking good

1. Still defeating enemies / kingdom flourishing

2. It’s usually the workaholic / who wins salesman of the year / who has no clue / wife is about to leave / teenage son smoking pot

a. It’s the young person / who knows every TV show / celebrity / but fails to realize / have no real friendships / as they become more / more shallow

Gordon Ramsay created a show “Kitchen Nightmares” took failing businesses / tried to help them / he said biggest factor in failing was awful tasting food / often times restaurant owner is in denial of the bad food / as he is distracted Overseeing staff / managing food orders / shaking hands with people / everything except making food

Denying reality = denying the state of things as they actually exist

3. As Christians we have to be on guard / take inventory / Prodigal Son continued living in Denial / as did David

a. At some point / we must come face to face with reality / ask God for help

III. The Oh No Moment

A. In David’s life

1. Year passed / winning wars / penning psalms / never truly faced his sin / tucked it away / fenced it off

a. He was never honest / never confessed / never broken over it / even though God gave him time

So God sent Gordon Ramsay into the Kitchen (not really - He sent Nathan / prophet)

We know story / Nathan goes to David / tells him he has 2 men in his kingdom / one rich , huge flocks / one poor with only one lamb / It’s all he has so it eats with him / sleeps at his feet / best of friends / One day these 2 decided to have dinner together / they talked about how good it would be to have a rack of lamb / instead of the rich man killing one of his own sheep / he went over to his poor friends house and took that lamb / and served it to his friend

b. David is furious / demanded justice / said this man needs to die (funny how denial works)

Nathan stopped / said 4 simple words “YOU ARE THE MAN”

a. After a year / multitude of cover ups / David finally broke / honest with himself / Nathan / God

B. Confession is the Only Cure for Denial

1. Obviously this is a part we would all love to skip

a. Wouldn’t it be nice to have the awakening / eyes to be opened / just move on with out lives?

Lasting change / true transformation / requires confession

2. I was to close by reading Ps 51 / David’s Prayer of Confession

a. I can hear brokenness / tears / as David references the “stains” in his life

But his response this time / not to turn off the lights / not pretend everything is okay

He turned ON the light / exposed the stain / asked God to wash him clean

Psalm 51 (ESV)

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.

Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice.

Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.

Confession / opposite of Denial / confession is telling ourselves the truth / even when it’s not what we want to hear /

one meaning of confession = to agree / take one step further / to agree with God