How to decide who should be my friend

Game:

Pick a nerf gun and try to shoot the target.

If you hit the bull-eye, you get a reward (candy).

If you miss, you have to do a 20 second plank.

Discussion:

Why did you guys select the gun you used?

If they chose randomly, discuss how sometimes they hit and miss (with different guns). This can be similar to how we pick friends… and...

When we hit - it’s good.

When we miss - it’s painful.

So, should we pick our friends in the same random way?

What are some ways you guys decide who you should be friends with?

Looks cool.

Helpful (big shot).

Comfort (used the gun before).

Intro:

Today I want to discuss how we can decide who we should be friends with. Some of these things you guys will already be doing. Other things may surprise you, which may cause you to change how you make friends, or who you make friends with.

I want to be clear… the goal of today is not to give you a list of right and wrongs:

Don’t be friends with this person because...

Be friends with this person because...

While those “black and white” rules can be helpful, most of the time we live in a very grey world. Do you understand what I mean by that?

Sometimes, instead of just knowing what’s wrong or right, it’s better if we’re equipped on how to make a good decision.

And one of the best ways to make good decisions is by knowing what God has said in the Bible. The Bible is God’s truth, meaning it does not change and is never wrong. You can trust it and let it guide you in life.

Psalm 119:105 ESV

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

So, let’s talk about how to choose who should be our friends based on what God’s word has to say...

Body:

Ephesians 4:32 NLT

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Matthew 5:9 NLT

God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.

How many of you have chosen a friend because they were really nice? They were peaceful people, who never really started trouble, talked behind other’s backs, and got along with everyone.

When deciding who you should be friends with, these can be a good option… Ask...

1) Is this person a peacemaker?

Proverbs 27:17 ESV

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

Does anyone know what this verse means?

[Did anyone pick the big shot because they thought it would be easier?]

How many of you have picked a friend because...

They are considered cool/popular?

They are big/strong?

They had nice stuff or were rich?

They were smart and could help you with school work?

Sometimes, when deciding who we should be friends with, we can pick people who can help us. Now, I’m not saying we should be superficial or use people. But sometimes we choose friends because they make us better.

Maybe they help us make friends or become more popular by helping our confidence.

Maybe they protect us from bullies.

Maybe they are very generous people.

Maybe they offer to help us learn things that are difficult for us to understand.

Maybe they’ve been following Jesus longer than we have and can help us live out our faith.

All of these are good reasons for friendship… Ask...

2) Does this person help me (especially help me be who God has created me to be)?

Amos 3:3 NLT

Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?

If two people walk in different directions, are they walking TOGETHER? When deciding who you should be friends with, do you think it would be helpful if you were walking in the same direction of life?

Let me give you 3 ways to process this question:

Do you have the same interests? How many of you made friends with someone because you like the same things?

Do you belong to the same community. Now a community can be any group of people that share a space or cause.

Do you have friends that play the same sport, have the same classes as you, or belong to the same clubs?

Do you have friends that live in your neighborhood, go to the same school, or have the same core?

Do you have friends who go to the same church or youth group as you.

That last question is actually very important! Whether you realize it or not, what you believe - your faith - can make a big difference in your friendship.

It can be difficult to be friends with someone who doesn’t believe the same core values you do.

Spiritual side - some people may not be friends with you simply because you’re a Christian...

John 15:18 (ESV)

“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.

It might even seem random… that’s because there might be something going on in the spiritual side...

Ephesians 6:12 NLT

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

That’s why the Bible says...

2 Corinthians 6:14 NLT

Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?

Friendships between two different faiths can be very difficult...

So, as you decide on who you should be friends with, another thing to consider is...

3. What do I have in common with this person? And how important are the differences?

That being said...

Mark 2:13–14 NLT

Then Jesus went out to the lakeshore again and taught the crowds that were coming to him. As he walked along, he saw Levi son of Alphaeus sitting at his tax collector’s booth. “Follow me and be my disciple,” Jesus said to him. So Levi got up and followed him.

Let me tell you, it is very likely that Levi (or Matthew) was...

Not kind. As a tax-collector, he likely stole money from his community.

Did not help anyone be better. He was only interested in helping himself.

Did you not have anything in common with Jesus or his community. Tax collectors were some of the most corrupted people and were more loyal to the Roman empire than their Jewish community.

However, Jesus says, “Come… let’s become friends.”

Now, this is a tricky one… Because they Bible does say...

1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

What that means is, even if you are a good Christian kid, when you make wrong friendship choices, it’s very easy for those friends to pull you down rather than you pull them up...

[Chair example]

But…

Matthew 5:14 ESV

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.

Matthew 28:19 NLT

Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

That means as Christians, God is sending you out into the world to make a positive difference. To be friends with people who need Jesus, so you can bring them to Jesus.

So, as you decide who to be friends with, ask...

4) Is God asking me to be friends with this person?

Because even if this person has a bad reputation, is a trouble maker, or whatever, the difference is… if God is with you, He will keep you safe and He will give you supernatural strength to life them up instead of them pulling you down.

And sometimes the people we (and others) least expect to be a good friend, end up being one of our best friends!

5) Does this friendship need time?

Sometimes you will meet people who you don’t like right away. Sometimes you meet people who you become friends with, but then that relationship doesn’t work out.

The apostle Paul had a friendship like that...

There was a guy named John-Mark who traveled with Paul on a mission to go tell a bunch of people about Jesus. On the way, Mark flipped out and abandoned Paul. And Paul was like, “Never again am I doing anything with this dude. He is not trustworthy. Not a good friend.”

But many years later, look what Paul writes about Mark...

2 Timothy 4:11 NLT

Only Luke is with me. Bring Mark with you when you come, for he will be helpful to me in my ministry.

xAfter some time, some forgiveness and healing, some maturing… Mark became a good friend with Paul.

Sometimes, our relationships need time.

Either one person (or both people) need to mature.

Maybe it’s not the right timing.

Whatever the case, don’t give up on people too early. Does that mean you should force yourself to be friends with people you don’t want to? No, not necessarily… but sometimes we need to give people grace (underserved favor). Give them a couple second chances...

Like the guns… sometimes we miss the mark on friendship. But given enough chances… sometimes we hit the bullseye. And isn’t that the gospel too? That we sin (we miss the mark), but God is patient with us. He doesn’t give up on us. And because of His patience and grace, many of us finally become who God calls us to be.

As we decide who our friends should be, let’s do it in a way that honors God and is consistent with how He does things!

Response:

Here’s the 5 things to consider:

Is this person a peacemaker? (Matthew 5:9; Ephesians 4:32)

Does this person help me? (Proverbs 27:17)

What do I have in common with this person? How important (big) are our differences? (Amos 3:3; 2 Corinthians 6:14)

Is God asking me to be friends with this person? (Matthew 5:14; 28:19)

Does this friendship need time? (2 Timothy 4:11)

Let’s pray...

God, we ask you for wisdom today. You promise to help us make wise choices when we ask for your help, so we’re asking. Please help us make good choices in our friendships. Help us to be good friends. Help us to have good friends. Help us to be friends with people who need to hear about you. Please use our lives to impact them in the right ways. Please give us friends who can help us live for You. In Jesus name, amen.