Legacy of Love

If you love kids, love God first.

Unjust Justice

Story-time with my son Logan. I asked his permission to share this story because it was kind of traumatizing for both of us. Some of the details are fuzzy, I will fill them in for your amusement.

I was exhausted from a long day at work. I had a ton of responsibilities and stresses piled on. I was tired and cranky. I had all the excuses, in other words, for losing my temper.

I came home and there was Logan doing... something. I can't even remember what the something was. All that I remember is that it was very clear to me that he was not supposed to be doing that unremembered thing. Let's say, he was punching the dog. We don't have a dog, but let's say that because it makes me feel a bit better about the next part.

I got this surge of anger. Righteous anger and I said... "Logan!!!" and I grabbed him with that I-am-not-going-to-leave-marks-but-you-are-going-to-feel-this kind of grip. I told you not to do that thing that you were doing, you know better than that, etc... etc... You go to your room and think about what you've done!"

He was surprised and speechless for the first few seconds of my discussion... then he burst into tears, like tore up tears. And I am thinking, guilty as charged.

Then I went back downstairs and Anna quietly informs me that she had asked Logan to do the thing that he was doing that I thought he wasn't supposed to be doing. Punching the dog. Or watching some show... something. I don't remember what it was...

Because what I remember is the sudden crushing weight of guilt. I messed up. And that sobbing? That wasn't the cry of the guilty, it was his little heart breaking at the injustice of Daddy.

Impossible challenge: raising the next generation

We have a problem.

We have been entrusted with the lives of human beings who know absolutely nothing. It is our job to inform, shape, indoctrinate, enculturate, protect and teach them. In 18 years, our purpose is to have created educated, responsible, kind and generous, good and informed citizens capable of participating in society, working hard and earning a living and taking care of us and their own families. As Christian’s, we are concerned that our children believe in God, know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, avoid hurting themselves and others through sin and disobedience, and themselves discover and follow the will of God. And we want them to have a ton of fun and smiles and laughter along the way.

But we also want our own time and entertainment along the way, not to mention our own work, goals, ambitions, and ministry at the call of God.

To help us in this incredible task, we have shelves of educational books, friends and family with theories, we have schools and charter schools and private schools and enough options to make a parent dizzy. And mostly we make it up as we go along.

And if we fail… the church is only ever one generation from closing its doors.

Lest you think you are off the hook if you are not presently a parent, chances are you are a future parent, and aunt or an uncle, and by signing up to be a member of our church, you signed up to teach and mentor the children of our church family. I love the tradition Pastor Rod has started here of having the whole congregation stand and commit to that each time we dedicate a baby.

Summary of Scripture

So we turn for guidance to a book of wisdom and truth, and it has somethings to say about children. We could easily do a sermon on each of these... but here's a quick summary:

Deuteronomy 6:7You shall teach [the law] diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Proverbs 23:13-14Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.

Ephesians 6:4Do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

These three things are some great guidelines. Teach and discipline, but don't provoke (exasperate). You want to teach them, and the content of teaching in Scripture is usually the "ways of the Lord" or the Law and Scriptures. Teach the ways of the Lord, discipline the child. This is immediate consequences for disobedience. The Rod. <Pastor Rod>

Strike them with The Rod.

This helps clarify the problem... but these are goals, or maybe strategies, and what I may really be looking for is tactics. In other words, how do I most effectively teach the ways of the Lord to my child... without provoking them. How do I discipline my child... without provoking them.

And how do I do all of these while my child is exasperating and provoking me.

Not just my child, but all of the next generation that I am responsible for in various ways. As a youth leader, as an uncle, as a member of this church family... is there some kind of instruction manual in Scripture.

No, because the Bible isn't really an instruction manual. It is the love story of a God in pursuit of His people. But I do observe something curious in the way that God pursues His people.

Observation: God uses families

We have noted in our sermons on family that God created family way back in the Garden of Eden.

A bit later, God picks out this man Noah, a righteous man surrounded by wicked people. God picks out this man and rescues him... and his family. His sons, and their families, and that family becomes the seed of humanity. (I am really looking forward to the new Russel Crowe movie, by the way).

A bit later, God picks out this man Abraham and says that through his seed, through his family, he is going to bless the world. And he follows with his son Isaac, and then with his son Jacob, who is renamed Israel, which further says that the whole story of shaping a nation (Israel) is shaping a family, the descendants of Jacob.

God later picks out David, a man after his own heart, and promises that the King, the eternal King, would come through his descendants... through his family.

Again and again we see that God works through family. Through generations of a family. He picks out the righteous and works them, and their kids, and their kids.

God has a history of choosing out those who love Him and blessing them and their descendants.

God uses families.

So... if I wanted to apply that, just by observation of God working in families:

The best bet for blessing your descendants is to love and serve God

Scripture: Blessing the Generations

It turns out we do find this principle in Scripture, but we find it in such a way that people almost always take the opposite lesson.

Exodus 20:4-6

4 “You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.

Now the context is the 2nd commandment: no idols. No images. Because God is jealous and... terrifying, he carries out the punishment or consequence for sin out for 3-4 generations.

That sounds awful, but we have seen this work. We have seen sin run in families, the way children learn patterns and habits of sin, sometimes abuse, sometimes addiction, sins of pride or arrogance that just seem to be in the blood. Most of us Mackintosh's, for example, have a little bitty slight tendency towards arrogance.

But the really tremendous part of this verse comes next. God is jealous, he punishes sin and... showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.

Where is the weight in this passage? It is on the thousand generations! That is like saying 20,000 years, assuming 20 years a generation! Consider it has only probably been something like 175 generations since God gave these words to Moses.

If we pretended this was a mechanical math thing for a moment, consider how that would work. You can only be affected by the punishment of the last 3 or 4 generations, back to your great-great grandfather. Assume they were all terrible. If you have at least 4 ancestors who loved the Lord in the last 20,000 years, you have already broken even.

And of course, we know that God's love far surpasses any punishment. The whole Jesus, forgiveness, died to save you bit! The point of this verse is that God is jealous... and he longs to bless you and all generations to follow you. He is jealous because he longs to love you... the Bible is a love story.

So observing the way that God has worked through families from the start, and the insight into God's love in the 2nd commandment, we have this:

If you love your kids, love God first

If you love your kids, love God first

(kind of sounds like a threat. it's just good advice)

Not simple or mechanical

Now God is not a vending machine and we are not in the business of extracting maximum blessing from Him. God is a person who acts freely out of His own character. And our children are persons who act and choose freely. But as parents and teachers and uncles and aunts and mentors... we want to give them the very best we can. And there are many good things...

But just as all the law follows from the love of God... all good things you can and should do for and with your children can build upon this foundation: putting the love of God first in your life.

Application: love teaches and disciplines without exasperating

How does this fit with the rest of Scripture?

Recall the summary: teach and discipline without provoking

Loving God first is an effective strategy to accomplish these.

I am to teach my children, and teach them the ways of the Lord. But I can guarantee, if kids see you teaching one thing and living another, there bogusometer will go off. You say love God, but you aren't loving God, forget you! And if you are loving God, and you let them see you do it, you are teaching them in the most powerful way possible to love Him.

You discipline and say obey God... but you aren't showing love to God by obeying Him? Bogusometer. On the flip side, if children also see you disciplining yourself to obey God, because you love Him, how much more powerful is that?

And not exasperating. Not provoking them to anger. If I had a foolproof method for that... bedtimes would be a calmer experience. I exasperate my children when I am exasperated. I provoke them to anger when my temper is short, when I am too quick to judge, when my expectations have been disappointed. I imagine the worst it could possibly be is when I have placed the most dependence and hope and faith on them doing the thing I want them to do.

It is not coincidence that this promise comes in the context of idol worship. We can make children our idols, placing all our hopes on them, and when they disappoint, or they diverge, or they mess up...

Perhaps loving God, in this context, means trusting God with our children. Following Abraham in being willing to place our children on that altar.

If you love your kids, love God first

That will teach them the love of God. That will guide your discipline of them. And that will limit exasperation... a bit

Is the way that I am parenting right now showing love to God?

Exasperating Logan

Is the way I spoke to my son showing love to God? No, I was short-tempered, me-centered, quick to judge and wrong. But the God I love is used to dealing with people's mistakes, and He has made a way for that. Repent, seek forgiveness and reunite.

I found out the truth. I went to Logan. I told him I had done wrong. I had judged too soon, punished too soon and too harshly. And I asked his forgiveness. I did that because I love my son... and because I love God and He taught me that that is what love looks like.

Now I hope that is what Logan remembers. That he sees me loving God, and so loving him in a deeper, more honest, more powerful way.

If you love your kids, love God first

Deuteronomy 6:4-8

Finally, if you weren't convinced, I leave you with one final Scripture. It is a doozy.

4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

He proceeds to read out the law... but the note it started on is the summary of all the law. It is the touchstone for our lives, as people, as parents, as uncles and aunts, as mentors in the church.

You shall love the LORD, your God, with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

Teach that diligently to your children. Show that diligently to your children. Talk of that love when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. May the love of God be bound as a sign on your hand, always before your eyes, written on your doors and on your gates.

If you love your kids, love God first

We have been gifted as a church with a heap of kids. That is a gift and a responsibility that we all take seriously. There are a million reasons to love God... consider this one more. Our kids need to see all of us love God, that they can pick up the torch and be an ever greater light in an ever darker world.