A Scriptural-Spiritual Lens for Resolve in 2022 - Part Fifteen
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Introduction
Introduction
A Song of Ascents. Of Solomon. 1 Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. 2 It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. 3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. 5 Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
PRAY
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. 25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. 1 Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.
There is a certain expectation for total obedience
Children - The first thing that we must do is define what the Apostle means by children. Seems intuitive, but let’s think about a wrinkle. I am child of my mother in a certain sense even though I am now 47 years old. So, do I have to obey my mother in everything?
One difficulty is seeking to reconcile the differences from one culture to the next as to the age of a child. In Jewish culture, a boy became responsible to the law and was marriagable at the age of 13, a girl at 12. In Roman society a boy became a man at 14 and in Greek culture 18.
The word the Apostle uses that is translated children carries the idea of one that is under the authority of their parents and in their household. In Jewish society, if a girl was 14 and marriage she would have no longer been under the authority of her parents, but should be submissive to her husband. One important note is that one is to always honor their parents regardless of their age.
This command was given to the children in the church of Colossae.
Obey your parents - to yield to the commands of a superior. There is a duty because God has wisely placed children in the homes a adults. In addition, there is the need to obey because of dependence. Children need their parents for various reasons, so it is vital that the child honor that through obedience.
12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
Father, mother, either and both. This command would apply to legal guardians as well.
In everything - In all things, in all seasons, in all situations and in all ways.
What is the assumption if children are commanded by God to obey their parents in all things? Parents should be living for God and should not command their children to do anything that is in contradiction to his revealed will communicated in the Scriptures.
Children are not responsible under God to obey any command from a parent that explicitly sinful.
Why is this total obedience to the rightful command of a parent important?
There is an expectation we have sought to place upon our children based upon this verse and others like it. Children should be the first time, every time with a happy heart.
This verse should be one of the first parents teach their children.
Parents, if this is the expectation of God for your children should you expect anything less? We actually undermine God’s authority and his good ways when we let things slide and do not expect from our children what God expects of them. This is easy to do because sometimes it seems like all we are doing is dealing with the behavior issues of our children, but this is not our standard and we have no right to change it.
When we train our children to obey. Remember training does not happen a moment or overnight. Training takes place over a series of moments and multitude of overnights.
We are training for bid reasons. It is more than raising children that will make good grade in school and eventually be standouts in college. It is more than them becoming productive members of society, hold down a good job or succeed in a profession. Though children that are taught and expected to obey will likely do well in life, there is more that we desire for our children than this.
7 In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence. 8 Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered. 9 And being made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him,
8 in flaming fire, inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus.
We are not simply trying to get our children to conform outwardly, or avoid being embarrassed, or be seen as model parents. We are seeking to prepare our children to understand the authority of God and the importance of obey his through the gospel.
A certain reason for total obedience
A certain reason for total obedience
For this pleases the Lord - This the reason for the obedience of children. In think of a father here. When a children does something in response to what he or she has been taught joy comes to the heart of that father. There is a delight to see your children obey. God is brought pleasure when a child obeys his or her parents. Obedience pleases God.
17 and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
Jesus is the eternal son, but he is the obedient eternal son became flesh.
The pleasure of God should be the primary influence in our lives and decision making. Does this please the Lord? How much can I please the Lord
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
We need to show our children the rightness of obedience, not only be active in corrective aspects of discipline. The promise of blessing.
17 Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
A clear warning about harshness
Fathers - dads, the male parent. Why does Paul address only fathers?
Fathers are prone to provoking their children
God expects fathers to be intimately engaged in the raising, rearing and discipline of their children.
Fathers, in the new man, there is not this sitting by ans watching your wife do everything regarding the children. Certainly, mothers have a maternal, nourishing instinct that children need which is not provided by fathers, but fathers must not be merely distant demanders, a corrective discipline only dads in the lives of their children. Fathers, you are dad 24/7 365. You do not get any days off. Your children need you. Lead in this
Do not provoke you children - Do not stir your children to anger, do not irritate them, do not lead them to resent you, do not be the occasion for them to be bitter. Do not exasperate your children. Paul is seeking to address the abuse of authority which existed in the Roman world active in the home.
The Epistles to the Colossians and to Philemon (Household Rules (3:18–4:1))
Patria Protestes, The legal status of children under Roman law was still more disadvantaged. Technically speaking, they were the property of the father; so, for example, the formalities for adoption were essentially the same as for the conveyance of property. The child under age in fact was no better off than a slave (a point Paul had been able to put to good effect in Gal. 4:1–7. Fathers had absolutely authority over their children even the power to sell them or even take their lives.
This was man’s law but it was not in accord with the ways of God. Fathers were not to overcorrect or harass their children.
Colossians Chapter 3
It implies a use of parental authority which, by continual exactions and complaints, teaches the child to look on the father as his enemy rather than his friend.
We can provoke our
By not disciplining and correcting then when they need it. They need our attention and our care.
By avoiding negative forms of correction
By only using only negative/corrective discipline.
By consistently being frustrated, irritated and impatient with them.
By not being consistent with rule and standards
By never admitting failure or wrong-doing
By constantly talking done to them
MacArthur
By overprotecting them and not give them room to grow and mature
By showing favoritism and comparing
By depreciating their worth
By setting unrealistic goals and expectations
By failing to show affection and tenderness - these are persons with souls
By not providing for their needs - privacy, down time, play time, clothes, nutrition
By have lack of standards
By constant criticism
By neglect - letting them do anything they want
By excessive discipline
15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
Charles Simeon - Contemporary to John Wesley
Horae Homileticae Vol. 18: Philippians to 1 Timothy Discourse 2189: The Relative Duties Explained (Col. 3:18–4:1)
There can be no doubt but that many parents harden their children’s hearts against their authority in the first instance, and ultimately against the authority of God himself, purely by the tyranny which they exercise, and by the continual irritations which they occasion: and in the last day they will be found, in too many instances, the prime movers, and the real causes of their children’s eternal ruin. Fathers, be upon your guard respecting this; and instead of thus driving your children to despondency, endeavour to bring them up in the “nurture and admonition of the Lordh.” See in what way God dealeth with his children, how he bears with their infirmities, and consults their best interests: so should you dok, and, like Abraham of old, be solicitous only for their eternal welfare.]
Balance
An unavoidable result of harshness
Lest they became discouraged - When someone is harsh with their children it leads to a break down. Children become discouraged and disheartened. They lose their spirit. There are typically two ways this shows up. A child tries hard to please the parent but become frustrated and quits or a child simply decides to not attempt to get approval from the parent. It is also true that if a child does not receive encouragement and approval from their father, they will usually seek to get it some place else out side of the home and from some one that may or may not be safe.
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Practical Application
Practical Application
Children, obey your parents. Listen to their voices and do what they say with a happy heart. If you do want to obey it shows you need Christ. Ask Christ to change you from the inside out.
Repent of not being what you should be.
Remember you are training children. Pay attention to patterns. Pray for strength and patience. We allow the patterns of behavior whether good or bad.
Do not rely on corrective discipline alone
Focus on the heart and behavior.
Preach the gospel and live the gospel before them.
Fathers, do not leave the task of parenting to your wife alone. You are the leader.
When you and your wife are both present and your child acts out you should take the lead in discipline and not leave it to her. This is the pattern of leadership.
Learn from your heavenly Father.
Those without children, God loves obedience. Obey the first time.
To all, take a vested interest in the lives and well-being of the children among our congregation.