Do Jesus Want Me to Hate My Family?

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There is a quote that is supposed to have come from the great artist Michaelangelo (not to be confused with the orange teenage mutant ninja turtle with nunchucks). Apparently someone asked Mikey about his most well known sculpture of King David…and Micheangelo says, “well, it wasn’t too difficult…I just grabbed a big piece of granite marble and chipped away everything that wasn’t David.”

Now, that quote is most certainly not from Michaelangelo. But that idea—that there is something beautiful in a piece of granite you just have to chip away all the stuff that doesn’t belong—that concept has been used to inspire creatives for a couple centuries now....and we preachers have picked it up too because it’s a beautiful picture of what Jesus does in changing us and shaping us to be like Him.

We might use it as an illustration of suffering…why is this suffering happening in your life? Well, it’s just God chipping away and refining all the stuff that doesn’t belong.

But I want to use that illustration a little differently this morning. I want you to imagine that you are that piece of sculpture and you’re going to King Jesus—he’s a great artist—and he’s got his chisel and he’s going to be hammering away.

Now pause for just a second. Think about the stuff you are thinking that he might be chiseling away. You’re thinking about that anger maybe…you’re thinking about greed…lust....you know seven deadly sins type of stuff. If you’re anything like me you’re going after those obvious things…those things that do not look a thing like Jesus.

But there is something else going on here…and it’s something that we probably aren’t even noticing. There are several things that you and I are assuming are part of what gets to stay. What happens when Jesus starts taking the chisel and hammer to those?

That is what we are going to be confronted with this morning.

Now if you were living in the first century there would have been some very similar things that they would have assumed that was able to stay…things that were very much a part of the fabric of their society, things that they just assumed, it would have been obvious to them that these were the good things...

One of these things would have been kinship. Family. Now we definitely value family here in America. But ask an American who they are and what answers will you get? Well, I’m a pastor, I’m a plumber, I’m a secretary, I’m a stay-at-home mom. But ask someone in a more Eastern culture who they are and they are going to tell you who their family is.

One missionary shares about the difficult he faced when he went to Japan…he said this:

The Japanese never live their lives as individuals. We European missionaries were not aware of that fact. Suppose we have a single Japanese here. We try to convert him. But there was never a single individual we could call ‘him’ in Japan. He has a village behind him. A family. And more. There are also his dead parents and ancestors. That village, that family, those parents and ancestors are bound to him tightly, as though they are living beings…one of the first missionaries to Japan told of his encounter. He tells it, “The Japanese said, “I believe the Christian teachings are good. But I would be betraying my ancestors if I went to a Paradise where they cannot dwell.”

So he’s got something there that he is assuming is part of that marble…something that most assuredly looks like Jesus—family ties are supreme. To break those would be to bring great dishonor upon yourself and your family. That shouldn’t be chiseled…that is a virtue…that is the highest virtue.

So you’re in the crowd on this morning, and that’s part of your world view…and Jesus grabs that chisel and hammer...

Luke 14:25–35 ESV

Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple. “Salt is good, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is of no use either for the soil or for the manure pile. It is thrown away. He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”

That’s a tough word, isn’t it?

Hate is such a strong word. We have synonyms for it…loathe, abhor, abominate, detest. Is Jesus really telling me that I should detest my father and mother? Is he saying I should abhor my wife? Abominate my kids? Loathe siblings? Hate yourself?

That doesn’t seem to square with the rest of Scripture does it? Honor your father and mother. Love your neighbor as yourself. What do we see about Ephesians 5 in how a husband is to show sacrificial love for his wife.

You want to be my disciple, hate your family. Curse the ground they walk on. Abhor them. That can’t be what Jesus is saying…it flies in the face of some much of what he taught. It goes against his character.

So what is Jesus saying?

I think we get some help in the gospel of Matthew. Listen to how Matthew phrases this:

Matthew 10:37 ESV

Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

Okay, so “more than me...” So why does Luke grab a flamethrower and go all scorched earth? Why does he say “hate”?

Jesus would have originally spoke this in Aramaic. And then it would have been translated into Greek..by both Matthew and Luke. But Matthew was a native speaker of Aramaic. And so he would have moved naturally in between the two languages. So what Matthew did is he gave us what Jesus meant…but Luke whose native tongue was Greek gave us a more literal translation. In other words Matthew was kind of giving us a New Living Translation, he was giving us The Message version. But Luke was doing more New American Standard Bible work....

In Aramaic…and in Hebrew…you would use the word hate in a picturesque way. It really was a way of saying that you preferred one over the other. You can see this like in Malachi when we read “Jacob I loved, but Esau I have hated.” It doesn’t mean there that God loathed Esau…but the whole narrative tells us that Jacob was preferred.

So what is Jesus saying? He’s outlining what discipleship looks like. He’s not saying loathe your family, that’s not unnecessarily softening the blow—it’s legit not what Jesus is saying. That’s not what his words here mean. But, let’s not misstep here. I think what happens sometimes when we come to a passage like this it shocks us…we do a bit more study and we realize…oh, okay that’s not quite as shocking as I thought. Jesus isn’t saying hate your family. “Whew”. Now move on to the next verses....

But wait....we need to actually deal with what Jesus is saying in this passage. The first hearers wouldn’t have heard this and thought that Jesus was lowering a bar…they wouldn’t have heard this and thought, “oh, he’s not asking very much of me…what a kind chap.” No, they would have been startled by his words here.

I really like the way that Eugene Peterson captures this in The Message:

The Message: The Bible in Contemporary Language Chapter 14

One day when large groups of people were walking along with him, Jesus turned and told them, “Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one’s own self!—can’t be my disciple. Anyone who won’t shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can’t be my disciple.

“Let go of....”

Do you hear it now? It’s the chisel scraping against those parts that they assumed would have been untouched. This is still a really hard word. What are some of those things that we just assume Jesus wouldn’t want us to let go of…some of those things that we consider a virtue, part of who we are, etc.

I wrestled with whether or not to give specific examples here…but I think I’m just going to give a question to ask of our hearts. When you hear this word what are things you don’t even consider? What are the things where you say, “ah, couldn’t be that...”? Where is your heart most prone to grab hold of a death grip? Ask those questions and let the Holy Spirit do His work.

Keep in mind too that this is coming on the heels of Jesus parable of the Great Banquet. We have an illustration there of what it looks like. You’ve got three different dudes who have pretty valid excuses.

If anyone comes to me and does not hate that field he just bought...

That’s not saying to abhor the dirt you can sift through your fingers or to loathe the potential of the crop you could grow on that field…it’s saying that the calling of Jesus—the invitation to the Great Banquet should take precedent over that field. And if that field takes precedent over the Banquet then you aren’t going to end up at the Banquet because you’re going to pick that field over Jesus.

So what this is saying is that if Jesus isn’t first then we’re going to pick whatever else is first and there will be a moment where that is made evident and our choice is going to be made clear. That field is fine in and of itself. Nothing wrong with buying a field. But if Jesus grabs a chisel and goes after that field…well, that field needs to be put in its proper place then.

We can look at this a couple different ways. One is relationally. When Jesus is speaking here of the cost of discipleship he is talking about dedication and commitment to Himself, allegiance. And so we could think of it like a couple getting married…when you get married it is assumed that at that moment you are going to leave other lovers—you are going to be dedicated to your spouse—faithful to them. Covenant with them. And so a similar thing is happening here.

But there is actually another picture here that I think might be even closer to what Jesus is saying.

What if I told you that I was going to go climb K2 this next winter. It’s the second largest mountain in the world. It’s never been climbed in the winter. But I’m going to do it.

You’ve got some questions for me, right. Do you have climbing gear? No. What about a really nice coat? Are you physically fit enough to do this? What kind of training are you going to do?

Well, I’m going to continue my steady diet of Mt. Dew and Cheetos. As far as climbing…I’ve got about 10-15 stairs I climb a few times per day in our home. Altitude adjustment, you say? Well…I’ll figure that out when I get there.

Also, I’m going to use my Bass Pro tent and I think my Wal-Mart sleeping bag should suffice. And my flannel shirt is pretty warm.

Do you like my chances?

Of course not…why? If anyone desires to climb K2 and does not hate his Mt. Dew and Cheetos and morning sleep…etc. then he cannot climb K2.

Does that make sense?

It’s really a statement of fact more than anything else. What does it mean to be a disciple? Let’s continue to use our illustration of me climbing K2 in the winter. Let’s say that we’ve got a guy who is trained in doing this stuff. He is going to climb it in winter and I’m going to follow him in that.

He says, “Mike, you’ve got to give up the Cheetos and no Mt. Dew. You need to wake up early, you need to practice your grip, you need to lift weights, you need to do some altitude training, uhmmm....I’m running out of examples here because I don’t know much about mountain climbing....you need to do some more mountain climby stuff....”

That’s what Jesus is doing here. The path that Jesus is going on is what? It is a path of self-giving sacrifice for the sake of others. It’s taking up his cross, it’s renouncing all that he has, etc.

Listen to Philippians 2:4-11. Listen for our themes here…Jesus has everything…and what does he do with it....

Philippians 2:4–11 ESV

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Do you hear that? He humbled himself—dropped everything---to the point of death even on a cross. He became as nothing. The very King of heaven stripped down to a common criminal hanging on a Roman cross. Being beaten, mocked, scorn, whipped, torn into pieces by whips. Why?

It was obedience to the Father…but it was willing, who for the joy set before Him endured the Cross…why did he do this? He did this because it was the plan before the foundation of the world to redeem sinners.

Yes, the glory of God was focus for Jesus. Yes, it was obedience. But there is also truth here that God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. While we were yet sinners Christ Jesus died for the ungodly...

So then, what Jesus is doing when he says “if anyone comes to me and does not hate...” He’s saying when the rubber meets the road and I really think what Jesus is targeting here is that last thing in the list...”even his own life”..then you are going to pick yourself when it comes time. You’re going to get to those moments…and probably not some big cataclysmic moment. It might mean, “I’d like to watch Sportscenter but it’d really help my wife if I did the dishes...” It might mean, I’d really like to buy this thing but doesn’t that other person need to eat more? Or it might mean…I need to give up my very own life because this person is calling me to renounce Jesus.

The reason why I say that Jesus’ main target here isn’t “father, mother, wife, etc. but ‘even his own life’ is two-fold.” One, because this was a way that they’d often talk…like in Proverbs when it says 6 things the Lord hates, 7 are an abomination…that’s a teaching tool. The list is put together as it is and it’s building towards that climax and the last one is the one which really packs that punch.

And so I believe Jesus is doing something similar here and the other reason is because of what happens in verse 27. “Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.” See the focus there. It’s on death to self.

That’s helpful, I think, because in the history of the church there have been some that have been all too eager to follow Jesus in this “hate your family and put Jesus first” way. Where they literally abandon their family in the name of Jesus.

Yes, if there is something where it is obedience to Jesus or obedience to family you need to pick Jesus. That’s the point of the passage. But some have read a passage like this and used it as permission to utterly neglect their family, to diminish their worth. But oddly enough there often isn’t the same passion for the self-denial and the “take up your own cross.”

Bonhoeffer...

The cross is laid on every Christian. The first Christ-suffering which every man must experience is the call to abandon the attachments of this world. It is that dying of the old man which is the result of his encounter with Christ. As we embark upon discipleship we surrender ourselves to Christ in union with His death—we give over our lives to death. Thus it begins; the cross is not the terrible end to an otherwise god-fearing and happy life, but it meets us at the beginning of our communion with Christ.

When Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die. It may be a death like that of the first disciples who had to leave home and work to follow Him, or it may be a death like Luther’s, who had to leave the monastery and go out into the world. But it is the same death every time—death in Jesus Christ, the death of the old man at his call.”

When Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die. Do you really want to be a follower of Jesus? That means that he is in charge of the chisel…he gets to shape us how he sees fit. He defines reality for us. Not us. There is a death to self that takes place.

We need to count the cost…that’s what Jesus says. But I want us to hear this rightly.

Jesus says if you don’t bear your own cross…then he talks about counting the cost. The path of Jesus, being a disciple of Jesus means a death to self for the sake of others. Now count the cost, Jesus says....is it worth it?

If you’re going to build a tower you need to estimate it, see what it’s going to cost. Don’t just start the thing and say, “I’ll figure it out when I get there...” No, you might not be able to finish it and then everyone is going to think you’re a fool.

If you’re a king going into war you need to decide if it’s a good idea. Do you have what it takes to finish the mission?

Now listen to this....”so therefore”…verse 33…that’s Jesus saying...”here is what the point of those illustrations are...” if you do not renounce all that you have you cannot be my disciple.

Why?

Because that’s what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. That’s who Jesus is. He is one who gives His very life…who renounces His own life…for the sake of others.

But you know what that also means? It means that Jesus did count the cost. He counted up the cost of what it would require for Him to redeem humanity. It’ll cost me my life. It’ll cost me all the glory of heaven…it’s going to cost me my dignity, my crown....I’m going to be stripped bare and nailed to a tree…it’s going to cost me enduring the wrath that they deserve…I’m going to be misunderstood…I’m going to be beaten…I’m going to be rejected…I’m going to endure great suffering…I’m going to put a big bullseye on my back for the enemy to shoot those darts and arrows…Even though I know nothing of sin, I’m going to become sin on their behalf…so that in me that might become the righteousness of God.

I’ll do it.

He counted the cost. And said, “It’s worth it. And I’m going to finish it. I’m going to drink the cup of wrath down to its dregs. I’m going to love them deeply from the heart. I’m going to redeem them completely, I’m going to restore them, I’m going to heal them, I’m going to rescue them…I’m going to complete the mission.”

I’m doing this.

Now you could hear this and think I’m making some sort of point like, “Jesus did all this for you, now what are you going to do for him?”

But that’s not the point of this text. The point of this text is to lay down the path of discipleship…it’s saying this is who Jesus is…are we going to count the cost and follow Him? Or are we going to look at all of our stuff and grab hold of them and say, “I cannot depart with these.”

What does it mean to be a disciple of Jesus? It means union with Christ. It means being connected to Jesus. And it means following Him.

So what does this salt losing its saltiness thing mean? Well if salt isn’t salty then it’s not really salt anymore is it? If it’s no longer salt then it’s not going to be used for preserving anything or seasoning anything. We could make some illustrations here…connect it to ministry, but at the end of the day it’s really this.

If a follower of Jesus isn’t following Jesus then is he really a follower of Jesus? If Jesus is the suffering servant—who gives His life so that others can be redeemed—so that others can flourish—so that others can have life…if that’s Jesus and I’m saying, “I’m his disciple, but my life is about self-glory, self-promotion, self-gratification, self-centered causes” can I really say that I’m following Jesus if my life isn’t spilled out for others...

And that’s what this question is about today...

What are we doing with the Lord’s Supper?

1. We are remembering that Jesus counted up the cost and said, “it’s worth it.” We’re remember His death…his blood, his body, given for us.

2. But it’s also a call as we participate into that…and participate in all the benefits of that…it’s a call to participate in the suffering of Christ for the sake of others.