A Dynamic Home Life

What Works for You?

We had some friends over for lunch last week after Easter service and the discussion came around to favorite Easter memories growing up.

Led to family life growing up, what we had or didn’t have.

One person said they remembered getting a color TV with the first remote control. Magnavox. For the most part, the primary buttons are still the same. Nothing has changed b/c they work.

Volume, up and down

Channels, up and down,

Power; On/Off.

Now we have a lot more buttons, but they are variations of the original few.

Guide/Menu

Up/Down arrows

Numbers; straight to a channel.

I remember growing up in the 60s and my grandfather had his own remote control that worked for him.

The first TV I remember was big, old, B&W. Blonde wood case.

3 channels. ABC, CBS, and NBC. My mom worked for the NBC affiliate as secretary lining up the local commercials. Traffic.

Then, mid-60 they got their first RCA color TV.

We unplugged it when a lightening storm came up b/c we were afraid then of a power surge.

I remember the TV repairman coming to work on it.

Push it away from the wall.

Set up the mirror in front so he could see what it was doing while he worked in the back. Huge picture tube. Other smaller tubes.

My grandfather would come home from work, car salesman, Chevys.

His chair was right in the middle of the room, next to the fireplace, in front of the TV.

Kids sat on the sofa to his right.

My great grandmother, when she was living, sat in her chair to his left, a little forward b/c she couldn’t hear. Her chair in in my office.

My grandmother sat behind us in stiff, dining table chair, back by the door to the kitchen.

The 60s, we ate a TV trays and watched TV.

My grandfather got to choose. Chet Huntley and David Brinkley, over Walter Cronkite. News about Viet Nam.

Gunsmoke. Lawrence Welk. I Love Lucy. Honeymooners.

As a kid, I hated it. No cartoons. Hurry up and eat, go back out and play.

Anyway, the remote control.

My grandfather sitting in his chair, closer to the TV, would say, “I don’t believe I can hear that.”

My g-mother would dutifully, stop eating, move her TV tray, get up, walk to the TV, turn it up a little, go sit back down.

Remote control.

Or, if we’re not watching Walter Cronkite, remember, Gunsmoke came on CBS.

“I believe it’s about time for Matt Dillon to come on.”

Same routine. Remote control.

It worked for them. I didn’t even try that w/ Sara. Hence, I’m still alive and breathing.

Now, I control the remote control, she just tells me where to tune into. I am in control of the remote control.

It works. There is a wide range of normal. You find your normal, what works for you.

I’m going to talk about some terms related to family and home life that can be emotional. Hot button issues and topics. I’m hoping I can do it in a way, defining the words accurately and applying them that will help you.

They are controversial, mostly due to how people apply them, not necessarily to what they mean; especially what Paul meant when he first wrote them. I’ll explain as we get into them.

Do you know who Abner Doubleday is?

In 1839, in Cooperstown, NY: he invented the game of baseball.

The game has evolved, but it’s always been complicated game to teach and understand.

Most games, 2 teams; offense and defense. Offense has the ball and tries to score be getting the ball to a specific place.

Defense tries to prevent that. Straight lines. A clock. When the buzzer sounds, gun goes off, whoever has more points wins.

Football, basketball, soccer, 1 place to put the ball to score.

Baseball is more complicated. No clock. 9 positions on the field, called a diamond. 4 bases. Station to station. You’ve got to get to all 4 to score a point. No points for 3/4 of the way.

Each team gets 3 outs in an inning. An inning lasts 6 outs no matter how long it takes. There are 9 innings in a game.

A batter gets 3 strikes. But pitcher gets 4 balls.

“That’s not fair.” “It should be fair!”

Say, you could take that to Abner Doubleday and argue that it should be different.

His response, “My game, my rules. If you want different rules, invent your own game. Give it a chance and it will work for you.”

After almost 200 years of playing the game, it has proven to be fair that pitchers should get 4 balls while batters should only get 3 strikes.

It works. Play the game by his rules. He created it.

Marriage, parenting, household slaves, and business dealings.

There are things I’ll talk about today and you may say, “That’s not fair. That’s not right.”

You can take that up w/ God. But His reply will be something to the effect of,

“I created you, all of you. I know what works. If you will do things the way I lead you, your life will go better.”

The problems don’t come b/c of the way God created us or the way He leads us and tells us what will work the best.

The problems come in our application, or rebellion, to His words. We have undermined what God said about how relationships work best b/c we are afraid we will lose to much if we live that way.

The truth is, we will gain much more when we live our lives, manage our relationships and business, as God leads us because He created us and knows what will work for us.

Marriage, parenting, household slave and business. Nothing controversial or potentially explosive there, is there?

Let’s get into it.

How a Good Marriage Works

Colossians 3:18–19 NIV

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Submit. There’s a popular word in our culture today.

What does it mean? It means to intentionally, actively, pursue what your husbands wants. Subordinate what you want to what your husband wants.

Ask him what he wants and do it. Whatever it is, unless it unbiblical or ungodly.

That’s not fair. True. By itself, it’s terribly unfair.

Then, husbands, love your wife. Don’t be harsh.

Let’s expand on that a little as Paul did in Ephesians.

The marriage passage is in ch. 5 and starts this way:

Ephesians 5:21 NIV

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

First of all, why? Do it for Jesus. No he’s not worth it. She’s not either. But Jesus did more for you than you could ever do for Him so Submit yourself to you spouse.

Yes, we submit to each other.

In Philippians, Pauls said to consider others’ needs ahead of your own. Everybody, no exceptions, husbands or wives.

Ephesians 5:22 NIV

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

There it is, as you submit to the Lord. Just like that. Do if for Jesus, the way you do it to Jesus.

Interestingly, the verb Submit is not even in the Greek text. When that happens, Greek grammar rules say take the verb from the context.

Literally, it says, “Wives, in the same way to your husbands.” That ties the context together.

There are plenty of times when a husband submits to his wife, asks her what she wants, and is intentional about doing it.

We got home from church last Sunday. We are hosting a luncheon for 9. Who do you think is in charge of that?

Am I going to sit down and tell my wife to serve me?

Tell her how to set her table? What she should prepare?

Not only is that stupid, it’s deadly.

She put me in charge of putting ice in the glasses. I made sure the temp in the room was tolerable. Outside of that, it was, “What do you want me to do?” Mostly, stay out of the way.

When the kids were little and in school, I’d come home from work, she’s got supper on the stove; I’m not coming in barking orders.

What can it do? Alyssa needs help w/ her math.

Jason needs to wash up and set the table.

Jared needs help getting his stuff off the table so we can eat there.

Find out what your wife wants and do it. Why?

B/C, Paul went on to say,

Ephesians 5:25 NIV

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Loving your wife means giving up everything for her. Where’s the exception? The asterisk? There isn’t one.

We submit to each other. If you pull one verse out of its context you can mess up your marriage pretty bad.

Paul also wrote this

Ephesians 5:23 NIV

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

Headship. What is that? That’s the cause of most of our trouble.

Husbands over cook it or passively abdicate.

Wives, take over. They have to or, just want to.

Simply, headship means the husband is responsible to go first and will be held accountable by God to do so. Wives, appreciate that your husband has this responsibility to God before you do.

He is the lead servant, not just servant leader, by Jesus’s example.

The husband’s first responsibility is to put everyone in the family in the best place possible for them to thrive. Them first.

Prov. 31 describes a godly wife of high capacity. She buys and sells fields for the family farming business. If your wife is capable of running the family business and doing land deals, then put her in charge of it. Get out of her way. Do not expect her to come running to her husband for permission or explanation.

Nobody is missing out on anything good when we live in these roles. Headship has nothing to do w/ ability or personality. It is simply an assignment God made.

That’s not fair! True. Why? Where did it come from?

Genesis 3, Sin, the Fall, and the Curse.

Why Bad Doesn’t Work

First, Genesis 2, God had created Adam and assigned him the tasks of chief gardener and namer of all the animals; Aardvarks thru Zebras.

Then, God gave Adam 1 rule. Eat anything you find in the garden except from this 1 tree.

He did that. Made every decision w/out assistance.

But, there was no suitable companion, helper for Adam.

So, God put Adam to sleep, took out a rib and created Eve.

“Sounds expensive. It is. What will it cost me? An arm and a leg. What can I get for a rib?”

God could have created her out of another separate clod. Totally separate and distinct. He didn’t do that.

He took something away from Adam and created Eve.

It cost Adam something. He became less. More than just a rib less.

This is where the differences between men and women came from.

Prior to, Adam had every human characteristic, personality trait, the whole deal. He made all the decisions.

Then, he needed Eve. She needed to bring to the discussion and performance in the garden what she was given when it was taken away from Adam.

They needed ea other and needed to work together to be successful.

In the garden, everything was working great. No problems. They were naked and no issues. They had no knowledge of the temptation and damage adultery would do, yet.

Then we get to Genesis 3.

Satan tempted and deceived Eve. Remember, God told Adam the 1 rule. He was responsible for making sure Eve knew that rule.

Satan deceived her by misquoting what God said, God’s word, undermining its authority.

She gave in, gave some fruit to Adam. Sin entered the world and human DNA which led to God punishing all of us w/ the curse.

Sin, the Fall, the Curse.

The Curse had 3 parts; 1 for Adam and 1 for Eve, and 1 for Satan.

Adam’s part had to do w/ work, business, making a living. He was already the chief Gardner. The curse introduced thorns, thistles, bugs, and weeds. Now his work would be toil. Sweat from his brow.

Eve’s part had to do w/ family life and relationships.

Part of Satan’s curse involves our kids.

v.15 says, “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers.”

Obviously, one descendant of hers is Jesus. That battle is for all eternity. But we have been in a battle for our children, their minds, spirits, and souls ever since.

You know what’s going on in schools, social media, and unsupervised homes all the time.

Genesis 3:16 NIV

To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

Pain in childbirth; due respect to all of you moms here and those who gave birth to all of us.

And, your desire will be for your husband.

That is not a physical desire, attraction.

That is the desire to control him, rule over him, be in charge.

And, God said, he will rule over you. Headship.

God gave women a desire to be the head, then assigned husbands the role.

We have been set up for conflict. On purpose. In the curse, b/c of the Fall.

Why did God do that?

So that we would ask for help and have to work hard on our relationships.

It’s not easy.

If we don’t work hard at loving each other the way Jesus loves the church; If we don’t work hard at submitting to ea other; if we don’t work hard at following the counsel of the HS and Lordship of Jesus; If we don’t work hard at the roles God assigned us, then our marriages will be bad.

Don’t be surprised that you have conflict in your marriage. It is a certainty. But He also provided a way for us to understand why it happens and how to go about managing it.

His game, His rules. We didn’t ask for these roles.

Now, back to Colossians 3, wives, submit to your husbands and husbands love your wives.

This is how marriage is designed to work and work well for us.

Families are similar. Parenting is affected by the fall, too.

Good Parenting

Colossians 3:20–21 NIV

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

I’m only going to speak for my own kids, I didn’t teach them to be rebellious. They came out of the womb saying ‘no’, and ‘mine.’

B/C of the Fall, and sin in our DNA, it’s natural for us, our children, and us when we were children, to begin to rebel against authority from our first word and actions.

So it requires supernatural help for children to obey their parents. They need the HS as much as parents, do.

And, since the fall, since the offspring of women and the offspring of Satan share enmity, that is a deep-rooted hatred for one-another, we have been in a battle for our children.

The battle for their minds and souls goes on all our lives.

Parents can only create the environment, model the godly behavior, but then our kids must choose to follow Jesus on their own.

Proverbs 1:8–9 NIV

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.

B/C of the Fall, in our own fears and insecurities, we parents don’t always discipline well.

Our kids need boundaries. When they cross those lines they need to feel pain. Not necessarily physical pain, but possibly. It has to cost them.

B/c, if they learn thru the negative reinforcement of a loving parent, they most likely will never have to experience the negative reinforcement of an uncaring judge, police officer, or prison warden.

Life has boundaries. We, as parents play a big role in teaching our kids about those boundaries so they can avoid them as adults.

Proverbs 29:15 NIV

A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.

We inflict pain on purpose, out of love. B/C a cold, cruel world waits to inflict pain w/out love if the wrong lines are crossed.

Good parenting, like marriage, requires supernatural help and God-inspired motivation accurately apply God’s word making it the authority in all out lives.

It’s the way to run our family life, and business life.

Good Business

Colossians 3:23–25 NIV

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism.

The context for this is slavery. Slavery was a societal institution that Paul was not taking on here. It was a cultural reality and Christians needed instruction how to function w/in the institution.

I’ve had ppl ask me why the bible does not speak clearly and specifically against slavery. it does.

There is no way to interpret Philippians 2, taking on the mindset and attitude of Christ and considering the needs of others ahead of your own and stand firmly in favor of human slavery.

There is no way to interpret and apply Romans 15:7, Accept one another the way Jesus accepts you to the glory of God, and own another human being w/out severe contradiction.

All of the Abolitionists throughout history quoted these verses and others on equality to justify their fight to end slavery.

You might say, didn’t the Ku Klux Klan quote the bible, too. Yes, sort of. They did what Satan did to Eve w/ it.

Misquoted, partial truth, taken out of context to make their argument. Undermining the authority of God’s Word.

In whatever business you find yourself in, whatever you do, work at it w/ all your heart, as if Jesus were your boss and will hold you accountable.

How you operate in your marriage, expect Jesus to hold you accountable to the role He assigned you.

In your parenting and grand parenting, expect Jesus to hold you accountable for your behavior.

In your private business and personal business, expect Jesus to hold you accountable for how you behave.

We need help from the HS and a supernatural perspective to successfully navigate the challenges in our homes.

God provides it. And, w/ His help we can have good marriages, good families, and good careers.

Applications

Lord

The most successful marriages, both the husband and the wife, make Jesus the Lord of their marriage.

He has all authority over whatever they do.

He cannot be the Lord of your marriage if He is not the Lord of your individual life.

Make Jesus your personal Lord. Give Him all authority over your life.

Ask Him before you make any big decision and only follow thru if you get the peaceful go-ahead from Him.

Is He your Lord?

Submission

Are you having trouble submitting?

Are you afraid you will lose too much of yourself if you intentionally place yourself and your needs beneath someone else?

Submission has to do w/ priority. It is not related to value or worth. Submitting does not make you inferior. In fact, it could be argued that the more successful you are at submission, the more like Jesus you are.

He took on the role of the lowest servant and washed the nasty feet of his disciples; His students.

He is their Master, Lord, Teacher and He submitted Himself to their need to have clean feet.

This goes beyond marriage and family.

You might actually find yourself, not lose yourself, if you make it your priority to submit to those around you.

Not conditioned on them submitting you, just do it and see what happens to your personal spiritual life.

Boss

Jesus is your boss and is going to hold you accountable for your behavior.

He is gracious. He is merciful.

He also disciplines us adults out of love.

Do you need t/b more aware that Jesus is going to discipline your for your mis-behavior.

You didn’t want your kids to be afraid of you. Afraid of being disciplined by you, maybe.

Don’t be afraid of God. But be aware, b/c He loves you, He will not tolerate bad behavior w/out addressing w/ you.

All that you do, in your family, in your church, community, as a volunteer, do your work as if Jesus is your boss.

Things will go much better if you do.

Your life is your life. It has to work for you. Your marriage, parenting, business and ministry practices will be unique b/c you’re unique.

I wouldn’t expect any of you to respond the way my grandmother responded to my grandfather. Guys, I wouldn’t even try.

There is a wide range of normal. Just act like you love ea other. Not for ea other, but out of respect for Jesus.

The problems don’t come b/c of the way God created us or the way He leads us and tells us what will work the best.

The problems come in our application, or rebellion, to His words. We have undermined what God said about how relationships work best b/c we are afraid we will lose to much if we live that way.

The truth is, we will gain much more when we live our lives, manage our relationships and business, as God leads us because He created us and knows what will work for us.