Ephesians 6:1-4: God's Design for Parenting

Introduction

Thirty-two years old when Luke was born… A lot of life lived NOT being a parent. The excitement of finding out Staci was pregnant… Staring at the home pregnancy test… Is it right? First Dr.’s visit - then the sonogram. Constant refrain from people: “Having a child is going to change your life...” Putting Luke in the car seat and leaving the hospital: “What now?” No manual… Still can’t believe they sent us home with a baby. Then, a parent saying, “One kid is a hobby. You’re not parenting until you have at least two children.”

Mother’s Day - Honoring moms - rightly so… Something unique about a mother’s love.

In God’s providence, Eph. 6:1-4 on Mother’s Day. Although mother’s aren’t mentioned in this passage, this passage does help us to think about the relationship between parents and their children.

If you’re a parent, you know it’s hard. Many of us feel like we’re just trying to survive. Constant pressure. Some of us carry guilt because we don’t feel like we’re doing a good enough job. Some of us trying to juggle demanding careers with parenting and never feel like we have enough time for our children.

We’re concerned about the future of our children. Most of us would say that our children are growing up with far different challenges than what we had as children. I was 30 before I got my first iPhone, now children are walking around with them. Not only technology, but worldview pervades our culture that is anti-biblical family. How to we raise kids to honor Christ in a world where issues like transgenderism and alternative lifestyles are promoted as good and healthy for society?

Paul gives four short verses to the subject of parenting, but these verses are helpful and hopeful. From this passage, I want to give you two truths that I think will help you as you raise your children according to God’s design.

Parents, let the rule of Jesus reign in your home.

In an ancient Greco-Roman world, the family looked different than it does in our modern culture.

Paterfamilia - Father of the household in absolute control - all authority. Dad called the shots. “Dad’s will be done.”

Many fathers in the ancient world were good and caring, but they could also be mean and cruel. In ancient culture, a baby only considered a legal child when the father recognized the child as legal. If the father did not approve of the child he could abandon the child, or if the child had a physical deformity, the father could have the child killed.

In some cases, if a child was disobedient, the father could disown the child or sell the child into slavery. In extreme cases, a father might even have his child killed for disobedience.

Nothing surprising about what Paul says to wives, children, or slaves. That was expected. Paul: “Children obey your parents, this is right.” Natural law. Everyone knew it was right. Even pagans knew that it was right for their children to obey them.

Note, like Paul says to wives: “as to the Lord...” To children: “in the Lord...” Children, when you obey your parents know who you’re ultimately obeying: God Himself. (Ten Commands)

Your children learn to submit to God by submitting to your wise, loving leadership in their lives. Your kids are learning obedience from you.

If children are ultimately learning to submit to God by obeying their parents, then a reordering of the home. The father is not in absolute authority in the home, Jesus is. Children obey your parents because fathers (and mothers) are pointing you to the One who really is in control.

When asked “Who’s in charge?” Not daddy or mommy - but Jesus.

If Jesus is in control of our homes, and we’re leading our children to know Jesus as the supreme authority of our lives, then we want the obedience of our children to be a posture of the heart more than we want obedience to be a momentary action.

Parents, we all want obedience and we all struggle for obedience. Children struggle with obedience. Born sinner: “I was sinful when my mother conceived me.” (Psalm 51:5) Obedience goes against our nature because we’re all self-centered. Expect the struggle!

We’re after momentary actions: “Just do what I say…” And, often, those momentary actions are important. (Don’t touch the stove!) BUT… what’s even more important is a posture of obedience.

The promise: vs. 3 - go well with you and long life. (From Ex. 20:12, Deut. 5:16) General principle: Life goes better when you obey your parents - because ultimately you are obeying God. When we listen to the wisdom of those that God has placed over us (Christ-honoring parents) we avoid foolish mistakes.

This all sounds good, but how do we help our children to walk in obedience?

Your children need to see your obedience. (What do they see?) How do your children see you obeying God? A lot of talk and no action? Seriously, what are you modeling for your children? Do they see you praying? Do they see you reading the Bible? Do they hear you talking about your faith? Do they see you trying to honor the Lord with your life? Those small acts of obedience that your children see in your life make a lasting impact.

Your children need to know why you’re obeying God. (What do they hear?) Some of us didn’t grow up in church. Some of us grew up in a legalistic church where we were told what to do but never given the why. “Don’t drink, don’t cuss, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, don’t have sex outside of marriage, etc.” The why for our obedience is always Gospel. Because of what Christ has done for me. Obedience is always grace motivated - a thankful response for what God has done. How often are you talking about the Gospel in your home?

https://www.foxnews.com/us/drunken-maine-man-arrested-hide-police-under-blanket Where did man learn this? Scooby Do? What are your kids learning from you?

Parents, let discipleship be the goal of your home.

What do you want for your children? How you answer that questions will greatly influence how you raise your children.

“I want my children to be happy…” No rules or boundaries.

“I want my children to have the stuff I didn’t have...” So you spoil them.

“I want my children to have the opportunities I didn’t have...” So you become their taxi-driver taking them from music lesson, to sports practice, and every other extra-curricular activity.

“I want my children to be successful...” So we push them in school to make the grade and put demanding expectations on our children.

We do it because in our hearts we all want the same thing for our children - what’s best for them. You’re constantly asking, “What’s best for my children?” But… what if that’s the wrong question to ask?

Right question? “What’s best for God?” After all, he’s in charge. He’s in charge of your life. He’s in charge of your home. He’s in charge of your children. You’re not in charge. Your kids aren’t in charge. God is… What’s best for Him? What will bring Him the most honor and glory? That’s the right question.

What’s best for God will always be what’s best for your children. What I mean: what’s best for God is for parents to raise up a generation of children who are passionate about Jesus and His Kingdom. What God wants is for your children to bring honor by surrendering their lives to Him for the sake of His mission.

If that’s what’s best for God and for your children, then your goals and priorities change in your home. Your home because a training ground for you to train your children to follow Christ.

That’s what Paul says, “Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children.” (paterfamilia) Easy to do. Easy to see yourself in charge and rule with an iron fist. “Do what I say because I’m in charge.” Instead, “Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

What you want for your children is not the goal of parenting - making disciples of your children is the goal of parenting.

Remember: You have limited time. How will you use it?

You have tremendous influence. How will you steward it?

You have tremendous God-given responsibility. Don’t waste it.

How do I more effectively disciple my children?

Get your priorities straight. Priorities in your own life. You reproduce who you are. If your children’s faith looked like your faith, would that be a good thing or bad thing?

Be committed to your own ongoing discipleship. You’re a disciple! What are you doing to learn? So many resources for your family. Take advantage of them.

Use your time intentionally. “We don’t have time...” You always make time for what’s most important to you. Your time may reflect that helping your children grow in Christ isn’t that important to you. Carving out time for prayer as a family or reading through a devotion together isn’t that great of a sacrifice.

Don’t waste opportunities. Everyday life situations are fertile ground to disciple your children. The other kids being mean at the playground and opportunity to talk about kindness.

Don’t disciple alone. You need the church! Think about all the resources you have available at your church.

Discipline your children like your heavenly Father disciplines you. God will allow you to experience the consequences of your sin to grow you. Discipline rooted in learning.

Give a lot of grace. God is at work in the lives of your children. You get to participate in that work. Be patient and gracious.

This morning, a renewed commitment to point your children to the hope of Jesus, but do you know the hope of Jesus? Paul in Ephesians: know the good news and live it out. Have you embraced the good news? Have you placed your faith in the One who died and rose again to bring you into His family and to change your family? Give your life to Him.